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We think the key concept is "dating". The process of "dating" --going back to those horrible teen memories-- is opaque by design, if not intention. A date is negotiated (dinner date, coffee date, movie date), there is interaction, and the parties are learning more about each other. Unfortunately, there is rarely open and candid transaction about "what are you thinking". In LS lingo, there is rarely (if ever) a candid exchange of fantasies, intentions, and boundaries. Absent such transparency, there are only unmanaged expectations that are infrequently realized. We are old(er). As such, we are content to move slowly and we would rather not waste time around unmanaged expectations. We prefer to spend more time with fewer couples towards more durable connections. Best to back out early when flags appear.

Anyone that doesn't respond is doing you a favor for whatever reason they didn't respond. Maybe they are not interested, maybe it's someone who is just fantasizing that their partner would do this with them, maybe they are picture collectors, maybe there wasn't a spark and they are looking for a spark (when we meet another couple, that's what we are looking for). Whatever the reason they don't respond, they are saving you time and effort that you can use to find someone else that may be interested. Back when we were starting, we met a couple for dinner and instantly hit it off. Had a great evening talking about sex and everything else to where we ended closing the place down (what, you're closing...we only just got here...3 hours ago). We left looking forward to our next meeting, but they fell off the earth after that. At first, we were disappointed and kept asking what we did wrong, especially since it was such an enjoyable night, but finally came to the conclusion that they just did us a favor and saved us the time and effort we would have spent on them when they weren't interested, or ready, or all on the same page, or whatever the reason was. Finding a four way match is HARD, and nobody said that it wouldn't be. All we know is that when we found a match, it started a fire and all of the disappointment and difficulty was worth it. Just keep going and don't take it personally. And lastly, beware the Ides of March...

If a guy has a high body count people say things like he's just sowing his wild oats, he's experienced, a real man's man, or boys will be boys. But if a woman has a high body count we're called sluts, whore, and loose. Guys say we must be a loose and sloppy lay cause so many guys have been in there. We lie and fudge our numbers because Guys can't handle our body count in a mature way. If we go out to a bar or club you have no clue how much attention we get. Finding a sexual partner is too easy, and contrary to popular belief we do get horny. We like sex too.

Yep. Had that happen just a few weeks ago. He didn't reply to our same-day confirm then was like "i was there what happened??" Still, by virtue of the fact a single male is just one person, we found they are half as likely to flake out. We do prefer couples to SMs, but in our child-rearing years most other couples we knew also had kids and therefore the same scheduling problems, and we didn't want to risk sacrificing our very rare free nights to new couples who might flake. So, despite maintaining 2 profiles on 2 swinger sites there were literally years when we didn't meet new couples and stuck to the same small circle of single guys. It helped us keep one foot in the LS at a time it would have been easier to leave it altogether.

You are right, but single males also flake a lot, in our experience. We finally instituted a rule that they confirm on the day of the initial meet. They had to call or text us or leave a message on SLS that they would be there. If they didn't, we assumed they would be a no-show, and didn't go ourselves. A couple of times we got a 'where-are-you' message. They hadn't contacted us on the day of, and yet they still showed. Typical SM behavior. Once, because the place we were to meet was only 10 minutes from our house, and because Mary was already made up since we decided to go out, all she had to do was change outfits from schoolmarm to slutty and we went over. It turned out to be a great night, the guy showed her a great time. One last thing, if a single guy flaked for any reason, he never got another chance. Flake once, you're done.

I think, for us, things are easier now. When our kids were young we maybe had one free night every 6 weeks sometimes not even. We couldn't risk flakes or ghosters so the best option was one or two single males my wife had good chemistry with. Again, single males were less complicated schedule and chemistry wise, and we could count on them.

Like @bbarnsworth says: move on and don't take it personally. There are many reasons ppl go dark online. Maybe both ppl weren't on board, maybe something else panned out first, maybe they're juggling complicated schedules, maybe they're flakes... just move on. Getting together with couples is tricky. Ppl poopoo single males but they're definitely easier.

Ask 100 people what the qualifications are to be considered a cuckold couple and you will probably get 100 different answers. However, all seem to agree that the wife's happiness should be the primary concern. Are you willing to suck a cock, eat cum, or crossdress to fulfill your wife's cuckold fantasy?

