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You are one of the few people here, or I suppose anywhere, that understands my wife's approach to dating mostly married men during her single days when she wasn't looking for marriage but was looking for sex and an interesting relationship. That relationship involved the wife as an unknowing, yet very much involved, party. Daniela met every one of these wives without them knowing that she was like a spirit involved in their marriage. Daniela always strived to understand both of them and make their relationship better, including buying the wife gifts for the husband to give her and explaining to the husband the wife's side. Daniela said that she never broke up a marriage and left nearly all of them much improved, never worse. When we decided with my encouragement that Daniela's nature is being non-monogamous and that she should seek outside partners without me playing, she expected that she would go back to having relationships with married men. I was totally against it unless the wife knew and approved because I didn't fully understand what she was doing. She never did go back to married men with unknowing wives, but our current situation of swinging with married couples actually suits her much better. Daniela loves being part if couple's sex lives and being able to openly discuss the sex play and relationships with both the husband and wife. With Daniela being very bisexual, she can satisfy that part of herself as well without having other separate relationships with lesbians.

The purpose of the visit is to have the newbie couple explore some of their comfort level with the LS and play. The food and drink should support that, not interfere with it. We are 100% with hunterdonNJcpl on the gustatory preliminaries: keep it simple and light. Their stomachs--and maybe yours--will have some butterflies. Our approach: 1. Finger food, light and tasty. Pita and hummous, veggies and a simple blue cheese dip, chips and a mild salsa. Nothing that is going to be heavy, digestive challenge, etc. 2. However you do the wine, make sure there is plenty of water. Call us old, even gauche, but white wine 'spritzers' (https://www.thespruceeats.com/white-wine-spritzer-759850) or some sort of champagne cocktail that keeps the alcohol content low is a way to keep the beverage 'adult' while keeping folks hydrated. Sangria is another option. We serve these is plastic stemmed glasses so they can easily come out to the hot tub. 3. A sweet finish, such as a small scoop of a lemon/mint sorbet, can be refreshing as a transition from the gustatory preliminaries to the hot tub.

We always go super light and veggie. We used to go to a swing club that kicked off their Sat night parties with a big meal. We went once, then decided from then on we would skip that part. It's better for people to be a little hungry when playtime starts.

For me, "depends" has this context: I swallow both from my partner and bf. When in a swing situation with other guys, I usually dont let him cum in my mouth, unless I really like the guy. But I do play with their dick in my mouth as part of foreplay, but that would not culminate in cumming. Those I allow to cum, i will surely swallow! 🙂

I don't know about this survey, but in a survey of older/senior swingers asking whether they wore boxers or briefs, Depends (TM) got more than 25% of the vote from both sexes.

Yes, I'm still very much in the lifestyle. Recently got out of a relationship. Single and enjoying it.

Problem with this is not all women getting into (or at least checking out) the L/S KNOW this. All too often it is the men at the wheel driving the direction things are going and the women are 'just going along' with their man. If more women AND MEN understood that the women are really the driving force, and that they were in control of what does and doesn't happen, then there would be not so many bumps and bruises (and in some cases, fatalities) along the way. Being that you are the experienced couple taking the lead, it is also up to you to ask the right questions so that you understand what the new couples limits and expectations are...and then not to allow anything to exceed or violate them. Also, it's best to let them know what to expect IN ADVANCE so that they are comfortable when they arrive. One example that we have is whenever we are meeting a new couple for the first time (usually for dinner or drinks in a public setting), we let them know that it is JUST going to be to meet in person and get to know each other. Good food, some sexy conversation, getting to know everyone and see if there is any 'sparks'...but the fear or pressure of not knowing if everyone is ready to or interested in playing is off the table. This way, both couples get the chance to talk afterwards and decide if they are interested in getting together again instead of one person wanting to rush forward (see: taking one for the team). The reduced pressure and expectations make the evening much more comfortable and enjoyable for everyone involved instead of having to remain 'on guard' not knowing if they are going to be expected to do more than they are ready to do. It's up to you, as the experienced couple, to try and make this as good of an experience as possible...even if it is to later suggest that swinging might not be the correct path for them (we've had to do this a time or two as well).

