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Firstly, finding swing partners at a non-swinging resort is a very low probability event. (Except for single males, they're everywhere.) But more importantly, if your wife isn't enthusiastic about it, it shouldn't happen. Pushing her into a LifeStyle encounter is likely to damage your relationship.

Sigh . . . "Wich tells me that it definitely excites both of us watching other fuck". No, that's not what it tells you. In fact, you don't know. If you want to know, ask her. "Hey, that was really great. What turned you on like that?" Then LISTEN. Until you have in depth conversations with her, you don't know what she's thinking. And trust me, if you guess, you'll be sorry at some point.

What to wear... I would say be sexy, but on your first event, don't break out the slutwear unless you really own it, are used to wearing that sort of thing. I think the vibe you would put out as a newbie would look foolish. Get a few parties/clubs under your belt before showing up in lingerie. You're kind of at a disadvantage having never been to a party before, much less what the general attire is for that group. The parties and clubs that I've been to have been just like vanilla parties where people open up by making small talk about kids, dogs, jobs and what we do for fun. If you're fun, flirty and outgoing, you will do fine. Maybe bring the slutwear in your bag and change into it when you get there and see what the others are wearing.

After introductions, the conversation will likely include where you live, how long you’ve been married, what kind of work you do, if you have children, … it’s *not* all sex. Then the first or second question you’ll (almost certainly) be asked is how long you’ve been in the LifeStyle. The second or first question you’ll be asked is if this your first foray to a club or LifeStyle event. The third question will likely be if you’re soft or full swap. The (possible) fourth question will then come … “Would you like to join us in a playroom?” Just be open and honest with your answers. Veteran swingers were ALL newbies at one point … they know what you’re experiencing and (most) won’t pressure you. If someone does, just walk away. And here’s the most important thing! If you *do* decide to join them, tell them your boundaries before the door closes behind you. If you’re prepared to only have same bed sex, say so. If you’re prepared for full intercourse, say so. Or anywhere in between, say so. Then stick to your boundaries and don’t be pushed beyond them. We’re sure that people on here with years more experience than we have no doubt can tell you far more.

My husband for years keeps bringing up swinging. I was raised Mormon and the purity culture has really messed me up sexually in the sense that I am just now learning to embrace my sexuality in my 40's. He's done the lifestyle before. I honestly find it very enticing but I have so many reservations. We play a lot in bed. We have an amazing sex life. He fantasizes a lot about watching me with another man while also him joining in at some point. I have been with two men before so it's not a completely new idea for me. I do not have the same desire, as in seeing him with someone else. I do believe at some point I could get there but I am not there currently. (Over here recognizing my holdbacks...purity culture, monogamy, jealousy, being cheated on in the past) My one request was let's go to a club together...have zero expectations, still have rules in place, but let me see if it's even an environment I could be comfortable in before I get gung ho about us looking for potential playmates. His fantasy would be easy for me to fulfill...as I've said... I've done it before but as soon as I give him the go ahead to get us registered for an upcoming event, he's pressuring me to try a soft swing...telling me that this should be our goal. I am no where near ready to dive in head first. I am trying to learn all I can about why people do this lifestyle and how it does not destroy relationships. I want to go in fully prepared but also know that it may not be for me (because purity culture has messed me up.) But I feel the only way to truly know is to go to a club and talk to people and get a feel for the vibe. When I said this he wanted to shut down the entire idea because he says I'm not ready. He may be right OR he could be very wrong. I honestly think I can not truly decide for myself until I get my feet wet making the initial step...an appearance at a club. I keep telling him to want zero expectations at this point as it could go both ways for me. I know he's wanting to make sure I'm ready but I feel like I can not be ready UNLESS I go first. Is this an unreasonable request? Or is he right? I've read in a lot of places the person that's requesting the lifestyle should allow their partners their fantasies UNTIL they are comfortable and want to see their lovers doing the same. I do not want to say I'm feeling pressured because I know it's not intentional on his part. He's just very excited that I am willing to be open-minded...but it was suppose to be adding another male to start off. Now it's "we should soft swing." I'm frustrated because I truly feel excitement at the thought of trying new things but I do not want to not take these first steps that I feel will help me learn one way or the other that this lifestyle could work for both of us.i just wanna get a taste of what these clubs are like first.

