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It’s called compersion. I am happy that my wife is happy. I’m not jealous. It sounds like the OP is stuck in a battle of wills. Not the right atmosphere for the lifestyle.

So he messaged us this morning. He met a single woman and he's committed to her.. like what ever.. in two days this much changes. This is coming from a person who said they dont have time for full time relationship. has cross fit 4 days a week, plus tennis etc... Hes a flake as I suspected. His loss not ours.. my wife still has a Bull who satisfies her. Thank you to everyone who responded.

From our perspective each of us does own the other, because we consciously gave that when we married. In the LS we have given the freedom to explore to each other. It exemplifies trust in each other and confidence in our bond. That freedom has a side effect in that ,once the whole gonadal fidelity issue is dealt with, the things that really define us as a couple become clear. The entire "becoming one flesh"concept takes on another meaning not tied to who sticks what where. There is a Me and a Thee that is subsumed in the Us. That concept pretty much explains the whole fact of compersion from our viewpoint. It is often said here that the LS is a magnifying glass, not a tool for fixing things. Whatever is there good or bad is magnified, the good gets better, the bad gets worse. We subscribe to that theory. Thinking that the LS will "fix" anything is a dangerous mistake.

We once thought that, but we're both in our 50s now and see no sign of slowing down - quite the opposite in fact!

Im 38 and my wife is 33. We started swinging 10 years a go when she was 23 and I was 28. We have managed to juggle an active home and work life with an extremely busy social life. We have some great memories recorded to look back on when we decide to 'retire' from the lifestyle. We have agreed that when im hitting 50 we will start to wind down and finish our swinging adventures. We wanted to enjoy it while we were young and in good shape physically. We have played with partners ranging in age from early 20s right up into their late 60s! So basically whatever age is the right fit for you as a couple is the age you should start.

We have been at this for a while. We have never strayed outside our marriage.

cmw — njbm has been at this way longer than we have … heed their words!

Male half here. I assume the question is to … everyone? 😉 I’ve never been jealous because I knew that when the sex was over and done with, my wife was leaving the premises with *me*. (She knows the same of me.) If we hadn’t been 100% certain of that, we’d never have started. I’ve seen my wife do the same things with other men that she does with me, and she’s seen me do the same with other women … but we both know where the other’s heart is. As for feeling inadequate … hmmm. I haven’t really been able to pay much attention to her when she’s with another man because I’ve been with another woman at the same time. But on a couple of occasions, when I could steal a minute or two to just watch and listen, I saw her make facial expressions and heard her make sounds that were almost unfamiliar to me. Did I feel inadequate? Not a bit! I was absolutely thrilled for her that whatever the other man was doing was THAT good! Can I explain to you *why* I didn’t feel inadequate? NOPE! And I doubt that anyone else on this board who’s been at it any length of time can explain it either … but it’s a real thing.

Holy Shit!. This has escalated so fast and so far. You are right to stop. If what you say is accurate your husband needs to get help. Maybe he's looking for an excuse to get out of the marriage. Sure feels like he's trying to blow it up. His tone as you write it scares me. That said, you asked about jealously and feelings of inadequacy. We all feel inadequate, it seems to be the human condition. some are just better at hiding it. In terms of jealously; you won't know until you experience it. Don't confuse fear or nervousness for jealously. Our deal was that we were in this swinging thing as a couple. Us is and remains the most important thing. We accepted that we might feel jealous etc but agreed that no matter what we were a team. We approached our concerns without ego, no blame, no accusing but rather "where did we go wrong as a couple?". People says its hard to forget something, or that they can't get over it. I say you can. You just have to decide what's most important. If you can do that, you can explore adventures with a sense of calm knowing the foundation is secure. You are both supported by each other and the worst case is that you stop, swinging in this case, and continue on with your life...together.

We went to a club or house party and had sex only with each other at least half a dozen times before ever hooking up, and even that one was a pre-arranged meeting with a couple that had reached out to us on SLS. We talked on the phone with them weeks ahead, then met them in our hotel room that afternoon for an hour of drinks and conversation, then spent 2-3 hours with them at the club that night before finally going to a playroom and having our first swap. At the house party venue we were attending around that time, we met a couple who said they *never* played with others there. They just enjoyed the sexy atmosphere of conversation and dancing; of her and the other females dressing so sexy; of some of the women showing off their breasts; of the porn playing on the TVs scattered around the house; and of getting to watch live sex when people would leave the playroom door open. If your husband is saying that *everybody* who goes to a lifestyle event is having sex with others, he’s at least ignorant … or he’s simply telling you that trying to get his way. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH GOING SLOWLY!!!

