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When we opened our marriage my Angel joined an extramarital site and found it very easy to find men willing to no attachment affairs. My play was limited to a few business trip affairs that was limited because of Covid limiting travel time. Where she was out often my play was based on her setting up dates through her connections. I can’t say I struggle finding dates we decided to sign me up for my own account on the site she is on which is much more expensive for men. She is much better in filtering out the scams and finding some very eager married women for my meetings. I’m always skeptical of the motives of women on the site yet have found women are no different from men on the site just wanting more. It works for us because we are open, talk and understand the freedom.

We agree. Amy’s response is thoughtful. We wonder, though, whether the correspondent has a grasp on the full dimension of the question. Some years ago, we posted an essay on the topic here at SB. It still seems reasonably fresh and on point. If we knew the original questioner, we would invite both him and is wife to read it as a prelude to a kitchen table conversation. Perhaps someone can refer this to Amy and back to the original correspondent.

Amy's response is very thoughtful. I think husbands who agree to open their marriage should understand that their wives will have considerably more success at finding partners than they will. We have seen instances where a seemingly shy and reserved wife suddenly develops a vibrant social life, going on dates and even some travel with high caliber men while the husband, if not wealthy, struggles to find any one to date at all. The imbalance can be very upsetting.

Personally We prefer home videos/pics, amateur video/pics of mature real couples, singles and groups/swingers. Unexpected results, surprises, reactions etc. commercial porn is ok and typical…..often boring, at least for us. However; The revenue from the global porn industry is $100 billion and is expected to increase to $117 billion in 2030. The revenue from the US porn industry is $13 billion. In comparison: the NFL generated revenue of around $12 billion in 2022, and Netflix generated revenue of around $31 billion in 2022. How do porn sites make money: 70% of revenue comes from ads (banners & aff. links), 20% of revenue comes from subscription plans (live webcam, premium, etc.), and 10% of revenue comes from online porn games. Definitely increases sexual imaginations for most. Definitely increases skill sets. ‘Definitely provides out of proportion expectations. Because of our anti sex industry views making sex, sex industry and those (women more than men) negative, societal disgusted point of views. Except for those who watch porn secretly those who make money are looked down on as broken disgusting people (again, women more than men) and against the law in many cases, especially offering sex for cash. We prefer an organized legal sex industry including paid services. There is a great line in the movie Private Benjamin by Goldie Hawn “….I’m a housewife we give it away”. Sadly this is our collective acceptance/attitude towards women and sex.

We'll respond to the initial inquiry. The industry is somehow successful. It has been in every day and age. The question is ... why? Only then can we respond to the questions of where does it seem to fall short and how can it be improved? We'll assert that porn is different than erotica. Porn--regardless of whether it is fantasy porn, mommy porn, anime porn, soft-core, hard-core, or apple-core--has one common characteristic. It somehow invites the viewer to project themselves into the story. It might be projection into written text, it might be projection into pictures or video, whatever. Porn is sought after because it frees the viewer from their physical, emotional, social, psychological , relationship constraints, invites suspension of disbelief (if not reality altogether) and says to the reader/viewer--you can be part of this. The problem arises that sex is so much more than "Tab A in Slot B". And so much of porn today is simply visual Tab A into Slot B. It lacks even the laughable choreography of "professional wrestling". Much of it is...boring. What makes for great fantasy, great entertainment, great "we can imagine ourselves there" is, of course, story. Why are these people coming together? What are there flaws? What is the life situation that has juxtaposed them? How does the narrative keep them apart until the power of attraction overwhelms them? Showing up at a swinger party is not narrative. Stepmom-stepson is not narrative. They are (at best) tropes. We end up not caring. That said, we think the next great innovation will be personalized AI-enabled porn. Where deep fantasies are realized, taboos are violated and so on. Where the viewer is not depending on a writer/director's imagination, but one's own. The characters have to be believable enough, flawed enough, passionate enough, to make the whole thing worth experiencing.

Good for Amy to provide a balanced answer and not total moralistic, anti-swinging rhetoric.

chimrichalds: I was looking for that same jpg.

