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For nearly a decade I coached baseball, 13-17 year old kids. In the beginning of the season we'd set-up signs (bunt, steal, take a pitch, etc). Our signs were pretty elaborate - belt to open, certain number of touches, left hand to close. I'd be standing in the third base coaching box and give the bunt sign. The kid wouldn't square. I'd give it again and the next pitch he didn't square either. I finally yelled "we're trying to move the guy on first into scoring position...BUNT!" You know what...he squared around on the next pitch. Sometimes being clear with what you want works.

Actually, it happens in real life too … just look down a long set of railroad tracks. It’s a really good thing that the trains shrink as the tracks get closer together! 😂

Except in art, where parallel lines meet on the horizon.

Other than a little nudge, did you try anything else. Such as saying, "Would you like to get on top?" Sometimes non-verbal clues aren't clear.

My husband is definitely not trying to leave our marriage. He has always been this way. Quick to overreact...then after he calms down he comes to his senses and apologizes...to which he has. He is also on new heart medications that have absolutely affected his ability to control his mood so he rages a bit now. He is normally very calm most of the time. But it has shown me he in no way is in the right mindset. I'm really trying to understand compersion. I was raised in the Mormon church as mentioned in prior posts and I'm struggling with how people share the most private moments with so many others. Does it sound fun and enticing...yes! But hard for me to process because of my upbringing. You do not stray outside your marriage. It's a mindset I'm struggling with for sure but am intrigued by the concept and find it amazing that people can make it work. Especially polyamorous relationships. I'm trying to learn about everything. You guys are all so great with your responses. I am so grateful you have taken the time to respond to all my inquiries.

More than likely they want to talk about it as well, but since nobody has brought it up yet, the sleeping dog is left lying (as in lays, not as in not telling the truth). If something is said, the magic might be broken. Is this still going on or has it faded away with them?

It's (almost) the very definition of 'same room sex'. Two couples having sex in the same room (but usually with the lights on). If I had to make the call, I would say 'yes' it qualifies as swinging. How many other couples do you think have had this type of experience? It sounds like it was very hot...

Not sure if this 'counts' as a 'swing' experience, so we'd like some feedback. Years ago, we would vacation with friends of ours. Two married couples: no kids, yet, hitting the resorts and relaxing on vacation We'd always get adjoining rooms -- the hotel rooms where there's a doorway between them and can be locked or unlocked depending on whether you know the people next door. Obviously, we *did* know these people, so it worked out to be kind of a suite for the four of us. But we'd each retire for the night to separate rooms. Mrs SJB and I would enjoy knowing they could hear us making love in the next room. Almost without exception, they'd have sex, too, and we'd feed off each other's sexual energy through the wall and through the door. We never spoke about it, but it was plain that they could hear us as well as we could hear them, and it seemed that the four of us were having sex with our own spouse, with the other couple participating. Eventually kids came for all of us, and vacations became infrequent. Families slept together, and what with kids in the same room, sex just stopped on vacation. We still vacationed in adjoining rooms; only we started having 'sleepovers', where all the kids (ages 5-8) camped-out in one of the rooms with a movie and popcorn before going to bed, while the four parents relaxed in the other room. Each couple in separate beds once the kids were tucked-in. And we had sex. With our own spouse, never speaking to the other couple, and in the darkness: We couldn't really watch, but we could hear the other couple a mere five feet away and they could hear us. Even with the lights off, there was enough shadow and sound and overheard whispers to know who's on top, or what position or who was going down on whom. One time, the beds were close enough that by reaching out, wives held hands while husbands were between their legs. We would build our climaxes not just with our spouse, but in time with and feeding off the other couple's energy. These vacations are what got us talking about playing with other couples in the first place. Nothing was ever said between us and our friends about any of this. Ever. Mrs. SJB assures me the women still have never spoken of it, either. So here's the question: Is this a form of swinging? It's definitely sexual, and two couples are involved -- but there's no cross-contact. Where does this fall on the spectrum of swing-play? Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