Tell you husband to chill out, but I recommend that you do go to the party and see what’s happening. You certainly don’t have to play. But if he is that excited about it, it would be nice if you checked it out. You may like it more than him. Team play applies to both of you.

Yep. I keep telling him I need to go at my pace and he is being ridiculous so I'm pretty sure I'm done with it all until he can slow tf down. He tells me I need to do more research and he's done this before so if we go to the party we are suppose to have sex with other people sooooo it's not happening. Even though I clearly stated if we both felt comfortable that night we could renegotiate terms. Apparently he forgot the most important rule. No means no. He tells me we can not just go and observe because people expect it because it's why they are there. So yeah as excited as I was to take this adventure he had ruined every step I have taken to prepare myself for what I thought was going to get a really fun experience. I'm so frustrated right now because I have told him for years I would never even consider this until I went to a party to see if it's something I could really do. Thank you for validating my feelings.

Our poly family life has been mundane for a while. Fulfilling and satisfying for certain, but nothing wild going on. Well, two weeks ago I took a step in an interesting direction. I was at a conference and caught up with a guy, Joe, who I had met in the past and found interesting and attractive. We ended up having dinner together, taking a lot of pleasure in one another’s company. At one point I had my hand on the table and he placed his hand on top. I turned my hand over so we could clasp. He is married, having spoken of his wife previously and knew that I was married as well, but not about my whole poly situation. There came a point where I seized the situation and told him very directly that I would sleep with him, but his wife would have to be there. Later, I corrected myself and said that although I preferred it, she didn’t have to be there but would need to know and approve to me directly. Joe didn’t reply except to ask if my husband needed to approve. I said no, that you’re the one wearing the wedding ring, not me, I only need to tell my husband. We had already been talking about sexual topics, so Joe asked if my husband allowed me to play around. I said that I don't do that, and reminded him that his wife had fucked three to four times more guys before they married than I had my entire life, so who's the slut here? (Who doesn't know exactly how many sex partners their spouse has had and talked about it?) In discussing women in general, and his wife in particular, I also told him that I had a Lesbian side. He didn't respond. As we went back to our rooms, I joined him on the elevator and had him get off on my floor and walk me to my room. I opened the door but stood there blocking any entrance. He was standing back and I pulled aside my jacket, unbuttoned my blouse several buttons and exposed my left breast. He cupped it in his hand and we kissed deeply for several minutes before I disengaged and told him that when he gets home to lovingly fuck his wife and have crazy sex while thinking of me. I said good night, and he left. When away from home, I often masturbate at night before sleeping, but this was particularly intense, fingers inside for one orgasm and then the handheld shower pulsing on my clit for the second. The day after I got back, Joe called me and politely went between how delightful a time he had at dinner and hoping he hadn’t done anything untoward. I said that I felt the same. I stressed that regardless of the way things go between us that I wanted to meet his wife, and not to worry - I wasn’t going to say anything about what we had done or might do without his prior approval. I pretty much ordered him to bring her next time we could arrange our paths to cross. He could also call or text me on my cell at home, no problem worrying about my husband. Also the day after I got home, after the kids were tucked in, I got hubby, Red, Clair, and Lora together and told what I had done. Their reaction was what I had expected, but more so. First, they were surprised that despite being so attracted that I didn’t fuck him, but also they did believe me that I hadn’t. Second, unlike our usual splitting up for the night as our moods dictate, we all went into one bedroom. It was intense with me in the middle of it all. The next morning the reality set in for us that what I had done was, as David called it “schoolgirl making out,” and there would likely be nothing more coming from it. I kept this post short, but feel free with any questions or comments.

Ugh. Been there. I honestly don't know why ppl waste their time.

