Leaderboard

We're not against playing on a first meet, per se, but it's such a rare occurrence as to be nonexistent. The absolute last thing we want is for any of the four of us to 'take one for the team', and a first meetup lets both couples communicate privately and without pressure about it. If all four of us are overwhelmed with feelings of 'OMIGOSH we have to play now' on that first meet, it's pretty apparent to everyone. But if there's even the slightest hesitation by one of the participants, it's best to finish the first date, regroup with your partner, and make plans regarding a next time to play. At least, this is the way we do it. YMMV.

How could I not? :) Though, I didn't want to interject too much. One of them in particular was fantastic for her. She could not get enough sex with him. I didn't want to deny her time having sex with him, when I could have sex with her at home. A week later, she followed this evening up with a solo date with him. Hours and hours of sex. She came home a very happy woman :)

For us, we had a similar opportunity with neighbors. They were lifelong friends of my wife and there had been some interaction between all of them in the past (the other couple didn't know I was in the know of the things that had occurred in the past). We had a huge hot tub. They came over often for meals, games, etc. There was always some comments made (I'm a flirt and always drop innuendo regardless of who we're hanging out with...all in fun). Knowing the other wife would be game immediately and the husband would give anything to do my wife, nothing ever went further than the flirty talk. My wife and I decided that dipping a toe in that pool could destroy the friendship. It just wasn't worth it. My advice would be to join a site if you're interested in bringing someone else into your bedroom. While playing with the neighbor is easy and convenient, there is a high likelihood of four newbies messing things up. With the convenience, who is the first to become jealous when one spouse is working from home while the spouse of the other couple wanders over for lunch? Especially when your wife doesn't do oral and the neighbor's wife does. Is there an accusation of a morning BJ when you take too long to get the paper? What about your one-partner wife finding her inner sex goddess while riding the neighbor's large-then-your cock? She no longer seems content with your average ride as often as she used to and seems to only want sex when the neighbor's monster truck is involved. Simple friendly banter that occurs now will be looked on differently. This is especially true when one of the husbands can't get it up during an encounter (nerves are terrible for erections) while the other is a stallion. One of the men, maybe you or maybe him, could become infatuated with the other/new woman, like he's 17 again. These physical encounters will be an hour, a couple hours once, twice a week....but you live next to them 24 hours a day, every day. What happens when you give it a try and one of the four involved didn't enjoy it? Does the for sale sign go up? What happens when your kids see mom or dad is heavily flirting and touchy with the neighbor? If you were both experienced LS couples, I'd say what the heck. You've been there before and know you can handle the sights and sounds. Newbies...no way.

We always let the other couple know that the first meeting is just to meet and nothing more (to take the pressure off and to let everyone have the chance to talk and decide if they all want to play). However, if there is a big enough spark, and it is apparent that everyone is on board, we are willing to play...we just don't want anyone to feel obligated or that they should be taking one for the team. In your situation, a second meeting is probably going to be way down the road, so you should decide on a code phrase that tells your partner that you are in (or out) in advance. Some couples are looking for a connection (FWB like) while some are just wanting to play whenever they get together with another couple...connection not needed. Sounds like you are more of the first type and they are more of the second (nothing wrong with either...they are just different types). Keep one thing in mind...all of the texting/phone calls/emails in the world are not as good as spending 5 minutes in person with a couple. You will find out more in that 5 minutes than an eternity of any other communication. Good luck and let us know the outcome...

We never went to a first meeting intending it to be a sexual encounter, but the option was always open. No words were necessary. I would look into her eyes and know if she wanted to move in that direction, and as we all know, she is in charge in those situations. That is what worked for us.

Maybe she hasn't been with a good lover. Many men are very selfish in the bedroom. They'll give a half hearted effort to get a woman off while they're doing their thing. Once the man cums, they wander off mentally and leave the woman unsatisfied. The woman you're speaking of probably had a few guys that left her to finish with the toy and she wondered what the point of letting the guy inside her when she would end up solo anyway. I've heard women make statements like they were "used" by the man to get himself off. The guys would go for a few minutes, finish up and barely be present. That's just sad.

Almost exclusively. due to work and family commitments, and scheduling around babysitters and the red tide, we break away for lifestyle fun 3 or 4 times per year.

