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We keep having to say the same thing...sorry to those who have heard it before. Love, trust, communication...you can never have too much of any of the three. Make sure that you have optimized these first, then think about the next step, and there are many small steps. Go to a strip club or (even better) go to a swingers club with NO intent of swinging, just to watch the other people there. Kind of like 'live porn'. Maybe create a profile together and see about finding another couple that you could have same room sex with (not sex with them, just you and your partner and them and their partner having sex). This way you can both see how you are feeling without crossing that 'line' as you take small steps. One thing, I would let her know that it is swinging that you want to do...together. An open marriage is more where both partners can date others with their partners permission (unless that is what you are looking to be able to do). Just remember, there are lots of small steps you can take without 'going all the way' with someone else. All of the suggestions above are great suggestions, especially you listening. Give her some time to think about what you have suggested and let her know that when she is ready to come and continue the conversation. At the same time, let her know that if she isn't interested, that's okay. She should be and needs to know that she is more important than this and if she wants to stop at any point, you will support her decision. Good luck and keep us up to date with how things are going.

I am writing the story on what has happened, but lets just say we didn't dip our toes in, we dived straight in and swam to the other end of the pool without taking a breathe. We have met with 3 couples so far. The first one we went full swap but won't meet up with them again. She was pushing my attractive enough to shag boundries and didn't have the keeness to make up for it. We still had fun and are still in touch with them. Suprisingly for the missus he was better in real life than his photo which was a pleasant surprise for her. The 2nd couple we have met up with twice and will see them a lot more in the future. And just this weekend we met another couple that were the best so far. Great fun and knew what they wanted in the bedroom. Trying to book another date with them ASAP. Why did we take so long. Thank you anyone and everyone that gave advice and commented

It has mainly been the whole line-up thing these last times when I have met him with other girls, and there is something about those dates that I feel is a big turn-on for some reason; there is something thrilling about being one in the bunch like that. I guess it is the submissive side of me that causes those feelings, haha. And of course, there is also the whole actual sex part, where I observe the other girls go crazy when he has his way with them, and the whole anticipation when he has walked up behind me and I am like "any moment now...!".

It has turned out very well so far. I actually find the group dates really hot, since the "waiting" has become moments of excitement, partly because I look forward to "my turn", so to speak, and partly because it is a turn-on to see the other girls get visible orgasms with him; I have also had a couple private dates with him, and they were super-hot as well. So I have essentially learned to enjoy both types of dates, haha.

Hello northeast. Stop talking and start listening. You have presented your case; let her weigh the evidence. Do not pressure her; in this hobby, the wagon moves as fast as the slowest horse (which is your wife at this point). There exist lots of options for the two of you to gently navigate these waters; perhaps visit a lifestyle club and make a pact between the two of you beforehand that you are there strictly to observe, nothing more. This is a good first step. Keep talking, but more importantly, keep listening.

We are not overly active in the lifestyle anymore by choice, but if another good situation popped up again with another bi female we would definitely do FFM again! She would also play with another female without me if that was a good option or we would get together with another couple where only the women played with each other and the men only with their own lady. We had that arrangement with a couple in the past that worked well, but of course it was clear the other guy wanted more so it fizzled out. She had zero interest in the husband, but enjoyed fucking his wife. She was never huge on playing with other men before and after a lot of let downs by men decided it is just not for her anymore! I am sure if a guy she was very attracted to with an awesome attitude that wasn’t a want to be dom alpha male popped up she might change her mind.

Sometimes things go a bit awry. As things go this seems fairly trivial. If she is aware and it happens again, then it is time for a real sit down. It is possible your play partner was more concerned with what was going on in his bed than hers. I have seen situations where the other couple are so involved in their game that we were just pawns. I do not think that they were even aware of it. Between the two of us we shrugged it off.

Stop swinging NOW until you can figure out what and why you are doing it. Maybe we have been doing it wrong this whole time, but when we play, I care more about if SHE is enjoying herself and not if I am enjoying it. Swinging (to us) is about giving enjoyment to our partners more than to ourselves. If you are upset because you didn't get to play, then I don't think you are into this for the right reasons (unless we are just doing it all wrong). Blame is something that shouldn't be given to anyone. If something were to happen to us that was similar to what you described, I would mention it to Ms. Gold and together we would not let it happen again. Remember, the two of you are a team and should always be checking in with each other. We might talk to the other couple, but not in a 'blameful' way, more along the lines of 'next time, lets spoil the other husband'. There have been time where I was with the other wife and Ms. Gold was with the other husband and both me and the other wife stopped so we could just watch our partners enjoy each other...and it was awesome! Neither one of us felt like we were 'missing' something, but sharing in something that was even greater together. Swinging should be more about giving and less about taking...unless we are just totally doing it wrong.

Good men can be found in the lifestyle. My wife and I have found a few, and she's kept some of them around for a long time. You have to be discriminating in your profile, and be quick to pass over ones who aren't obviously measuring up. As others have noted, there are a lot of single guys in the lifestyle. Quite a number are duds, maybe even 50%. But, good ones are out there! Hang in there!

Northeast, you mentioned "under the surface..." and "...but I have no idea". It is GREAT that you are talking. Patiently try to open the communication further, go deeper, with trust and without judgment. Try to evoke from her how she feels, what she thinks, what her concerns are (beyond what she's already voiced), what her fantasies might entail. It is important to get the communication going really, really well. I agree with what others have said; take it slow. And yes, going to a lifestyle event, a "meet and greet" would be a great way to dip your toes into the pool. People have these ideas of what swingers are like, and they're usually wrong Swingers are average people, no different than the cross spectrum of society you see at a grocery store of an evening. It can also be fun to go to a grocery store, or some other busy store, and talk amongst yourselves about who seems attractive, who doesn't. Your wife will likely feel more comfortable over time with the whole idea if she's able to express to you who seems attractive, and you are fully receptive to it, even encouraging. So, that's another way to kinda dip your toes into the pool, in terms of thought. Another way to fantasize about it is to use a dildo on her while she is giving you head, and have her imagine the dildo is another man. So, a few different ways to dip your toes into the pool, without ripping the bandaid off

You have found the joys of the lifestyle and someone has found you. How wonderful. Very nice. You have proven the naysayers wrong.

Northeast, you have come to a good place. Members of this board will support you and your wife and share their experiences in swinging and other aspects of ethical non-monogamy. It will be up to the two of you to sort out what you find is useful. My recommendation for a good next step (after joining this board) is for the two of you to read and discuss the classic volume on ethical non-monogamy, "The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love". (https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664?nodl=1&dplnkId=ed37f918-0442-4b13-be61-1057456ced95) Some of the content you may find resonates with you, other aspects not so much. But hopefully you will both agree with a central theme — that openness, honesty and consideration for your partner(s) are of critical importance. Reading this book will help the two of you as individuals and as partners in your marriage locate yourselves and your interests within the broader context of the lifestyle. And you will see where as individuals your interests and attitudes are coincident and where they diverge.

What Daniela and I found as we went from regular swinging/couples swaps to being in our closed group of married couples is how much more intense the experience is for both of us having sex with people who are deeply in love with someone else. Burned in my memory are the times that I picked up the wife of another man for us to go on a vacation together, the sweet goodbyes that they gave each other; and same when my wife went off for her first overnight with another couple - the love she showed for me in the departing grasp of her hand.

Love a facial shot, never know where it's gonna hit!