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We think the key concept is "dating". The process of "dating" --going back to those horrible teen memories-- is opaque by design, if not intention. A date is negotiated (dinner date, coffee date, movie date), there is interaction, and the parties are learning more about each other. Unfortunately, there is rarely open and candid transaction about "what are you thinking". In LS lingo, there is rarely (if ever) a candid exchange of fantasies, intentions, and boundaries. Absent such transparency, there are only unmanaged expectations that are infrequently realized. We are old(er). As such, we are content to move slowly and we would rather not waste time around unmanaged expectations. We prefer to spend more time with fewer couples towards more durable connections. Best to back out early when flags appear.

Anyone that doesn't respond is doing you a favor for whatever reason they didn't respond. Maybe they are not interested, maybe it's someone who is just fantasizing that their partner would do this with them, maybe they are picture collectors, maybe there wasn't a spark and they are looking for a spark (when we meet another couple, that's what we are looking for). Whatever the reason they don't respond, they are saving you time and effort that you can use to find someone else that may be interested. Back when we were starting, we met a couple for dinner and instantly hit it off. Had a great evening talking about sex and everything else to where we ended closing the place down (what, you're closing...we only just got here...3 hours ago). We left looking forward to our next meeting, but they fell off the earth after that. At first, we were disappointed and kept asking what we did wrong, especially since it was such an enjoyable night, but finally came to the conclusion that they just did us a favor and saved us the time and effort we would have spent on them when they weren't interested, or ready, or all on the same page, or whatever the reason was. Finding a four way match is HARD, and nobody said that it wouldn't be. All we know is that when we found a match, it started a fire and all of the disappointment and difficulty was worth it. Just keep going and don't take it personally. And lastly, beware the Ides of March...

If a guy has a high body count people say things like he's just sowing his wild oats, he's experienced, a real man's man, or boys will be boys. But if a woman has a high body count we're called sluts, whore, and loose. Guys say we must be a loose and sloppy lay cause so many guys have been in there. We lie and fudge our numbers because Guys can't handle our body count in a mature way. If we go out to a bar or club you have no clue how much attention we get. Finding a sexual partner is too easy, and contrary to popular belief we do get horny. We like sex too.

Yep. Had that happen just a few weeks ago. He didn't reply to our same-day confirm then was like "i was there what happened??" Still, by virtue of the fact a single male is just one person, we found they are half as likely to flake out. We do prefer couples to SMs, but in our child-rearing years most other couples we knew also had kids and therefore the same scheduling problems, and we didn't want to risk sacrificing our very rare free nights to new couples who might flake. So, despite maintaining 2 profiles on 2 swinger sites there were literally years when we didn't meet new couples and stuck to the same small circle of single guys. It helped us keep one foot in the LS at a time it would have been easier to leave it altogether.

You are right, but single males also flake a lot, in our experience. We finally instituted a rule that they confirm on the day of the initial meet. They had to call or text us or leave a message on SLS that they would be there. If they didn't, we assumed they would be a no-show, and didn't go ourselves. A couple of times we got a 'where-are-you' message. They hadn't contacted us on the day of, and yet they still showed. Typical SM behavior. Once, because the place we were to meet was only 10 minutes from our house, and because Mary was already made up since we decided to go out, all she had to do was change outfits from schoolmarm to slutty and we went over. It turned out to be a great night, the guy showed her a great time. One last thing, if a single guy flaked for any reason, he never got another chance. Flake once, you're done.

I think, for us, things are easier now. When our kids were young we maybe had one free night every 6 weeks sometimes not even. We couldn't risk flakes or ghosters so the best option was one or two single males my wife had good chemistry with. Again, single males were less complicated schedule and chemistry wise, and we could count on them.

Like @bbarnsworth says: move on and don't take it personally. There are many reasons ppl go dark online. Maybe both ppl weren't on board, maybe something else panned out first, maybe they're juggling complicated schedules, maybe they're flakes... just move on. Getting together with couples is tricky. Ppl poopoo single males but they're definitely easier.