My husband for years keeps bringing up swinging. I was raised Mormon and the purity culture has really messed me up sexually in the sense that I am just now learning to embrace my sexuality in my 40's. He's done the lifestyle before. I honestly find it very enticing but I have so many reservations. We play a lot in bed. We have an amazing sex life. He fantasizes a lot about watching me with another man while also him joining in at some point. I have been with two men before so it's not a completely new idea for me. I do not have the same desire, as in seeing him with someone else. I do believe at some point I could get there but I am not there currently. (Over here recognizing my holdbacks...purity culture, monogamy, jealousy, being cheated on in the past) My one request was let's go to a club together...have zero expectations, still have rules in place, but let me see if it's even an environment I could be comfortable in before I get gung ho about us looking for potential playmates. His fantasy would be easy for me to fulfill...as I've said... I've done it before but as soon as I give him the go ahead to get us registered for an upcoming event, he's pressuring me to try a soft swing...telling me that this should be our goal. I am no where near ready to dive in head first. I am trying to learn all I can about why people do this lifestyle and how it does not destroy relationships. I want to go in fully prepared but also know that it may not be for me (because purity culture has messed me up.) But I feel the only way to truly know is to go to a club and talk to people and get a feel for the vibe. When I said this he wanted to shut down the entire idea because he says I'm not ready. He may be right OR he could be very wrong. I honestly think I can not truly decide for myself until I get my feet wet making the initial step...an appearance at a club. I keep telling him to want zero expectations at this point as it could go both ways for me. I know he's wanting to make sure I'm ready but I feel like I can not be ready UNLESS I go first. Is this an unreasonable request? Or is he right? I've read in a lot of places the person that's requesting the lifestyle should allow their partners their fantasies UNTIL they are comfortable and want to see their lovers doing the same. I do not want to say I'm feeling pressured because I know it's not intentional on his part. He's just very excited that I am willing to be open-minded...but it was suppose to be adding another male to start off. Now it's "we should soft swing." I'm frustrated because I truly feel excitement at the thought of trying new things but I do not want to not take these first steps that I feel will help me learn one way or the other that this lifestyle could work for both of us.i just wanna get a taste of what these clubs are like first.

This is why we try to make swingers into friends instead of friends into swingers. Most friends aren't ready for the emotions and mental preparedness needed to be swingers so they don't know how to handle it after everything has happened. Most likely, a good talk will help minimize the problem, but she could also take it as a rejection and could end up making her angry. Bottom line, it's just safer, easier, and less risk to turn swingers into friends...

I really REALLY like oldswinger's comment. My dad sold insurance and told me that maybe 1 in 20 (or 30 so) calls resulted in a sale and that if he wanted to sell 10 policies, he needed to make 200-300 calls! That's a LOT of hussle. As a "fisherman" (which oldswinger clearly has experience with), we often make a distinction between "fishing" and CATCHING! Pursuing SEXUAL PLEASURE is CERTAINLY a JOURNEY! I even compare it to "mountain climbing!" Mountain climbing REQUIRES planning, preparation, TRAVEL, accommodations...literally dozens of DETAILS. Shaved smooth pussy...shaved smooth cock and balls....freshly showered. CATCHING the WONDERFUL FRAGRANCE of freshly wet pussy, freshly ejaculated cum, delightfully wet surfaces not to mention SEEING ALL THAT HAPPEN, HEARING what it SOUNDS LIKE....."great sex" awakens all five senses at once. IMHO, it's EASY to find someone who fucks or sucks. THE CHALLENGE is SELECTING the BEST CATCH and that my dear and way more experienced swingers IS PRECISELY WHY we CUM back seeking to DO IT AGAIN. So the NYC couple is probably located in ONE OF ....THE MOST...."target rich" locations on earth....Miami and LA being close competitors. And whomever mentioned dedicated on-premise clubs or venues CERTAINLY understands the VALUE of "SEEING more to choose from." ALL of us are sexy to someone. NONE of us are sexy to everyone. Even Angelina dumped Brad Pitt.

Love is a good thing. My wife has boyfriends (I do not have girlfriends). Does love enter the picture with some of her boyfriends? Of course. It wouldn't be as good for her otherwise, and I know that if they're alone together he is treating her good because there are real feelings. Women have the capacity to love different people differently and it doesn't mean she loves me less. There is no such thing as too much love.