Simply be open to having the experience. Allow yourself to make up your mind quickly or not at all. I was at a house party where the hostess said," We all know that Yes means Yes and No means No. Yet please say Yes as often as you can." I've been with men at a house party that were more than a pleasant surprise in the sex department. Be open to the experience.

mim — Note that I said “could have” … not “would have”. ;-D Like you, we had our priorities. Although to be totally honest, the idea of swinging didn’t really occur to us until several years after the kids were all gone. Like many males, I had told my wife in bed — more than once — how exciting it would be to see her with somebody else, but we never actually considered acting on it until our 60s. Maybe one of these days, I’ll recount the story of how that discussion came about.

Well to be honest I don't even know what goes on in her head. We often watch TV-MA shows and lot of of them filled with gore hardcore sex. Also there are some female artist, I'm crazy about and she knows that, so on purpose she would turn on certain videos and get me all horny n thrn we fuck like rabbits. Honestly we have better sex after we watch sexy tv. Wich tells me that it definitely excites both of us watching other fuck. Just not sure if she would fuck others or not. Just curious. Derp down i think she would fuck others. Its the breaking ice. How to.

The best time to start is when she wants to start. Starting before marriage gives you an idea of what your future together will be.

Whether you are scrolling through a website, looking around at a houseparty, or at the welcome party for a lifestyle cruise, something has to interest/attract you enough to have that first conversation with a couple. What makes you decide to put yourself/yourselves 'out there' and open a conversation? Does it matter whether it is online or in person? Curious to know what drives others....

We are mature (early 50’s) married couple interested to explore a man joining us for a threesome but no experience and all the guys we have talked to have no patience. Any tips?

Just a follow-up a couple of years after the initial post... We're scheduling a weekend away with our friends at a resort in April of '24. Just the four of us without the kids (because the kids are older -- some are even off at college!). Should we have separate rooms like we used to? Or should we share the room?

My husband is being so back and forth and when I think I'm ready he is trying to push me further so I think we are stopping this all now. It's very frustrating for me. Thank you all for your advice and kindness here.

I didn't consider it swinging at the time but looking back, it was cuckolding. In the late 70's my brother told me about this bar in our college town, it was known for older married women that would pick up college men for sex. Sure enough I would start dancing with the older women and eventually go to a hotel or their home. Many times their husbands would watch and either jerk off or go for sloppy seconds. The first time that my ex wife and me swapped was with her maid of honor and her boyfriend. Me and the ex was having sex in front of them and they joined in.

Hi everyone. We are not swingers. This is Hubby. 42. My wife is 38. We are often described as hot power couple. I always wanted to swing but we never did. Sometimes wife and I talked about it and laughed it out. We are going to Cancun and will be staying at Dreams Sands Cancun Resort. I dont even know where to begin but hoping to meet some couple our age and spontaneously endup fucking them. Obviously its my idea not wife's. Where do I start? Any pointers? Anyone visiting Cancun jan 1-8? We will be staying at Dreams Sands Cancun Resort & Spa. Hoping that this vacation turns into lifestyle 🙏🏽

We started very young and the swinging wasn't great. You don't find a lot of others who are also in their twenties that are swingers and the ones that were, were not ready for it. We did a lot more MFM, hot"wifing" (she my GF) and keeping an open relationship which worked better at a younger age.

Baby steps...maybe next consider going to a club with the understanding that NOTHING will happen (except maybe between the two of you). This way you can see how you will feel but not end up jumping into the deep end of the pool.

I'm definitely thinking pleather shiny pants, rhinestone boots, a satin type top with something lacy over it. I am not someone that wears lingerie so that is something I will have to work towards. This comment is very helpful. Thank you!

We're all ears! I love hearing about how other got into it!

I think it is quite alright to be a little nervous for your first time going out. No matter how it goes, just remember to enjoy yourself. It might be a big first step but would imagine that you have taken a lot of first steps in your life, this is just another one... Relax, have a drink (Not too Many..!) Be honest and open to the whole experience. One more comment. We all want to be liked and even loved. You sound like you deserve to be both liked and loved... 🥰

Thank you for all of this. I feel I can use as much help as I can get. I realize people are all there for the same thing...but how do you know if there is a good connection between all of you? I have zero expectations for my first visit...in fact I honestly just want to get a feel for the environment and the vibe. I can very easily go with the flow once I'm comfortable. Unlike my husband I do need some sort of attraction to have sex with anyone. Is this normal for most people? I've done plenty of friends with benefits and never got attached so I am not worried about that part but truly I am very nervous.

We are continuously talking daily about it. I'm really nervous, really excited, but really nervous. I have moments where I think I'll be fine and moments where I'm worried. It's all new to me...I think that's the scary part. I also have no idea how I will react seeing my husband with someone else. I wanna be fully prepared because I know I am very turned on by it all but find myself reminding myself regularly this is for fun and that it will be fun!

