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Because you can’t unsee your spouse enjoying another man more than she does you. To her he will be new an exciting and you will see that. If you’re not ready, it can instantly destroy your marriage. You said you’re 25% on board and 75% not sure…………..you need to Run like hell! Would you gamble your wife on an any other wager that you have a 75% chance of losing her. If you can honestly say that you would be able to watch another man take care of your wife while you’re unable to get it up, you might be ok……this can and does happen. Most guys dream best case scenario and never imagine what can happen if it goes down wrong. This isn’t for everyone. Tread lightly

One final thought, if you do decide to go through with this I would suggest you contact a male provider. I’m sure lots of people here won’t agree with me however, if you do use a prostitute, it has some benefits. First, he won’t likely have problems getting it up, so your wife will enjoy herself. Secondly , he’s not likely to have feelings for her, so there’s little chance of an affair. Thirdly, this will be truly a no strings attached situation, and other words if it goes south, you don’t ever have to look back at him again. Then, if you make it through this OK, and you’re both up for another adventure then it’s time to start looking for somebody more repeatable. I personally think one of the biggest mistakes is starting with someone that you both have ties to. Regardless of what some here will tell you, there are a lot of people on this site that are a lot more likely to have STDs than some of the prostitutes out there. If you’re not cheap, you can get a good reputable person with health documentation.

thank you guys, you are opening me up my mind. I was still guided by the fact of what my friend, the psychologist, told me. that she was convinced by her husband, she enjoyed it and then she lost respect for him as she "failed to protect her from other men". the thing is that she gave me her professional point of view: that if I agree to an MFM, my wife will lose respect for me. so you can imagine to hear this point of view from a female and a psychologist. also my personal regular psychologist told me that the couple cannot survive without exclusivity. but it seems like it is not like that, from all of your experiences here. thanks for sharing with me. you are very kind!

How did I deal?? First, she loses it with me on a regular basis so sexually we are not looking for anything or anyone to fill in something that is missing. Second, I really like listening to her enjoy, whether it is with me or someone else. Third, the "payback"for me is always far more than adequate.. The better the time she has , the more she gives back to me . Fourth, the freedom that I give to her, she gives to me also. I have never felt that I would "lose" her to someone else. This only drives us closer. She values the freedom of not having to worry if this will impact me negatively. I have never considered being possessive as being a positive trait in myself. I think of both as weaknesses, for me. AS to the STD thing: Yes it is a potential problem. We accept the possibility , and get tested regularly. On the theory of whatever the one of us might have the other will also, we alternate tests rather than both going in at the same time. We just use our regular Doctor. We try and be the best judge of character we can in those we play with. Realize that character does NOT have anything to do with having an STD. Someone with a decent character will, however, be being tested and will be honest about the results. We have never demanded an up to date hard copy of test results. That, we feel, would not substantially reduce the risks. If we were playing out in the wild that would be a consideration.

