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Same room doesn’t work for you, at least at this point in your ENM journey. Your desires and limits may change with the passage of time and the accumulation of positive experiences. But you are where you are now. I suggest you try again, but only separate room. In my opinion when planning a casual sexual experience with others, particularly with a new couple, it’s good to have a discussion that addresses in appropriate specificity each person/couple’s expectations of what they would like to have happen and whatever limits they have. Does this preclude spontaneity? To some degree it does. But you are firm in your wish to have separate-room only and to not be asked to deviate from that scenario. In your profile on whatever platform you use to find prospective partners you should state that you are a separate-room couple. When you get to a vanilla face-to-face meeting (if that’s how you proceed) mention that requirement again. You might say to the other man "If we get together I want to be able to focus completely on what we are doing together. I want to make sure we both have a great time. But I should let you know that I had an experience where my partner pressured me to go the other room and watch my husband and his wife play. It was quite upsetting and spoiled what could have been a really nice time. Are you comfortable with this boundary of mine, and confident you can have a good time with me with that potential limitation?"

Or simply because a woman has to allow a man INSIDE of her body … ?

Daniela again. I don't really have feelings about my husband having sex with another woman and how they feel about each other. Presumably it's different than with our spouses, maybe even better, sometimes it is for me, but that's the point isn't it? One thing you need to know about me, I'm different, special. In elementary school the administration thought that I was retarded, but I ended up going to an ivy league school and doing well. Mostly, I'm a bit emotionally detached, I am totally aware of what's going on but don't get as angry, excited, nervous, sad, fearful as most people, just objectively move ahead.

I think that's where I'm at - I know I won't enjoy seeing him, I'm happy he's having fun, and I can have my own fun. Maybe eventually I'll be ready for same room. Thank you!

We enjoy separate rooms for a number of reasons including the freedom of being myself. I was extremely jealous and never wanted to watch my husband, happier to just know he was having fun. It took time to be able to watch and be watched, he knows of my jealous streak which has lessened not disappeared.

Getting pregnant was a genuine concern immediately after our first swap. I knew I was protected, I also know no protection is foolproof. I know that pregnancy with the form we used has led to heartbreak with friends of ours who are not in any outside relationships. Our situation was we kept the option of future children open preventing anything permanent. That first night my main concern was more disease, less pregnancy. When I asked my husband about his night and contraception he was only able to say he guessed she took precautions. We had the most intimate nights and never thought to discuss a prime concern. We had the talk way later along with the what if. Made us think way more. Years later, I still am protected though my husband had a vasectomy, my fear of others and what ifs. What does bother me is I am never asked about contraception, men just expect the woman to deal with it. As I stated, we have discussed and we agree what actions we need to do if something crazy goes wrong.

Okay, I'll pop in my two cents here. You're not comfortable with separate rooms. And you don't want to do same room. You don't want to see your husband with other women. Does that mean you don't want your husband to be with other women? Have you considered that swinging might not be the best path for you, or for you two as a couple?

Your husband is being rude, pushy, and inconsiderate to you. He is taking a good situation, you both enjoy having sex with other people, and ruining it. You need to have a polite but firm talk with him about your limits on swapping. My guess is that your husband loves watching his spouse having sex with others and assumes that you feel likewise. Be clear that you don't and if he doesn't respect that then you need to pause your activities.

My husband's birthday will be next month. I convinced my girl friend to participate with me for my husband birthday in Vegas. Now she and me are preparing the party scripts. This is the first time for my husband to play with my girl friend and me. Any ideas are welcome! Thank you.

Assuming to OP knows her husband and this will be to some degree a positive surprise, then what? I'd suggest you have a Plan A, Plan B and Plan C, each of which can be pivoted too depending on your husbands reaction to the surprise. I have no idea the extent of 'playing with' you and your girlfriend includes, but having a few varying scenarios maybe ranging from soft core to hard core and allow his reaction to the surprise be your guide. He's a lucky man and you a re a generous wife. I hope it goes well for all.

