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They all had a good time. Nothing unusual to report, just swapping and threesomes. Probably boring for those here that go to clubs and house parties. It was exciting for us opening up our poly family to some outside play, and for Joe and Shannon to have their second lifestyle experience after their visit with us. It was clear that there is high mutual interest between Joe/Shan and Red/Lora. What I found really interesting is how these two experiences with Joe and Shan have brought Red and Lora together. Previously, I saw Red as my lover, someone who I had brought into my marriage to David, while Lora and David were two "primaries" in our family. Red and Lora cared for one another, were sex partners, Lora has a child by Red. Now, however, they seem to have a deeper relationship, are a "couple." They do things together, just the two of them. Funny what playing can do.

This is a hot story, thank you all for sharing! We too love to share my wife with my friend. One of my favorite stories is of when we were all staying out at the beach. There were probably 5 or 6 families out there and all of our kids as well. It’s not uncommon for my buddy to tag along for a day when we are out there. This particular day we were all out on the sand. My wife was looking hot in her little bikini and the adults were all having drinks. I realized that there wasn’t anyone back at the house and that the time would be perfect for my wife to get laid. I pulled my buddy aside and said, “take my wife back to the house and fuck her good. I’ll keep everyone out here and entertained so no one goes back to the house.” He had a huge smile on his face, walked over to my wife, whispered in her ear and she looked at me with a questioning expression. Almost to say, “are you sure?”. I nodded my head and off they went. About 20 minutes later she comes walking back out to the beach and walks up to me and plants a big kiss on my mouth. I hug her and ask her if she enjoyed herself. Her reply still resonates in my mind, “God yes, he made me cum while fucking me in the ass.” She knows I love it when she talks dirty. I ask, “did he cum in you?”. She replied with, “he did and I can feel it dripping down my legs right now.”!!!! Needless to say, I was horny the rest of the day and couldn’t wait for MY opportunity to fuck my wife!

I saw an article in the NY Times today written by the daughter of Ronald Reagan about Sandra Day O'Connor. A few paragraphs went into the struggle that Justice Day had with her husband John's Alzheimer's dementia and how she faced it. Quoting: "Sandra Day O’Connor Told a Truth About Marriage That Few Others Dared To By Patti Davis My father [Ronald Reagan] had died two years before, and during the decade of his illness, I paid close attention to what other people chose to share about Alzheimer’s. There was a notable silence about placing a family member in a facility designed to provide safe, appropriate care. I so admired Sandra Day O’Connor’s openness, and I imagined the thousands of people in similar situations who felt gratitude that someone was shining a light on a dilemma that so many suffer through in the shadows. In 2007, she went even further, allowing her son Scott to disclose that John had fallen in love with a resident at the facility — and that he did so with the former justice’s blessing. In an interview with KPNX-TV, a Phoenix station, Scott described how his mother would watch John and his new partner sitting on a bench together, clearly smitten with each other. “Mom was thrilled that Dad was relaxed and happy and comfortable living here.” She continued to visit him, though he no longer recognized her. People with Alzheimer’s lose connections, memories become frayed threads, but the desire for companionship runs deep — deeper than the disease. It’s fairly common for patients to develop new romantic, even sexual, relationships. But it’s something that few people feel comfortable talking about." This makes me proud to say that I am polyamorous. Although it was very late in life, this showed a wife's genuine love for her husband. It would have been so easy for her to do what everyone would have expected, pulled him out out of the facility and raised a lot of fuss and drama. But she didn't, she responded with love.

Here is my advice. When we first went to house parties, I wanted to swap with other couples only. Two reasons: I wanted to keep an eye on my wife, and at the beginning I was quite overweight and I was riding my very attractive wife’s coat tails. On my own, I was winding up with the coffee cake in the living room, while the whole party wanted to do my wife. After we got more experience and I lost 50 pounds, I realized that at house parties we did not have to achieve the elusive four way match. We each could find someone with whom to play. Easier! Also, it may not be a bad idea to have ONE drink after you get there to take the edge off. Definitely not a place to get drunk, but one drink can help with nerves. Have fun, be open and receptive, but no means no and don’t do anything you don’t want to do.

I agree. Have him come into the forum and talk to us. My wife and I are similar to you in that I have had adventurous sex and learned I have a high capacity for it while she grew up Catholic. The thought of non-monogamy to her was totally taboo. We talked about playing with others for a long time and the thought of it excited me so much. I kept asking her, “let’s stop talking and just do it.” She hen it happened organically with a girlfriend. And then we played with a guy friend, whom we still play with. I look back on our 10+ years and realize I put too much pressure on her early on. It put a lot of strain on us over the years. We are in a great place now. But go into this with eyes wide open, BOTH of you. Have him talk through it with us.

Some very good reasons to have two adjoining rooms -- just like the old days!

I'm definitely thinking pleather shiny pants, rhinestone boots, a satin type top with something lacy over it. I am not someone that wears lingerie so that is something I will have to work towards. This comment is very helpful. Thank you!