HE is not ready and you need to stand your ground. He needs to come here and read what has been said by all of us...you know, successful swingers, people with more experience and more knowledge on the subject. If he doesn't want to do that...if he doesn't want to try and understand your side, then he will never be ready. Doesn't matter if he overreacts...in fact, he shouldn't be overreacting. He should be thanking whatever higher power me may (or may not) believe in knowing that you are just considering this adventure. Jealousy: Once upon a time I was an extremely jealous person. I KNEW there was something wrong with anyone who wanted to be with me and all of my faults and shortcomings. It would only be a matter of time before they found out that I was seriously flawed and then they would leave (BTW, this was something that was only true in my head). When Ms. Gold and I got started in this, I was frightened that she would find someone 'better' and want to go with them, but we kept the lines of communication open and set up limits that we both respected and honored. As we took each baby step, I found that we could trust each other more and more...which lead to me loving her more and more, which allowed us to talk more and more openly. The enemy of jealousy is trust. If you KNOW that they are coming home with you, and that nobody is going to take them from you, jealousy has no place to take hold. I have never once been jealous since we started this journey...it's truly amazing, especially to someone who was so jealous in the past. Which leads us to compersion. "The word “compersion” refers to a form of joy in the joy of others. In the world of consensually non-monogamous relationships, it more specifically relates to the happiness someone finds in their partner seeking out and enjoying sexual and romantic intimacy with other people." (I looked up the definition of compersion and this is the first one that came up) When you are able to trust someone totally and completely that you can allow them to fulfill their fantasies and they allow you to fulfill yours...it's just amazing. It's the ultimate joy, knowing you are allowing your partner to experience things that neither of you believed possible in a relationship. While it is sometimes called the opposite of jealousy, that really isn't true (ask Couplers) since it is possible to feel both at the same time, but (at least in my case) I have never felt jealous since me and Ms. Gold started...just more love knowing that we are so strong, so solid that we can do this without fear, together. Love, trust communication...it takes all three and all three in abundance, but it is amazing when it all comes together.

It's nice to hear from another married couple who started in the lifestyle young. We're you married first, or did you meet in the lifestyle?

Most people are not wired to participate in non-monogamous activities. It goes against societal norms. I wish the OP success and happiness.

Go with your gut. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Not that it feels wrong right now. Just saying trust yourself. There are other men out there. I'm a bit surprised he didn't carry much conversation with your wife, but wants to have solo dates? Hmm.

Thank you for the input. We met this chap on Sunday. We went for a coffee, he was very well mannered., well educated, Didn't keep much of a conversation with my wife but rather with me . There was some small talk.. He walked us to the vehicle were he shared a long but passionate kiss with my wife. We requestesd to get together one evening, he would pay for the hotel and ill be there for the mfm, my wife wants to see how he does. We haven't heard much from him since. Really odd.. I almost feel like he's married. He does say he has a busy life with his work and sports tennis etc... Any thoughts.

My husband is definitely not trying to leave our marriage. He has always been this way. Quick to overreact...then after he calms down he comes to his senses and apologizes...to which he has. He is also on new heart medications that have absolutely affected his ability to control his mood so he rages a bit now. He is normally very calm most of the time. But it has shown me he in no way is in the right mindset. I'm really trying to understand compersion. I was raised in the Mormon church as mentioned in prior posts and I'm struggling with how people share the most private moments with so many others. Does it sound fun and enticing...yes! But hard for me to process because of my upbringing. You do not stray outside your marriage. It's a mindset I'm struggling with for sure but am intrigued by the concept and find it amazing that people can make it work. Especially polyamorous relationships. I'm trying to learn about everything. You guys are all so great with your responses. I am so grateful you have taken the time to respond to all my inquiries.

He sounds deeply conflicted. That needs to be straightened out first. He may just have shot himself in the foot on this. We both like getting feelings going. It has not ever cost either of us anything.

Comparing yourself to others is of no value. Think of jealousy as 'Fear of loss". If you have this fear do not play. I think what you are feeling is the norm. ( First date jitters. First day in a college dorm. The intimidating tall slide at a water park, the first time.) You will survive. A smile given often and genuinely is your most important asset. It makes you approachable. NJBM said: "You may like it more than him. " This also is a common experience. The common wisdom is that the husbands bring most into the LS. They stay because of the wife. There is a certain amount of empowerment that goes along with having PROOF that, you, body "imperfections" and all , attract more than a sufficient amount of male attention. The men are the ones that often have to learn that they , at times , are the ones left at loose ends, or have to adjust to having their wife screaming from the attention of another guy. How would your husband handle THAT?? You may need to do a bit of support therapy .