Ask 100 people what the qualifications are to be considered a cuckold couple and you will probably get 100 different answers. However, all seem to agree that the wife's happiness should be the primary concern. Are you willing to suck a cock, eat cum, or crossdress to fulfill your wife's cuckold fantasy?

My husband for years keeps bringing up swinging. I was raised Mormon and the purity culture has really messed me up sexually in the sense that I am just now learning to embrace my sexuality in my 40's. He's done the lifestyle before. I honestly find it very enticing but I have so many reservations. We play a lot in bed. We have an amazing sex life. He fantasizes a lot about watching me with another man while also him joining in at some point. I have been with two men before so it's not a completely new idea for me. I do not have the same desire, as in seeing him with someone else. I do believe at some point I could get there but I am not there currently. (Over here recognizing my holdbacks...purity culture, monogamy, jealousy, being cheated on in the past) My one request was let's go to a club together...have zero expectations, still have rules in place, but let me see if it's even an environment I could be comfortable in before I get gung ho about us looking for potential playmates. His fantasy would be easy for me to fulfill...as I've said... I've done it before but as soon as I give him the go ahead to get us registered for an upcoming event, he's pressuring me to try a soft swing...telling me that this should be our goal. I am no where near ready to dive in head first. I am trying to learn all I can about why people do this lifestyle and how it does not destroy relationships. I want to go in fully prepared but also know that it may not be for me (because purity culture has messed me up.) But I feel the only way to truly know is to go to a club and talk to people and get a feel for the vibe. When I said this he wanted to shut down the entire idea because he says I'm not ready. He may be right OR he could be very wrong. I honestly think I can not truly decide for myself until I get my feet wet making the initial step...an appearance at a club. I keep telling him to want zero expectations at this point as it could go both ways for me. I know he's wanting to make sure I'm ready but I feel like I can not be ready UNLESS I go first. Is this an unreasonable request? Or is he right? I've read in a lot of places the person that's requesting the lifestyle should allow their partners their fantasies UNTIL they are comfortable and want to see their lovers doing the same. I do not want to say I'm feeling pressured because I know it's not intentional on his part. He's just very excited that I am willing to be open-minded...but it was suppose to be adding another male to start off. Now it's "we should soft swing." I'm frustrated because I truly feel excitement at the thought of trying new things but I do not want to not take these first steps that I feel will help me learn one way or the other that this lifestyle could work for both of us.i just wanna get a taste of what these clubs are like first.

We just recently had our 3rd experience in the lifestyle. Totally unplanned, but a friend of ours is a designer, and she came over to help us with our remodel. She noticed my wife's anklet, and made a comment, and things just kinda happened. This woman is single, and part of a large friend group we have. The funny thing is, she is very reserved, often judging our other single friends for being "too loose," or making poor choices for who to date. She just always seems so prim and proper, but in the bedroom she was kinda craven - "Fuck me in the ass. Fuck me in the ass. Oh God please fuck me in the ass!" or as we were just wrapping up the afternoon, she had me cum in her panties so she could wear them home. We saw her the next day at the superbowl party, and while she wasn't indiscreet, she made a few comments that made us uncomfortable - pointing out my wife's nipples through her shirt, and whispering to me that she still had the same panties on. We realize now it was probably a mistake to fool around with her, and we're planning on having a talk with her to ensure our privacy. But that brought about a larger question for us: How do you handle swinging with friends? We're not ashamed or anything like that about our newfound interest in the lifestyle, but at the same time we don't want the world to know. Does anyone else know you are swingers? There are a few in our friend group we've had fantasies about, but it seems like that is a bad idea. Would love to hear others' experiences.