Hello all. Need some advice on my marriage. My wife and I were married in December 2018 after dating for a little over a year. She is my second wife. My first wife and I started swinging about 8 years into our marriage and we had some very fun times. When I first met my current wife, I was very honest with her. I told her that I was a swinger, and I also told her that I had bi experiences. I was surprised that neither one of those facts freaked her out. She is very vanilla, but, nevertheless, she liked to hear all about my stories. She even told me that, if I ever felt the urge to be with a man, that I simply let her know and I could either go somewhere or we could come back to our place and she would watch. So, it was a dream come true. I was dating (at the time) this very beautiful, very smart, very sexy woman. She didn't judge me about my past and she even allowed me to play around if I ever felt the need to, which I never did. I wanted our relationship to be different. Eventually, she would talk to me about some of her ex's, as boyfriends and girlfriends often do. There was one ex in particular that she would talk about a little too often. When we would fantasize about a threesome, she would say that he would "do it in a heartbeat just to be with me again" and "he has a monster cock that I could barely handle!" She even showed me pictures and, I must admit, he had a great cock. After a while, however, all this talk about this ex started to bother me a little. When I would mention something to her, she would always blow me off with "have I ever given you any reason to think that I would cheat on you? Remember, you were the swinger, not me!" and "he just wants what he can't have any more." None of these reactions thrilled me. I was hoping for something like "you have nothing to worry about, but, if it really bothers you, I will talk about him and to him less." Well, that didn't happen. So, fast forward a little. We broke up at one point for about 2 or 3 months. I was going through a bout of depression and I just couldn't be a good boyfriend to her anymore, so I left until I could get my head together. Eventually, we did get back together and things were great. One day she tells me that she hopes I don't mind, but her ex wanted to come to her place and hang out and smoke weed. She assured me that he was just coming over as a friend and that he knew better not to try anything. So, reluctantly, I told her it was no big deal. After all, I was her boyfriend, not her master. The next night, I went to see her and she told me that it was fun hanging out with him, but he was like a wild monkey. She eventually had to tell him to leave because he was being such a horny bastard. After that night, however, I noticed he was texting her a lot more. One morning around 4 am I heard her phone go off and I looked because I was curious about who could be texting at such an hour. It was her ex. He just said something like "hey, are you awake?" Being a guy, I know what 4 am texts to ex girlfriends usually mean. It's a booty call. The next morning I told her to check her phone because C, her ex, had texted her at 4 am wanting to know if she was awake. She went berserk. She asked me what I was doing looking at her phone and I had no right and on and on. I left for work. A couple of weeks later, she went out with a friend one night and I decided to stay home. I know this is wrong, but I was curious about what was going on with her and C. So, I took out her laptop and logged into her iMessages. Again, I'm not proud, but I just wanted to know. Well, he didn't just act like a horny monkey the night he had come over. From what I can gather, they did not have sex, but he definitely stroked his cock for her while she watched. She even gave him her lotion to use as lube. He did not cum, however. They were discussing it and he said that they should get together and jerk off for each other, because that wasn't cheating since they weren't actually fucking. She responded with "no, things are going really well with my bf and I don't want to risk it." So, I started thinking to myself that, if things hadn't been going really well, did that mean she would fuck him? So, discovering that gave me even more reason to be suspicious and I found a treasure trove. There was a guy, 10 years her junior, who she always referred to as just a close friend of the family. His parents, his name was G, knew her parents and the kids would all play together. Again, G was just a good family friend and that was it. I then found a message string between them and, shortly before we met, she gave him a blowjob and let him cum in her mouth. They were talking about it for weeks...for him it was how amazing she was at sucking cock (she really is, best I've ever had) and she told him his cum tasted like candy (uh, bullshit). Anyway, it went on for weeks after. The discussing it back and forth did. Then I found that she had sent him a picture AFTER we started dating. It was a picture I had taken of her very swollen pussy after I had given her oral. She made me take it on her phone, but refused to send it to me. Two days later, she sent it to G with the caption "what would you do?" At this point, I'm shaking. I cannot believe what happened with the ex and then I also could not believe why she would lie about the "family friend." I was sure she was still messing around with one or both of them. Before I put her laptop away, I checked a couple of more strings. One was with a "platonic friend" of hers who is 20 years her senior and she would always describe to me as the older brother she never had. Well, that prior Mardi Gras, she sent this older brother a picture of her tits. He responded with "wow. they are still magnificent." I looked at one more string and it was with some guy I never heard of and there were exactly 55 naked pictures of her in various poses. This was before we even met, but what got me was that she told me that, because she was once a teacher, she NEVER EVER sent naked pictures to anyone and never even took more than a couple for her eyes only. So, I quickly put the laptop away and she came home and everything went back to normal. I tried my best to forget about it all, but it drove me nuts. Especially if we