I told him he needed to go to some of these forums himself to see that he was wrong. So I have to ask as you seem very advanced in this lifestyle...how do you not get jealous or feel inadequate? This is the part I am struggling with. I want to do this for the right reasons and as of now I feel my husband is wanting it for all the wrong reasons so I straight told him if he wants to have sex with other women then do it but I will move on with my life because it absolutely does not feel like a together thing right now. This way he can have the life he wants and I can move in to where I am feeling more valued and respected. He says if he wanted just sex he could go find it. That's not what he wants. And duh...sex is easy to find. But then why does he need to be so pushy? The whole idea is now gone in my mind because he wants to be pushy. I am a pretty woman. I've had 5 kids so I'm a bit insecure about my stomach but I think in the right atmosphere and setting surrounded with like minded people that could all just dissipate as things get heated but the jealousy...how do you get over that part? I also some people do not feel jealousy but I am not one of those people.

I have told him a million times if I do not take this first step I will go no farther at all ever. It's what I need to see if my comfort level will jive which I'm almost positive it will but he refuses to do this my way until I'm comfortable so it has to be a no or I will regret all of this. He's already showing signs of jealousy...accusing me of secret texting behind his back. Honestly it's bullsh!t because HE wants this. He keeps pushing it. I never asked for any of my fantasies to be fulfilled involving other people. I am very happy with our sex life....in fact we have an amazing sex life. Did I think this could be a fun new adventure..? Absolutely yes but he has ruined it for me by pushing any and all boundaries I try to set EVEN IF I say that they are negotiable...telling me I need to get a clue about this lifestyle. I'm learning everything I can and what he is doing is NOTHING like how people live in this lifestyle so it's not going to go further until he settles down

Do not do anything until you are on the exact same page...not a close page or even a page that has a bunch of the same words on it. THE SAME PAGE. He should NOT be pressuring you to do anything and he needs to know that pressure is just going to make everything END. I'm sure he is excited that you are even considering doing this, but he should be overwhelmingly grateful that you are considering doing this...and it should be noted that you are considering doing this TOGETHER. You should both be as one mind with this. Until he understands that, you shouldn't be moving forward.

Here is my advice. When we first went to house parties, I wanted to swap with other couples only. Two reasons: I wanted to keep an eye on my wife, and at the beginning I was quite overweight and I was riding my very attractive wife’s coat tails. On my own, I was winding up with the coffee cake in the living room, while the whole party wanted to do my wife. After we got more experience and I lost 50 pounds, I realized that at house parties we did not have to achieve the elusive four way match. We each could find someone with whom to play. Easier! Also, it may not be a bad idea to have ONE drink after you get there to take the edge off. Definitely not a place to get drunk, but one drink can help with nerves. Have fun, be open and receptive, but no means no and don’t do anything you don’t want to do.

You'll knock 'em dead!

I saw an article in the NY Times today written by the daughter of Ronald Reagan about Sandra Day O'Connor. A few paragraphs went into the struggle that Justice Day had with her husband John's Alzheimer's dementia and how she faced it. Quoting: "Sandra Day O’Connor Told a Truth About Marriage That Few Others Dared To By Patti Davis My father [Ronald Reagan] had died two years before, and during the decade of his illness, I paid close attention to what other people chose to share about Alzheimer’s. There was a notable silence about placing a family member in a facility designed to provide safe, appropriate care. I so admired Sandra Day O’Connor’s openness, and I imagined the thousands of people in similar situations who felt gratitude that someone was shining a light on a dilemma that so many suffer through in the shadows. In 2007, she went even further, allowing her son Scott to disclose that John had fallen in love with a resident at the facility — and that he did so with the former justice’s blessing. In an interview with KPNX-TV, a Phoenix station, Scott described how his mother would watch John and his new partner sitting on a bench together, clearly smitten with each other. “Mom was thrilled that Dad was relaxed and happy and comfortable living here.” She continued to visit him, though he no longer recognized her. People with Alzheimer’s lose connections, memories become frayed threads, but the desire for companionship runs deep — deeper than the disease. It’s fairly common for patients to develop new romantic, even sexual, relationships. But it’s something that few people feel comfortable talking about." This makes me proud to say that I am polyamorous. Although it was very late in life, this showed a wife's genuine love for her husband. It would have been so easy for her to do what everyone would have expected, pulled him out out of the facility and raised a lot of fuss and drama. But she didn't, she responded with love.