I re-read my post and I was wrong. The question is whether your wife is merely allowing you to play or she is excited about you playing. If she is turned on by you having sex with other women, then I suggest that she help address the problem identified above by other posters of too many unaccompanied men in the lifestyle and too few women by her facilitating your quest for other female sex partners. Specifically, your wife can identify women among her friends and acquaintances that may be looking for a partner for casual sex and be a matchmaker. That’s what I did when I got over my jealousy after having a boyfriend but not wanting my husband to play. Long story short, I had many horny female friends who were unmarried at that time (although some had boyfriends and one was engaged) and in their late teens to well into their thirties. The topic often turned to sex in our conversations, and if she said anything about my husband being attractive, I would say that he finds you attractive too. Interest by her in my husband would be met with “It can be arranged, and I would be flattered.” Many of those took me up on the offer not only because he was attractive, but also because he was my husband, a known, safe man. Other women David and I “dated” together where I created the atmosphere and opportunities for her to have my husband. We took her to dinner, concerts, plays, even vacations, paying for everything and never expecting anything. Some of those women slept with hubby. There was never a one-off. It was comfortable enough for all to continue for a while. College girls just looking for sex with a nice guy, women with boyfriends looking for extra, a last fling before the ring, single mothers who hadn’t had any fun for a while, I babysat while they went on a date and had sex. So if your wife is like I was at that point in our marriage/lifestyle, it may be a fun way to go for her and make it all possible.

I suppose one could say that the jealousy I have and my desire for it is a form of female cuckoldry.

Back in the 'golden age' of porn (80s-90s), there pretty much was only one option and that was to be a star in porn movies. There were no other alternatives, and if you didn't become a star, you were already close to the end of your rope. Also, social pressure, society, and stigmas cause more than a few porn stars who more often felt either trapped by situations or due to the abundance of drugs and the party culture of the time, to turn to drugs and alcohol as a crutch. These days, there are so many different options to make money in porn, it no longer is a 'do or die' proposition. There are still movies, but now there are dozens of other choices, and all of them can be profitable if you are looking to make money with it. Probably the biggest is Only Fans and other similar sites, but there is also personal websites, subscription services, selling adult products, streaming, photography, audio, 'custom' (making something for a specific kink or specific person), VR, erotic stories, and many others. Revenues of the adult industry are difficult to determine, but a 1970 federal study estimated that the total retail value of hardcore pornography in the United States was no more than $5 million to $10 million. But by 2011, pornography was becoming one of the biggest businesses in the United States and in 2014, the porn industry was believed to bring in at least $13 billion a year. As of 2023, the global porn industry made over $97 BILLION dollars and it is expected to exceed $120 billion in 2024. People are no longer looking at porn as a last resort, but in many times, a first resort. Kaden Kross was attending Sacramento State University (as a psych major) when she quit school to become a 'porn star'. She later moved behind the cameras to become a director of porn movies. There are constant stories in the news of women and couples making 6 figures on Only Fans and other similar sites, in addition to their day jobs. I think the bigger problem here is when something...anything, becomes an addiction. Be it drugs, alcohol, porn or anything else. To much of anything can easily end up being a bad thing...for both the creator and the consumer.

So I have yet to experience a true sloppy seconds, and I'm wondering, for the men, how much of your desire to do it is a type of "reclaiming," and for the women, how much of it is demonstrating to your man a certain faithfulness to him, after you've been with someone else. And then how much of it is truly enjoying the sensation. My only experience with sex with cum inside of me is masturbatory, and with that much lubrication I have to say that from a pure feelings stand point, I am much less sensitive. It's really the look in my husbands eye, and the wild feeling I get from it that gets me off. Does that make sense? Also, it's funny. I never even thought of the idea of it with anal, but there it makes so much sense. It seems to me the second time would be much more enjoyable.

Clair and I used to have a double ended dildo that was squishy flexible that we used with each other. When one of us tightened and squeezed, the other would feel it. It was a nice once we going and both squeezing.

Thank you. I’m better now.

Can you send him to me 🤣

We have married lesbian friends one of which I dated before they married. Her wife also dated guys before they became a couple. I was not totally surprised that they became a couple, more surprised when they married, it made me wonder what I did that pushed her that way. Good news they both enjoy men for sex and happy that the friend I dated still enjoys me to please her the way only a real penis can do. Who is luckier, I have a wife and our two friends. Marriage is about love, sex is about sex. My thought they have a love connection yet are bi.

I was neither curious or bi when the wife of the man I just spent a night with, my first time with another man, kissed me, touched me and went further. All these years later I wonder how I let things continue the way they did. I had no desire to have sex with a woman then let her do things to me the way I wouldn’t do to her. It is still not my thing yet am more open to it.

When I was in college I had bi friends and knew lesbians. The lesbians had male friends but as far as I know they had no interest in sex with the guys. I went “straight” when I met Alan and remained monogamous for years and then one day I agreed to allow him to watch me and another woman. We found many woman suppressed a curious side, some their desires and some for their husbands. Most of those we met were hesitant to explore on their own which why we tried to make it fun.

Relationships and sexual preferences are just as varied in the LGBQ community as the straight.