We grew over the years as to the why we play with others. We didn’t care who as we were not looking for friends, we were looking for excitement. Unlike the first time I had sex being nervous and young, we were now going to be a first for couples. After meeting a the first few couples where my deep feeling was to make their first experience a memorable positive experience I found deep in my gut the I had joy over being a first. Alan called it our conquest which is more important, physical less important. We evolved to enjoying companionship as well as physical satisfaction. Our swing partners are now our friends, great friends. Within our group are those that were friends before and remain closer friends. My feelings like others who post, it is safer to make new friends rather than risking losing good friends.

The only love involved for us is the love of sex. There is no intimate or loving feelings between anyone except the two of us.

This is why we try to make swingers into friends instead of friends into swingers. Most friends aren't ready for the emotions and mental preparedness needed to be swingers so they don't know how to handle it after everything has happened. Most likely, a good talk will help minimize the problem, but she could also take it as a rejection and could end up making her angry. Bottom line, it's just safer, easier, and less risk to turn swingers into friends...

I really REALLY like oldswinger's comment. My dad sold insurance and told me that maybe 1 in 20 (or 30 so) calls resulted in a sale and that if he wanted to sell 10 policies, he needed to make 200-300 calls! That's a LOT of hussle. As a "fisherman" (which oldswinger clearly has experience with), we often make a distinction between "fishing" and CATCHING! Pursuing SEXUAL PLEASURE is CERTAINLY a JOURNEY! I even compare it to "mountain climbing!" Mountain climbing REQUIRES planning, preparation, TRAVEL, accommodations...literally dozens of DETAILS. Shaved smooth pussy...shaved smooth cock and balls....freshly showered. CATCHING the WONDERFUL FRAGRANCE of freshly wet pussy, freshly ejaculated cum, delightfully wet surfaces not to mention SEEING ALL THAT HAPPEN, HEARING what it SOUNDS LIKE....."great sex" awakens all five senses at once. IMHO, it's EASY to find someone who fucks or sucks. THE CHALLENGE is SELECTING the BEST CATCH and that my dear and way more experienced swingers IS PRECISELY WHY we CUM back seeking to DO IT AGAIN. So the NYC couple is probably located in ONE OF ....THE MOST...."target rich" locations on earth....Miami and LA being close competitors. And whomever mentioned dedicated on-premise clubs or venues CERTAINLY understands the VALUE of "SEEING more to choose from." ALL of us are sexy to someone. NONE of us are sexy to everyone. Even Angelina dumped Brad Pitt.

We are not looking for love with others. It’s more of a friends with benefits goal for us.

Love is a good thing. My wife has boyfriends (I do not have girlfriends). Does love enter the picture with some of her boyfriends? Of course. It wouldn't be as good for her otherwise, and I know that if they're alone together he is treating her good because there are real feelings. Women have the capacity to love different people differently and it doesn't mean she loves me less. There is no such thing as too much love.

In any situation, you can always assume the best or the worst. There are couples who find excitement dreaming of getting involved but remain afraid to pull the trigger. Others are exploring and may not be ready for a few years. You never know. We always viewed it as a day of fishing. You may make 1000 casts, and some days you don't get a nibble, other days you might land three lunkers. We learned to enjoy the journey, not just the destination.

What came first? Friend or Fuck? Sometimes I ask Honey how do we know her or how did we meet them. We have fucked friends and friended those we fucked.

P.S. if the other couple has no certs, you are asking for trouble generally. Unless they claim they don’t give or receive certs. Still!

Also keep in mind that many of these couples are poseurs and not swingers at all. We had a refreshingly easy playtime with other very comfortable in their own skin swingers who we just misaligned with several times. We got together for a very uncomplicated sexy time. So easy and comfortable! No wondering, no drama, great time. All too rare. It used to be easier for us, we think. Maybe we were younger.

We had one cross over where she has sex with one half of a friend couple after the other wife had gone to bed. It was not the best outcome. In our defense, we had permission from her. Still friends but it was weird for a while.