would fight and she would throw my swinging history back at me if she thought I was suspicious of her and some guy "friend." She barely has any girl friends, maybe 4, and she has a boatload of guy "friends." She just loves hanging out with guys more she says, She also says she has never done ANYTHING to make me suspicious of her. Little did she know... In any event, we stayed together. Despite my discoveries, I really do love her and I do believe, in her way, she really loves me. We would end up getting married in December 2018 and things were awesome in the beginning. We got along, we had tons of sex (including blowjobs after a long day at work), she would cook for us, clean for us. She is and was amazing. Well, every once in a while, I would keep checking her laptop just to see if it was all bullshit. That she was treating me well just to keep me around to take care of her. One night I found that a mere week after we got married, she took pictures of herself in various poses in very sexy red lingerie and sent them to the ex! I was floored, again. So, once I discovered that, I just sort of gave up for a bit. We started fighting a lot more. She would keep telling me I was never talking to her anymore and that she couldn't understand what was wrong with me. One night it all came to a head and I told her I had seen the pictures she had sent to her ex a mere two weeks after we got married. She went berserk again. She kept calling me a piece of shit for going through her laptop and how dare I and I had better leave or she was going to go sleep at her Dad's and tell her whole family what a liar I was. I kept asking her to explain why I was the liar when she sent the pictures and then she told me that I was psychotic and what I think I saw didn't really happen. Before I left, I showed her that I had forwarded the whole conversation, including the pictures, to my phone. She just told me to get my shit and get the fuck out. I was gone for about 3 weeks when she called me one night and asked me to come see her. She begged for forgiveness and told me how sorry she was and how it was horrible and that if I wanted to get a divorce, she understood, but she wanted to work it out. It was her first marriage and she just didn't know how to act, as she put it. In the end, I decided to come back believing that she was sorry and that it would never happen again. Now, her phone goes off like a bell constantly tolling 12 noon and it's always guy "friends." I have just given up. Finally, I get to my dilemma. Despite all of her faults, I still truly love her. She is a fantastic person and wife despite her shortcomings in some areas described above. She clearly also wants to stay with me. Recently, we have been getting along much better. We are back to having regular sex, oral and otherwise, and I don't even flinch when her phone goes off anymore. My dilemma is this, I used to be a swinger. I enjoyed it while I was doing it, but deep down, I always thought I wanted a vanilla relationship. She clearly cannot give that to me without some kind of flirting with other guys. She obviously needs to find validation from men, and her marriage is not enough. When we first got together, we would discuss threesome fantasies with other guys and they would always get us both off. Since I do love her, and I want it to work, I am thinking about offering her an open relationship. I would tell her absolutely everything I discovered in my "investigations" and that clearly she needs to flirt with men and maybe even fool around a little. If that is what she needs, I would explain to her that I am willing to have that sort of open relationship. My only disclaimer is that she has to be totally honest. No more shenanigans behind my back. If you want to send sexy naked pictures to guys because it gets you off, I will take them. I really don't think she would ever have sex with another guy while she is with me. She will flirt and get naked and maybe even mutually masturbate, but I truly don't think it would turn into fucking. I did swing before with my first wife as I mentioned. She would literally go out on "dates" with other men, with me knowing and they would usually end up with me getting a picture on my phone of her sucking the guys cock. It was hot. I can't be hypocritical now and let the wife I truly love not have what she wants. If it's just flirting and getting naked, I don't care. I would even suggest we try a mfm threesome at some point since we would talk about it in the beginning. My worry is that I am afraid she will get so pissed off at me for spying and finding her out that it would be the end of our relationship. I want to avoid that. From what I described here, sorry it was so fucking long, does she seem like someone who would be into an open relationship? Or does she seem like just a cheating whore who just wants as many men as she can have? I figure, that If she wants fuck around, why not fuck around together? I think it would be hot to watch her use her blowjob skills on some unsuspecting guy until he couldn't control himself and end up blowing his load in her mouth or on her tits. I welcome advice from women and men. Please and thank you. If you all think this is a lost cause because she is just a horrible person, speak your truth. I can take it. It's just that from where I sit, we can kill two birds with one stone. She can flirt or whatever she wants and I will know about it and even join in as a couple. What do you all think? Is it worth giving it a shot and approaching her with this? Or do you think she will be so pissed, she will just make me leave again? P.S.: One last thing. I'm interested in what people think about the snooping and discovering things issue. Is the person who snoops more to blame for not being trusting of the other, or is the person who messed around more at fault, or are they both at fault, the one for not trusting and the other messing around? When I was in my 20s, I was caught messing around after my then girlfriend snooped. I didn't make a big deal about her snooping at all, I just kept apologizing for fucking around. So, this question has shown itself twice in my life. Anyway, thank you for reading my epic swinging question. Love to all. Have a good night! R