Yes, for us it is. We are looking for friends that we can get naked with, but the friendship comes first (but that's just us). We have a pre-arranged code phrase that lets the other know that we are not interested. If either of us says it, we politely say it was nice to meet whoever we are talking to and hope to maybe see them later (or some other polite way to say bye) and move on...

William , before I respond to your question, I must ask ,Your profile says Glasgow , is that UK or somewhere in the US? We started later than some of the others. We were in our 60's. We married later in life, and it was not until then that the last of our children had moved on. We had always been of the mindset of there being a time for every purpose and up until that point the purpose was seeing them off into the world. We had always maintained an active sex life between us and had , early on, gotten into the habit of reserving time for just the two of us to do things together outside of the home. We realized that having offspring around was only a temporary thing. When we had the empty nest the questions were : What's next? Why not? There were some personal elements for me as well, but I have addressed them in other posts. For the two of us it was adventure. Because of our longer time together, right around 30 years, and our ages we did not have many of the issues some face. We knew each other and had a bedrock surety in our relationship.

The last week of August, Shannon texted David and me saying that she and Joe are visiting relatives in a nearby town and asking if we were going to be at home and free over the Labor Day weekend. Lunch, dinner maybe. I was taken aback and hesitant. David replied, “Sure, we’re free, that’ll be great.” After more back-and-forth David and I found that they would be arriving late on Friday and have a rental car, so they wanted to get together first thing Saturday. Meanwhile, I kept texting Shannon separately and had a few calls with her. In among all the social talk, we got talking about sex. Eventually, I adjusted my approach from what I proposed before, me fucking Joe or us having a threesome. Rather than asking Shannon if she wanted to make out with me, I instead asked if she would do me a favor and touch me again. I asked not if she would mind, but if Joe would object. She surprised me by saying with some enthusiasm that Joe would like her and me to do that. She quickly clarified that he would like to see us do that. OK, the question is how far would Shannon go with me? I was happy to get that far and left it open from there. Saturday Long story short, David and I met Shannon and Joe at their hotel Saturday morning and visited a few places in town around their hotel. We eventually went to their hotel for lunch, then they invited us back to their room to browse some things on the internet and talk about our plans for later. David surprisingly and suddenly looked at his phone and said that he had to go into the office to take care of things. Something he rarely had to do, at least never in the office on a weekend. But I didn’t question it. He apologized and asked if it was ok if he came back in a few hours to the hotel. OK. He said that he would call when he was leaving the office. Later I found out that it was a set up between him and Shannon. Long foreplay story short, Shannon ended up naked on her back, I was in just my t-shirt braless on all fours licking her pussy, sending her into orbit and Joe was playing with himself. While she was in an out-of-her-mind state, I asked Shannon if Joe could put it in me. She squeaked “Yes,” and I ordered him to get over here. Now I was feeling the dick I had anticipated for so long. He came pretty quickly, but I was just as quick. His ejaculation was fantastic for me. Shannon snapped out of her ecstasy when Joe and I simultaneously started our cris d'amour. Afterwards Shannon wasn’t shy about going down on my sloppy pussy to give me another O. I was also happy that both Joe and Shannon found me to their liking. After our two hours or so of fun, I had Shannon call David and asked him when he was coming back to the hotel. I thought I was being clever having Shannon call him. But David is more clever (cleverer?) and more thoughtful; he had managed to get the hotel to reserve us an adjoining room next to Joe and Shannon’s shortly after they made their reservation - just in case things moved in a direction where we needed it. He checked in on the way back and David and I went next door into our room to shower before going out again. It was a tense late afternoon and light dinner. Not that anything was wrong, but it was a sexually charged atmosphere. David quietly but clearly sent me the message that knew exactly what had happened, had expected it. He also left the door between the rooms ajar as a signal that there was an intimacy between us couples, and negative proof that he wasn’t doing anything with me, the potential was being saved for later. It was clear to me that Shannon was interested in David. And no one had to tell David that. As we left the hotel and began to walk down the block David took Shannon’s hand. I grabbed Joe’s hand. Shannon had previously told me at one point during our text and email exchanges that Joe, knowing only a small part of her past but knowing that it is still much greater than his, likes saying that she was a slut when they’re in foreplay and having sex. He stresses it and says it repeatedly and asks her for stories about her past. It disturbed her at first but it she says it’s all ok, it makes him closer and more loving than ever, even after the sex is over. When we got back to the hotel we went to our rooms and had sex. Pretty wild, but nothing that hasn’t been discussed here before. David and I expected that we would separate into the two rooms, but Joe insisted on us all staying in their room because it had two queen beds instead of one king. He wanted to see his wife having sex with another man, something he said that he had never seen before