Sorry, TC … but that’s incorrect. Parallel lines are lines that lie on the same plane and are always equidistant from each other. Two lines that cross — even if they’re in different planes and never touch — aren’t parallel. BUT! I think that in the case of same bed play, it’s still a reasonably appropriate use of the term since the two couples are supposed to remain on their own sides and never touch … well, not on purpose anyway! 😂

Side note for everyone's convenience. We hope that this saves on both confusion and frustration when making a booking. We learned this through experience. In Hotel terms Adjoining = next to. Connecting = next to with a door between. Many Handicap Accessible rooms are also Connecting for a caregiver and have large walk in showers. Connecting rooms rarely have equal sleeping accommodations. ( Hardly ever two Kings or two sets of Queens.) Just to stay on topic, the vote here is yes it is. On the tame side for sure but it is together , done with at least one person not in the marriage , and is enhancing to your sex life as a couple.

Thanks for the good feedback.

My view of it was both wanted to do it missionary and the hell with what you wanted.

Yep, flake. Next. Unfortunately, you occasionally run into people like that. I mentioned back in 2021 on this thread about one such guy that was interested in having sex with my wife. But, he was a flake. We ditched him, and it was the right decision. Even if this guy tries to come back (new relationship doesn't work out, whatever), I wouldn't give him the time of day. It's wonderful your wife has a bull whom she really enjoys!!

I told him today he was not ready because I'm in these forums reading and preparing and he's being ridiculous expecting too much. It does not matter how sexual he feels I am as it's my body and my soul that will be doing this side by side with him. If he can not agree to my terms I will be done forever because I can not trust him to do right by me. He agreed to take it at my terms and did tell me he respected me so much for being open to even considering this lifestyle. Wish us luck. We are still negotiating terms but if he stays true to his word I think we are both in for a treat. And thank you so much for this last response. It was very informative and definitely felt the love you share with your spouse through your words. This absolutely has helped me in understanding why people do this.

HE is not ready and you need to stand your ground. He needs to come here and read what has been said by all of us...you know, successful swingers, people with more experience and more knowledge on the subject. If he doesn't want to do that...if he doesn't want to try and understand your side, then he will never be ready. Doesn't matter if he overreacts...in fact, he shouldn't be overreacting. He should be thanking whatever higher power me may (or may not) believe in knowing that you are just considering this adventure. Jealousy: Once upon a time I was an extremely jealous person. I KNEW there was something wrong with anyone who wanted to be with me and all of my faults and shortcomings. It would only be a matter of time before they found out that I was seriously flawed and then they would leave (BTW, this was something that was only true in my head). When Ms. Gold and I got started in this, I was frightened that she would find someone 'better' and want to go with them, but we kept the lines of communication open and set up limits that we both respected and honored. As we took each baby step, I found that we could trust each other more and more...which lead to me loving her more and more, which allowed us to talk more and more openly. The enemy of jealousy is trust. If you KNOW that they are coming home with you, and that nobody is going to take them from you, jealousy has no place to take hold. I have never once been jealous since we started this journey...it's truly amazing, especially to someone who was so jealous in the past. Which leads us to compersion. "The word “compersion” refers to a form of joy in the joy of others. In the world of consensually non-monogamous relationships, it more specifically relates to the happiness someone finds in their partner seeking out and enjoying sexual and romantic intimacy with other people." (I looked up the definition of compersion and this is the first one that came up) When you are able to trust someone totally and completely that you can allow them to fulfill their fantasies and they allow you to fulfill yours...it's just amazing. It's the ultimate joy, knowing you are allowing your partner to experience things that neither of you believed possible in a relationship. While it is sometimes called the opposite of jealousy, that really isn't true (ask Couplers) since it is possible to feel both at the same time, but (at least in my case) I have never felt jealous since me and Ms. Gold started...just more love knowing that we are so strong, so solid that we can do this without fear, together. Love, trust communication...it takes all three and all three in abundance, but it is amazing when it all comes together.

We are definitely not doing this to fix our marriage. That would be incredibly stupid and dangerous. Our marriage bond is solid. We also have an amazing and fulfilling sex life. When he overreacts...it's expected. He calms down and he apologizes. I've accepted this is who he is. We wanted to do this because the idea turns us both on. I'm just trying to learn and understand so I can be ready to fully participate and not get caught up in my feels. I wanna let go and just be in the moment.