Sorry to hear things didn't pan out for the long term @BiloxiBiMaleMMF it sounds like it could have been a wonderful regular thing. @Starting late we have learned that while discretion is expected by most ppl in the LS it shouldn't be assumed. We're discreet. Most swingers are. Yet some don't seem to care one bit who knows, so it's one of the points we always discuss in advance at meetups.

Better to have swingers become friends than friends become swingers. As you observe, the relationship becomes complex as the new person tries to figure out their fantasies, intentions, and boundaries even while maintaining the vanilla aspect of the relationship.

We are continuously talking daily about it. I'm really nervous, really excited, but really nervous. I have moments where I think I'll be fine and moments where I'm worried. It's all new to me...I think that's the scary part. I also have no idea how I will react seeing my husband with someone else. I wanna be fully prepared because I know I am very turned on by it all but find myself reminding myself regularly this is for fun and that it will be fun!

Thank you all for your responses. I am looking forward to more. I keep telling him I need him to slow down. I think you are right though. I feel pressured probably because of his approach with me. Our mindsets are in different places. I am working hard to heal the purity culture damage. It will not happen over night. I do know that.

Michael, like my husband, is not a cuckold, he is unselfish and generous. Very early in our marriage, before our poly family formed (and I was full of myself) I started having sex with a man like that. He just couldn't understand why my husband was ok with it. Rather than being grateful, he demeaned my husband and said he must be sexually inadequate. I dumped him. The experience humbled me and made me appreciate my husband and boyfriend more.

I hope that each of you get to spend the holidays with someone you love. Family. Friends. Or the other person that you have sex with. Its all good to me!!

Years ago I was on a business trip in The South ("north, east, and west are directions; South is a place") and was listening to the radio in my rental car. There are plenty of religious broadcasters there and I started listening to one. The young guy talking was the son of a local preacher and helped out in his father's church. He was told by his father that one girl who occasionally attended their church was ill-behaved and bad news, to stay away from her. She eventually became pregnant with no husband, no partner, no boyfriend. Shortly after the baby was born, the young man was told by his father to take her the usual set of supplies the church gives in those situations. He did and ended up asking her to lunch. Several days later when the three of them were at lunch, the waitress came up to him and said, "What a beautiful baby, you must be so proud." He said that at that moment he did feel proud to be with her and her child. Long story short, he ended up marrying her. I wondered if he felt as you described:

To me the woman I desire, have always desired is the girl that everyone has taken a turn on. The town slut. I don't know why but always that is the woman I want and humiliation makes it better...That is all I know. Give me a used woman to take care of and I am happy....

Married or single, male or female, straight or bi, compersion or self-arousal - there are just a lot of people who like watching or just knowing that their partner (or in my case, partners) is having sex or in love with one or more other people. Another wonderful variation of nonmonogamy.

I am not the single guy but I imagine there are 2 obvious reasons: 1) Sex with no commitment or strings attached. They get to have sex with someone who is in a relationship with another man so they get to fuck but don't have to worry about the relationship aspect which is very appealing to men. 2) It's taboo. There is a certain mental aspect about using/fucking/dominating another man's SO that turns some guys on because of the taboo nature of it. For example my buddy likes to give my GF golden showers which is not something I find very stimulating so I asked him "why do you like pissing on girls so much?" And he said "I don't like pissing on girls I like pissing on your girl." It's a psychological gratification rather than physical.

What attracted me was keeping my girl happy. Before me, she told me that she had overlapping lovers, I knew it was something she liked, so I told her to go ahead. It wasn't cuckolding, it was hotwifing, I wasn't humiliated in any way. Actually, I met the men she ended up screwing (two exes at first) so that everyone knew what was up and that it was ok by me. Since then we've moved on to swapping within a closed group of married couples.

Damn, all that equipment. One of the things I like about sex is that it doesn't require special clothing or equipment. Everything needed you always have with you! I'm always prepared if there are a few minutes and a little privacy.