and expected only to ever see in his fantasies about Shannon’s past. But here David was, with all his pent-up energy, doing a good job on Shannon. David is much more in tune with what was going on in Joe’s mind and how to play it. He knew that what Joe thought wasn’t that Shannon is a slut, it’s that she was a slut and he is the one who was so good for her that she gave up whoring around for him. He prides himself on having an oversexed woman who he has tamed and married. Her past is a point of pride for him. She previously told me that she fucked a lot of different guys and did all these different things (MFM and FFM threesomes, anal, couples swaps) before and yet she is satisfied, happy with Joe. For Joe, it is part of her great personality, but he is so proud that she gave it up for him. David flattered him by saying that he wished that I could have been as sexually adventuresome as Shannon was, that I had only fucked one other guy when we met. David told Joe that Joe married the town slut, but now she is his. Joe really liked that. I suppose that this shouldn’t be so surprising, there are people here, mostly guys, who say that they don’t mind that their wife sluts around (with a boyfriend, at the club, at a party) because, especially because, she is going home with him tonight. The husband getting the final conquest, and all is well. In a moment of calm, nonsexual honesty I asked Joe if he was ok, if it disturbed him knowing and seeing Shannon having sex with David (or me). He seemed good, more than good – pleased, with Shannon’s past but only because it was in the past. He confirmed that talking about her past in the abstract was exciting, something he loved about her, but seeing the reality of her having sex with another guy was painful. “But that seems to be the price of admission,” he said. I was left wondering but didn’t push him on it. “It’s wonderful afterwards though,” he said. Shannon confessed that they weren’t in town to visit relatives. They contacted us and specifically came to visit our place in the world to see if we said we wanted to meet up. They had reserved the entire weekend for time with us, whatever it may be, and had a flight home on Monday afternoon. What led to this trip was Shannon “confronting” Joe about me and asking him if he would fuck if me if she could arrange it. (She already had the signal from me at our last meeting that she could.) What I didn’t know was that she and David were talking behind my back to set this up. Sunday The big day came and we took Joe and Shannon back to our house to meet the rest of our family: Red, Clair, Lora, and our multitude of children. The introductions were very smooth and cordial. The only awkward part for me was when Clair and Lora both said to Joe and Shannon how much I had said about them, but Joe and Shannon were untroubled by me having talked about them. Shannon said I hadn’t said anything about Clair, Lora, Red, or all these kids to her. They were curious about the provenance of the kids and we proudly pointed out the biological parentage of each (Lora said “I’m the mother of the brown ones.”). To say they were amazed with the whole situation would be an understatement. Especially with the huge house, guesthouse and all the children. We told them that none of it (the house, the number of children) is as impressive as it seems if you divide it up among us five adults. David has arranged with Becky and Frank to take our children for the day. We had also arranged for two of the regular young women we use as babysitters to accompany them to help out. It worked out great and we really appreciated it. Needless to say, we all played. The interesting thing for me was that the pairings that seemed to grab hold the most were Joe and Lora, and Shannon and Red. David, my husband, and I played together with Clair and laughed that the couple he had set up for me to have sex with had found other sexual interests. 😊 To Joe, it became not that Shannon just was a slut, but is one, fucking both David and now Red. David and Red now will call Shannon a whore in front of Joe, while the other is fucking her, or both are. Even when Joe is making love to Shannon, his wife. I was worried that this was going too far, but Joe smiled. Both Red and David know how to make him feel good about his wife, portraying her as a sophisticated, super sexually charged woman that he was lucky to get to be his wife. Tamed but not domesticated. After all this, I was afraid what the aftermath might be. But we met at dinner and everyone was happy. It was almost odd that we talked about everything except sex. But it also seemed so natural that it was no problem. One last thing to report: we had breakfast with Shannon and Joe at the hotel Monday (Labor Day) morning for breakfast before they had to go to the airport. Unlike our other get togethers outside the bedroom, this time we did talk about sex and it was mutually decided that David and Shannon would go back to the room for a quick one. Joe and I agreed that it was wonderful sitting here together, him fingering my pussy and reaching for my braless tits, knowing what our spouses were doing. The psychological aspects of what happened excite me as much as the sex, mostly because that’s what I keep thinking about. 1) My husband David went behind my back with another woman(!) to really move along the opportunity for us to play with them. Plus getting the adjoining hotel room and arranging babysitting. 2) Red and Shannon really hit it off, sexually and otherwise, something that I did not expect, they’re so different. Same with Joe and Lora. 3) The fact that Joe has such a fetish about Shannon being called a slut. And that David picked up on the subtle clues early on and had the right instincts on which direction and how far to push it. Joe gets so worked up having Red and David say so and hearing her tell stories about a past that he didn’t know that she had. He went from slut-fear to slut-pride in a very short time. Anyway, overall an amazing weekend.