Thanks to everyone for the replies (and keep them coming)! One thing we wanted to clarify is that we only engage with couples with certs from other couples that say they actually played together. This is why it really confuses us when this scenario happens, since there’s some indication that they are a real couple who has played in the past. Again, we welcome any additional thoughts on this topic.

What came first? Friend or Fuck? Sometimes I ask Honey how do we know her or how did we meet them. We have fucked friends and friended those we fucked.

Happens ALL THE TIME. How bout this one: you actually go out for a vanilla meal with the other couple, you think they are your age group, same range of attractiveness, you get along well, etc. A couple days later, we invite them to our house to play. They say they will think about it. Of course, we never hear from them again. It’s really like four dimensional dating and it gets frustrating enough to consider quitting.

We had one cross over where she has sex with one half of a friend couple after the other wife had gone to bed. It was not the best outcome. In our defense, we had permission from her. Still friends but it was weird for a while.

Question for you CMW, what is the IDEAL scenario for you? A 3rd guy and all of you together? A solo with a guy while he watches? You with a solo guy while your husband is in another room? Why the idea of a club or party vs finding a solo or couple in an environment you have total control over like a hotel room? Think through what would make you feel most comfortable, bounce it off us if you aren’t sure. We will all have ideas on what we think is the most comfortable way to ease into the lifestyle.

We are continuously talking daily about it. I'm really nervous, really excited, but really nervous. I have moments where I think I'll be fine and moments where I'm worried. It's all new to me...I think that's the scary part. I also have no idea how I will react seeing my husband with someone else. I wanna be fully prepared because I know I am very turned on by it all but find myself reminding myself regularly this is for fun and that it will be fun!

Thank you all for your responses. I am looking forward to more. I keep telling him I need him to slow down. I think you are right though. I feel pressured probably because of his approach with me. Our mindsets are in different places. I am working hard to heal the purity culture damage. It will not happen over night. I do know that.

A cuckold is the man whose wife is unfaithful. I am not unfaithful because I have sex with Michael’s knowledge so he’s not a cuckold. I am not demeaning him by having sex even if some of the ungrateful guys try making fun of him.

I hope that each of you get to spend the holidays with someone you love. Family. Friends. Or the other person that you have sex with. Its all good to me!!

Years ago I was on a business trip in The South ("north, east, and west are directions; South is a place") and was listening to the radio in my rental car. There are plenty of religious broadcasters there and I started listening to one. The young guy talking was the son of a local preacher and helped out in his father's church. He was told by his father that one girl who occasionally attended their church was ill-behaved and bad news, to stay away from her. She eventually became pregnant with no husband, no partner, no boyfriend. Shortly after the baby was born, the young man was told by his father to take her the usual set of supplies the church gives in those situations. He did and ended up asking her to lunch. Several days later when the three of them were at lunch, the waitress came up to him and said, "What a beautiful baby, you must be so proud." He said that at that moment he did feel proud to be with her and her child. Long story short, he ended up marrying her. I wondered if he felt as you described:

I am not the single guy but I imagine there are 2 obvious reasons: 1) Sex with no commitment or strings attached. They get to have sex with someone who is in a relationship with another man so they get to fuck but don't have to worry about the relationship aspect which is very appealing to men. 2) It's taboo. There is a certain mental aspect about using/fucking/dominating another man's SO that turns some guys on because of the taboo nature of it. For example my buddy likes to give my GF golden showers which is not something I find very stimulating so I asked him "why do you like pissing on girls so much?" And he said "I don't like pissing on girls I like pissing on your girl." It's a psychological gratification rather than physical.

What attracted me was keeping my girl happy. Before me, she told me that she had overlapping lovers, I knew it was something she liked, so I told her to go ahead. It wasn't cuckolding, it was hotwifing, I wasn't humiliated in any way. Actually, I met the men she ended up screwing (two exes at first) so that everyone knew what was up and that it was ok by me. Since then we've moved on to swapping within a closed group of married couples.

Damn, all that equipment. One of the things I like about sex is that it doesn't require special clothing or equipment. Everything needed you always have with you! I'm always prepared if there are a few minutes and a little privacy.

If it is for guys anything like it is for me, they are searching for a word that describes their feelings about having a spouse/partner that is being non-monogamous with them. The package of emotions, fears, pleasures, desires are different for everyone, thus the confusing use of terms. They grab a word that is somewhere in the neighborhood and bend it to their particular situation. No crime is committed by doing so, but it leads to misunderstanding. It saves words, but doesn't hit the mark.