I'm not sure why someone would be surprised by this. This is pretty standard at most swing clubs we've been to as far as single men paying more. The idea that they can only approach females with a certain armband is one that I am not familiar with though. But the women are the ones drawing in the crowds.

STD there is no truly, absolutely safe path. Same applies in other areas. LS you play the game you take the risks Football you play the game you take the risks. Soccer you play the game you take the risks. Golf you play the game you take the risks. Career choice you play the game you take the risks. Marriage you play the game you take the risks. ... At any given point you can decide not to pursue whatever "risky" activity you might be thinking about doing. When you were dating where was your comfort level? At what point was fluid exchange something that you were willing to risk? The same thought process applies here.

Yeah, that would be creepy. Your instincts are good here. Count your blessings - you have a wife who is attractive and sexually charged. Don't snope, ask her if she is interested in playing with other men and let her take it from there. Encourage her to take the lead on your journey of being non-monogamous, including you holding back as she moves forward.

Frankly, that's crazy. My husband allowing me to take a boyfriend and eventually having MFMs with him is one of the greatest gifts he has ever given me. I having sex with other men isn't forced on me, it's something that I want and enjoy. I respect my husband all the more for the fact that he is mature enough and loving enough to not only accept, but also be genuinely happy that I get fulfillment from my relationships with other men and women.

I agree with all those above who say that if you won't actually enjoy and be happy that your wife, the love of your life, is enjoying great sex with other men, you are not ready.

I totally agree with your solution of offering her an open relationship, but I would NOT tell her of your "investigations." Make that the gift you give to her because you love her - permission to play, with any ex she wants, and no confrontation. In the end, you'll fell good about yourself for being so generous. In some ways your situation is the same as mine was with my wife. Daniela had a very active and interesting sex life before we married and were monogamous. I don't suspect her of cheating at all, but I could sense that she wasn't a one man woman, so I let her get together with two exes. I am glad I did. We moved to couples swaps and it is wonderful.

More than 40 years later I can’t unsee my first wife bringing one of our friends to orgasm with a skilled handjob. And I’m so glad. I have many warm memories of our decade-long marriage, but that’s one of the hottest ones. Regrets? Well, for one, that I didn’t get a chance to watch her fuck our next-door neighbor. (By the time she told me about it their little fling was over.)

Very true, but on the other hand, for me that is a positive. I am happy when my wife can has a new sexual high. Sharing our experiences is a joy for both of us. If that is not your mindset, you should indeed run.

It may seem strange, but shortly after my first sexual encounter with a married man I would ask about and turn the focus towards his wife. I wanted him to tell me everything about her, including intimacies. I would urge him to buy her gifts, often buy them myself and give to him to give to her. I would make reservations at restaurants for him to take her, buy tickets to events, plan getaway vacations for them. It would bring them together, then I would demand all of the details. It was complicated, but fun, and satisfying for me. As for the sex, even after starting with me it went up between them; he had to report back and give details. As for him losing energy, men get an ego boost, a charge from getting new pussy, having another woman going along with a wife. His libido went way up from his involvement with me. Christ, even when he would see me on a Saturday or Sunday, or even a weekday morning, after fucking his wife and I got the leftovers, which I liked, he was so excited going from one woman to another that he was charged up. It proves what people say on this forum - non monogamy improves a marriage. In my case, even when one spouse didn't know, so long as the other woman respected the marriage, knew her boundaries, and was behind the scenes kind to the wife.

When my husband is in an MFM with me, it is another man participating in our relationship, our marriage, our love making. When I am having an MFM with two other men, it is a fresh experience. So much of them trying to take me and me taking them. I like both.

I also want to support the idea of the magnifying lens. If , when you are being honest with yourself you see negatives lurking on this topic, then it is time to back off until those things are straightened out.

You ask why you should run . This is in reference to this. "If you haven’t fantasized about watching your wife having better sex than you can give her……..RUN." ? What I believe was intended is that if you haven't an established internal DESIRE to see this, then you are perhaps treading on dangerous ground. Sooner or later someone will come along that, for one reason or another, trips her trigger more intensely than you do. Probably not more than once or a few times, until the NRE wheres off.

