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If nothing else this topic proves without a doubt the diversity of physical/emotional differences from one person/couple to the next. Regardless of being in the swing/ENM/Kink lifestyle. Everyone has their personal acceptances/expectations/limits and they are/will always very from one to another. For most these will change and very over time, length of time spent and experiences in their chosen lifestyle. The only real hard and fast rule and it applies equally to each individual, consent, no means no and is universal, in and out of the lifestyle. In defense of women (some men as well) in general not all are able to be direct, tend to be more submissive, are not confident or vocal for does, don’ts, stop etc. I have had many experiences with women play partners, mostly first time play where I ask about do and don’ts and not get much more than a shrug or murmured “I don’t know”. I have experience and in many cases avoided situations where the husband/boyfriend seemed quite controlling for the most part of her do and don’ts then what he would follow himself……to “just show her a great time, what ever you want”. Sex play by assumption is also not advised. I think in the end you have to judge for yourself, individually where your acceptances and what you are not. If you are with someone, or committed relationship you have to have a discussion between you both of your personal acceptances and that which is not. And do be aware that there will be situations where in the heat of the moment something happens….how this will be discussed and reconciled. It’s adult activity……requires some reasonable level of adulting…..without threats.

I had a girlfriend that was very sexual and would try just about anything. She loved anal sex but never tried DP. She did home toy parties, so she always had access to dildoes and lubes of all kinds. So we were getting prepared for sex and I suggested a DP with a dildo in her pussy and me in her ass. It took a few times to get the correct size of dildo with me in her ass. She loved the DP, but it took a comfortable size dildo to please her. So consider size and shape if you use a toy in your DP !

Not sure how to explain this, but I do the best I can. This past weekend, a good friend of my parents who they swing with for years and 1 of my first swingers partners came over to my place and ask me to help me out with something. His son wants to try the lifestyle. And he asks me if I and my bff can give him his first 3some. I didn’t gave him an answer straight away, I told him I will think about it. His son is 30, recently divorce, no kids. I knew him. I used to babysat him when he was younger when his parents were at parties and that and when my family and invited his family for supper and that. I only seen him once in the last 15 years or so. Last time I saw him was on his wedding night from his ex 5 years ago. He knew his parents were swingers but never felt it was for him at that point, from what the parents told me. I don’t mind doing the favour. They helped me a lot in my early days of the lifestyle. My parents helped me when I asked them if I could try swinging and let me “play” with their friends. I know it’s somewhat embarrassing question to ask your parents and then your parents asking their friends if they want to “play” with their adult children. Same as your friend asking you to ask another friend for a “hook up”. I always consider my swingers friends as a second family and family help each others “within reason”. I am curious how often question like this get asked. Thanks for the reply

In another post, a member mentioned music as part of the experience. Frankly, I'm still stuck in the 60' and 70's music wise. Anyone have recommendations for old or new music that has a sexy tone or beat that gets them going? I'm looking for energy more than soft candlelight music if that makes sense. S

Yea that would be fine, EXCEPT I don't have any 'spy' equipment in my home. We're a bit crazy that way. Even turn off and place phones in another part of the house during certain conversations.

I was not surprised, but a little disappointed when I told that Red and Lora have arranged a visit to see (and play) with Joe and Shannon. I was surprised and very happy to find that David has planned with them for me, just me, to visit them at a time of my choosing and however ling I want. Hubby is the best.

Foundational to the LS is the notion of consent. Consent is never 'forever'; rather it is an ongoing negotiation. Foundational to the LS is the notion that no explanation is required. Anyone can say "no thank you" and the conversation is closed. Never take "no thank you", "we have decided to move on", "good luck in your journey" as a personal rebuke. It's not. It is an expression of their preference, not a referendum on whether you are intrinsically good, attractive, or whatever. Our advice, let go of "play" as your core reason to explore relationships and interactions with others in the LS; look at play as a benefit of the journey.

You need a thick skin to play this sport. Bad news: you will be rejected up the ying yang and you will not know why. Good news: there is an almost unlimited supply of new recruits for you to play with.

You say you just started in the lifestyle, so (maybe) you haven’t been in it long enough to know this … but some couples want — or at least are willing — to be good friends and others just want to have great sex! I have no idea whether the other wife’s stated reason for breaking it off is true or not, but assuming for the moment that it is, the fact that your husband managed to be attentive to her physical needs, perhaps even getting her off with his hands and his mouth, still might not be enough for her if what she *really* wants is a hard dick in her pussy! We know of a couple on this board who will play with another couple twice and then they’re ready to move on. We ourselves had a couple that we THOUGHT we were getting along great with. We went out to dinner with them twice and played with them three times. Then they ghosted us … just completely stopped replying to our emails. We’re still at a loss to understand it. I’m sorry this happened to you, but I have no words of advice for you except to tell you that this happens in the LifeStyle, and all you can do is accept that it happens, suck it up, and go on to the next adventure.

I like about any music with a fast beat except country music. No faster way to lose an erection than to start having sex and country music starts playing.

I knew a guy in college who said he liked a good John Philip Sousa march tune because it helped him keep his rhythm! 😂

I've never been asked this, but before I met my wife a younger man asked her if she would have sex with him. She used to babysit him when she was in her 20's. Now she was in her late 30's and him in his early 20's and he told her that he always had a crush on her and now that he was an adult was hoping that it was a possibility. She kept him around as a FWB for a while. I met him recently at a funeral for one of his family members. Nice guy. I can see why she kept him around for booty calls. So, she did "help him out" and it ended-up being pretty good.