That … because if you just spring it on him and it’s not something he wants, this could go “south” REALLY quickly!

I have heard the "sperm competition" theory and to a certain extent I think it's true. Apparently there is a study that says men who share their wives produce more sperm. Interesting. 20 years ago we had a few FMFs and I was able to please both ladies but pretty sure those days are in my past. I'm in my 50s now and while my wife can still go all night long I'm not quite the man I used to be in that regard. Plus, I've always been wired in a way where I've loved sharing my wife. Our first-ever LS experience was MFM, and although we've done plenty of couples-swap swinging, MFM/hotwifing has always been our mainstay and MFM/MMFM experiences probably outnumber other combinations 5 to 1. It's not always about 'reclaiming' or 'winning the race' (bc i don't always) it just supercharges my libido to see my beautiful, sexy wife in the arms of another man. It just never gets old!

The LS/ENM/KINK is an adult choice and the responsibilities are personal adult responsibilities with potentially adult lifetime responsibilities/results. The majority of participants are say between 30 to 70 age range, so not so much high hormonal/inexperienced/alcohol/drug/heat of the moment happenstance. Men should and are responsible for themselves and their actions as are women. With many men the thought of birth control tends to slip their mind when there is the potential for sex assuming the woman, that could get pregnant will take care of it for her own protection. In the real world many women do get pregnant unplanned and the LS/ENM/KINK is not any different. However, those who are active usually take additional precautions so this outcome is far more rare then found in the club, single or cheating lifestyle. From our personal experiences (25 plus years) with a variety of singles and couples we know of several instances were participants used with full knowledge and acceptance male “donors” (natural way) for those that wanted children. We also know of a few lesbian/bi female couples that did the same to have their children. We have had relationships (Poly based) with younger couples that when planning to have children still attended parties or time with us with limitations. And in some cases still participated with us or a chosen few through much of the pregnancy. Personally my decision to get a vasectomy many years ago was as a result of one of these relationships. The Queen was fixed after our daughter was born, I chose not to want any more children with anyone but my life partner so I got fixed as well. It actually made us a safer couple to play with and increased our activity with others. We found that many men, women and couples preferred relations naturally, no condom once pregnancy is off the table. We all hear about an oops, pregnant in the lifestyle however I believe this is an extremely rare situation as most all participants are safe players or play only in a circle of friends (such as us).

MFM is more practical hands down. And we've actually been doing a ton of MMFM (not M on M) because I enjoy stepping back and watching 2 guys have her, seeing her get DP'd, etc. which is also easier and more practical for us to arrange than a FMF. And because multiple guys is easier to arrange it allows you to be more creative. We've arranged it in public places, restrooms, etc.

This goes both ways but maybe for different reasons. Guys like fucking my GF and call me up during or have her call me up during. Sometimes we've held conversations but a lot of times it's to hear the sounds of them fucking, say dirty things, hearing her gagging from facefucking, etc. Occasionally when I'm lucky it'll be a video chat or come with pictures or videos during the call. I think from the guy's perception this is a kinky and taboo thing but also heavily a humiliation thing. Kind of like he is the one fucking her, so the harder he fucks her or more he humiliates her while I see or watch, then more I am supposed to be humiliated. It can sometimes come off as a bit of a power trip. And I can sometimes hear them instructing her "tell him you love him" "tell me where my cock is" etc. I think it all plays into the cuckolding thing and gets them off. Do you feel the same way being the woman? Like you're involved in a cuckolding or that you have power over another woman's man?

Daniela posting again. Something that thrilled me when having a sexual relationship with a husband that wasn't mine, would be to have him call his wife and ask her about her day, tell him about his, tell her how much he appreciated and love her. While he was doing this, I would suck his dick. Some could continue the conversation, some could not. If not, I would back off and just get naked and let him play with my tits. It was made clear that the nicer that he was to her, the nicer I would be to him. I knew my place. My husband likes hearing about my past sexual experiences, but not the “with married men” and their wives part. So he hasn’t heard this facet of my sexual expression until now.