From our perspective each of us does own the other, because we consciously gave that when we married. In the LS we have given the freedom to explore to each other. It exemplifies trust in each other and confidence in our bond. That freedom has a side effect in that ,once the whole gonadal fidelity issue is dealt with, the things that really define us as a couple become clear. The entire "becoming one flesh"concept takes on another meaning not tied to who sticks what where. There is a Me and a Thee that is subsumed in the Us. That concept pretty much explains the whole fact of compersion from our viewpoint. It is often said here that the LS is a magnifying glass, not a tool for fixing things. Whatever is there good or bad is magnified, the good gets better, the bad gets worse. We subscribe to that theory. Thinking that the LS will "fix" anything is a dangerous mistake.

I'm getting the feeling that this potential play partner is trying rather hard to push the boundaries. I would urge caution. This could go badly. I agree with others; IF your wife has sex with him, the first few times should be with you there. That will be more illuminating. My wife has had some overnighters with a long term boyfriend she had for some years. Before that happened, there was an ongoing relationship and she had had sex with him many times. I had met him several times, and we had had MFMs as well. Everything was comfortable. My wife really enjoyed the overnighters. It can work. But, be cautious. I'm suspecting problems.

Here is my advice. When we first went to house parties, I wanted to swap with other couples only. Two reasons: I wanted to keep an eye on my wife, and at the beginning I was quite overweight and I was riding my very attractive wife’s coat tails. On my own, I was winding up with the coffee cake in the living room, while the whole party wanted to do my wife. After we got more experience and I lost 50 pounds, I realized that at house parties we did not have to achieve the elusive four way match. We each could find someone with whom to play. Easier! Also, it may not be a bad idea to have ONE drink after you get there to take the edge off. Definitely not a place to get drunk, but one drink can help with nerves. Have fun, be open and receptive, but no means no and don’t do anything you don’t want to do.

This is a hot story, thank you all for sharing! We too love to share my wife with my friend. One of my favorite stories is of when we were all staying out at the beach. There were probably 5 or 6 families out there and all of our kids as well. It’s not uncommon for my buddy to tag along for a day when we are out there. This particular day we were all out on the sand. My wife was looking hot in her little bikini and the adults were all having drinks. I realized that there wasn’t anyone back at the house and that the time would be perfect for my wife to get laid. I pulled my buddy aside and said, “take my wife back to the house and fuck her good. I’ll keep everyone out here and entertained so no one goes back to the house.” He had a huge smile on his face, walked over to my wife, whispered in her ear and she looked at me with a questioning expression. Almost to say, “are you sure?”. I nodded my head and off they went. About 20 minutes later she comes walking back out to the beach and walks up to me and plants a big kiss on my mouth. I hug her and ask her if she enjoyed herself. Her reply still resonates in my mind, “God yes, he made me cum while fucking me in the ass.” She knows I love it when she talks dirty. I ask, “did he cum in you?”. She replied with, “he did and I can feel it dripping down my legs right now.”!!!! Needless to say, I was horny the rest of the day and couldn’t wait for MY opportunity to fuck my wife!

Separate rooms. It adds sexual tension. Also, if things don’t work out, you are separated. We have vacationed with lifestyle friends and always have separate rooms.

Just a follow-up a couple of years after the initial post... We're scheduling a weekend away with our friends at a resort in April of '24. Just the four of us without the kids (because the kids are older -- some are even off at college!). Should we have separate rooms like we used to? Or should we share the room?

After introductions, the conversation will likely include where you live, how long you’ve been married, what kind of work you do, if you have children, … it’s *not* all sex. Then the first or second question you’ll (almost certainly) be asked is how long you’ve been in the LifeStyle. The second or first question you’ll be asked is if this your first foray to a club or LifeStyle event. The third question will likely be if you’re soft or full swap. The (possible) fourth question will then come … “Would you like to join us in a playroom?” Just be open and honest with your answers. Veteran swingers were ALL newbies at one point … they know what you’re experiencing and (most) won’t pressure you. If someone does, just walk away. And here’s the most important thing! If you *do* decide to join them, tell them your boundaries before the door closes behind you. If you’re prepared to only have same bed sex, say so. If you’re prepared for full intercourse, say so. Or anywhere in between, say so. Then stick to your boundaries and don’t be pushed beyond them. We’re sure that people on here with years more experience than we have no doubt can tell you far more.

