Leaderboard

We have always done swing partners -> friends in that order - until very recently when we did friends -> swing partners for the first time ever and I have to say it went smoothly. I feared it could have been a disaster but it was a total success.

There's an old piece of advice here that is very, very relevant: In getting into swinging or hotwifing, always go at the pace of the slower person. Some couples take years, and that's ok. My wife and I took eight months. Some couples take a weekend. No I'm not joking Whatever works for you is exactly the right speed. You say your wife is good at hiding stuff. That can be a bit of a problem. It's important for mutual communication to become very strong. It can take time to develop that, to get to the point that she feels comfortable divulging her innermost secrets. Even coming to an understanding of them to the point that she can articulate them may take a long time. There's growth here. She's gaining a deeper understanding of herself and exploring it. It's hard to know you two as a couple with just a few posts. But, at a guess, it sounds like she wants you to help her explore her erotic self. Think of this is sort of a Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs sort of thing (if you've never heard of that, look it up!) She's exploring the self actualization aspects of herself. Part of this can be scary for some people. We're programmed from an early age that monogamy is a must, and cheating is the death of a relationship. Well, having sex with consent isn't cheating. So that becomes a really difficult concept to wrap one's brain around. Rewiring the brain to think of this as something that benefits a relationship can be a slow and quite scary process. Questions can arise like, "Just how much of a slut am I anyway?" "Do I really want to be a slut?" (it's not being a slut) "Will my husband really still love me?" "Why are we doing this? Isn't it enough for us together?" and on and on and on. We're not raised in such a way that we have a tool set to manage this. It can take time to acquire this, and gain enough understanding of oneself and the relationship to get to the point of being able to do it. I'm just looking at web reviews, and Le Boudoir appears to be an upscale lifestyle/sex club. That might be too much all at once for your wife, even if the two of you are just observers. I can't judge that; only the two of you can. I mentioned above about going to a regular (non-lifestyle) club. If you go to such an upscale club, and your wife dresses nicely and in a slightly to moderately provocative way, you can have her go in ahead of you and take up a seat at the bar. You can come in 10 minutes later, and take up a chair at a table or a booth or something, where you can watch your wife. She can feel comfortable knowing you've got her back in the event some guy gets pushy. An advantage to this is your wife doesn't have to do anything except sit there and look pretty. This can be beneficial in a number of ways. First, many women think poorly of their appearance, even if they're quite beautiful. Men coming up to her will show her she is attractive, even if she doesn't think so. Two, the possibility of another man...even just the possibility...can super ignite your sexual appetites for each other. It's important to embrace though that if no one comes up to her it doesn't mean she's not attractive. Just the wrong group of people that night. I mentioned hotwifing above because of something you said; about how your wife would react to you watching another woman. Hotwifing comes in many shapes and forms, but the basic principle is that the wife of a couple has sex with other men, while the husband (generally) doesn't have sex with other women. This sounds very much like what your wife might be comfortable with as you move forward. Maybe down the road she might be willing to involve another couple. Right now, I suspect (based only on what you said) that she wouldn't be too comfortable with you flirting with another woman or softswapping with another woman. There's another term to learn; compersion. Compersion is essentially the opposite of jealousy. A person experiences compersion by actively being aroused/excited/enjoying their partner having sex with other people. For me, I absolutely "have" (like it's a disease? haha) compersion. I think my wife having sex with other people is incredibly erotic, and I love it when she has lots of fun. The more fun she has, the more fun I have. There's been times when she's been having literally toe curling sex with another man while I am there, and hearing her sounds and watching her motions is just flat out incredible. Is it possible you are wired this way too? You noted about how much it excites you to see how turned on she gets. Imagine how turned on you might be watching another man have sex with your wife and she's thoroughly enjoying it. Is that you? That might be the basis of some conversation with your wife, to encourage her to understand that it's really about her, and not about you wanting to be with other women. Maybe other women might come later, but who knows? That's up to the two of you. I hope that's some things to think about and maybe discuss with your wife. Please feel free to keep asking questions! We're happy to help! Oh and one more thing; you asked about meet and greets. Here's a Reddit thread that might get you started on finding meet and greets in England: https://www.reddit.com/r/UKSwinging/comments/1c65nuc/swinger_meet_and_greet_uk/

Time for a pause on swinging. It sounds like you are feeling unsure of how she is with this other man. At the very least, don't swing with him until you sort things out. If she gets upset over that, then I feel like you have bigger issues.

We had one swinger couple virgins, or possibly two. By the time G&R contacted us on SLS, we were pretty experienced. She (G) reached out to us (she did almost all the communicating,) and explained that they were just thinking about getting into it, and asked a few questions (based on the fact that our profile on the site was intelligent [her word] and interesting.) I answered, she asked a few more questions, it became a regular thing. Then, after some months, G asked if they might have dinner with us, with no commitments. We met them, a wonderful couple and spent a lovely evening with them, although other than handshakes or kisses on the cheek, nothing happened. This went on for a couple of months, and suddenly, G said they were going to take a break. Okay, that happens. A good four or five months later, G called us up and said they were finally ready to take the plunge - would we do them the honor of being their firsts? Of course we accepted. They came over to our house on a snowy evening. They were both nervous, you could tell, and we spent maybe an hour in our living room, just chatting. It got to the point that I was beginning to think they had cold feet. Then G got up and sat on my lap and we shared our first kiss. Mary (my wife) stood up and she and R kissed. We led them up the stairs, Mary pulled R into the guest room and I took G into the master bedroom. She wasn’t nervous at all, but let me lead her through the seduction. I remember that she came heartily, and I heard my wife’s screams through the hall. Forty minutes later, or so, Mary and R joined us in the Master bedroom and I went and got cake and coffee. We sat around for a while, naked and unashamed, and chatted until we all got in the mood again, when we were all on the same bed. G told us a few days later that they had a wonderful time, that our gentleness and patience was the factor that encouraged them to take the plunge. They became some of our favorite playmates, either at our house, their house or a couple of times at a swing club. G&R soon accepted invitations from other couples, One night G told us of the first time she really got into a woman, and about their first MFM. And, one night when Mary was out of town, I asked G if maybe she and her husband would entertain me for my first MFM when I was the other guy. A great relationship. Now, the second? Well, we were steady members at one swing club, but we knew another, about an hour and a half from our house way out in the sticks. They were on a hilltop and had a pool you could swim naked in, so on a sizzling summer evening, we headed on down. It was much more casual than our usual joint, and a lot smaller, but. still they had that pool. We swam and hung out until well after dark, when we got to talking to a very good looking woman and her husband, M&T. We asked if they’d like to go into a room, and they said yes. But, they said, they were only soft-swap. We said okay, that’s fine. We all get into the room, and we’re having a great time. After plenty of oral sex, M said to her husband, “I want to go all the way,” and he agreed. So the four of us just had a ball. As we were dressing, M&T begged us not to tell anyone else at the club we’d full-swapped. They were regulars there, and had never done anything like it, they didn’t want the others to think they would go all the way if asked. Now, they didn’t say they’d never full-swapped before, it just seemed that way. So, I’m not sure if they count as LifeStyle Virgins, or not.