This is the kind of guy that Daniela had emotional and sexual relationships with before we married. Relationships that were self-limiting because married men didn't leave their wives, so there was no concern that they wanted to impulsively get married or move in or something. Usually she had two, sometimes three men like this going at the same time in order to get what she wanted, sexual or otherwise, when she wanted it. Now one of our rules is "no married men unless the wife approves," and in our closed group of married couples all the wives approve. Daniela still likes the fact that the guys are all married, the wives approve, and they are all bi. She used to chase down lesbians too and no longer needs to.

Ok so update. We were on Aff for a few months. The wife talked to a few men. The ones that met our needs were flakes or didn't show or just lied. But we finally found a single male, lives with in 30 min from us. The wife and him talked for a few weeks, I was kept in the loop of all the conversations. We finally decided to meet and this is how it went. We got to his apparentment, he welcomed us with open arms. The wife and I sat on the couch together as he sat across on a recliner. We just chatted for a short period of time had a drink and I could see he was interested in my wife. Thank God he broke the ice. He politely asked if she felt comfortable if could sit beside her. He praised her on how he outfit. She was wearing a black skirt, black sheer top and black thigh highs. He began to caress her leg with one hand. I asked him if her legs were soft and he replied yes. We were both touching and kissing my wife on the neck, breast etc...and he kindly asked my wife if he could kiss her. She replied yes. I couldn't believe this was happening. With one hand on the back of her head he pulled her forward and they locked lips. My eyes could not unfocus from both their lips and tongs meshing together. I felt slightly taken back but was very turned on. All three of us played on the couch for a few minutes and as things got hotter i asked him to stay seated and asker her to stand. With her standing in front of him I slowly removed her skirt, it slowly fell to her feet, I then removed her panties and top. We eventually made our way to the bedroom were she dropped to her knees and began to sucked his well endowed penis. We ended up on the bed were he slicked her pussy as i was playing with her upper extremities, she was a little disappointed with the performance pussy linking. He asked if he could have sex with her and we both looked at each other and said we were comfortable . He was a gentleman and put on a condom. They began to have sex. He took her in six different position and each time she moaned and screamed. This went on for 45 minutes pounding her. I was pleased as i couldn't put on a performance as such. Once he finished up i then took my wife. It took me a few minutes to get ride of the stage frieght but eventually i was able to get fully errect and cum. We all cleaned up and sat in the living room and chatted for a few more minutes and eventually said our good night. He shook my hand and she gave him a soft kiss on the lips. Today after many hot discussions with my wife we will continue to see him. Thats my eventful night.