There's a spectrum. Looking at educational roles, there are some things that will get you prosecuted, like a relationship with a minor. If you are in a position of policy-making, like the chancellor-pornographer at the University of Wisconsin-LaCrosse, and you deliberately go public by posting your own videos on youtube, yes you are likely to get fired from that role. But at the other end of the spectrum, a couple that goes on a clothing-optional holiday on their own time are not going to get into trouble unless they bring a slide show of their trip back to school. It's not ethical violations but the so-called "moral turpitude" clauses in contracts that tend to be problematic. The working definition of moral turpitude: "an act or behavior that gravely violates the sentiment or accepted standard of the community." The sentiment or accepted standard of the community is likely to be different in (for example) San Francisco versus Peoria. What is a violation and what is a grave violation? Swingers tend to be rather more ethical than cheaters. Outward monogamy is a community standard, serial monogamy is accepted as a community standard, and affairs are the stuff of PTA gossip. As Jimmy Carter discovered, "lust in the heart" is not a community standard, no matter how ethical and transparent it happens to be, if one is a "public figure".

Reflect for a moment on what you do when you sit down at a restaurant and look around at the other couples. We are never initially asking ourselves whether they cheat or they swing. Rather, we ask ourselves are they happy being with each other? Are they looking at each other, holding hands, engaged in conversation, interacting with the staff? Are they smiling? Now think on the lifestyle gatherings you have attended. Meet and greets. Cruises. Parties. Hotel takeovers. Think about those couples in LS and in vanilla settings. Same questions. Perhaps some are interested in whether you swing. But…your partner, your kids, your reports at work, your buddies at the club, the other parishioners at your house of worship…their primary interest is in whether you are happy and content with each other.

We generally have not played on the first meeting. We feel like we want to discuss it with each other privately first. But we are meeting a couple who are on a brief vacation near us. I feel like I know the husband well from a lot of texting. They will be leaving the next day for our home area. We won’t be back there till summer. They asked if we all agree, will we play after lunch. Help!

Hello! Let us introduce ourselves. We are a married, straight couple in our early 40’s. We’ve been married for 18 years, and have kids. We’ve never had any fun with anyone else outside of marriage, and, for the wife, she’s never had another partner. A little while ago, we were at the close neighbors’ house, having some drinks, and for whatever reason, I brought it up. The neighbors said they were interested too, and to my unbelievable surprise, my wife said she was open to it. We didn’t do anything that night, but talked about it when we got home. My wife stared “planning” by talking about condoms and lube and toys and whatnot. I am just so surprised by this, for a few reasons. 1) Our sex life is good, but really pretty vanilla. Her on top, then me on top, and it’s over usually. 2) She absolutely will not receive or give oral. Period. Ever. I’ve never received oral from her. I’ve asked to both give and receive, but she just replies that she doesn’t like it. I mentioned, when we were talking that the neighbor wife had offered and was willing to perform oral on me just then. I mentioned that it might be awkward and uncomfortable if my wife refuses. I am NOT about to make or try to convince my wife to do something that she does not want to do. I’d rather not go through with this, than make her uncomfortable. Has anyone gone through something similar? How does the neighbor factor play in here? Is it a good or bad idea to have our first experience with friends that live right next door? I’m sort of regretting bringing this up. It was an instant decision to say what I said, and am really shocked that everyone was game to play. I guess I’m nervous to do something like this, but really thinking this will be fun. Thank You!

I agree with discreetplay. Don't go there with the neighbors. Imagine...Your wife and the other husband watching you get oral, then penetrate and then oral again from this other woman while she and he play touchy feely like they're 13 because she won't do oral or receive oral. The neighbor wouldn't be getting much based on your description of your vanilla sex. While you would be getting something new and exciting (there is little chance the neighbor is vanilla like your wife) he'd be getting nothing new or exciting. The experiences we've had, when the sexual involvement is different between the couples, it isn't much fun. My SO is an oral goddess. We were with another couple where the wife tried but it showed she wasn't interested in giving. She laid on the bed while my SO went back and forth between me and the other husband. He was barely able to stand as his legs grew wobbly while he was getting the best oral he'd ever had. I was in heaven watching her give it to him and then back to me. I have a video of this encounter and it is so crazy hot. Yet the look on the other wife's face while she laid on the bed said it all. Once the encounter was over, we never heard from them again. I spoke with the other husband off the record, asking why they didn't want to meet up again. He said that the 10 minutes of oral was enough to stop their LS encounters for 6 months because his wife was so pissed. Their marriage survived, they had been in the LS for years, but she really didn't like him enjoying oral like that when she hated giving it. There are so many land mines here that can blow up your life. No way it is worth it.