NC , We asked ourselves "Should we have started sooner?" also. Our answer was a resounding NO, for us. Starting sooner would have been distracting from what we should have been doing then. When one door opens another is at least partially closed. When we were in our thirties, having children was the focus, mission accomplished. In our forties and fifties launching our children into adulthood was the focus, mission pleasantly accomplished. Our mid sixties and seventies have thus far been focused on exploration together. Most likely we are cultural outliers. It suits us.

Same here. We had less than a year in it when COVID hit. Now wishing we could have started earlier … sigh.

No Jan B and Mary O are real people. Both of them specialized in making cuckold videos. All of the videos look like they were recorded on person camcorders and there was really no script to any of the clips that I have seen.

Adam, I agree completely and enthusiastically with everything you’ve written here! Most particularly that, as the Blues Project sang decades ago "(t)here’s no tome like the right time, and baby, the right time is now!"

I miss PSU Lioness as well, for the same reasons, although her approach to the lifestyle and her situation as a young married woman is different from Kellimc and more similar to mine,

I miss kellimc. As another young woman in the lifestyle, I empathize with her. Her approach to the lifestyle is refreshing.

From my experience having started in the lifestyle (but not exactly swinging) not long after I became sexually active, I would say that the best age is from the beginning. There are two reasons for this. The first is that humans are non-monogamous by nature, so it's best to throw off the religious and social inhibitions and constraints as young as possible. (Better even if one is raised without them in the first place.) I struggled a little with non-monogamy; not my own, but my husband’s and boyfriend's. From what I've read here, it's much more difficult for couples who have been married for twenty years to do so without doubt, drams, and difficulties. The second reason is that having multiple sex partners, and knowing that the person or person you love do as well, is physically and emotionally fulfilling. Let the fun begin early!

Most posts by that member are thoughtful including the one quoted. We don’t play alone often, when we have the play does feel different when I’m alone with a man or a woman. I’m not inhibited in front of my husband though it’s strange to say I’m less inhibited if he isn’t present. Possibly when alone the other person is less inhibited leading to something different for me.

This post by another member has stuck in my mind.

Three things get us to play with a couple: fitness, personality, and their philosophy about swinging. The last criterion is what got us to form our closed group of married couples. The major thing was the desire to play bareback, but also being comfortable with alone play, which seems to happen more and more, particularly just to get in more playing.

Personality is what I look for in a couple. Looks fade in most people as they get older, but personality doesn't! I look for a confident couple that doesn't take themselves seriously. I don't want to train or mentor a couple but rather a couple that know what they are looking for. Also I am not looking for a couple that are full of themselves and think they are superior, but a couple that loves passion with their swing partner. I love to pick a couple at a resort while on vacation, I feel couples are more relaxed and away from the stress of their job and home life.

Up until recently, I would have brushed this question aside, as we'd almost never run into bisexual males in the lifestyle. We've been to clubs all over the United States and a bunch in Europe as well, and the only time we've ever seen bisexual activity was an MMF threesome we observed in Vienna. Even then, we didn't believe it until we took a more focused look at exactly whose organs were lodged in exactly which orifices. Lately, however, my wife has become more open to the idea of meeting single men--we've played with single men at parties, for sure, but rarely done private MMFs. I've been on Adultfriendfinder a lot, trying to weed out the many volunteers so that she can choose from a short list. And I've been downright astonished at how hard it seems to be to find straight males. Don't get me wrong: we think bisexual males are cool--after all, my wife's as bisexual as they come, and that's entirely cool--but me, I'm completely straight and, for the sake of keeping our health risks down, we'd rather stick to straight guys. After 11 years in the lifestyle, I never would have dreamed they'd be the apparent minority of single men. But, based on the wholly unscientific sample derived from my search, I'm beginning to wonder. Maybe it's just starting to feel more safe for men to reveal their bisexuality (and, if so, bravo!) or maybe there have always been this many men who are bi and out about it, and I've just had my head in the sand about it. Whatever the case, it feels to me as if it's on the rise.

Mr. Fuse has never had a man come on to him in a swinging situation. This surprises me because we've had enough experiences that I expected it to happen at some point. We have never been to an on-premise event (except house parties). It is much easier to seek many partners in one night in the on-premise situation, so I'd expect a higher percentage of people at those events to be doing that. We know a few people who enjoy having sex with multiple people for hours on end or in several sessions during a house party. But most of our friends prefer either one other couple or maybe a few in a night. Personally I am happiest with one, because I enjoy focusing.