First, I’ve NEVER felt diminished as a man to see my wife getting intense sexual pleasure from another man because I love her so much that I want her to have that. (Besides, when she’s doing that, I’m busy getting my own pleasure from another woman! 😉) In fact, I just recently suggested that we try a 3some with another male because I want her to experience what it is to have two men there to give her pleasure and for her to give pleasure to. Does that make me less of a man? I know that when it’s all over, she’s going home WITH ME! Second, if your wife gets sexual pleasure from another man, what is there to protect her from? You need to protect her from being choked during rough sex … or having another man try to force her to have anal sex against her will … or having her new partner try to fuck her without a condom … or … Do you get the picture? But as long as she’s in her comfort zone and enjoying herself, there’s no need to protect her from anything. Just be there IN CASE she needs you and if she doesn’t, then you should both enjoy the partner that you’re with. Finally, you just gave the best reason you could have given for NOT swinging right now … that things aren’t “rock solid” between the two of you. There’s a well-known principle in The Lifestyle that it magnifies whatever the state of your relationship is. If it’s strong, swinging will make it even stronger because you’re both giving something hot and exciting to each other without any regrets. If it’s weak, swinging will make it weaker because jealousy and anger will creep in, adding to the problems you already have. If your relationship isn’t where it should be, it’s less likely that your wife see you as not a real man who should protect her than that she’ll see you as someone who really enjoys fucking other women. So yes, this sounds like a bad idea right now … but not for the reasons you think it is.

I agree that the correct size and shape are important, but I disagree that using a dildo is a DP, you need two live, independently moving dicks to qualify. For me at least, it's the one going in my bum hole that matters. My pussy is much more accommodating than my bum. Babies have passed through there.

Reading this after 16 years, entitlement thinking and tantrums because others don’t do what you want when you want it doesn’t seem to have gotten better.

I had an experience last night that will definitely be my memoir if I ever sit still long enough to write one. Fox was out of town for an extended period of time, and this happens to be the first and only time that we have spent a significant amount of time away from each other since we have been together. I honestly enjoy spending as much time with him as possible. This is the first time in my life that I can say that I thoroughly enjoy my partner. Man, if I knew then what I know now, but c’est la vie. I digress. Due to a crazy work schedule in my private practice during the day, Fox running all of our marketing and SEO (he tries to explain all that to me and I hear the teacher from Charlie Brown) throughout his work day then both of us spending our evenings working on the show, we are pulling 12-14 hour days, six day a week. Oh, and I failed to mention that we are in a global pandemic! Needless to say, we have not been feeling as sexual as we were and want to be in the very near future; adulting has absolutely put a damper on our sex life. Don’t get me wrong, it is still amazing but we are so tired at the end of the day we both pass out from shear exhaustion. Being an essential worker (read that again using an entitled voice with a hair flip for dramatics) if extremely draining! Again, I digress. Fox feeling extremely flirty and adventurous while on his trip sends me a challenge/request to be extremely naughty. As the day progresses I send naughty pictures and flirty messages, remember I am at work. Then I get THE message. This message implied that I would be getting a visitor at home and had a list of directions for me to follow. I want to remind everyone that I have never played without Fox so I was extremely nervous and unsure about this whole situation, but being the good girl that I am, I obliged. My instructions were to go home, get ready for a sexy evening (meaning make sure my legs were shaved) and to put a note on the door saying “Come In.” Can anyone else feel the anxiety rising? Only me, yeah, freaking out! I was told to adjust the security camera to point towards the couch so he could watch this adventure live, be naked on the couch playing with myself with my favorite toy and to be ready for a sexy single man to come play with me. I was also instructed to be extra slutty and to have fun. Granted, I know this particular single man but I have never met him. Before you ask, yes I took a few shots to calm my nerves! So here I am freshly shaved, slathered in lotion, naked, playing with my favorite toy on the couch waiting for a sexy man to walk through my door and do naughty things to me. No pressure! He arrives and immediately wastes no time! There were minimal pleasantries exchanged before he plunged his face between my legs enjoying all that my vagina had to offer. It might have been that I knew Fox was watching, or the extra shot I took right before he got there but I threw myself into the experience fully and didn’t look back. I woke up this morning feeling sexier than I have in a long time. This man, whom I have never met, only chatted with, made me feel like a goddess. He told me how sexy my curves were, how good I felt in various positions, I moaned, I made sex faces according to Fox, and I got fucked! He finished about 45 minutes later (we were on a shorter time schedule) by squirting his manliness all over by belly, which was only fair because I had squirted all over him a few times, put on his clothes, thanked me for a great time and left. Fox frequently tells me all the same things, and in my mind that is normal, but hearing a stranger say it was empowering. This was definitely a confidence booster that I didn’t even realize I needed. Knowing that I am prone to getting scared and not following through, Fox made this spontaneous and gave me just enough information to keep me intrigued and adventurous. I feel so much closer to Fox right now, a deep connection that had been buried by the strains of life. I cannot wait for him to get home so I can properly thank him for orchestrating this amazing adventure.