LOL! I totally agree with you about pimping Joe out, I accused my ex of this while we swapped while married and also whenever I am single my sister does this pimping me out to her friends. PIMPING ISN'T EASY!

Yes,she is at least curious and fantasizes about having another cock to join base on my experience after introduced a dildo to my wife she first signed was shy then eventually I noticed she always reached out to my cock to suck it anytime I fucked her with the dildo then finally admitted she loves to have another cock in her mouth as long as she receiving cock in her pussy.

What do you say to the Bi Guy? We'd love to suck your cock...

Hubby and my bf say the same thing about DP and think that it is the best part of doing it. No one has ever been "unnerved." Same here, hubby is above average thickness and for that reason has never been in my bum.

Well the first thing about DP is that you (the guy) will feel him (the other guy) on the other side. It can be very unnerving to say the least. The first time I kind of freaked out and pulled away, then totally lost the mood. It took a while to get over that, and when I put it in my mind I was doing it for her, I bit the bullet and got over it. Her getting off like she did made me get over it. It wasn't easy. My wife loves anal, after a few orgasms from vaginal sex. Her problem with me is she says I'm too thick for her anus. No I am no giant by any means, but she likes guys with slender than average penises when it comes to her back door. Her first "boyfriend" before we got married loved giving girls anal, had a really long, yet narrow penis, and they had anal all the time. We did a 3-some once and while she was riding me, he came up and went into her rear, she kind of looked shocked and that's when I lost it, I guess I didn't expect it. Later she said "it was pretty cool actually, I wish we could try it again". A few weeks later when we all got together, we were making love and he was behind her kissing her, and I would pull out and he would then enter. Then he began entering her rear, then when she came back to me and I entered her, she pulled him close and he started slowly entering her rear, I didn't feel him as much in this position, just more pressure. She really liked this. Once he slipped into her vagina when I was in there, she said it hurt too much having both of us, and that was weird, and I don't think I could ever get used to that! It takes some practice.

While there is nothing wrong with experimentation and trying new things the fact is she has expressed no interest in what you propose. This appears to be YOUR fantasy you're pursuing regardless of her. So try it and if it works it's an experience, if it doesn't work it's an experience. You're overthinking the whole thing.

Craig and Couplers, I have to agree and disagree. I agree with couplers that a toy and fantasy is in no way the same as another man. It can't be, and the reason is highlighted by why he refuses to share her with another man. I disagree with couplers on what share is about and that it's not about the other guy. For me and my wife it is sharing the experience together AND with the other man. We as a couple sharing another man, a full threesome, rather than a taking turns threesome. Three people sharing each other. The other guy is not just a live cock, but a full participant. Having other partners separately is a very different experience, with it's own unique pleasures. But it is not a threesome. A full threesome offers sexual geography not possible with just two. Such as DP. Experiences as well as positions multiply with a third or fourth, ones simply not possible when two people couple. It also needs to be recognized that some men simply can't be comfortable with what Petra suggests. It is a powerful experience to watch your wife with another man, as it is letting her enjoy sexual pleasures alone with another man. While Craig MAY be able to stretch into this, he also may not be able or want to stretch to the point where another man actually enters the scene. What is important is being able to figure out whether you can or cannot. It is also important to refrain from the claim that anyone can or should do it.

Hello, Petra again back to answer your questions. imo, No, not even close. At least for me toys can't substitute for the real thing, including him cumming. One guy is just not the same as two real guys physically or mentally. I have been in DP threesomes, and no, what you describe wouldn't be good enough. It may be wonderful play, but it is not the same as DP or any other type of MFM threesome. People here on the board, both men and women, get all excited about the first (and every) time they bring another person or persons into have sex with them. They do not come here all excited writing about their experiences playing with toys and pretending it is another person. It is an entirely different thing, believe me. It's not about sharing her with another guy, it's not about the guy at all and shouldn't make you angry, it's about HER and what makes HER happy. Think some more about allowing her to enjoy another guy in whatever way she would like. Not only am I sending you the message "if you really love her you will let her have sexual freedom," but I am also saying that you will come to find that it will make you feel better about yourself and will heighten your own sexual pleasure. I've been down the same road - hubby let me have my bf on the side but I didn't let him play because I was jealous. I came around to letting him have other sex partners as well and the jealousy is now a big turn on. No matter what you do to please her the one thing you cannot give her is the sexual variety we all crave. I hope it turns out to be a wonderful experience. As I said, you need to experiment and not be surprised if not every sexual adventure works out. Please keep us updated.

Hi, this is Petra. I do anal with my bf (nothing great for me) and sometimes hubby joins for a DP (which really does get me off). So for me it's the vaginal stimulation that makes a DP good, and yeah, the thought of two guys cumming in me. But you can see I'm already different from your gf and it is so much of a personal thing, I don't think you will get your answer by polling women here. But sex is an adventure, so if you spend a little time and effort exploring and find you don't like it, so what? Maybe you'll find something else along the way that really is great for your gf and you. Good luck and keep us updated.

A polite "Not interested" comes to mind