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When we and a special couple went on vacation together - one as long as two weeks, we slept with the other spouses most nights. We all seemed to enjoy it. But . . . it leads to knowing the other person, and you get to thinking of them as more of a friend than a sexy person. Puts a different perspective on it.

Both my wife and I have gone on vacations with someone each of us considers "special" in our group, for between a week and two. I've gone on trips with another wife with whom I share non-sexual interests (classical music, theater, museums), which our spouses don't. The trips includes good, fun sex as well, but it's not the primary motivation. My wife has gone on vacations with both the husband and wife of another couple, and with the husband alone. The interest there among the three of them is romantic. In every instance it's worked out fine. The wayward spouse comes home happy, the spouse left at home is glad to see her/him, we all agree it amps up the marital relationships.

You folks have an understanding of our poly life, but imagine living together just swapping bedrooms, having every combination of children together, that's us.

My wife had a steady boyfriend for years. They did several weekend getaways together and twice took week-long vacations together. So not quite a "swap" I guess but almost.

We have done it with friend couple, from Friday to Sunday, we have had book rooms in two different hotels, it was a very nice and exciting weekend.

It certainly would be. Inconceivable.

You're not so hot yourself.

Ask Amy: Widower finds new love with a married neighbor Dear Amy: After my spouse of over 40 years died last year, I have moved forward in my life in a positive manner. I am having a relationship with a married woman (“Brenda”). As a widower, I have found this to be very helpful. Brenda’s adult son and daughter have supported her in allowing this relationship to continue and grow. Brenda’s husband is clueless to everything going on. Brenda and I enjoy our time together and we have very long phone calls, and we have a very exciting sexual relationship. Her house is across the street, and she has her own bedroom separate from her husband. He is distant, withdrawn, and very unsociable. Brenda doesn’t want to leave her house and move in with me because her daughter and granddaughter are also living in the home with her. At what point should Brenda’s husband be clued into this development, and what approach should we take to “clear the air” at some point? — Archie Archie: I appreciate the fact that you believe you are moving onward “in a positive manner” after your loss, but I would ask you to reconsider the meaning of the word “positive,” and at least acknowledge the possible negative consequences your and “Brenda’s” behavior might have on others. You don't offer any real clues about Brenda's husband's status, and I wonder if you and Brenda could consider what course of action will be the least destabilizing for him. He might be withdrawn and unsociable, but he is the innocent party here, and his life might be turned upside down if he and Brenda split. Using the modern vernacular, Brenda might propose that they “open up” their marriage. This is often suggested by a spouse who is already having an affair, but wants to stay married. Might he also want to step out, or would he prefer to maintain a “don't ask, don't tell” sort of arrangement, where he and his wife basically live separate lives under the same roof? A divorce might take an extreme toll financially, affecting the entire household, but he should be presented with the truth, because he has the right to make some informed choices about his own life. The coziest course might be for Brenda to move across the street to cohabit with you, allowing her husband to stay in his home, but so far she doesn’t seem to want to make any substantial changes in order to be with you.

Even in that situation, some people, men and women, can be extremely controlling. You never know. Beware.

I heard about a trans pornstar that had him/herself castrated to maintain a more girlish figure. He/she kept the penis because that would be a bridge too far.

I find trans a little hard to define at times varying from cross-dressing to breast implants with dicks or hormone feminization with dick, or full bottom surgery. Then there's which or both sexes attracted to. Interesting what makes people tick, I try to be open minded. I did want to mention an early trans, Nero castrated his slave boy Sporus and groomed him/her as a female and married her. She was wife #4, Nero kicked #2 to death. Nero had earlier married freedman, Pythagorus, who had played the role of Nero's husband; now Sporus played the role of Nero's wife.

"Ask Amy" is an nationally syndicated advice column by Amy Dickinson of the Chicago Tribune. I got this from the Washington Post.

In a perfect world, we would probably prefer online ad sites over the more direct way of meeting people – clubs and parties. The ‘imperfection’ we allude to is that the ad sites include a lot of insincere people who hide behind a cloak of anonymity while playing head games with people. Unfortunately, even the relatively sincere people don’t seem to put a lot of serious thought into creating a seductive and meaningful profile - and many seem to have the same careless disregard when reading the profiles of others. We understand the point of view of those who assert that there is no substitute for meeting in person. This statement is irrefutably accurate – unless one is interested in cybersex. We would never make a play decision until meeting in person, and we expect the same from others. The purpose/usefulness of ad sites, in our opinion, relates to the opportunity to pre-screen people as an early indication of compatibility. For us, pre-screening (online) has advantages in the areas of safety and efficiency. Illustration: We live in a NYC suburb and we often get notes from people in New York City – “Do you want to meet up for drinks”? Well, yes, that might be nice. However, let us factor in the need for a babysitter, a two-to-three hour roundtrip commute, and the commitment of a scarce and valuable weekend evening. If we sit down with a couple for a half-hour at a bar and leave unimpressed – is it worth our ‘costs’? We believe it is worth exploring these meetings, on occasion – but only when we have pre-screened someone online and have a good sense that we might be compatible when we meet face-to-face. As with many/most people, we don’t have any clubs within a convenient distance from our home. However, with clubs we can at least play the numbers game. If, for example, we could ‘speed date’ 10 couples in a couple of hours (i.e. have a series of brief private conversations), there would probably be a good chance of finding someone with whom we could hook up. And if things didn’t workout on a given evening – it is not as if we have wasted ten nights in the process.

We have a couple of ads up but I can't say I'm very impressed with the results. If we didn't have several clubs handy we might make more use of them but it is so much more time consuming to meet people through ads that we prefer the clubs.

Cuties with dicks is appealing to a large audience. And it may be personally satisfying to the performer, now that is a good job! Might fit with their personal life.