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As a bi woman myself, I think that FFM is a way to go. Threesomes can be overwhelming and confusing in a good way.

Thanks to all who have replied. I didn’t want to taint the answers, so in my original post I didn’t say what we did, but initially I too had reservations on how this would go and what to do. As I mentioned, Joan and I had played before in a group setting, but not alone. Our previous play was very normal. In this first alone play, we had considerable foreplay, hands all over each other’s bodies, oral on each other, proceeding to doggie and missionary. She, Joan, came, but I had not yet. Joan told me to do whatever I wanted after we had been at it for about 45 minutes. The first thing I did was start to play with her pussy using my hands, finger fucking her with two, then three fingers. She took it easily and liked it, started bucking towards another orgasm then she came. Afterwards she grabbed my cock and started stroking it and I “demanded” that she suck it. I’m not a very creative person, so I was struggling with what to do next. Joan was doing a good job giving head, so I decided to just go with it and instead of cumming into her pussy, which I prefer, I was going to just let the experience run until I came. Usually, I’m cautious about ejaculating in a woman’s mouth without prior agreement, but I figured this situation was different and she could always spit anyway. I came pretty good, she made noises as if it were a pleasant surprise when it pumped out. I told her to show it to me, since I always blow it inside a girl’s pussy or sometimes ass, and don’t get to see my work. She did, it was impressive, then I told her to swallow it all, she did. Joan now looked weird, crawling naked on all fours towards me. Then I grabbed some random lotion that was nearby and stuck a finger in her ass, working it in and out and using the two adjacent fingers to circle her ass hole on the outside. I spanked her with my other hand. We did a few other things and called it a night. I wondered afterwards if I met her expectations, since what I did actually seemed a bit silly to me. Joan called me the following evening, however, and thanked me for the “experience”, she really appreciated it. Daniela and I met up with Joan and her husband at one of our less than full group get togethers several days later, during the next weekend. Joan’s husband, Steve, made a point of telling me that I know Joan’s kinks better than he did. I was more confused than impressed. Joan got Daniela and her husband together with us during that evening and we did a conventional couples swap, back to normal play. Joan then arranged with Daniela for me to play with her alone again the following week. Now this was a challenge, I’m just not that creative. The only thing that I did in advance was to call and talk to Joan’s husband and ask if I could have Joan call him when she and I got together next time. His response was affirmative, but sort of indicated that he was going along with it in a boring, not an excited, way. When Joan and I got together again, it was at Daniela’s and my home, Joan doing that so as to least inconvenience me. Daniela took our daughter out for the afternoon. Long story short, I stripped Joan naked and made her do things, display herself for me, spread her pussy, crawl around and swing her tits, finger herself and we shared the taste. I told her to suck my dick and as I did her doggy call her husband and made her talk about how great it was. Steve went along with it, but didn’t have much to say or a reaction, but Joan loved it. It seemed to be getting stupid to me so I had her hang up the phone and fucked Joan doggy while fingering her ass. Now it had gotten intense. We both came. I told her to dress. I pulled her with me down to the garage and into my car. She was a wreck - wrinkled dress, nipples poking out, sweating, hair a mess. I didn’t know where I was taking her, but decided to go to a clothing store where Daniela shops. We went in and I asked the saleswoman for something nice for my woman when we go out. She looked at us suspiciously and I was a little afraid she might call the police thinking our appearance might be over the top. But she was helpful and gave Joan a few things to try on. I went into the dressing room with her as she tried clothes on and in passing played with her tits and pussy. I “forced” Joan to choose something for me to buy her, because this was the most pushback she had given me. We left, Joan wearing what I had bought her. She gave me a blowjob and I finger fucked her as I drove back to my house to get her car. Joan called Daniela when she got home to tell us she had arrived safely, and to thank me for fulfilling her fantasies; Daniela said Steve thanked her as well. The sex with Joan is good, but the “do what you want to me” part isn’t really fun for me, more like work, but interesting in a way. I suspect there will be a next time, and am starting to think about what else I can do. My ideas are to tell Joan not to shave anywhere on her body, so of to counteract the trend of every woman shaving everywhere. My thinking is that since I want to be cautious and safe, I will tell Joan to do things to me rather than just doing something to her. Like I will “demand” that Joan pee on me in the shower. Depending on how that goes, I might pee on her as well. Since she likes performing oral, I might order her give me extended oral on my dick in some way. I may insist that Joan masturbate for me. Finally, maybe I’ll pretend to take pictures of Joan and tell her that I’m going to post them, something I definitely wouldn’t do. None of Joan’s weirdness has every come out when Daniela and I were playing with her and her husband, so it doesn’t seem that involving him in this is the way to go. He told Daniela he was happy that I was taking care of this. I am thinking, however, that involving Daniela may be a good idea though for two reasons. First, Daniela possibly understands Joan better than I do and can think of more kinky ideas. Second, both Joan and Daniela have no problem being bi, so I can demand that Joan please Daniela in some ways, and have Daniela do things to her. I can also have sex with Daniela and “torment” Joan with a description of how good Daniela is. Anyway, we'll see.