If it is for guys anything like it is for me, they are searching for a word that describes their feelings about having a spouse/partner that is being non-monogamous with them. The package of emotions, fears, pleasures, desires are different for everyone, thus the confusing use of terms. They grab a word that is somewhere in the neighborhood and bend it to their particular situation. No crime is committed by doing so, but it leads to misunderstanding. It saves words, but doesn't hit the mark.

Thanks. Not that it matters. I was ready to accept the cuckold title at first, when my wife was playing and I wasn't, until I learned about the distinction about cuckolds being humiliated and hotwife husbands not.

Did my previous post strike anyone as cuckold? Just curious. I just think of it as alone play, which is not uncommon among our group (and Daniela likes FFMing with this couple). Either way is fine with me, we started with her hotwifing.

Whatever the psychology of it is, my wife enjoys the idea that she is in a relationship with a man who has another woman for sex as well. When she was single, it was married men with a wife. Now there are married men with wives who know and approve, and it is me, her own husband. Not only is it me with more than one other woman, she can watch the goings-on and even participate.

To be honest I never heard the expression before joining this group. I never thought of Mike being humiliated watching me with a man or men. He has watched many times and he says he enjoys watching me enjoying sex and additionally he is there for my safety. I have met men that try to humiliate me and in turn try to humiliate Mike thinking he is not able to please me which is the furthest from the truth, Mike is a terrific lover and partner. I have watched Michael with other women and I never felt humiliated or shamed, is a woman showing off her husband a cuckold too. I surely enjoy watching him bring a woman to a screaming orgasm.

My husband never just sat and watched, he jumped in whenever he wanted, during an interlude and afterwards. He preferred watching while excited then going second because post orgasm it wasn't as much fun for him. Boyfriend was the opposite, he preferred me "fresh" then leave and not watch, although sometimes I stuck him with sloppy seconds. He never turned me down. "Different strokes for different folks." Fortunately, I got all of the strokes. BTW, I always go out of my way to give hubby anything he wants whenever he wants it.

I am a very kinky black man. My name is Petey Wheatstraw. Got started in swinging many years ago and eventually was introduced to the world of cuckoldry. I am here to meet men, women, and couples interested in Cuckoldry.

Absolutely not. Does he know of you desire? Does he support it? We started asymmetrically with me just having an outside partner, with hubby's full support.

I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing or acting on those sexual desires. It all depends on your husband-wife relationship and what you have talked about and established as far as rules/limits. I would have a conversation and tell him you desires...hopefully he'll be eager to let you fulfill that desire!

You seem to cover it all, I'm not sure just how far I'd go.

I don't remember if I've commented on this thread before or not, and I'm too lazy to go look. So you get my 2 cents again. Just to add to the last couple of comments, I personally find the human-to-human connection found in swinging to be one of the most rewarding things about it. I have this altruistic bent that makes me want to make the world a little better for my having been in it. The best way I can do that is to positively affect those whose paths I cross. You ever had a deep, meaningful conversation with a complete stranger, then went on your way feeling richer for the experience? To me, that's what swinging is: a conversation. I like to make a safe space for strangers to - if just for a short time - let down their guard and be themselves without being judged. I'm pretty good at that. I love people. Sometimes I don't love what they do, but I love that part of them that Christ saw and loved enough to give His own life for. Every human being carries this spark of the divine. Swinging lets me get beyond the polite social barriers, the etiquette, the personal space thing, etc. and see the vulnerable person there. They are imperfect and just doing the best they can on their journey down here; I see my job - my life purpose, if you will - to be someone who reminds them of who they are, why they're here, and gives them a hug and a friendly slap on the ass as I send them back to the game. Honestly, we're all supposed to do this for one another. I don't want to get involved in your life/story; I just want to recharge your batteries a bit, restore a bit of faith in humanity. Swinging is one of the ways I get to do that.

