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CMW, from my perspective your request to make a "just looking around" visit to a club as your first stop on your (prospective) journey is not just reasonable, it’s wise. And it would be very wise for your husband, who is perhaps currently overwhelmed by a desire to "put the pedal to metal", to throttle back and let your joint exploration proceed at a pace and in a fashion that you find comfortable. Oh, and because your the pressure you feel from your husband isn’t intentional on his part, you are still feeling pressure. Perhaps you could gently but with clarity suggest to him that if he can be patient for a while he’ll be more likely to ultimately experience the outcome he desires.

Some of you have been so helpful and I appreciate the honest responses. I do think I'm beautiful. I'm kind, friendly, attentive, social, I have a lot of different talents...I am a good caring person. I am truly so hard on myself. I feel a lot better about our upcoming adventure though now and I'm actually feeling a bit excited about it...so thank you all.

My husband for years keeps bringing up swinging. I was raised Mormon and the purity culture has really messed me up sexually in the sense that I am just now learning to embrace my sexuality in my 40's. He's done the lifestyle before. I honestly find it very enticing but I have so many reservations. We play a lot in bed. We have an amazing sex life. He fantasizes a lot about watching me with another man while also him joining in at some point. I have been with two men before so it's not a completely new idea for me. I do not have the same desire, as in seeing him with someone else. I do believe at some point I could get there but I am not there currently. (Over here recognizing my holdbacks...purity culture, monogamy, jealousy, being cheated on in the past) My one request was let's go to a club together...have zero expectations, still have rules in place, but let me see if it's even an environment I could be comfortable in before I get gung ho about us looking for potential playmates. His fantasy would be easy for me to fulfill...as I've said... I've done it before but as soon as I give him the go ahead to get us registered for an upcoming event, he's pressuring me to try a soft swing...telling me that this should be our goal. I am no where near ready to dive in head first. I am trying to learn all I can about why people do this lifestyle and how it does not destroy relationships. I want to go in fully prepared but also know that it may not be for me (because purity culture has messed me up.) But I feel the only way to truly know is to go to a club and talk to people and get a feel for the vibe. When I said this he wanted to shut down the entire idea because he says I'm not ready. He may be right OR he could be very wrong. I honestly think I can not truly decide for myself until I get my feet wet making the initial step...an appearance at a club. I keep telling him to want zero expectations at this point as it could go both ways for me. I know he's wanting to make sure I'm ready but I feel like I can not be ready UNLESS I go first. Is this an unreasonable request? Or is he right? I've read in a lot of places the person that's requesting the lifestyle should allow their partners their fantasies UNTIL they are comfortable and want to see their lovers doing the same. I do not want to say I'm feeling pressured because I know it's not intentional on his part. He's just very excited that I am willing to be open-minded...but it was suppose to be adding another male to start off. Now it's "we should soft swing." I'm frustrated because I truly feel excitement at the thought of trying new things but I do not want to not take these first steps that I feel will help me learn one way or the other that this lifestyle could work for both of us.i just wanna get a taste of what these clubs are like first.

Join SLS, SDC, and Kasidie (sp?) as a free member. Search them all for single bi or bi-curious females within half of whatever distance you’d be willing to drive to meet. (Half because the other woman should drive the other half.) Look for those who have paid for a membership because that’s the most obvious sign that someone is serious. Once you decide which site has the most potential, buy a membership for the reason I cited in point 1. Compose a profile that puts you in the best possible light and post it. Reach out via messaging to anyone who looks attractive to you based on THEIR profile. If someone you contact expresses interest in return, set up a video — or least phone — chat to verify that the person is real and who they claim to be. On this chat, let them know you’re brand new to the LifeStyle, and ask them any questions you have about their experience and how they feel about playing with “newbies”. If it all sounds good, arrange a face-to-face for drinks … or maybe lunch/dinner if you’re both so inclined. Try to make it someplace quiet enough that you can talk softly and hear each other. Go back home and, depending on how the meeting went, decide if you want to get into bed with this person. (Of course, they’ll be making that same decision.) Once you make your decision, let them know what it is. Take it from there! 😉 Finally, don’t worry about being seen at a club. EVERYBODY there is there for the exact same reason you are, and there’s a Code of Honor amongst people in the LifeStyle.

First rule: you should only move at the pace the slowest member is comfortable with. This was (and is) one of our original rules (and should be one of everyone's rules). That he is trying to pressure you says HE is not ready yet. One of the big things about swinging is that you care more about your partner's enjoyment than your wants. Second rule: if one of you says no, then both of you are saying no, with no explanation necessary. This includes everything including not wanting to do this any longer. If Ms. Gold or I wanted to stop, all we need to say is that we wanted to stop and we would. Just knowing that what we did was more than either of us ever expected is incredible enough. As for jealousy: If you have an abundance of love, trust and communication, jealousy doesn't seem to be able to rear its ugly head. Add that into the two above rules and there is usually no pressure, no stress, no worry...just a really unbelievable experience. No matter what happens, you both need to realize that you hold all of the cards and pressuring you will only lead to a quicker 'no, you don't want to do this'. Keep the communication open and let us know how things progress.

