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Meeting them is not in your best interests as a couple. If you're not happy before the initial meeting, we can't see it getting much better, especially given the wife's apparent disinterest.

You don’t need this couple … there are plenty of fish in the sea.

If you don’t feel comfortable saying no, then you have no business in the swinging game!

"Run Forrest run!" Sorry, I couldn't resist bringing a little levity into what appears to an absolute rabbit hole. Truly folks; run from this couple. As our eminent colleagues have stated above, there are more red flags here than at a communist flag shop. Run. Learn from this encounter, take this as an opportunity to further your understanding of this pursuit. This couples is a negative role model; they exhibit behaviour/characteristics of people to avoid. Couples like this will test the limits of your relationship and your patience. Run fast and run far from these folks. Good luck to you both.

As the others have stated, there are so many negatives with this couple that I'd also suggest you avoid them. From experience I can tell you that an experience with them would be disappointing to you, and to your husband. How do you approach them now? Simply and honestly, tell them after thought that the two of you are no longer interested - have a great life. If he asks why, do not tell him your reasons - it's none of his business, and a revelation will only lead to argument. Continue to search for another couple or female. You'll find them eventually, and your husband will be quite happy then. Better to have patience than a letdown. Best of luck . . .

We agree. And keep in mind although there are common threads of thought, expectations, desires, endless different ever-changing rules and go/no-go (by individual/couple, single, solo) one time event to poly relationship. Variations/mix like Lottery numbers. Of coarse in the end it is the two of you, your choices. I will share what we have told couples, singles and solos new to or in the lifestyle: Although many do try to address this like dating it really isn’t but everyone has their own comfort level. Use of swing sites is fine but often open more as a source of entertainment. Most, not everyone, but I would venture 80% of those who are active in the LS are quick to draw the line on too much written/telephone conversation. Best communication is always personal, in person. Contact on line but early on arrange in person public meeting. Public place always but enough privacy to talk openly. This would include a hard and fast rule, only platonic, friendly people getting to know one another. No intimate contact at all. And even here once, twice and move forward or move on. We always advocate meeting like minded people at parties (home or club), hosted meet n greats (public) LS events and private hosted LS groups. You meet like minded people, loads of fun….and it is social, no sex participation required. The best way to meet people.

So our last threesome.the guy went for anal even though he was told beforehand that it was not on the table. I also didn't know he went for that as I couldn't see from my position. She revealed after it was pretty traumatizing/painful but was scared to speak up about it. She pretty much felt anally raped. That event has put a chill over any new hookups for the near future. If you wife didn't ask for it I would not be placing blame on her my dude. She may just not have felt safe enough to refuse the new guy. As he obviously went for it before asking for consent.

This post is so similar to our post over four years ago. Our first meeting with two others everything was very good I was with both other women and the wife was with the men and the women. Great night we went home happy. We agreed before the night we would talk about everything we did, what we liked and what we didn’t. We didn’t have rules set up other if either of us wanted to leave we had a word we would use. I remember how her words stopped me when she said He put it in me, you know. Of course he did. She then said he took it out and put it in the other place, he put it in my butt. I was shocked because she always stopped me. I was concerned he hurt her, she assured me it was fine. I posted I was hurt as I was not the first to do it, again she always stopped me. I wanted to be first. I heard from many on here saying not to be mad. I wasn’t mad at her, I love her. It was more about me being disappointed, less about her doing something. I was reminded I was not her first sex partner yet I don’t hold a grudge, she wasn’t my first partner. I know there is a post about this going back over four years, look it up.

And if my wife would like a black man out there bareback that’s totally her decision and wouldn’t stop my wife doing anything she wants to do

Yes, it sounds like the neighbor knew the territory.

Last night we bumped into our friend who went to Desires. She asked my wife if we booked our trip. I wasn’t there for their conversation, I only know my wife told me they had a good talk. She told her our experience is very limited. She said she told her all about our meeting with the couple that we met. It ends up she is pretty new to this too. It started after her divorce. She started going out and met another woman who was also divorced. They took a trip together. Things just happened. Their trip to Desires was a first for them. My wife said she wasn’t looking for men and that we had a fantasy of a woman. I think their talk is getting us closer. Again I didn’t hear what they said only know what was told to me after.

Actually this couple sounds perfect, sensitive to sense your wife’s discomfort and stop. Too many pushy people. When your wife is ready maybe a second time with this couple will be easier, less nervous.

Our journey should be more fun and interesting. Our new friends who we met because of our first post are great people. My feeling is because they too wanted that unicorn they are trying to make our journey much easier than theirs was. The only rule they set was that he had to be there to watch also. I think they got into this because he knew his wife played before they met and he never got to see he with a woman. Since we tried this my wife has been apologizing to me. I keep telling her that there is no reason to be sorrry. This is more about her and less about me watching. She also thinks that the couple is mad. I don’t think they are and told her even if they are mad not to worry about it. Why did my wife stop when I thought it was going well. To watch two pretty women undressing and naked kissing and touching was an out of body experience. If it weren’t that we made up rules I would have jumped right in. I now know my wife would have been happy to have me next to her. She told me she pictured our threesome in a candle lit bedroom. She wanted me to share her with another woman. Having me and the other friend watching our wives on a floor rug with the lights on just was too clinical. She said she felt cold. She just couldn’t relax enough. The way this went down was by our rules. The other couple was open to anything we wanted. They even agreed to me being involved. They only had the rule that he had to be there. He didn’t need to be involved. I think we should wait before trying this again. I don’t even know if that couple would meet us again. They did say we should call when we think we are ready.

Don't get discouraged. Our first date was simply a meet and greet, dinner, drinks. We danced a little and my wife invited the other guy to step outside. I was impressed with her confidence. They stayed outside for a while and came back in. She told me she kissed him and he felt her up a little. She encouraged me to do the same which I did. As the evening wore on it became apparent that the couple was not representing themselves as they had in emails. We told them as newbies we were soft swap, same room only. They said that was fine but as the evening went on they started telling us how they preferred same room and the wife even wanted to be able to text me. We said our goodbyes around midnight and on the drive home my wife had a breakdown. Come to find out she was muscling through the evening but really had gotten turned off about an hour before. It took us a while, several months actually to work through that. We realized we aren't looking for friends just good one off experiences and prefer some mystery and anonymity so we've had better luck at clubs. I say all that to say this. Take a little time to work through it. These are the situations where swingers learn how important communication is. It's especially important for you to be able to acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with her shutting down for her own reasons, whatever they may, be and be completely supportive of that(it sounds like you were so you're already a step ahead of the curve). She needs some time to digest this first experience and figure out what she wants and for you both to figure out what you want together out of the lifestyle. Once you've done that you can move on to your next experience better for the knowledge and experience you have.