For most other people here, our play with Joe and Shannon is not noteworthy, but for us polys it makes us feel like swinging noobies. So I feel compelled to post, but you don't have to read. To summarize, Red and Lora visited Joe and Shan at their place for a long weekend, then later I did solo. Now in two weeks they are going to visit us and stay in a nearby hotel. Joe is clear that what he's looking forward to is Red and David taking his wife (individually and together) while he watches, is insulted about what they're doing with her (or more likely complimented, the way I've seen him take it), and deal with the aftermath. Shannon is excited too. I'm looking forward to getting Joe to fuck me while he's in that state, but it will be a fight with Lora.

I was never jealous of my wife and she was not jealous about me. We shared our sexual adventures and we found it a real thrill

I always figured that my wife doing something with another partner and/or the way she's doing it is just what she wants from him or her at the time and not from me. It is, in part, a reason why we swing, to get the experience we want from the person who we desire at the time. Particularly when we go out for alone play, one of us wants someone else more than our spouse at that particular time. It's hot for us to talk about afterwards and usually have reclaiming sex. We are happy to give the other that gift.

Well said. A first visit to an LS couple's home for newbies is always an event that calls (their) questions: are we LS people? If so, where are we on this journey? If so, where do we want to be on this journey? Some notes: 1. There is never a second chance to make a first impression. In a very real sense, we are the other couple's first contact with 'real LS folks' (whatever that means). Grace, sensitivity, comfort--these things matter. Perhaps above all else, choice and respect for choices -- the autonomy of the LS-- is continued throughout the visit. Regardless of what play or chemistry or connections evolve, the visitors should have an enjoyable visit. We do not presuppose a match; rather we want visitors to leave thinking that somewhere there is a match for them. 2. Newbies can have difficulty in managing uncertainty and in framing questions. They might find it awkward and they might simply not know what to ask. One of the most useful approaches that we learned...and we use...is to tell FIBs. No, not fibs, FIBs. That is, to encourage articulation of fantasies; intentions; and boundaries. Being able to speak about FIBs is not just about clarification, it is about reassurance. We'll add that it is not just the visitors--it is the hosts as well. For the evening, our fantasy might be that the visitors go home with a sense that LS people and the LS might be more authentic than the visitors imagine; our intention is to communicate and model the respect and passion that is foundational to the LS; and our boundary is to not to make the visitors question their decision to put a toe (or 20) in the LS waters. 3. Everyone was a newbie once. There was/is an overwhelming sense of vulnerability in the internal questions of "am I like those people?", "do we want to be like those people?", "what will it mean for our relationship to dip our toes in this or that alternative social norms?", "what if we don't like it?", and "what if we do like it?" There is a sense of vulnerability in the external questions, "What if our hosts do not like us?" Awareness of vulnerability is key to many first experiences in anything, LS or otherwise.

Repeat the mantra, "women run the LS". They make all of the decisions and have absolute veto power.

I also would like to add, I also enjoyed watching Rose, my wife, with younger men... In a MFM...

We have been to Hedo 2 in Negril 26 times since 2010. We usually take a shuttle bus from the Mo-bay airport to Hedo. We generally do not go off the resort, but did go into town and to Rick's Cafe a few years ago with another couple. One time, we took a taxi from the airport to Hedo. The driver was stopped at a checkpoint. All he did was stop, roll down the windows, the cops looked in, then waved us through. The driver said they know who they are looking for. It is not the tourists, as we are the bread and butter of the Jamaican economy. Just like most any city in the U.S, there are places you don't want to go. In our 26 trips, we have never had any kind of problem. At Hedo, there is security many places around the resort 24/7, along with employees and other guests. One time, my wife tripped and fell, and security was there to help her in seconds. A female may want an escort to walk them to their room late at night, but just about anyone there is happy to do that. The guests take care of each other there, which is something I have never experienced anywhere else. I know about the U.S. Dept. of State warning online. There are many places in Jamaica that I would never go even if you paid me. However, I would not hesitate for a minute going to Hedo. Go and enjoy yourself. It will be the best vacation of your life, and you will make friends with awesome people from all over.