Firstly, finding swing partners at a non-swinging resort is a very low probability event. (Except for single males, they're everywhere.) But more importantly, if your wife isn't enthusiastic about it, it shouldn't happen. Pushing her into a LifeStyle encounter is likely to damage your relationship.

William , before I respond to your question, I must ask ,Your profile says Glasgow , is that UK or somewhere in the US? We started later than some of the others. We were in our 60's. We married later in life, and it was not until then that the last of our children had moved on. We had always been of the mindset of there being a time for every purpose and up until that point the purpose was seeing them off into the world. We had always maintained an active sex life between us and had , early on, gotten into the habit of reserving time for just the two of us to do things together outside of the home. We realized that having offspring around was only a temporary thing. When we had the empty nest the questions were : What's next? Why not? There were some personal elements for me as well, but I have addressed them in other posts. For the two of us it was adventure. Because of our longer time together, right around 30 years, and our ages we did not have many of the issues some face. We knew each other and had a bedrock surety in our relationship.

I miss PSU Lioness as well, for the same reasons, although her approach to the lifestyle and her situation as a young married woman is different from Kellimc and more similar to mine,

cmw — njbm has been at this way longer than we have … heed their words!

It’s called compersion. I am happy that my wife is happy. I’m not jealous. It sounds like the OP is stuck in a battle of wills. Not the right atmosphere for the lifestyle.

He sounds deeply conflicted. That needs to be straightened out first. He may just have shot himself in the foot on this. We both like getting feelings going. It has not ever cost either of us anything.

We went to a club or house party and had sex only with each other at least half a dozen times before ever hooking up, and even that one was a pre-arranged meeting with a couple that had reached out to us on SLS. We talked on the phone with them weeks ahead, then met them in our hotel room that afternoon for an hour of drinks and conversation, then spent 2-3 hours with them at the club that night before finally going to a playroom and having our first swap. At the house party venue we were attending around that time, we met a couple who said they *never* played with others there. They just enjoyed the sexy atmosphere of conversation and dancing; of her and the other females dressing so sexy; of some of the women showing off their breasts; of the porn playing on the TVs scattered around the house; and of getting to watch live sex when people would leave the playroom door open. If your husband is saying that *everybody* who goes to a lifestyle event is having sex with others, he’s at least ignorant … or he’s simply telling you that trying to get his way. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH GOING SLOWLY!!!

You'll knock 'em dead!

Separate rooms. It adds sexual tension. Also, if things don’t work out, you are separated. We have vacationed with lifestyle friends and always have separate rooms.

My husband is being so back and forth and when I think I'm ready he is trying to push me further so I think we are stopping this all now. It's very frustrating for me. Thank you all for your advice and kindness here.

I didn't consider it swinging at the time but looking back, it was cuckolding. In the late 70's my brother told me about this bar in our college town, it was known for older married women that would pick up college men for sex. Sure enough I would start dancing with the older women and eventually go to a hotel or their home. Many times their husbands would watch and either jerk off or go for sloppy seconds. The first time that my ex wife and me swapped was with her maid of honor and her boyfriend. Me and the ex was having sex in front of them and they joined in.

Imagine that you take your wife to a very high bridge and suddenly tell her that you will both be bungee jumping off of it...she probably isn't going to be happy about you making the decision to do this without her input. Swinging is kind of the same thing but worse. While most people only think that bungee jumping is crazy, they don't think it's violating their marriage. Some people are just not wired for swinging and putting them in a situation where they are feeling like they are expected to do it almost never ends well. Also, going on vacation and hoping that something will happen is like going to a random bridge and hoping that there will be a bungee jump set up there...probably not going to happen. If you can't talk with your wife about the idea (as a sexual fantasy), then neither of you are ready to pursue this. First, if you really want to try swinging you need to do more reading (search is your friend) here on the board. Then talk with your wife and see if she is even open to the idea (start with presenting it as just a fantasy and see if she is willing to accept the idea). Keep talking and listening and working on making your relationship absolutely rock solid. Then start thinking about making it real. Good luck and let us know how thing go... Also, if you are going to go to Cancun and are looking to swing, you really should be going to Desire or Desire RM. (We were driving across the Auburn bridge last weekend...that's where the bungee jumping came from).

Sigh . . . "Wich tells me that it definitely excites both of us watching other fuck". No, that's not what it tells you. In fact, you don't know. If you want to know, ask her. "Hey, that was really great. What turned you on like that?" Then LISTEN. Until you have in depth conversations with her, you don't know what she's thinking. And trust me, if you guess, you'll be sorry at some point.

I’m guilty. Honey called me a liar. I told her I wrote an honest response to having fun without sex so what did she do? She said her friend wanted us to come over. How can a guy pass up a threesome?

