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***disclaimer: I am asking this because I am confused and would like your kind guidance.*** Dear all, I have been consulting a psychologist lately, following my wife trying to bring me in the swinging world. I did feel curious about it, but also very scared. She insisted, but I did not consent as I was not 100% on the same page. I felt dragged, and that created me some bad memories and a small trauma: how a person that always loved you can be so insisting in trying to drag you if you are so scared? and that came after we had a loss in our family, so in a very bad timing. anyway, long story short: my psychologist, a quite famous one, told me that for a couple to be truly functional and to work in the long term the sex must remain exclusive. he said it is like a special gift, not to be spread around. a way to build intimacy and connection in a special way. As any other gift, it cannot be taken back and given to everyone. this of course true for everyone in the couple. Now, I know this person is not judgemental: he is very warm and caring, and he has a vast preparation crossing different fields. BUT, I found so many kind people in this website suggesting me that it is not necessarily like that. so I have a question for people with years of marriage before starting swinging: have you been swinging many years? does the fact of giving up the sex exclusivity made you less strong? if not, how did you navigated the loss of this exclusivity? and because you are experiencing others, how you made sure not to bring home STDs? and last but not least, has this created you mental health problems and/or substance addiction? I was not shocked by my wife proposal, but rather than the fact that she pressured me when I was clearly not ready. why did not I leave her? because there is so much in our marriage and she acted always honestly with me.

Couplers: That's why we included the disclaimer Everyone is entitled to form their own opinions based on the lessons and lives they have led.

I beg to differ, or at least make a distinction. Humans are not wired to be monogamous. After growing up with years of social and religious conditioning, however, we come to believe that monogamy is the only way for us to conduct our sex lives. What is true is that humans become jealous. The “monogamy conditioning” that we get plays on this to control people and reinforce the monogamy philosophy. That’s why I advocate anyone wanting to convince a spouse (say, the wife) to try the lifestyle to let her go first with no conditions, and the husband remaining monogamous. That way, she gets to do things her way and feel comfortable without the worry and jealousy of what her husband is doing and enjoying. His demonstration of love and support for her without expecting anything in return shows what it’s all about. I don’t know if the man who is my husband had this plotted out for me/us, but it ended up with me wanting him to play with other women as well and create our poly family, with some occasional outside play. In the best of worlds, a man and a woman would meet while being non-monogamous, fall in love, marry, all while having other sex partners, taking joy in the other’s pleasure. Perhaps because she loves you and wants to go on this special adventure togeter with you.

"Inconceivable!"

Sabrina has had several group encounters. Her very first one started out as a MFM at a house party. After the other male and myself had cum, she told me to go get "some more". I brought three more guys back to the room. I had left the door open so by the time I returned she was giving a guy head who bhad been walking by. She was fucked by the four of them and asked for two more. On our way home she panicked and started crying. I asked her why, she said she did not want me to yhink she was a slut. I told her that was one of the best sexual experiences I had ever had. We had one at an on premises swing club in El Paso soon after. She started playing with two guys in the lounge area. This drew a crowd and when one finished, I would have another take his place. She ended up being fucked by nine guys total, three of them came back for seconds. It was incredible.