I can totally see that. The most comfortable swinging experiences, which usually means the most enjoyable too, are the ones where you feel the most in sync with the other couple, not only sexually but overall. So, that common ground gained through being part of the same faith community is no less valuable than any other commonality two couples find they share. The commonality can be mutual raw sexual attraction, personality, interests, or even faith, but finding that common ground is the first step in putting together good chemistry between playmates.

We have had several swinging experiences over decades but when we look at our most comfortable experiences in reflection, we see that our fellow church members (and those of other churches outside our own membership) have held the most relaxing and comforting experiences. Perhaps it is because we not only share an intimate physical experience, but we also share a basis of faith that offers other guidance. We really live modest "vanilla" lives supporting family and our community. Discovering that others inside our church are also LS participants adds to our enjoyment of our faith and our LS fun. The most apparent trait aside from our personal belief of God and Salvation among our church friends is the single mindedness that as spouses, we are one. We share the LS enjoyment as "one" and we lift up our friends in their time of need both in spirit and however we can as a couple. We don't go out of our way to seek out members of our church and recruit for the LS, but the discovery has happened and we are very close knit. We suppose that if anything, we have added to our spiritual family with physical. Maybe the same reflection of joy and comfort is not sought by others in the LS, but we have found solace, comfort, and joy swinging with our church friends. Guess by some measurements we are "back sliding Baptists"

I'm a Christian, have been all my life. My wife's Jewish, has been all her life. One of the reasons why we work so well together is that each understands how important this is for the other person, and supports the other person about it in every way possible. How do I think it's possible to be both a Christian and ENM? (Ethically Non Monogamous, which can be swinging, or open-marriage, or polyamorous, or many other things) I think it's about two separate things. First, Jesus said, "Love everyone, for God loves everyone." What is love? Well, now we have agreed on the substance; we're just working out the details. Second, I'm aware that Christianity as-it-has-been-lived has been hugely influenced by the attitudes of the societies in which it has lived. This makes me much less wed to adhering to the attitudes of distant and long-vanished societies. For example, polygamy. Judaism has never declared polygamy "unlawful" (in terms of Torah and rabbinical interpretations). European rabbis advised European Jews to stop practicing polygamy, in around the 1200s I believe, because the European goyim used that as an excuse to attack the Jews. But that was a practical matter, not a religious matter. Christianity began among the Jews, so the first Christians were open to polygamy. Why did the Christians abandon it? I think it's because Christian demographics shifted so quickly to being majority-gentile ... and all the gentiles in the Roman/Hellenistic world were monogamous. So Christianity "imported" monogamy from the gentiles, without leaving any record of any active debate or decision about the matter. A book that has really opened my eyes is "Sex At Dawn," by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. It presents the origins of human sexuality in the context of small bands of immediate-return foragers -- who were radically egalitarian and radically generous. They quote an anthropologist who studied a "primitive" tribe in the upper Amazon basin. This tribe expects its members to be generous ... with their genitals. They have a derogatory word which means, "stingy with his/her genitals." During a festival, the anthropologist sheltered a young man who was fleeing from a repulsive woman ... whom he could not turn down without being accused of being "stingy with his genitals." The anthropologist reported that this offense was considered "worse than adultery." As I read the Bible, I now see some passages in a new light: - Jesus's injunctions to be radically generous, rather than stingy - The practice of the Israelites in the wilderness, who foraged for manna and whose foraging had to be immediate-return ... because if they gathered anything more it just rotted. I think there are echoes of this earlier society, and of its attitudes, in the Old and the New Testament. Along with attitudes of later societies that intruded upon them (such as the notion in the Tenth Commandment that a man's wives are his property). And this has made me feel less ... naive ... about the attitudes of so many Christians today. For if God is humble and loving -- and I do think He is -- and if we are supposed to be like him as much as we can -- ditto -- then which is the better course? For husbands to treat their wives as property? While wives manipulate their husbands so that they will get what they want? Or for men and women to share their bounty, openly, honestly, and with good communication and with agreement among all? Rhetorical question, of course. It simply illustrates my current position. And, no, I'm not going to try to convince my church's clergy that I'm right. I'm not naive about that, either. As for "adultery" -- that word comes from the verb, "to adulterate." Which means, to make less pure, less effective, by mixing foreign substances in. For example, one might adulterate salt by mixing white sand into it, and then selling it as 100% salt. My wife and I have discussed this point, specifically. We agree that what we are doing is not weakening our marriage. It is making our marriage stronger. Because sometimes adding an "impurity" can improve the thing. For example, when you add tin to copper in a certain way, you get bronze. And when you add carbon to iron in a certain way ... you get steel. Free advice, and worth every penny. FWIW. YMMV. IMHO. And all of the rest of the usual Internet disclaimers. Oh, and I have just created a "Club" on this site for "Christian Non Monogamy," where people who would enjoy talking about this can find like-minded people!