We enjoy bringing in a single guy from time to time. It is absolute not a cuckold situation. An no way he he a bull, in control, or dominating/humiliating either of us. We could probably be labeled as hotwifing and may be a little closer to stag/vixen dynamic.

I think that the mainstream view is that the cuckold wants to feel humiliated - . My wife and I are definitely not into feeling humiliated. I believe that you're correct, and that's why the term "hotwife" was invented. No humiliation, just a celebration of her sexuality and pleasure. In the olden days such a man was called a wittol. And may I add that afterwards it is an ego boost for me when a guy who has had sex with my wife is appreciative, grateful, and a bit envious of me. The opposite of humiliation.

Did my previous post strike anyone as cuckold? Just curious. I just think of it as alone play, which is not uncommon among our group (and Daniela likes FFMing with this couple). Either way is fine with me, we started with her hotwifing.

Whatever the psychology of it is, my wife enjoys the idea that she is in a relationship with a man who has another woman for sex as well. When she was single, it was married men with a wife. Now there are married men with wives who know and approve, and it is me, her own husband. Not only is it me with more than one other woman, she can watch the goings-on and even participate.

The wife is having fun; what's humiliating in that?

My husband never just sat and watched, he jumped in whenever he wanted, during an interlude and afterwards. He preferred watching while excited then going second because post orgasm it wasn't as much fun for him. Boyfriend was the opposite, he preferred me "fresh" then leave and not watch, although sometimes I stuck him with sloppy seconds. He never turned me down. "Different strokes for different folks." Fortunately, I got all of the strokes. BTW, I always go out of my way to give hubby anything he wants whenever he wants it.

I am a very kinky black man. My name is Petey Wheatstraw. Got started in swinging many years ago and eventually was introduced to the world of cuckoldry. I am here to meet men, women, and couples interested in Cuckoldry.

A cuckold has a cheating spouse. A Wittol is a man who acquiesces to his wife's affairs. The latter is moral, the former is not.

Absolutely not. Does he know of you desire? Does he support it? We started asymmetrically with me just having an outside partner, with hubby's full support.

I'm very serious I want to try

I haven't had a good ole gang bang since covid - I would soooooo love for one right now. uuggghhhh

I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing or acting on those sexual desires. It all depends on your husband-wife relationship and what you have talked about and established as far as rules/limits. I would have a conversation and tell him you desires...hopefully he'll be eager to let you fulfill that desire!

I would do anything she wanted me to. She could push the envelope as far as she wanted

You seem to cover it all, I'm not sure just how far I'd go.

lol doesn't feel like there are many christian swingers out there. be nice to play with people that have the same views as we do

I never tryed it I love the feeling of having two woman in my arms I suppose it's a good feeling as well.

I don't remember if I've commented on this thread before or not, and I'm too lazy to go look. So you get my 2 cents again. Just to add to the last couple of comments, I personally find the human-to-human connection found in swinging to be one of the most rewarding things about it. I have this altruistic bent that makes me want to make the world a little better for my having been in it. The best way I can do that is to positively affect those whose paths I cross. You ever had a deep, meaningful conversation with a complete stranger, then went on your way feeling richer for the experience? To me, that's what swinging is: a conversation. I like to make a safe space for strangers to - if just for a short time - let down their guard and be themselves without being judged. I'm pretty good at that. I love people. Sometimes I don't love what they do, but I love that part of them that Christ saw and loved enough to give His own life for. Every human being carries this spark of the divine. Swinging lets me get beyond the polite social barriers, the etiquette, the personal space thing, etc. and see the vulnerable person there. They are imperfect and just doing the best they can on their journey down here; I see my job - my life purpose, if you will - to be someone who reminds them of who they are, why they're here, and gives them a hug and a friendly slap on the ass as I send them back to the game. Honestly, we're all supposed to do this for one another. I don't want to get involved in your life/story; I just want to recharge your batteries a bit, restore a bit of faith in humanity. Swinging is one of the ways I get to do that.