Fantasyfun1977; welcome to the Swingers Board! This is a great resource, and we'll happily answer any of your questions. Our bonafides; my wife and I have enjoyed many threesomes, and I'm not bi either (well, maybe 0.1%). Two of the men in those threesomes developed into long term (years) boyfriends, which were quite rewarding. GoldCoCouple is absolutely correct. You will be absolutely OVERWHELMED with the number of single men who will contact you. One of the ways we have filtered that is by including something in our profile that asks a respondent to say something in the beginning of their contact with us. This is not placed at the beginning nor the end of our profile. Bury it in a third paragraph, or something similar. Example; "If you contact us, please start your email with 'I read it'". Most of your respondents will not read that far into your profile, which means they aren't really interested in your particulars, just in hooking up. It's an easy way to down-filter the number of responses to something more manageable. Something else we have done is to look for obvious reasons why the man is single, and wants to be having sex with women who are in committed relationships and not cheating. Sometimes there isn't a clear reason, but we also look for signs they are cheating. We will never play with someone who is cheating. You shouldn't want to either; such people are dishonest and not to be trusted. Any single male whom you approach should be respectful of your limits and what you want. If they start to appear to be playing games, ditch them and move on. We had one rather nice man who started getting flaky about things, and we ditched him...despite his protestations. There's way too many fish in this particular sea to put up with that. Your wife shouldn't settle for someone she finds only mildly attractive, given how many men there are to choose from. That said, being overly picky can result in overlooking someone who is a delight in bed and whom your wife thoroughly enjoys. Someone quite different can be quite enticing. Your slow approach is fine, but certainly make the man in question understand where you are, where you think you might want to be, and how fast/slow you want to do that. He should respect that. Just remember he's a human being too, and deserves respect as well. It sounds like you and your wife have discussed this many times. That's a really good process, and is quite important. The two of you need to be 100% communicative with each other, about where you are with this, how you feel, what your hopes are, etc. Do that, and this will almost certainly have a very positive impact on your marriage. My wife and I talked about doing this for many months, both in and out of bed. Every topic within it that we could think of we'd gone over many times. We finally got to a point where we felt we couldn't do anything more before trying it. You won't absolutely know how either of you will react until you start dipping your toes in the pool. Ultimately, neither of you will know whether you enjoy it until she is having sex with another man. Also consider; the first man with whom you progress down this path might end up being just so-so. My wife and I talked about this before we dipped out toes in the pool. We agreed to try it at least a few times if the early experiences were so-so. This was a good thing; the first couple of men she tried were just that; so-so. Not bad, but not great. Then she had sex with this one guy who absolutely made her toes curl. She could not get enough sex from him, and absolutely loved him being inside of her as much as possible. After that night on the way home, she said "Ok, now I'm a swinger!" and the rest is history as they say :) So, don't count out the idea of MFMs if the first, second, or even third one isn't all that great. If you find the right guy, it really is worth it. For my part, I've always enjoyed watching my wife have sex. I used to try to explain it to myself, but couldn't. I gave up trying to rationalize and just enjoy it :) There's a fair chance the same will happen with you. Also, with your wife, if she knows she has your absolute support and that you are 100% open with her about your feelings (and those feelings are in support), she will relish having sex with another man more. It will make it more enjoyable for her. It really is a shared experience, one of deep joy and satisfaction. This is uncharted territory, as it were. Nothing in our upbringing gives us instruction on how to have a non-monogamous relationship. Standard upbringing teaches us this is wrong, you must feel jealous, and it means the end of a relationship. Swinging says very much the opposite. Developing yourself for such a relationship is a process. I'll emphasize yet again that 100% open communication between you and your wife is critical. Please feel free to ask us any questions! Welcome to a whole new world!

OK maybe a silly question but I have thinking about this for some time. This has happened with two women. When have a wonderful sex experience both times with someone I knew very well this happened. We were in the missionary position me (M) on top going at it for some time and I slide off and gave a gentle nudge under her shoulder to turnover. She made the motion to turn over then went back to lying on her back. So, we keep going in the missionary position and after a while I tried to turn her over again and she went with it and turned over and we continued in that position. That happened twice with to different women. Is this some kind on signal for something or is it nothing but, maybe a tease. Would greatly appreciate any feedback or your similar experience.

On a side note I REALLY WANT TO GO! I was super excited to actually be doing this but it's been stomped out of me at this point.