I’m sorry that I triggered others while writing my feelings on how a young lady’s response affected me. The woman I wrote about has gone through traumatic times in her life that I feel shouldn’t be expressed on a forum without her consent. Her playing with toys is not troubling as we all have toys with mine being used more often since menopause.

For my wife, human contact was important, and very arousing, but her biggest and best orgasms were with my tongue and her vibrator. It had nothing to do with the skill of the other lover, but her being open to her lover to "let" him or her bring her to an orgasm. To her, orgasms were VERY personal, and as a result, swinging was foreplay, with the big orgasm when we were alone (or she was alone with her toy). We are all wired differently, and if you are okay with who you are, that is what is important. No reason to get angry.

Same here. We'll meet someone online, exchange chats/emails. If we're a match, we'll try to schedule a time to meet. Scheduling is tough with work travel, babysitters, etc so if we can get on the same page with a couple we seem to match with, it's a go when we meet. We have aligned the stars before only to meet up with a couple who were the opposite of what they presented in chats/emails. I'm not talking about looks. As long as your claims about looks are close, we're good. Don't say you're 6'0 190 with 5% body fat and turn out to be 5'9 (at best) and build like the Pillsbury Doughboy. We've met up with couples that focused all their small talk during drinks and hors d'oeuvres on the supreme court and political talk. Talk about killing the mood. We spent weeks chatting while waiting for our schedules to align. Finally were able to get a night setup. A lot of money on a babysitter, drinks, food and a room only to have them kill the vibe babbling about politics. They were heavily talking about subjects that were just downers. We want to have a small meal, couple drinks and spend an hour or two having naked fun.

We told the other couple if everyone is on board, we’ll play. It’s not like we can meet them the following week, it would be several months. The men have texted for years, I feel like I know them and they are nice. We’ve had meetings fall through. We’ll see what happens. It’s never what you expect.

We have and we haven’t. If meeting the first time was based on a profile other qualities must click both ways. Others posted women control the action something 99% true. Over the years I found those too willing to start play immediately sends up some red flags

We have had similar offers. LS couples you only know online traveling somewhat nearby and wanting to stop by for one night only (in your case afternoon). We generally don't accept these meets as they always seem rushed and too high-pressure and, honestly, we have a circle of LS friends so we're not desperate to squeeze in a quickie. However, one setting where we do enjoy casual hookups is when on vacation - and your friends are on vacation. So the question is: Do you want to be the hookup that spices up their vacation? 🤔

We've played on first dates on a number of occasions. We both of course have to agree. The way we do so is silent though; one or the other of us will squeeze the thigh of the other to indicate they are wanting to play. The other will do one squeeze back for yes, two for no. We haven't felt the need to discuss it out beforehand now for years. We both know what the other likes (and doesn't like). Best of luck!

In a perfect world. However, we still hear of people getting in trouble with their employers due to ethical violations etc. For example, we know a couple who are both teachers and they post no photos on their online profile for fear of being outed - which they say could cost them their jobs. Meanwhile, it is not unheard of for teachers to have affairs with other teachers at their school, which will likely not cost anyone their job.

"For now, Winter is bracing herself for the impact the book will inevitably have on her and those around her — but she seemed undaunted." “I’ve been spending a lot of my time calming everybody else down,” she said. “This doesn’t feel like something I need to be afraid of.” I think that's brave. In our 25 years of swinging we have put a lot of time, effort, and anxiety into keeping our Lifestyle a secret - with limited success. My wife and I have often observed how the world excuses cheating - but not swinging. Hopefully books like Winter's will help remove the societal stigma around non-monogamy.

We intended to go in the hot tub first, but it was raining. I bought a lifestyle deck of cards for ice breaking, but one of the cards suggested a spit roast. Not a recommendation for newbies.

I will shave facial hair. In my mind, adults have body hair, men and women.

It sounds like you are talking about cheating on your wife. That kind of thing is wrong, and risks blowing up your relationship with your wife. Please talk to your wife about this, and don’t have sex with anyone else without your wife’s knowledge and consent.