We have had several swinging experiences over decades but when we look at our most comfortable experiences in reflection, we see that our fellow church members (and those of other churches outside our own membership) have held the most relaxing and comforting experiences. Perhaps it is because we not only share an intimate physical experience, but we also share a basis of faith that offers other guidance. We really live modest "vanilla" lives supporting family and our community. Discovering that others inside our church are also LS participants adds to our enjoyment of our faith and our LS fun. The most apparent trait aside from our personal belief of God and Salvation among our church friends is the single mindedness that as spouses, we are one. We share the LS enjoyment as "one" and we lift up our friends in their time of need both in spirit and however we can as a couple. We don't go out of our way to seek out members of our church and recruit for the LS, but the discovery has happened and we are very close knit. We suppose that if anything, we have added to our spiritual family with physical. Maybe the same reflection of joy and comfort is not sought by others in the LS, but we have found solace, comfort, and joy swinging with our church friends. Guess by some measurements we are "back sliding Baptists"

I'm a Christian, have been all my life. My wife's Jewish, has been all her life. One of the reasons why we work so well together is that each understands how important this is for the other person, and supports the other person about it in every way possible. How do I think it's possible to be both a Christian and ENM? (Ethically Non Monogamous, which can be swinging, or open-marriage, or polyamorous, or many other things) I think it's about two separate things. First, Jesus said, "Love everyone, for God loves everyone." What is love? Well, now we have agreed on the substance; we're just working out the details. Second, I'm aware that Christianity as-it-has-been-lived has been hugely influenced by the attitudes of the societies in which it has lived. This makes me much less wed to adhering to the attitudes of distant and long-vanished societies. For example, polygamy. Judaism has never declared polygamy "unlawful" (in terms of Torah and rabbinical interpretations). European rabbis advised European Jews to stop practicing polygamy, in around the 1200s I believe, because the European goyim used that as an excuse to attack the Jews. But that was a practical matter, not a religious matter. Christianity began among the Jews, so the first Christians were open to polygamy. Why did the Christians abandon it? I think it's because Christian demographics shifted so quickly to being majority-gentile ... and all the gentiles in the Roman/Hellenistic world were monogamous. So Christianity "imported" monogamy from the gentiles, without leaving any record of any active debate or decision about the matter. A book that has really opened my eyes is "Sex At Dawn," by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. It presents the origins of human sexuality in the context of small bands of immediate-return foragers -- who were radically egalitarian and radically generous. They quote an anthropologist who studied a "primitive" tribe in the upper Amazon basin. This tribe expects its members to be generous ... with their genitals. They have a derogatory word which means, "stingy with his/her genitals." During a festival, the anthropologist sheltered a young man who was fleeing from a repulsive woman ... whom he could not turn down without being accused of being "stingy with his genitals." The anthropologist reported that this offense was considered "worse than adultery." As I read the Bible, I now see some passages in a new light: - Jesus's injunctions to be radically generous, rather than stingy - The practice of the Israelites in the wilderness, who foraged for manna and whose foraging had to be immediate-return ... because if they gathered anything more it just rotted. I think there are echoes of this earlier society, and of its attitudes, in the Old and the New Testament. Along with attitudes of later societies that intruded upon them (such as the notion in the Tenth Commandment that a man's wives are his property). And this has made me feel less ... naive ... about the attitudes of so many Christians today. For if God is humble and loving -- and I do think He is -- and if we are supposed to be like him as much as we can -- ditto -- then which is the better course? For husbands to treat their wives as property? While wives manipulate their husbands so that they will get what they want? Or for men and women to share their bounty, openly, honestly, and with good communication and with agreement among all? Rhetorical question, of course. It simply illustrates my current position. And, no, I'm not going to try to convince my church's clergy that I'm right. I'm not naive about that, either. As for "adultery" -- that word comes from the verb, "to adulterate." Which means, to make less pure, less effective, by mixing foreign substances in. For example, one might adulterate salt by mixing white sand into it, and then selling it as 100% salt. My wife and I have discussed this point, specifically. We agree that what we are doing is not weakening our marriage. It is making our marriage stronger. Because sometimes adding an "impurity" can improve the thing. For example, when you add tin to copper in a certain way, you get bronze. And when you add carbon to iron in a certain way ... you get steel. Free advice, and worth every penny. FWIW. YMMV. IMHO. And all of the rest of the usual Internet disclaimers. Oh, and I have just created a "Club" on this site for "Christian Non Monogamy," where people who would enjoy talking about this can find like-minded people!