Let me throw this last comment...I've written it before on other threads. You can be the hottest woman in the world, a perfect 10, but show up with an attitude or talk about the extra 3 pounds you have on your stomach and the other man's soldier will be AWOL. You can be a regular looking woman, a little extra here, a scar there (these types of things have been posted on this board many times), but be up to having a good time, be personable...and everyone will have an evening to remember. It isn't whether you have a flawless body (no one does), 5% body fat (yeah, right), a "fat pussy" (I still don't know what fat is vs 'normal' (?) or thin...though Googling was interesting)...just have fun. Every post encounter debrief my SO and I have had was centered around whether we had a good time. Were they fun enough to seek out another encounter - yes/no and here is why. The 'not as good times' were because the other couple was dull, or they were constantly babbling about their flaws. Never, not even once, was there a mention of what the other woman's body looked like or whether the other man's dick was big, small, crooked, etc. It was all about having a good time. Have fun. Enjoy the experience. When you're riding this new guy while giving oral to your husband, while the other woman is licking your tits, no one is judging your body. No one!

I agree w @NC_Seniors to not worry about bumping into some one you may know. They will have nothing on you that you don't have on them, and swingers are generally very good with discretion. Finding single women online who are willing to play with a couple may be challenging, thus the term "unicorn". However, if you state clearly on your profile that you are only interested in F2F fun you may well find other couples who are also into the same - as long as you don't mind the other hubby watching. When we were starting out we noticed it was somewhat standard protocol (among new couples) for the ladies to play, followed by pairing back up with your respective spouses. I feel like you'll likely find couples who are agreeable to that arrangement.

Wrong question. I'm a responsible user of reliable birth control, not condoms. If I got pregnant, whether by one of the guys in our family, a play partner, or unknown, whatever would happen would be my choice. If the time was right for another child in our (all five of us adults') lives, I would bear the child and raise it lovingly. Otherwise, terminate. Ultimately, my decision.

I was raised by stict Catholic parents, and although there wasn't a name for it, it was what you call "purity culture," sex with a man, and only a man, only once you are married. My advice is to work your way out of that mentality starting immediately. There is an entire wonderful world awaiting you. Fortunately, you have a husband who wants you to do so. Tell him, however, that it needs to be at your pace and in your way: clubs? house parties? a couple from a lifestyle website? something else? You write about jealousy. That was my bête noire. I had no problem with me having sex with other men (so much for my purity), but it bothered me tremendously that my guys would. You say, however, that your husband wants to see you with other men, which proves how each of us sees this differently. Perhaps you start your play and become comfortable before he gets with another woman. Try to explain to your husband and have him understand how you need to approach your adventure. Good luck on your journey.

Red Rooster is clean and a nice club in Las Vegas. Don't have to be naked and don't have to play. And affordable.

It's definitely something we're considering, especially during the trip to Vegas. Like many, we both seem to be a little more free when we're there. For my wife, she seems to feel there is some kind of stigma with a swingers club. Like they aren't clean. What happens to all the bodily fluids? lol. And I think she feels "too slutty" if she were to go (She often shuts down when we talk about sex, and things start going down a certain, more "slutty" path). But since we both like the idea of someone watching, we've been talking about it. So is everyone naked there? We don't mind a higher male to female ratio, but she's also concerned about too much. Guys oggling too much, being aggressive, etc... Not judging, we just want to make sure we know what to expect before we go. We always look to see if there are any 'shows' going on whenever we travel, but have never been lucky enough to catch a show. Wish we could be there in Vegas when you open your show... Lol. Wow, based on your profile pic, that would be incredible to know you are out there! Just bought tickets to the Jan 26th U2 show!

Isn't that called 'dating'? LOL

So to reply to your actual question … most men have never “met” a pussy they didn’t like! ;-D You’ll be fine …

I can only speak for myself, but I don't think about a women's physique, personality is more of a concern for me. Sure I have had different shapes of pussy and I like my pussy bald and with a big clitoris, but it doesn't matter, I love them all.

Cheating is not and never has been swinging. Swinging is something that you do WITH your partner, cheating is something that you do without your partner's knowledge and without caring about their feelings.

I admire the fact that she considered a threesome where one of the men wasn't you, her husband, and you were good with the idea of not even being there. A hot, tight couple. Wonderful! In my future society fantasy world, people are in the lifestyle first, meet, fall in love while having sex with others, then get married, rather than the other way around. Call me weird, but to me these stories are so romantic.

I agree,I think it would be best for the both of you if you are part of it and not against it. I think if you try to prevent it, she will resent it the rest of her life. Let her try a black man and let her see if it is everything that she thought it would be. Also if you have any desires maybe she will be open to letting you fulfill them ! Good luck!