The question I have that you didn't elude to is, what does your wife think of this? She's the most important person in this equation, and her feelings should be considered above all. If she has trepidations, back away, it won't be worth it. On the other hand, if she's interested, how do you feel about it? This type of relationship takes a tremendous amount of trust on the part of the husband. If both of you are up for it, I'd start with baby-steps. First night, dinner and sex, then she's home by a decent time. Next time, stretch it a little. At any time, if it's not going well for either of you, call an end to it. It could be a lot of fun, but it could also be a real challenge to the core of your marriage. Best of luck.

Had a call from my wife last night while she was out in a bar she told me my friend was in there who obviously we have had couple encounters with lately. She asked if I would mind if she went back to his after and have a good fuck session I agreed and said go enjoy his cock again she said it might be strange me not there but she loves that dirty sex they have. she returned and told me it was hot dirty fucking for ages and cum on his cock so much she forgot how many times it was just a shame I missed it.

The only time in my life a have had a STD is when I was young a long time gf I had cheated on me and gave me Chlamydia! I would rather get a STD in a situation where I am aware of the risk than in a situation where I am trusting in someone and being betrayed. I would think that STD’s are more likely to occur in cheating relationships then in the swinging community due to the dishonest nature of the person cheating.

Welcome! We're glad you're here So, let's get the blunt part out of the way. Single males in the lifestyle are a dime a dozen. There's scads of them. GOOD single males are a lot less common. So, how do you make yourself a good single male that a couple would want to play with? Here's a few tips: Set up PAID profiles on various swinger sites. Find one or two that are popular in your area (sdc.com and swinglifestyle.com are two of the more often used ones). You can start free and see how many couples are in your area looking for single males, but once you settle on one or two, then pay. If you don't pay, nobody will take you seriously. Don't be short in what you write on your profile. If all you have to say is "I like hot, sexy fun! Let's hook up!" you'll get nothing. You can write well about what you're looking for, what you're hoping for, what you can offer, and why they would want to choose you. Don't be the prototypical stupid male and include dick pics in your profile. Women know you have a dick. Honest! There's manual somewhere that says something about men having a dick. You don't need to prove it by providing a picture of it. If you have professional pictures of you, use them. You can blur out your face for your public images, but being able to see your face is something many couples will want to see. Put those in your private gallery that you share with interested couples. If a couple is communicating with you, don't treat them like a hook up. Treat them like it's a first date, and you're trying to show what a great guy you are. Do not treat either of the people in the couple with disrespect. They are both part of this. If you're straight, you don't have to play with the husband. But, treat the husband with a lack of respect, and you'll get nowhere. The couple may want to know why you want to be in the lifestyle. Some couples, like us, will be looking for telltale signs you are married and cheating. We don't play with cheaters. If you aren't really single, don't bother trying this lifestyle without your spouse. It won't go well for you. There are plenty of good reasons why a man may be single and not actively looking for a long term partner. My wife had two such men as boyfriends for years. Be honest. If you get to the point of possible playing with the couple, make sure you understand their rules well. You don't want to inadvertently cross a line, and end the evening early. Respect their rules. Don't try to gently push the boundaries or anything like that. Stay within the boundaries they set up (if they have them). Understand the husband of the couple isn't being an idiot allowing his wife to get some with another guy. It's not like that at all. Many husbands, myself included, enjoy their wives having all the sex filled fun they can have, and actively enjoy watching their wives have sex with other men. We're not stupid. Treat us like we're idiots and you won't get anywhere. Understand your role; in some ways you are little more than a live sex toy. That's not to demean you. Just understand where you fit in with this. A couple may only want to play with you once, even if you're great. My wife and I choose to keep single guys around if they're great. Some couples don't, because it can lead to emotional complications. Just be clear about your role. That's some good ground to start with. Feel free to ask us more questions! Others will probably chime in with advice here too.