That's cool. I get it. Not everyone understands my beliefs, and many disagree with me vehemently, swinger and Christian alike. I appreciate you being respectful when discussing them. I try to remain respectful of other peoples belief systems when I post and speak (at times I fail). But I admit I get snippy when people disrespectful or dismissive of mine. I don't go out and try to convince people to agree with me. However, I have no problem discussing beliefs in this manner and answering questions. You don't agree with me, but are respectful, which I appreciate and will do my best to address questions. Although I readily admit I don't have all the answers. I am still in search of them and realize I may never find many of them in this life. As for your other questions: Why no consensus? Because humans try to figure it all out. Make sense of something that is eternal and without end. I am pretty educated, have a decent IQ, but when I start thinking about time without end, a universe with no bounds, it gets a bit overwhelming. Forever is a pretty easy concept until you start giving it serious thought. As for playing God for a day. He has given us all we need to do for eternal salvation and it is not difficult. There are not a laundry list of rules and hoops to jump through. All we have to do is believe in Christ and we are saved. And you are correct, people add a lot of "stuff" but it is human nature to want our stamp on things, even if that is not what God wants. The bible shows this time and time again, even among some of the most faithful. Get out of Jail Free card. God created us in his likeness and for his pleasure. By pleasure it means he takes pleasure in creation. In his likeness does not mean a carbon of himself. He gave us free will to choose. If you could MAKE someone love you, how gratifying would it be. They loved you only because you made them love you. With free will we choose to love God or not. He has shown us his love by giving us Christ, believe and love him and you have eternal life. Also, we are born with sin and live sin everyday according to the Bible. All sins are the same in the eyes of the Lord. I was taught to pray for forgiveness for sins I was aware of those I was not. Based on what I know, I don't think what are doing is sinful because sex is not sinful and I am not breaking any covenants. I am being truthful and kind to others. But if I am wrong I am still asking forgiveness for sins I commit and am not aware. So yeah it is like a get out of jail free card in a sense.

There are quite a few ways to approach the Bible and sexuality. Often those that present the strictest rules ignore as much of the Bible as the preach from my observation. Several have been posted above. Another one I use is Hebrews 11. Its a listing of men and women of faith in the Bible. They are set up as examples for us. Abraham had sex with his wife and her handmaiden. The Bible has this as not an act of faith but doesn't picture it as a sexual sin. After Sarah died Abraham married again and had concubines. We call Abraham the father of our faith. Sarah asked her husband to have sex with her handmadien. God never condemns her for doing such. Jacob had 2 wives and two handmaidens. His is considered the father of Isreal. Again, this is never viewed as being sinful. Moses had 3 wives. God defends Moses when he takes his 2nd wife and says he is faithful in all his house. etc. You can study the list if your interested. The above gives the idea. Not all those listed did things sexually that are recorded and conservative Christians would consider sinful today. But about half of the names saints in Heb.11 and are said to be examples of faith did sexual things that today would keep them from being leaders in the church and probably would mean they would be kicked out of the church for.

Maybe I misread you first sentence. But as a Christian myself, I get irritated when people who are not Christian's asked loaded rhetorical questions like "how can people be Christians, its blah, blah blah." Some people don't understand, I get it, it is their choice. By the same token, I don't understand atheism either, but I don't ask "how can they be atheist," either. Some Christians and atheist alike will tell you that the swinging and Christianity are incompatible, you can be one or the other, but not both. We have found a way to be both and are comfortable with it. The same goes for beliefs with Christianity. There are many traditions, rules and "laws" we don't agree with or apply to our lives. Sure there are basic tenets that are the pillars of Christianity, but many of the things in organized religions are constructs that we feel don't apply. But as long as they are not harmful to others we believe in live and let live. If some Christians believe a robust sex life is not part of Christianity, then so be it, too bad for them. So how can anyone be a Christian and believe or not believe something? We each choose our own path, we respect peoples right to choose their path and hope for the same from them. If they are genuinely curious to know how we came to those decisions we will try to tell them.

Someone please explain how you cannot be follower of Jesus and do what he did and enjoy a robust sex life. To me the two are complimentary. And if a husband and wife share an equal balance of power in the marriage and agree that the lifestyle is a shared desire, how is it adultery?

Big Nikki here. The conflict isn't with Christianity, it's with the strict, the judgmental, the narrow minded. John and I are from tri-religious families and I can square our swinging with all three. If we were dumb enough to come out to our families, some would condemn us, some would accept us, and there might be some who ask Where to we sign up?