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First, I’ve NEVER felt diminished as a man to see my wife getting intense sexual pleasure from another man because I love her so much that I want her to have that. (Besides, when she’s doing that, I’m busy getting my own pleasure from another woman! 😉) In fact, I just recently suggested that we try a 3some with another male because I want her to experience what it is to have two men there to give her pleasure and for her to give pleasure to. Does that make me less of a man? I know that when it’s all over, she’s going home WITH ME! Second, if your wife gets sexual pleasure from another man, what is there to protect her from? You need to protect her from being choked during rough sex … or having another man try to force her to have anal sex against her will … or having her new partner try to fuck her without a condom … or … Do you get the picture? But as long as she’s in her comfort zone and enjoying herself, there’s no need to protect her from anything. Just be there IN CASE she needs you and if she doesn’t, then you should both enjoy the partner that you’re with. Finally, you just gave the best reason you could have given for NOT swinging right now … that things aren’t “rock solid” between the two of you. There’s a well-known principle in The Lifestyle that it magnifies whatever the state of your relationship is. If it’s strong, swinging will make it even stronger because you’re both giving something hot and exciting to each other without any regrets. If it’s weak, swinging will make it weaker because jealousy and anger will creep in, adding to the problems you already have. If your relationship isn’t where it should be, it’s less likely that your wife see you as not a real man who should protect her than that she’ll see you as someone who really enjoys fucking other women. So yes, this sounds like a bad idea right now … but not for the reasons you think it is.

There really isn’t a recipe or checklist to qualify. For those who enter the Lifestyle there are all sorts of variations on how and why. But there are general guidelines that can help and I’m sure you will hear of many from many different people here. I would also suggest reviewing the forums here and reading those that may apply to you. From our perspective, experience (nudist, swinger, LS party/event organizer, poly couple) we have advised a number of new couples and singles over the years. We have also observed and counsel a few that had some difficulty somewhere during their journey. A few things to keep in mind: 1. The two of you are the most important, to yourself and to each other, never sacrifice any part of yourselves or each other, for any reason. 2. Communication, truthful, open, no judgement, everything on the table bare your souls to each other communication. 3. This is an adventure, a journey not a destination, not a checklist to follow, not a sacrifice, not a tit for tat and the only obligation you have is to each other. 4. Communication, open honest truthful to each other. 5. Variations in the Lifestyle vary greatly from those who only attend Parties/events/locations but are only intimate/sexual with each other to highly active DTF solo/separate fantasy participants and everything in between. 6. Communication, with depth, trust, expectations concerns. I mentioned communication three times for a reason. You would be surprised how many couples, many years married think the communicate, but actually avoid honest open communication thinking they are sparing the spouse. If the two of you can’t talk with each other about anything/everything, details, likes/dislikes, wants, desires, needs…..then I would make that your first step into the lifestyle. Be adventurous with each other now…..not just sex but out and about. Meet and talk to other people, be engaging.

How did I deal?? First, she loses it with me on a regular basis so sexually we are not looking for anything or anyone to fill in something that is missing. Second, I really like listening to her enjoy, whether it is with me or someone else. Third, the "payback"for me is always far more than adequate.. The better the time she has , the more she gives back to me . Fourth, the freedom that I give to her, she gives to me also. I have never felt that I would "lose" her to someone else. This only drives us closer. She values the freedom of not having to worry if this will impact me negatively. I have never considered being possessive as being a positive trait in myself. I think of both as weaknesses, for me. AS to the STD thing: Yes it is a potential problem. We accept the possibility , and get tested regularly. On the theory of whatever the one of us might have the other will also, we alternate tests rather than both going in at the same time. We just use our regular Doctor. We try and be the best judge of character we can in those we play with. Realize that character does NOT have anything to do with having an STD. Someone with a decent character will, however, be being tested and will be honest about the results. We have never demanded an up to date hard copy of test results. That, we feel, would not substantially reduce the risks. If we were playing out in the wild that would be a consideration.

Sorry for the mistakes; it bothered me so much that I had to make corrections. He hand made and gave me a gift certificate (like the kids do for Mother's Day), a travel voucher for me to fill out with all the options and details for the visit - when, which airline, rental car or Über, which hotel if I want one. How sweet! It's exciting talking to Joe and Shannon, about this. And Lora's and Joe's visit too.

I was not surprised, but a little disappointed when I told that Red and Lora have arranged a visit to see (and play) with Joe and Shannon. I was surprised and very happy to find that David has planned with them for me, just me, to visit them at a time of my choosing and however ling I want. Hubby is the best.

If nothing else this topic proves without a doubt the diversity of physical/emotional differences from one person/couple to the next. Regardless of being in the swing/ENM/Kink lifestyle. Everyone has their personal acceptances/expectations/limits and they are/will always very from one to another. For most these will change and very over time, length of time spent and experiences in their chosen lifestyle. The only real hard and fast rule and it applies equally to each individual, consent, no means no and is universal, in and out of the lifestyle. In defense of women (some men as well) in general not all are able to be direct, tend to be more submissive, are not confident or vocal for does, don’ts, stop etc. I have had many experiences with women play partners, mostly first time play where I ask about do and don’ts and not get much more than a shrug or murmured “I don’t know”. I have experience and in many cases avoided situations where the husband/boyfriend seemed quite controlling for the most part of her do and don’ts then what he would follow himself……to “just show her a great time, what ever you want”. Sex play by assumption is also not advised. I think in the end you have to judge for yourself, individually where your acceptances and what you are not. If you are with someone, or committed relationship you have to have a discussion between you both of your personal acceptances and that which is not. And do be aware that there will be situations where in the heat of the moment something happens….how this will be discussed and reconciled. It’s adult activity……requires some reasonable level of adulting…..without threats.

For sure, completely different universes, you may see this as a strength, I however, sincerely hope that I never become happy with my wife seeing me is as just someone else. I also hope that I never become so complacent in a relationship of mine, that I don’t concern myself with my spouses feelings when deciding what sex act to save for her, or just give away to anybody. Yes we are definitely live differently.

Back outside wall, middle of August.

I’m assuming consumption of alcohol was a precipitating factor, LDIA. Perhaps large quantities. 😉😊 I’m also assuming it was an exterior was of your garage. And that your birthday is not during a winter month.