That's cool. I get it. Not everyone understands my beliefs, and many disagree with me vehemently, swinger and Christian alike. I appreciate you being respectful when discussing them. I try to remain respectful of other peoples belief systems when I post and speak (at times I fail). But I admit I get snippy when people disrespectful or dismissive of mine. I don't go out and try to convince people to agree with me. However, I have no problem discussing beliefs in this manner and answering questions. You don't agree with me, but are respectful, which I appreciate and will do my best to address questions. Although I readily admit I don't have all the answers. I am still in search of them and realize I may never find many of them in this life. As for your other questions: Why no consensus? Because humans try to figure it all out. Make sense of something that is eternal and without end. I am pretty educated, have a decent IQ, but when I start thinking about time without end, a universe with no bounds, it gets a bit overwhelming. Forever is a pretty easy concept until you start giving it serious thought. As for playing God for a day. He has given us all we need to do for eternal salvation and it is not difficult. There are not a laundry list of rules and hoops to jump through. All we have to do is believe in Christ and we are saved. And you are correct, people add a lot of "stuff" but it is human nature to want our stamp on things, even if that is not what God wants. The bible shows this time and time again, even among some of the most faithful. Get out of Jail Free card. God created us in his likeness and for his pleasure. By pleasure it means he takes pleasure in creation. In his likeness does not mean a carbon of himself. He gave us free will to choose. If you could MAKE someone love you, how gratifying would it be. They loved you only because you made them love you. With free will we choose to love God or not. He has shown us his love by giving us Christ, believe and love him and you have eternal life. Also, we are born with sin and live sin everyday according to the Bible. All sins are the same in the eyes of the Lord. I was taught to pray for forgiveness for sins I was aware of those I was not. Based on what I know, I don't think what are doing is sinful because sex is not sinful and I am not breaking any covenants. I am being truthful and kind to others. But if I am wrong I am still asking forgiveness for sins I commit and am not aware. So yeah it is like a get out of jail free card in a sense.

Thought I'd list a more general argument for swinging being a better ethic and closer to the Bible ethic that what many Christians live in this sexual area. Honesty. I'd argue that honesty and truth are major values in a Christian ethic. There has not been recorded a society where men and women have been virgins when they got married and lived a monogomous life. Individuals and couples, yes. But a large portion of every society, no matter how seperated the sexes, find a way to have sex before marriage and after marriage. Adultery is dishonest. Its about lying, sneaking around and not telling ones spouce what they are doing or how they want to experience sex. Usually the marriage is over. Swinging is about honesty. Its about being honest. Sexual desires for variety beyond the couple are brought into the light. A way to meet that desire is figured out. Or a compromise is worked out. What they do they do together as a couple. Often the marriage is stronger because they have deal with the issue in a way that they both can live with, its not broken their relationship. So I'd say the monogamous couple and the swinging couple live within the Christian ethic. The adultorer is outside the Christian ethic.

Someone please explain how you cannot be follower of Jesus and do what he did and enjoy a robust sex life. To me the two are complimentary. And if a husband and wife share an equal balance of power in the marriage and agree that the lifestyle is a shared desire, how is it adultery?