Being an Alpha doesn't mean it doesn't feel good. You sound like my husband. Anal play is part of the natural course of things, its down there where everything is happening so of course it's going to get included whether planned or not. Back in the day when we used to get hot and heavy things happened and anal happened. We touch, we grab, fingers slip here and there in the heat of the moment and so forth. Now it is a very planned part of our sex. Over the years and the many many many orgasms I have had from anal along with vaginal, my husband began to realize anal is amazing (to receive) and could as amazing for him. The more he let me play the more open he became and soon the man was having orgasms as large as me and multi (something he had never experienced). We didn’t open our marriage up till much later and then only to people who understood we were only doing it for things we could not provide for each other alone, hence the reason for groups. One male doesn’t provide enough by himself, he needs friends. As I have mentioned in prior posts: I cannot get enough cum from one man, I enjoy it that much; I cannot get multiple holes filled with real live bareback cum filled cream puff stuffed penises with only one man; and I have no way to cum fill or cream fill my man’s holes without other men. So I needed to find a way to get men. For my husband, the comfort level was not there for males only to join us so I found couples. With couples I had to give as much as we got of course. I wasn’t expecting to do all that I do with the wives, but to not be a taker I made myself available for them. You do what you need to do to keep the group smooth. My husband who has no interest in men or really other women does have such a strong interest in my desires and connecting with me in any manner possible eventually gave in. For years we had done him anally and he knows how amazing that is so he would come to the group sex parties and watch. It took a while for him to try a few things here and there like cum kissing with me after I’d sucked one of the men off, then more, then cum swapped. Then I was asked to eat some of the wives’ cream pies, he helped. As we played watching others he was always rock hard, leaking all over and never flinched if someone touched him a little bit. The first time one of the husband’s did me doggy, he sat staring into my eyes as the man came inside me. It was the oddest sensation for us both. That was my first face sit on him. Then another man took me over him, and another, cum and penises are all over his face. So much has happened I get some of the timelines confused now but we were in a similar position with me sitting on his face cum leaking, a send or third penis in me over him, and one of the husband’s stepped in between his legs. I guided him into my husband. There is so much to tell but it is a very long tale. To the point I want to make with you, as per my husband & myself, nothing you can simulate or do is the same as taking a real bareback cream filled cock in your mouth or other holes. Nothing feels the same as it, looks the same, or provides as great of an aftermath picture. The orgasms from it are so intense it is hard to crave it daily and hourly. Since all of this, he has F ed me, all of the other ladies, vaginally, orally, and anally. He has sucked every guy off hundreds of times, been F ed by them as many times anally, and been cum in as many. So from our little meager interest things have expanded as do all things sexual for us. When with others, we still primarily focus on the main things we cannot do as a lone couple. For example, my husband can get all the anal he ever needs doing me so he does not do the other ladies anally often and he has never done a guy. He has no reason to and doesn’t want too. As far as being an Alpha, some men feel they are Alphas and only do others but if you are not into doing it with men why would you? My husband is not into guy’s butts. I however AM! My man is now perfectly content with letting the guys have at him. He’s a receiver and from what I can tell a pretty good one. My husband receives it from toys, machines, me, strap ons, the other ladies, and men and he feels no less than he ever did. He is very manly. Receiving is extremely pleasurable and he knows how much it does for me to be there watching up close, playing, touching, encouraging. There is something so amazing to be right there as his wife seeing and feeling him getting rummaged unloading penis after another and telling him all the while, you can do it, you can take it, you love doing this for me, you are so amazing at taking c***, I love you, I love that you do this for me, I love watching you get F ed in your … It does take a lot of patience and time to get to this point in relationships. Take it slow and play at home, RP a lot, use toys, machines, simulate it all in a variety of scenarios. Even that will be awkward at times. A few weeks ago I was pleading for my husband to take a giant black c*** while I was dping one of our sex machines. I was screaming how much I knew he wanted big black cocks and their cum inside him. He was like, “No I don’t.” Awkward… And yes he has done that and enjoyed them. He wasn’t as turned on as me yet, he’d just gotten out of the shower. I can tell you from my experience and from watching all the couples we have been with, the one who flourish and are the most exciting are the ones who play together, in the same room, stay together or as close as possible, try to watch, talk, and encourage each other as much as possible, kiss a lot, hold hands a lot, hug, and love on another often. It is so cool to watch a wife getting ravaged by several people while the husband is by her side getting done likewise and they are hold hands, glancing over at each other. So many times I see couples stretched out touching as they are doing what they are doing. Since your wife is interested in females I highly recommend joining her. I love it when anyone and my husband are dual doing me and I would much rather have my husband right there sucking and tonguing with me as I tend to the wives. I love sharing with him. That is why we got into this in the first place, not to have sex with others, but to share having sex with others, to share the experiences. We have an unbelievable connection and relate more on a deeper level now. I now get why my husband loves eating p***y so much but it is still so much better together. He agrees.