Before I got involved in the lifestyle, I thought that if a couple had an argument and one or both ran off to get sympathy and sex from someone else it would be a disaster. It has happened in our group and as said above, being in a lifestyle group actually accelerates the making up process. Getting sympathy, advice, sex from someone else, and knowing your spouse is getting sex from someone else encourages reconciliation.

Tell your wife it would make you happy for her to enjoy sex with anyone else she wants, in any way she wants. Let her decide what to do and never criticize her choices. Reward her with dinners out, shopping, vacations whenever she does something that she likes.

I have never play alone with this particular woman before, but alone play in our group is very common, mostly because it allows for more play. Her husband knew what was up, more than I did actually. Especially on weekdays, two non-spouses getting together alone is much more convenient. For us and the close-by couples in group, we can easily switch off watching the kids, take them out for dinner, while the other adults play. Our whole group gets together every month or so, but most weekends everyone splits into two groups based on geographic location, with texts and emails flying during the week. Even then, married couples will sometimes split between the two groups depending on who they want to play with. Some in the group have even gone on vacations alone, or one spouse with another couple. Both Daniela and I have gone on vacations alone with favorites of ours. The only agreement among everyone in our group is no playing of any kind outside the group.

Good thought. I should have asked her to clean the house and do the laundry.

My problem was/is that there is nothing that would please me in "using" her, even in a conventional way. Mutual pleasure is my thing.

That is my usual approach, but it was obvious she wanted something off the regular track. Why me?

We don't have English as a native language, so you can be forgiven if some things aren't quite right. We are a Christian couple and like to live out love as it was given to us with others. Sex is a fundamental part of our human life and we live it as we should, with respect for others, deep devotion and love for our intimate friends. Through sex with others we feel very strengthened in our relationship as a couple and through our choice of romantic partners we also feel very loved and very strongly connected to each another. He gives us a lot of extra love and warmth. And yes, as believing Christians, we enjoy this wonderful and particularly great gift from God that we also like to pass on our love to others through sex. We have hardly received any criticism for it so far. Some of those we have met so far did not find our Christian background negative, but rather much more exciting and loved the heartfelt aspect, as we are not only concerned with the sex drive but also with the mental well-being of our love partners. An exchange here would be nice. It would be nice to find like-minded who don't judge us for it or others here who would like to exchange their thoughts. with deep desire and love Lara and Chris

Why don't you ask her? One of the keys to a successful swinger couple is that they have wide open communication with each other. When talking, there should be no judgment, no sarcasm, just consideration, understanding, and connection. The things that she is saying may only be fantasies. It might be that she's intentionally dropping hints left and right so you'll ask. Either way, the two of you need to get better at communication. Try talking about these things outside of the bedroom. Bedroom talk is one thing, but being able to talk about it outside of the bedroom is important. Feel free to ask us questions! We're happy to help!

The whole relationship is stable because when any two of us have a tiff, those two go running off to others in the family where they find understanding, sympathy, love, sex, and an admonition to be reasonable. There's nothing like seeing someone you love, but are angry with, bedding down at night with another woman giving him soothing words, that drives you to make up.

We are not looking for love with others. It’s more of a friends with benefits goal for us.

You don't have to be sorry that you can also get romantic aspects from a gangbang. I think they definitely exist, even if I haven't been able to get anything out of such a situation so far. For me so far it was just an unromantic, mass-fucking of a woman but I think there are a lot more feelings beyond that, especially for the couple whose wife she is. Gangbang with a single woman certainly has its lovers, but for a married woman it is so much more than just a hustle and bustle of men getting off on her. It can strengthen the marriage incredibly and provide a new, much more intimate source of love for the couple, from which both can draw on their love long after, especially if she experiences the gangbang completely bareback. 3 years ago we were in a club here in Germany that also organizes such gangbang evenings as a closed event in which couples and single men take part (this number is limited) and the wives can get really fucked by the selected men and also enjoy their desire for a lot of sperm, because cum inside is not only allowed but also expressly desired. Neither of us had seen or watched anything like that before. My wife could certainly describe her feelings about this better and comment on it here maybe later. Despite the unromantic nature, it was somehow very exciting to see this happy wife and how one after the other of the 15 men fucked her harder or softer and they always squirted inside her. Of course they also loved to kiss her, which makes the whole thing very sensual. I saw my wife for the first time standing with me and with her hand between her legs while watching. 😊 What it makes so super romantic is that the husband kissed her passionately after all the men. She looked very exhausted and happy afterwards and their love bond between the two benefited greatly from it.

Interesting my friend. It raises the question; the husband was aware of her involvement with the other man, but is he aware that she is now pregnant?