I'm still around. Surprised anyone still remembers me. I might not post as much as I used to, but I do read the forums occasionally.

NC , We asked ourselves "Should we have started sooner?" also. Our answer was a resounding NO, for us. Starting sooner would have been distracting from what we should have been doing then. When one door opens another is at least partially closed. When we were in our thirties, having children was the focus, mission accomplished. In our forties and fifties launching our children into adulthood was the focus, mission pleasantly accomplished. Our mid sixties and seventies have thus far been focused on exploration together. Most likely we are cultural outliers. It suits us.

I had what is now called a hotwife in my twenties, participated very briefly in foursome activities in my thirties, and my 2nd wife and I enthusiastically took up swinging in our early 50's through our sixties. The best time to be swinging: Now! If you (and your significant other, if you have one,) are excited about sharing yourself with other people, then you'll have fun no matter what age you are. Can you do stuff longer and more acrobaticly when you're young? Of course! On the other hand, as you age your experience allows you to appreciate what you're into more and more.

Me too. My husband loves when I give him a bj and I love hearing that sexy little growl, he lets out when I take his whole cock in my mouth and suck and swallow at the same time, until I make him come in my mouth. I always swallow like a good wife. But, one of my biggest turn-offs is the thought of gagging and vomiting during a bj. Which is why I don't want to go down on some other man.

Swallow for sure, but she prefers cum in her pussy. The Reality is, we find guys don't tend to cum as easily with a BJ as they do fucking. I know I don't, regardless of the woman. I do love it when what I thought was foreplay turns into her giving a full on Beej until I cum. A nice change up. Still, I think my favorite way to cum is in her pussy.

@couplers Thank you for your reply. You are right, I should have channeled my feelings in to a hot erotic experience, and I fully plan on doing this if/when the feelings arise again. We have to remember that these feelings are normal feelings but how one handles them makes all the difference in the in relationship. One thing I have to remember is that while I am a sex coach, I am also in the lifestyle as well and sometimes my brain knows what to do but my automatic responses are not always on point. Thankfully he loves me! Stephanie

Jealousy is my drug. For two years I had a husband and a boyfriend who were both monogamous with me. (I worked hard to keep them satisfied emotionally and physically.) I was jealous anytime a woman looked at my husband or even complimented him to me. (He is in shape and good looking.) One day when with a friend, she said to me that it must be great to be in bed with him. It still is burned into my mind how jealous I was, and out of my mouth came, "It can be arranged." At that point I realized 1) there was not going back, I am a woman of my word (plus I knew hubby would a) find her attractive and b) have sex with her if I told him to), and 2) how much I wanted it, to feel what it was I was afraid of. (Me choosing the woman for him to do this with did give me a sense of control.) Long story short, they fucked numerous times over several months and I looked forward to it each time with a knot of excitement in my stomach. Longer story short, we made it a game of dating women together with the ultimate goal of hubby having sex with her and me watching (I wanted to see it!)/participating. Women were willing to screw hubby, and they did, but most didn't want me there. Those that did opened me up to my Lesbian side, and one woman, Clair, joined us to make the now four of us a family rather than just a wife with a guy on the side. Even now, I get jealous and it makes me excited.

Just saw this survey and the first thing that came to mind was - HOW THE HECK DID DEPENDS GET 25% OF THE VOTE. Seems to me, a male, that you either swallow or you don't. I mean if you are a 'swallow-er' and there is a dick in your mouth then you swallow. If you are not, then don't. But why would a 'swallow-er' have a dick in their mouth and then not swallow. When does a 'non-swallow-er' have a dick in their mouth and swallow. When is that decision made? What does it depend on? Are there criteria during the act? I'm so confused. 🤔🤣