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I was raised in a very strict rural area where sex was never discussed in my house. The fear of God was my upbringing. Everyone knew who were the “loose” girls. My sex life stopped short of losing my virginity before marriage, my husband was my first. I know that is old fashioned and after meeting a more worldly woman on our vacation we realized that our beliefs were just fear. I now the stupidity of ridiculous godly fears. Thankfully we are young enough to enjoy ourselves now for many years.

Can just say congratulations to you both for remaining close and trust each other so much is priceless, that to able to talk, but honesty,your ten steps ahead, tick tick tick , you both tick all the boxes of being perfect, keep being close everything else is second best 👌 👍 😍 good luck

Hello lilinny, Welcome to the board. Please know that anything can be discussed here and that there is a wealth of knowledge available to you here. With regards to the situation you have outlined above, I am going to be very direct with you; you let it happen. If you are ever in a situation, and are uncomfortable, for any reason, leave. End of story. Before you play again, ensure that you understand each other and know your boundaries/preferences, etc. That way, when you meet a couple, you can clearly express this. The wagon travels as fast as the slowest horse; one of you (you or your spouse) will be more conservative in any given situation; that dictates the speed of how things should proceed. Watch out for couples that try to separate you or don't respect your boundaries/wishes; walk away from folks like this. People that lie on their profiles are liars; avoid them. We wish you well in this pursuit; take your time and keep your relationship as your focus.

We met our second partners recently and my husband did anal to the young lady, I didn’t allow the same to me. We never discussed limits before meeting them, I just wasn’t ready for that. I did swallow a small amount most likely it was smaller because it was his third time in two hours.

Thank you all for advice, guidance and help setting up our first meeting of someone for sex. We had previously set up to attend a party that we drove hours to get to then decided not to join. Our first swing was terrific with vacationers at an adult only resort. No planning it happened in a very fun meeting. Since coming home we wondered what meeting others would be. With help we used a profile to search for a long distance meeting. We had plenty of fun looking and wondering, we also had plenty of frustration. We weren’t in a rush to meet others knowing the longer we waited the more difficult it would be for me. My husband did most of the searching and I would read the profiles he chose. We found an attractive younger non married couple. I thought too much younger and I posted my thoughts here. The advice we were given was they weren’t that much younger and age is a number. Some of you stated that you met others 20 years older. More advice, meet at a neutral site to see if we liked them stipulating no sex on first date. It worked we liked them, we felt they liked us. We set up a “date” for the next night if we could get someone to watch our kids. Next night was our first swinger meeting. It went well, even great. The best part is I know that I can swing. I can meet others for sexual pleasure without guilt. I felt this was my only opportunity, if it didn’t work out I most likely would go back to a quiet life.

You have heard excellent commentary. Yours was a learning experience. Over the decades (OMG, it has been decades…) we have adopted a fairly standard approach. 1. We prefer a phone conversation or brief video call prior to the first meeting. We want to know who we are meeting. We like video, as the camera is pretty good at telling us whether the posted photos are 20-years-ago or accurate representations of who the couple is today. 2. First meeting is in a public place, usually a light meal, always messaging “no expectations, we do not play on the first date”. 3. When we meet the couple for dinner, we are asking ourselves four questions: a. Does this couple behave like a couple? Do they have the gentle banter that signals that they are in love and on the same page? b. Is there any depth? Does the conversation get beyond sports and weather? c. How do they treat others, such as the (anonymous) waitstaff? Are they engaged and kind? d. Can we see ourselves naked in the hot tub with this couple? 4. We always find a way to excuse ourselves for a moment — perhaps to take a call. This gives the other couple a chance to check in as well. Both of us have unquestioned veto power. No excuses or explanations required. We do this midway through the meal just to get a sense of how much we want to chat with/reveal to the other couple. 5. We always end the meal on a gracious note. Later, we will discuss things between ourselves and figure out what sort of a thank you note to send. Great matches in the LS are … rare. Cherish the ones that you make. And don’t ever “take one for the team.”

Nothing wrong with that. Being in the lifestyle doesn't mean everything has to be symmetric. Nice. That was a good play session.

If you wouldn't mind, could you please share the details of this story and the woman that you two met. It is fascinating. Fear can be justified if it is rational, but others, especially the faux religious, create fear around sex to control people and deny them pleasure. God is the One who gave us intense pleasure around sex and created us (as He did all creatures) as non-monogamous beings, even in a committed marriage. I too am thankful that we, all five of us, found each other young and the joys of our poly family. Many people here on this forum come to the realization later and struggle to change their lifetime of thinking and get into the lifestyle.

If we are meeting a new couple near home, we advise them that our first meeting is vanilla only. Meaning we are going to have dinner, drinks, dessert or whatever but not sex. This way, my wife and I can privately discuss whether we want to meet them to play. Sometimes one of us notices something important about the other couple, good or bad, but we can’t discuss it in front of them. Or one of us is excited and the other one is repulsed. This method takes off a lot of pressure. And avoids potential embarrassing moments. All bets are off if we are at a cruise, resort, house party or club. We’ll play without dinner, but we do have to meet a little. Those are easier places to start a lifestyle connection.

Sorry about the negative experience ☹️ It sucks that you had a bad experience while you're still sort of new. That can sour things but please don't let it. Think of every bad experience as a lesson learned, grow from it, and make your next one better. I think maybe adopt a new rule to not do separate rooms until you have done same-room a couple times first. I know some couples are into the separate room thing, but honestly we don't get it. For us, half the pleasure is watching your partner.

We are sorry for you and what is happened to you. We have had nearly the same experience for 30 years ago, than after we have made rules that they were no for discussion or modifications for swinging with others couple: - First meet restaurant or bars to know each others and to speak about goes and no goes without compromise. - Second meeting it is always in club for to play in one room, when we get feeling after first play it will not work or it begins with rules changing or we found out there is deviation from what have spoken. We break at once and given them a single that we us it isn't working. - When we have had a nice night with the couple in club and all four are happy how it was going, next step we can meet in private but always first to our house. Take it like a bad experience for to make it better next time because in lifestyle they are more beautiful and nice experience and meeting from other couples that they are like you and think like you. Sorry englisch is not my mother language.

I agree, not a good arrangement for the wife or her play partner. Even for her husband, wouldn't it be more exciting to see his wife getting what she wants? What she really, really wants? Yes and yes. I along with Clair and Lora have played outside our poly family, both with David and Red (the men in our family) being there and alone. We are in control of what we do; it's for our pleasure.

When my wife has had solo dates with a new partner or long term partner, it's usually her that makes the arrangements. I've helped out with finding partners, but it's her that gets and keeps the ball rolling. I've never described myself as a "cuckold". I very much enjoy my wife having sex with other men. I leave it at that. I don't need a label :)

It's not a judgment, but to me a slut is a woman who has indiscriminate sex with people who she hardly knows. That's fine, but for me I don't want to fuck unless there is a connection on another level. None of us have ever used the term. It's ambiguous in my mind, anything from a guy in the lifestyle whose wife fucks other men, to a guy who is monogamous while his wife surreptitiously has a lover. The lifestyle has room for everyone.

If the male or female for that matter as a couple; remember """" it's just sex """... Had numerous adventures with both males and females with my wife. As my pointed out, she becomes super aroused watching me having sex with another woman... Especially when she knows she gets to eat her out afterwards. Both physical and mental stimulation at its finest.