NC , We asked ourselves "Should we have started sooner?" also. Our answer was a resounding NO, for us. Starting sooner would have been distracting from what we should have been doing then. When one door opens another is at least partially closed. When we were in our thirties, having children was the focus, mission accomplished. In our forties and fifties launching our children into adulthood was the focus, mission pleasantly accomplished. Our mid sixties and seventies have thus far been focused on exploration together. Most likely we are cultural outliers. It suits us.

Same here. We had less than a year in it when COVID hit. Now wishing we could have started earlier … sigh.

Perfect post! Too many of us go down a rabbit hole where sex is the main focus. Alan and I had a very vanilla life while sexually active most days with the one I love. What started as a fun experiment became what some have called an obsession looking for the next partners. This group is fun to post to and to read other’s experiences, whether real or what we call magazine worthy fantasy, it made us take a deep breath and ask are we living a risky life. You are correct, sex with others should not be a primary goal, live your life doing what you enjoy.

Is this a safe site to visit? I have never seen a link to a site that ended in ".land"

Adam, I agree completely and enthusiastically with everything you’ve written here! Most particularly that, as the Blues Project sang decades ago "(t)here’s no tome like the right time, and baby, the right time is now!"

Our Lioness has gone through so much since she stopped posting. Very ironic the two quotes you posted, not all situations turn out the way we want. Our friend is a young lady that has witnessed some dark times but has support from very good nonjudgmental friends now.

Hi, just ran across your profile. WE ARE!

I had what is now called a hotwife in my twenties, participated very briefly in foursome activities in my thirties, and my 2nd wife and I enthusiastically took up swinging in our early 50's through our sixties. The best time to be swinging: Now! If you (and your significant other, if you have one,) are excited about sharing yourself with other people, then you'll have fun no matter what age you are. Can you do stuff longer and more acrobaticly when you're young? Of course! On the other hand, as you age your experience allows you to appreciate what you're into more and more.

I miss kellimc. As another young woman in the lifestyle, I empathize with her. Her approach to the lifestyle is refreshing.

From the first time I stumbled upon the Swingersboard, I noticed how civil, understanding, and empathetic the members are. People in the lifestyle are genuinely at a higher level of humanity.

You may want to watch this new guy fuck your wife for the first couple of times. It might make you and your wife both more comfortable especially if he is a dom. That can translate to many different things in the bedroom. The first step is to see if the chemistry is there. But there is nothing wrong with her seeing him alone, at least that's common in our relationship but everyone is different. It might make it better for you to be included even though you are not there through phone, video, etc.

This is a big step from just having a compatible guy join you for a couple of hours for exciting sex. The risk you cite, of having your wife and this prospective dating partner develop deep emotional ties, is real, though it’s not possible to quantify, at least at this point. Hypothetically, it’s certainly plausible that this prospective partner is a guy who enjoys an ongoing pleasant once-a-month overnight date with sex assured but no further commitment. And quite possible that arrangement would work well for your wife. And for you. There is a member of this board and frequent commenter (he will likely weigh in here) who with his wife is a member of a longterm closed group of couples who exchange not only sexual partners but maintain a close knit social relationship that often involves one half of a couple attending cultural activities with one half of another couple. And these ad hoc "couples" sometimes travel and stay overnight, enjoying sexual and social/cultural activities. Returning to your circumstances, you and your spouse are newly active as an ENM couple after a considerable break while your children were growing up. Were I in your situation I’d take things slowly. As a couple interested in inviting men into your relationship, whether for one-time, casual recurring or even polyamorous coupling, you will always have more opportunities than you can even evaluate. With regard to this particular man, you don’t mention how far or the manner in which the two of you have explored the possibilities with him. Just online? Via phone or video? Face-to-face over coffee or a meal? If you are interested in further pursuing a potential engagement with him and you haven’t met IRL, I suggest you do so. And if he seems attractive to your wife and you find him acceptable as a person entering your relationship, the two of you should require that he agree to a gradual development of his dating relationship with your wife, progressing from initially a no-sex dinner (and possibly movie or other entertainment) in several steps that proceed — depending on how things go at each prior step — from having sex but not spending the night to eventually weekend adventures for the two of them. If he’s not enthusiastically willing to do so, toss him back. As the old saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. And you will find more than enough of them who are keepers.

My wife says about some of our swinging episodes that we should have stopped at dinner. We like many of our swinger friends, but some we would like to continue as friends, not sex partners. Few will accept this and we’ve lost many we considered to be good friends.

Which guy came first? Finish the story!

Maybe with porn, desire is like any other, ups and downs. Before group sex I watched a lot of porn. During our swing period, I watched a lot of porn. After our swinging ended, I watched a lot of porn. The past year though, when I watch more than about 3 minutes, my body says 'go take a nap'. Very odd, but I get a lot of rest.

Sounds like a really hot experience, amazing that you've all resisted talking about it for so long

It's (almost) the very definition of 'same room sex'. Two couples having sex in the same room (but usually with the lights on). If I had to make the call, I would say 'yes' it qualifies as swinging. How many other couples do you think have had this type of experience? It sounds like it was very hot...