You are exactly right. And I think since we had such a bad seperate room swap he was thinking same room could be better if we kept a connection and interacted with each other. I'm just not sure if that will make any difference in how I feel seeing him. Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it!

MFM is more practical bc there are ALOT more available single guys then single ladies (thus the term unicorn). For me (hubby) I'm actually more into the pleasure of sharing my lovely wife, and making her the center of attention, than I am into being with other women so MFM works out very well for us.

I had told the other guy I defintely didn't want to watch my husband. I thought he was ok with that but I don't think he was honest that he was OK with seperate rooms. I will just have to be firmer and make sure we are all on the same page next time. Thank you for your advice, I truly appreciate it!

We are equals with respect. I respect Linda’s decisions not pushing her into a situation she is not happy with and I feel she respects my choices.

This is Daniela again. I wrote this and asked my husband to post it on his account here because I know how he portrays me. You’ve been told of me being attracted to married men. The guy above was and is married. Besides liking to shoot his load outside me, he mentioned that his wife went to yoga. I do yoga, so I figured out where she went, joined the studio, and went to the classes she attended. I would put my mat diagonally behind her or aside her. I would think about her, and them. We talked, and I enjoyed getting to know her. It made me feel much closer to him, and knowing him the way I did let me understand her. After about a year, she became pregnant. I left that yoga studio shortly after she did, but continued to see and take care of him until a couple of months after their daughter was born. They are happily together and now have a son too. Our paths still cross; we smile at the memories. I also always wanted to, and did, meet the other wives as well. Having the husband would create the opportunity for me to cross her path at a coffee shop on weekends at 8am, or preferably introduce me to their wives, was a condition of continuing the relationship. Although it made him nervous, none of the wives knew of my involvement with their husbands, except for one who figured me out. She was good with it, and I didn’t feel pressured to end it. It was the reverse of all the other situations, she and I had the secret from him. In the end she thanked me, saying that he had become a better husband. I told her it was because I was a shitty lover; actually I worked him hard to appreciate her. She and I still exchange messages. I think back on the wives that I met and marriages that I was involved in, the husbands I gave myself to, it was all for the better and very satisfying for me. It was an honor to be the undisclosed mediating intermediate between two spouses. I was like a spirit moving within their intimacy. When he spoke of her, I would compliment her and tell him how lucky he was to be married to her. If he criticized her, I would defend her. If he complained about sex with her, I would tell him that’s why I’m here. What do you want? When she spoke of her marriage, I said how envious I was of her having a man at home, of someone to share a bed at night. She inevitably asked if I had a serious boyfriend. “Not really.” If I had been married before. “No.” My relationships with these men were understood to not be long-term, especially after the first few months, when love’s violent tempest had become a gentle breeze. Sex and conversation. I was like the ghost of Christmas past, present and future for him. Although the wives didn’t know about my relationship with her husband, she could sense in me what was lacking, my loneliness. How lucky they are. What we do now, playing with our other couple friends is better because it not only gives me the chance to be involved with married couples, but also to be open and honest so I can talk with both spouses about our activities and feelings, as well as the opportunity for girl/girl sex, which with the unknowing wives of married men I was never able to pull off. I used to have to find it separately elsewhere. But just think if I had managed to become involved with both of them as a side piece. It was much more emotionally powerful for me, however, before when our relationship was surreptitious, and I used my sexual wiles to convince him that his wife was better woman, that his future was using, then leaving me for the woman he had already married. And showing her that despite my career and single girl hotness, or whatever, I was a lonely, incomplete woman. It was, however, as if my role in life was to be the other woman, a mistress; something that I was suited for. Judge me if you like, I sometimes now judge myself harshly.