The problem with asking someone else to respond to your situation is that we are all going to overlay our own relationship expectations onto your relationship. Would your relationship meet my expectations? No. From your description, do I recognize dysfunctional/unhealthy behaviors in your relationship? Yes (forgive me for being blunt.) But, my answer, and my observations, are not really germane. The only questions that matter are, What are the expectations that you and your wife have about your relationship? I've lived long enough to have seen all manner of relationships that I do not understand how they work? Yet, somehow, they endure, warts and all. Conversely, I've watched what appeared to be very good relationships disintegrate for reasons I don't understand? Human beings are very complex animals, with very complex social constructs. There is no one-size-fits-all. I'll finish with this: If you and your wife are sufficiently motivated to work on yourselves, and your relationship, it would probably be worth your while to seek some outside assistance.

Because in reality most (NOT ALL) couples don't want to deal with single men at the parties/clubs. Most single men are clingy, intrusive and annoying. If you do happen to decide you are going to play with a single man afterward they tend to hang on the woman for the duration of the evening. God forbid you have played with a single man once before and he is at the club again 99% of the time he will "ASSUME" consent for a second round because he has marked his territory previously. They insert themselves into conversations where they are uninvited. My favorite assumption by most single men is that THEY are going to do for you what no other man (especially you husband/SO) can or has ever done for you………PLEASE!!!! If you go to get into the hot tub with your spouse or SO and another couple - they FLOCK to the hot tub to LURK in hopes that someone will play with them. They generally IMHO don't have any manners. A straight single male brings little to the table for a couple unless the couple tends to play alone or the wife just can not seem to have enough men........ So for most of us at the club our preference is to not have to deal with the intrusive single male and therefore the clubs charge more as a way to only have the serious men there and to keep from being over run with them. Because again and this is just my opinion but there is no such thing as a single man in the lifestyle, only a single man willing to accept the conditions of the lifestyle to get laid. There is SOOO much more I could say on this subject but it’s been said 1000 times over by others so no sense in :beatdeadh. With all this said though like everything else in life EVERYTHING has it’s place, and for the single male who is respectful, non-intrusive, friendly, good personality and knows that he’s not god’s gift to women, then you too my friend will find you place. I have attached the rules for single men………..just for those who have forgotten the proper etiquette for single men in the lifestyle. Swinging Information for Single Men To be popular with couples is to understand what they want. This is very important and will mean the difference between a long night and a night of wild fun. Swinging couples will know if you have the right idea straight away and if it's not right will not hang about. So what is it? What DO they want? Couples that play with single guys in swingers clubs are looking for a guy to add to their pleasure. They will want to chase a guy that they like and bring him in to their love making. The guy will be a tool for their swinging and it will be their fantasy that gets fulfilled. He will be there to fuck the lady as she wants it and for her guy to see her being fucked by him. A great guy is one who understands this and acts accordingly. They want swinger’s not cheap shags. What DON'T they don't want Number 1 rule is DO NOT GET DRUNK!! So many guys come to swinging clubs, get too drunk, think they are are being the perfect male swinger when in fact they are slurring words, talking rubbish, and swaying all over the place. Heavy drinking will ruin all your chances and possibly have you removed from the club. No one likes drunken people slurring their words and talking nonsense at the best of times let alone wondering if you can get it up at all!!!! So you are sober, what else do they not want? They do not want a guy who sees the lady as just a fuck for himself i.e. for him to fuck as a piece of meat and walk off. They do not want to be seen as shag pieces and another notch on the post for the guy. This is obvious to the couple from the start even if you don't think it is. Although the end result may be the same the approach is very important. Remember this and act this way and you are half way there. The Approach Swinging couples like to be in the driving seat but this doesn't mean the guy can't make the first move. The biggest mistake is to talk to a couple and mention the swinging in the first few minutes. Opening lines such as 'Are you into single guys?' or 'Do you play in the club?' indicate a wrong attitude and even desperation. Say hello and some small talk about the club or something that is going on. Do not hassle them or corner them. The best