I don't lie, I tell people that I look at the nude beach goers from head to toe, and I think most enjoy being looked at. I have had women even position themselves to give you a better look, if it's bending over right in front of you or spreading their legs when they notice you are looking. My gal when she knows guys are looking at her, she will stand up and put on a show by applying suntan lotion. A British lady used to put on one hell of a show at the poolside shower.

The problem with ex's and other people that you know is that with ex's there has already been feelings and emotions and most ex's are not ready for the swinging L/S. They all too easily mistake this as your wife wanting to get back together or they just become jealous leading to DRAMA. Ex's and other people you know can also spill the beans when things don't go the way they want it to. Imagine ALL of your friends, family, and coworkers hearing about what you like to do in the bedroom. It's just safer to find what you are looking for by looking somewhere you don't have to worry if things go sideways.

Fantasyfun1977; welcome to the Swingers Board! This is a great resource, and we'll happily answer any of your questions. Our bonafides; my wife and I have enjoyed many threesomes, and I'm not bi either (well, maybe 0.1%). Two of the men in those threesomes developed into long term (years) boyfriends, which were quite rewarding. GoldCoCouple is absolutely correct. You will be absolutely OVERWHELMED with the number of single men who will contact you. One of the ways we have filtered that is by including something in our profile that asks a respondent to say something in the beginning of their contact with us. This is not placed at the beginning nor the end of our profile. Bury it in a third paragraph, or something similar. Example; "If you contact us, please start your email with 'I read it'". Most of your respondents will not read that far into your profile, which means they aren't really interested in your particulars, just in hooking up. It's an easy way to down-filter the number of responses to something more manageable. Something else we have done is to look for obvious reasons why the man is single, and wants to be having sex with women who are in committed relationships and not cheating. Sometimes there isn't a clear reason, but we also look for signs they are cheating. We will never play with someone who is cheating. You shouldn't want to either; such people are dishonest and not to be trusted. Any single male whom you approach should be respectful of your limits and what you want. If they start to appear to be playing games, ditch them and move on. We had one rather nice man who started getting flaky about things, and we ditched him...despite his protestations. There's way too many fish in this particular sea to put up with that. Your wife shouldn't settle for someone she finds only mildly attractive, given how many men there are to choose from. That said, being overly picky can result in overlooking someone who is a delight in bed and whom your wife thoroughly enjoys. Someone quite different can be quite enticing. Your slow approach is fine, but certainly make the man in question understand where you are, where you think you might want to be, and how fast/slow you want to do that. He should respect that. Just remember he's a human being too, and deserves respect as well. It sounds like you and your wife have discussed this many times. That's a really good process, and is quite important. The two of you need to be 100% communicative with each other, about where you are with this, how you feel, what your hopes are, etc. Do that, and this will almost certainly have a very positive impact on your marriage. My wife and I talked about doing this for many months, both in and out of bed. Every topic within it that we could think of we'd gone over many times. We finally got to a point where we felt we couldn't do anything more before trying it. You won't absolutely know how either of you will react until you start dipping your toes in the pool. Ultimately, neither of you will know whether you enjoy it until she is having sex with another man. Also consider; the first man with whom you progress down this path might end up being just so-so. My wife and I talked about this before we dipped out toes in the pool. We agreed to try it at least a few times if the early experiences were so-so. This was a good thing; the first couple of men she tried were just that; so-so. Not bad, but not great. Then she had sex with this one guy who absolutely made her toes curl. She could not get enough sex from him, and absolutely loved him being inside of her as much as possible. After that night on the way home, she said "Ok, now I'm a swinger!" and the rest is history as they say :) So, don't count out the idea of MFMs if the first, second, or even third one isn't all that great. If you find the right guy, it really is worth it. For my part, I've always enjoyed watching my wife have sex. I used to try to explain it to myself, but couldn't. I gave up trying to rationalize and just enjoy it :) There's a fair chance the same will happen with you. Also, with your wife, if she knows she has your absolute support and that you are 100% open with her about your feelings (and those feelings are in support), she will relish having sex with another man more. It will make it more enjoyable for her. It really is a shared experience, one of deep joy and satisfaction. This is uncharted territory, as it were. Nothing in our upbringing gives us instruction on how to have a non-monogamous relationship. Standard upbringing teaches us this is wrong, you must feel jealous, and it means the end of a relationship. Swinging says very much the opposite. Developing yourself for such a relationship is a process. I'll emphasize yet again that 100% open communication between you and your wife is critical. Please feel free to ask us any questions! Welcome to a whole new world!