Yes, more than 10-12 years Absolutely not. In fact, it is the opposite...we are stronger because of it. Refer to our signature below. Because swinging is something that we do TOGETHER. While some do it without their partners, we choose to do it as a group activity. Because of this, there is no loss of exclusivity. Safe sex (condoms are required) and testing before starting with a new couple. Now to add some other thoughts. Please keep in mind that this is just our opinion and doesn't mean what we think is the greater 'right' or 'wrong'. You must decide what is right or wrong based on your own experiences and beliefs. First, a psychologist, and that is ALL psychologists, are just offering a personal opinion. Psychology is not an exact science and they usually are just offering 'general' advice that is (all too often) colored by their personal beliefs. Second: To be a successful swinger, a couple MUST have an abundance of love, trust and communication. It must be all three and all three need to be in abundance. This is what minimizes and/or eliminates the jealousy and other 'harmful' feelings that can cause damage to the relationship. Third: Swinging is NOT for everyone...in fact, quite the opposite. Most people have been taught that non-monogamy is BAD and should not be allowed (not saying if this is right or wrong). It can be hard, if not impossible to overcome this training. There's nothing wrong with this, it is just the way it is. Successful swingers are a small portion of the population (usually stated at 2-5%). Forth: Swinging IS NOT CHEATING. Swinging is something that you do with your partners full knowledge and support. Cheating is done in secret without your partners knowledge and usually involves lying and deceit. We think of swinging as being a team sport, something we do together. We both get enjoyment out of seeing our partner getting enjoyment. Finally: We also strongly believe that while swinging is something we do together, if either of us were to have doubts or wanted to stop swinging, we both would stop...without any questions (although if the communication is great, there wouldn't be any reason to ask questions since it would have already been explained). If both partners are not enjoying swinging, then there is no reason to continue. Remember, we get enjoyment out of seeing our partner getting enjoyment. If they aren't enjoying it any longer, there is no reason to continue. That your partner is "insist{ing}, but I did not consent as I was not 100% on the same page." is a red flag. Just like if your partner insisted you do anything that you aren't on board with...it will lead to greater problems in the relationship. Their wants are being placed ahead of yours without concern to your thoughts or beliefs. "I did feel curious about it, but also very scared", "I felt dragged, and that created me some bad memories and a small trauma: how a person that always loved you can be so insisting in trying to drag you if you are so scared?"...once again, it is the strong trust that helps eliminate the fear. It is the love that lets you put your partners feelings ahead of your own. It is the communication that reinforces the love and trust. You are not ready...and may not ever be. She is putting her desires ahead of your comfort and well being. Even if you were willing to go ahead with this, it most likely won't end well. You need to work on improving your trust/communication/love with her, but that doesn't mean you will ever be ready it swing. She needs to understand your position and take your feelings into consideration (would she really want to make you do something knowing that you hate it and are suffering the entire time...?), otherwise the rust will most likely continue to erode your relationship. We wish you both the best and look forward to your responses...

I completed a long a I dare say scathing response to this. Then the internet crashed and I lost it. So, I'll summarize. 1. The fact that your psychologist is FAMOUS means nothing. Get over it. It says nothing about his ability or his advise. Telling us that only serves you in putting him on a pedestal where you can belittle the "un-famous' advice you receive here. 2. There are many swingers that see sharing there partner as the ultimate form of intimacy. A gift if you will. IN fact, many would say that their relationship benefits from the sharing. 3. Exclusive is a control thing, not a giving thing, especially if it is one way. IE you are telling your wife she must remain exclusive or ...... It is simply an agreement, but that doesn't mean that when couple decide not to be exclusive they can't build intimacy or connection is a special way. 4. As I sit here in my 44th year of bliss with my high school sweetheart, I can tell you that our intimacy and connection is as strong as ever. Swinging is just another part to our adventurous and committed relationship. Now your psychologist may know you better than I. He may know that you are not open to, prepared for or interested in sharing your wife, but to draw broad generalizations is just wrong. What I'd want in a psychologist is an open minded individual (famous or not) that would help you explore your feelings around her request, help you to articulate them without judgement and help you and your wife explore, together, without judgement or wrath why she might want to swing and how that might work or not work for you both.

I’ve read every word in both of your posts as well as all of the replies. All of your questions — and the answers you’ve received — matter *only* if you’re considering swinging with your wife … which it sounds like you’re NOT! And since (you say) you’ve already told your wife “no”, that should be the end of it.

Adam, you don't know how much your testimonial means to me. thank you! if only my wife had been patient, instead of pressuring me to such high heights... 😕 thank you again

Petra, I’m sure I posted this in some thread or another on this board, but near the conclusion of a party perhaps a decade ago, after about half the guests had departed and I was lounging nude on a bed, four women approached and began working on me. I suggested the two who were playing with my nipples stop because it wasn’t doing much for me, so from then on they just watched. The other two who were sucking my cock orally continued their pleasurable ministrations until I ejaculated in the mouth of one of them, who then ostentatiously snowballed the other. So, does this count as a four-women-on-one-man gangbang? I dunno? My sense was that the women were doing me for their own amusement; I just happened to have the good fortune to be an available male body.

My wife and I have a rule that pillow talk is all talk. Nothing said is an expectation of the future. Since we swing, that seems the best policy. The only way to know what people want is a talk when the iron is cold.

Honestly the only way to know is for you two to talk about it when you are not in the moment playing! Nobody else can speak for her. If you can’t just openly talk about these things with each other the lifestyle is not for you.