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It is Not bad to have likes and dislikes. Insisting on the whole list might be counterproductive. It might amaze you the depth of field once you expand "age close to ours" a few years, or "physically attractive" a bit wider in scope. How about being willing to drive a few more miles? The world is full of lively, interesting and playful people if you do not eliminate most by to heavy a screening process.

No, you're not setting your sights too high...but just remember that photos don't always capture how attractive someone is. We found that personality trumps physical beauty every time.

I would say getting started. Not knowing if things would so south, even though you are trusting your partner...just so many unknowns. Getting back, its just knowing how difficult it is to find that chemistry, especially after knowing how difficult it was to find the first time.

Hi Thanks for all the replies but we arenow back in our happy place :D we are going to stick to meeting as a 3 and having lots of hot fun so it all worked out well in the end. Happy swinging

The typical thing is to put up a profile on one of the big three swinger sites: Swinglifestyle (SLS), SDC or Kasidie. I think all of them allow you to put up a profile for free, but it's very limited. Use it to find out if there's an acceptable number of profiles in your area. (Search for paid members, free members won't get you anything.) Then, when you've decided on one, pay for your profile. It's not that expensive - about $15 a month, less if you go for an extended plan. Now comes the work. Think hard about what you want on your profile, think of it as trying to make a first impression. You should have at least a couple of photographs on the site, they don't have to be revealing or nudes, feel free to blur your faces, or cut your heads off altogether. Then wait for invitations, and reach out to whomever makes you warm. You can find a complete listing of swingers clubs on SLS at https://www.swinglifestyle.com/swingers/clubs/ Are they weird, can you watch, etc? Take a look at the posts in swingers clubs forum on this site. (Simple answer, every club is different, you can always do what you want, unless you try to pressure somebody else. I've never been to one which is just one big orgy, although I bet there's some out there.) Have fun!

A small update for all who have been so kind to respond: We talked for a long time last night. We talked about how fun this is, how scared we are, and how it's bringing our relationship to the next level when we thought we were already there. It was comforting to know that she feels pretty close to how I do about all this, with a maybe a few more reservations. Her eyes lit up when I talked about her having an experience on her own, and mine did too when she mentioned that experience may be with a woman. We are still taking things slowly, but also went on Adult Friend Finder, and looked at galleries on this site, just to see who is out there. The sex we had, laptop still open and rattling around the bed, was absolutely amazing, and she reacted in a way similar to the night she was with the other couple. Hopefully that is here to stay! I think actually a planned meeting with someone is still far off, but we both are enjoying where we are, and where this is bringing us. Question - How do you meet people? We talked alot about whether we want to find a "familiar stranger" or go on the internet or bumble and take our chances. Plusses and minuses to each I suppose. And what about Swingers Clubs? We're bi coastal, in NJ and CA. I know of a club near us in CA, but do we have to go into NYC to find something in NJ? Are they clean? Weird? Full of guys? Can you go there and just watch? Or is it just one big orgy. Anyway, thank you everyone for the advice!

No, you're not being unreasonable. This is a both of you thing. Either you're both on board, or it's a no go. That your wife says you're being controlling and not trusting her is all the more reason to pull the plug on this. I'm seeing red warning flags all over this. This isn't going to get better by her playing alone with this guy. That will only make it worse. I'm sorry for her, but either she's committed to you or not. This shouldn't even be a question. The only caveat I'll put in this is that we're hearing your side, and not hers. But really, I don't think I need more to go on here. You're not comfortable with this. That should end it with this guy period. My wife has had two long term boyfriends in the past that she played solo with many times. That worked better for us, having kids at home. Scheduling was difficult, and if she were to keep these men happy and interested, solo play was going to have to be a part of it. We agreed to that before going down that path. Had I expressed discomfort with that, I have no question she would have stopped it immediately. That's part of what made me comfortable about it; knowing that we were a team, even if she were playing solo. Your wife may really be clicking with this guy, and that would likely make the sex all the better for her. So, I'm sure it's disappointing that this wouldn't move forward. But, is she willing to sacrifice you in the name of finding a fun sex partner that she clicks with? Really? End the relationship with this guy now.

We too took a Covid break. We have since been with a few friends , but will be returning to the Hotel Party seen for New Years. It is amazing how much "others" have aged in those years.