Finding a man for a MFM threesome is like finding a cheeseburger in McD's. They're EVERYWHERE. What is harder is finding the RIGHT man for the job. Establish your limits and rules first (knowing that they can be changed after discussing them outside of a sexual scenario, never when things are happening). Then start looking on one of the swinger websites (see: please visit our sponsors at the top of the page...most will let you set up a free profile). Say exactly what you want in the profile...that you are looking for a connection and are taking your time. You'll still get literally HUNDREDS of responses. Week them down and then start meeting them (you will learn more about them in 5 minutes in person than 5 years of email/text/talking via phone). If one isn't right or steps over the line or moves too fast or whatever, move on to the next. I cannot overemphasize HOW MANY MEN you will be contacted by. Don't be afraid to toss one back if they aren't exactly what you are looking for.

I would second this - really solid advice

Okay, first off, yes. That's definitely a form of swinging. Mr. intuition and I both agree. It's also fucking hot. What is the definition of swinging? Basically anything that falls outside of traditional monogamy due to the couple's adventurous spirit. You have entered the swinging 'spectrum'. Even if you haven't formally discussed it, there's an unspoken understanding, and yeah, as long as everyone is cool with that, it totally qualifies. I have to say, that's awesome. Delicious.

Was gonna say... But, really, why wait? Life is short, the grownups deserve some special time. Schedule a parents time out, enough days to truly relax, somewhere with hint of sybari, & a private hot tub where you all can relax naked. It should be possible from there.

Sounds like it hasn't totally disappeared though. In another 7-10 years the kids will be doing their own things and not even want to be vacationing with the parents. It may just be on hold...

Well, it has to do with the fact that this couple is NOT one of our play-couples, just our really close 'vanilla' friends. The experiences are what got us thinkng about exploring the local swing club for the first time.

Sounds like a really hot experience, amazing that you've all resisted talking about it for so long

Well we had potential playmates. Both people very attractive. He went from wanting to full swing to all the sudden only soft swinging...to then blaming me for stepping back when I realized he was uncomfortable. I was so comfortable with them in fact that I gave him full permission to flirt with her as we were all in a group chat together. He made me end it all. Okay. I did. He then bullies me saying I'm not ready. We got into a huge fight...says he does not want to be friends with people...but I do. It is where I get my safety sharing him. I have to like the woman. (Personality wise) I discovered this through getting to know them a bit. As I'm growing in this experience he is totally losing his mind and projecting all his issues onto me saying it's my fault. He talks to me about honesty and how I'm not being honest about what I want...but he did not have the balls to tell me until later that he would not swing with that man if you paid him. I honestly thinks he thinks the other man was too good looking and it intimidated him but his wife was equally as attractive. (This is just my assumption...not fact.) Last night when I got home from work he accused me of still texting this couple which he saw I ended it in our group chat for the time being and if I was, that was cheating and it would end our marriage if he found out. I would never betray our marriage which is why in the beginning I struggled with this entire concept of swinging so there are so many issues he obviously has that he can not even admit to him self and all he does is project it on to me and blames me for all of it. I'm so angry over this entire situation because it could have turned out to be very fun and exciting but now I no longer care to be involved as I do not feel his intentions are in the right place anymore. Yet I'm the one screwing it all up. He's supposedly got all this experience and here I am trying to learn everything I can. He apparently wants it to be just sex and no connections. Well some of us have to feel some kind of attraction/connection to even have sex with another person. It does not mean I will have feelings. I did friends with benefits many times before and never got attached so I'm fully capable but he keeps insisting he knows everything about this lifestyle so for now it's safe to say this adventure has come to a complete halt.