trick is to chat for a bit and then leave them to discuss it. They will want to know if their partners are ok with it, like you and fancy some fun. The Second Encounter Again there are generally no problems if this is initiated by the guy as long as it is in passing, light-hearted, and not about swinging with them. Be prepared to leave them to it again. Although you are leaving them you are earning brownie points for being a decent guy. Don't push your luck though. If the couple are interested they WILL be back. The chase is all part of the fun for couples as they are in control. If they have approached you it generally means they are interested and the conversation will quickly move to what they are after. Remember they will tell you, don't try and push it. The Likes/Dislikes Chat If you have got down to some horny chat about them and what they do make sure you ask about their likes and dislikes. They will appreciate it and the whole experience will be more fun. Nothing can ruin a swinging moment faster than trying anal on her when she hates it and can (and does in rare cases) end up in violence. Remember you are fulfilling their fantasy. Some couples like lots of kissing and touching during the session, some see this as too affectionate and just want to fuck. Finding this out can make the difference between a one off that was ok and a regular meet where they ring you out of the blue when they fancy it. What could be better than being chased by a couple and having threesome fun out of the blue? The Invite At this point you will probably be asked to a room. Whatever you do please make sure you take some condoms with you for two reasons 1) No couples swing without condoms in this day and age. You will be wasting your time and offending the couple to ask not to use one 2) you are being invited into someone else's swinging sex life. It's very rude to expect them to provide the condoms! They may offer theirs but always make sure you have some. To turn round mid-action and say I don't have any could end your chances of anything else there and then. The Action At last we are there!! Remember to bear in mind what she wants. DO NOT try and act your fantasies out by trying anal on her or cumming on her face/in mouth without her approval. It is nice to ask if that is alright or are you ok from time to time. Give them both what they want and they will be back for more! Always be respectful to what they want and you will have a great talk. Afterwards This can vary between couples; some will be ok to chat afterwards, some may want sometime to themselves to chat about what happened, how good/bad it was etc. Give them the offer of some space. Don't crowd them or walk round like a peacock just because you have just had a shag. This will put them off and you will never hear from them again. If you’re good they will take your number and call you whenever they feel like it. If you swap numbers do not do what 90% of men do in this scenario and constantly text/phone them. Remember the beginning? They are in charge. As mentioned before, if they want you, they WILL get in touch. Different Couples = Different Approaches Of course this isn't the same for all swinging couples. Some may just walk straight up to you and ask you into a room, it does happen a lot. They will have been watching you and your attitude so it is still wise not to get drunk, harass other couples etc. Others will be shyer and take longer to get to know. If you follow these guidelines you can't go to far wrong. Single Men.pdf

As a club owner I would take exception to that generalization.... Easy money? Not on your life! Single males are (for the most part) a source of aggravation to club owners. We are constantly getting inundated by them to be allowed to join our club and when they do attend we usually have to have someone follow them around to keep them from acting like bulls in a china shop. Just like the original poster they assume that there admission charge is a ticket for sex. Most couples do not like them there, but on occasion want to bring one in for their own amusement. The money we charge is a deterrent to prevent us from being overrun with single males, nothing more...

Hello, Most of the time those rules are imposed to prevent a party or club from becoming 100 single males and 2 couples. When that happens the male half of the couple decides to find a different party with more women, then what you have left is a sausage party. ) I'm not sure how true those worries are though. Laurie and I attend a house party group that charges $20 per couple and $15 per single of either sex. Every month a dozen or so single males sign up and every month none of them actually attend. Laurie enjoys the occasional MMF threesome. We've contacted several single males. They all talked a really good game but when it came to actually showing up they couldn't be found. The other common issue I've heard about is the ones that aren't properly housebroken and socialized. Most of our ads have single males blocked because the ones that contact us are usually very rude. Most people would have nothing against a nice polite dependable single male. Good luck finding one though.

Not limited to a swinging situation, the three most dangerous words are, "I love you."