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It sounds like you are talking about cheating on your wife. That kind of thing is wrong, and risks blowing up your relationship with your wife. Please talk to your wife about this, and don’t have sex with anyone else without your wife’s knowledge and consent.

Since most offer free membership, join them all...see which has the most people in your area, and then become a paying member of that site. Most people either won't or at least hesitate responding to a free member thinking that they are either fakes, flakes, picture collectors, or trolls. They're really inexpensive, especially when you consider the reward when you find what you are looking for.

The difference between swinging and cheating is that swinging is done WITH your partner with their full knowledge (and usually participation). Cheating is done WITHOUT their partners knowledge...which is exactly what this sounds like. If it is 'just sex', then why is she even hesitating about you wanting her to stop seeing him? At least, for now, swinging (cheating or whatever she wants to call it) is on hold and she needs to STOP SEEING HIM (PERIOD). As for staying or leaving, that is up to you. If you choose to stay, her life needs to become an open book (especially her phone) and counseling is not a bad idea. But it sounds like there is more to this story than just this making you want to leave. Either way, its your decision. Good luck and let us know what happens.

First of all, it's not 'swinging.' According to you (since we haven't had your partner's point of view,) she's not being honest with you, and she's hooking up without your knowledge and approval. That is wrong, and in almost all cases, it leads to the kind of hard feelings you are having. I'm very sorry for you for that. Now, where do you go from here? 1) You say you want out. You've make it clear in your message that you feel she's cheating. Okay, so what's to stop you from taking her out to a coffee shop and telling her you're out? It's going to be hard - I assume you are very fond of this woman, if not in love - but assuming you'll eventually break up with her no matter what, it'll be hard then, too. Doing it this way just brings on the sadness earlier and saves you a lot of pain. 2) If you feel that there's any chance that the relationship could be saved, go to with her to therapy under the following condition: Until you are finished with the therapy, neither of you will have relations with anyone else. If she doesn't accept that condition, it means she's not invested enough to have therapy work. If she breaks the condition during the therapy, it means she has a problem that couples therapy isn't going to fix. But . . . if both of you keep your word, and you're able to work it out through therapy, then perhaps you'll have a loving companion for the rest of your life. As I said before, this really isn't a swinger's question, it's a relationship question. I wish you the best of luck.

Yeah, my question too.

Thanks. So far we’ve been pretty good at that. But since moving up to situation where my wife is now full swap with couples only and enjoys light girl to girl play and I’m not into any type of swap it seems there’s more to communicate about. We’re just trying to find the proper way to express that without causing confusion or even worse coming across selfish. After only being on this forum several hours it’s already apparent we’re not that unique or odd at all. That’s refreshing.

Whenever you meet a new couple (or single for that matter) that it appears that you are going to play with, the FIRST THING that should be communicated with them (after the standard chit-chat) should be your rules and limits. It should never be assumed that the other couple has the same boundaries as you have. Letting them know what you are looking for might not be what they are looking for, and it will save you both a bunch of time knowing that you are both looking for different things. Even after sharing limits, permission should usually be asked before moving forward. Communication is always the key, so constantly be communicating.

As you gain experience, you will both find out what you like. The “normal” progression is watch to soft swap to full swap. But we have a friend who would really prefer to watch his wife in action. You discuss before play, you play, you find out what everyone likes. It evolves. As a friend said “You gotta ride the pony.”

I have had delightful DP experiences (Vaginal/Anal) but never tried DVP. Also, lately, I have become, or we have become (depending if my husband is participating or not), very good at guiding partners through the logistics of the positions, being the most enjoyable for me the classic doggy style where the guy in my ass manages the rhythm and can archive deep penetration.

We knew a couple who were in their 70s and threw parties like that. We thought it was the stuff of legend until we attended a few. Epic bacchanalian feasts that had to be seen to be believed. Perhaps some of the more mature swingers here from the NY/NJ area know what I'm talking about. There were always a few people shitfaced out of their minds and I pitied them for basically missing out on what was going on around them... in the pool... in the yard... on all floors of the house... one hundred plus ppl fornicating to yacht rock being piped in from the home entertainment system. More average is literally 4 to 8 couples or so. Sounds like you had a hell of an experience and I'm sure you both got an eyeful!!