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Hello My name is Leah, also known as PSULioness an alumna of Pennsylvania State University where I belonged to a sorority I will not name. A little over 8 years ago I attended a football game with friends I knew from school that ended up a snowy day and a day that changed my life. I know some here think I was bullied and quit posting because of an individual saying nasty things to me which I only wish was the reason. I will now try to clear up any thoughts or questions on what happened in my life. If you are uninterested please skip my what may be lengthy history. First I want to thank a few friends who supported me through some trying times the last few years. I never thought I would seek guidance from older than me strangers who I found to be wiser. To continue, on that snowy day, a friend and guy friend convinced me to stay with them instead of driving in the snow. The 3 of us shared a bed in a local hotel which I agreed to innocently. At the time I was living with my future husband and was monogamous. You don’t need to be a scholar to figure what happened that night. To this day I don’t know how things went from innocent to much more. My girlfriend who was in the middle put her arm around me while I was sleeping then went further. How or why I didn’t stop her I can’t say. I never had any sexual desire for any girl in my life. I’ve told this story so many times I wonder how much is memory or how much is how I remember it. That night I became non-monogamous and had my first of many bi-sexual encounters. I’m not sure what bothered me more, the girlfriend or having sex with a guy I didn’t know. It was around that time I found out some of my sorority sisters were bi. That’s all background to me getting married, my husband getting to enjoy my friend’s openly sexual parties, me sharing my friends with him and me coming close with my husband’s best friend. Details aren’t important but his friend became my best friend when my husband traveled for business. My husband encouraged me, I didn’t do anything that he didn’t approve. My narrative turns now. At that point we decided to start a family and I became pregnant, something we were very happy about. That is when darkness set in, I had a feeling that his friend was the father. Stupidly I continued to be with our friend after stopping birth control. Call it bad timing, it had to be our friend. That is when my lies started, I had the pregnancy terminated, telling everyone I had a miscarriage. Dark days led to fights and a divorce. Darker days were ahead. I met a man who took me in. Older than me, he was a swinger and used me as an entree to parties. Things got worse after we moved to New England. He started to have friends come over just for sex. I swear he was a pimp, the men were nasty. I should have run away but had nowhere to go, I couldn’t admit what I was doing to my parents in NY. The sex also took a turn, he started being into sadism, spanking. The men he invited wanted to spank a young girl. He made me dress in school girl clothes for the men. I just couldn’t do it anymore and called a friend who saved me and moved me back to NJ. That is the reason I stopped posting, not because of nasty comments, I only wish that was the cause. I’m doing better now, moving on with my life with the help of good caring friends. Thank you to the friends I made here who check up on me and my well being. As my Dad would say “Peace”☮️

I learned like you Lioness that things can change drastically in moments in life. I had friends who were healthy have heart attacks and die. The word LIFE is in lifestyle nothing is guaranteed. I am learning to be a survivor, you need to go on and be a survivor too. I don’t know how we went from fun to disaster, it came on quick. I question how I let it happen but won’t blame myself as you shouldn’t take the blame. Step 1 is accepting Step 2 move on. Step 3 don’t repeat. You are young, younger from most on here, young enough to make a new life. You also are smart enough now to look for the signs of abuse. As others mentioned we are happy you are back as sad as your story is. We are scarred but not defeated. Leah you wrote a short summary of what I know is a much deeper horror. Thank democracy and freedom as a woman that you took the steps you needed in what had to be the darkest point. WE WILL Survive.

Sad reading your painful story and understand your reluctance to share deep details. Most here support you and your return to sharing. Too many women have been pressured into doing things they are uncomfortable with and are afraid to seek help. https://www.vestasit.com/signs-of-a-sexually-abusive-relationship/

You are strong, stay that way. Thank you for posting so others can read that swinging doesn’t always take a straight path. You are smart enough to take advice from the people who care about your welfare and health and dismiss the ugly remarks. You are a beautiful young lady that, look in the mirror every morning you will see her. 😘

So sorry to hear of the sad events that occurred in your life. Glad things have turned around for you. Open sexuality can be light and fun, but in the wrong hands it can be destructive. I always enjoyed your posts and I am happy to hear that you have moved past bad situations and I wish you future happiness and fulfillment.

We met our first on a cruise so there may be something about vacations that loosen your inhibitions. The couple we swapped with joined us on a nude beach followed by plenty of liquor on the ship. All these years later I say it was the best romantic night in our swapping life. The way he touched me, kissed me and made love to me is burnt into my memory. He saw be naked as I saw him that day on the beach yet it was so much different alone in a cabin and allowing him in me. MT how did you feel when a stranger entered you that first time and did you have concerns? We meet our firsts who don’t live near us and I’m wondering why you don’t contact them or meet them.

Anyone on the Board longer? I think I need twice the Viagra dose of when I started! Glad to still be here!

Happy Board Anniversary! 20 years is a long time but I'm sure it feels like you joined just yesterdat!

Leah, you are lucky you live in NJ where women are still in control of their bodies. As the others we are glad you escaped from bad people. We will look for promising future posts.

Petra, you remember well :) It only happened the one time, but she loved it!

I'm sure that long time members of the board are probably getting tired of hearing me say it, but here we go again... Love, trust, and communication...can't have too much of any of the three. Work on establishing as much of all three as possible, and you might just find out that your past won't hold you back as much as you think it will. The biggest issue is jealousy, but the enemy of jealous is love, trust and communication. Growing up, I was a very (insecure) jealous person. However, the open communication with Ms. Gold built a solid foundation of trust, which caused me to just love her more. Jealousy has never been a problem for either of us, because we KNOW that we are not looking for a replacement partner. I know that I'm so very lucky to have her (and she foolishly thinks that she's the lucky one to have me). The bottom line, however, is you are the only one who will know when (or if) you will ever be ready. While it is possible to dip your toes slowly into the swinging pool (be it same room sex, flirting with another couple, etc), if you aren't both ready, even that can start the beginning of fracturing a relationship. Talk with your partner, and be aware that neither of you need to rush anything...you (hopefully) will have the rest of your lives to experience this. Don't feel that you need to rush or jump into the deep end of the pool, and know that you can walk away at any time (one of our few rules...that if the other wants to stop, we are both stopping, without any explanation necessary or expected). If you stick with building the love, trust and communication, you should be okay (just make sure that you are HEARING what your partner is saying and not just hearing what you want to hear. Hope that helps some...I'm sure that more suggestions will be following soon.

Okay, we're confused as to what you are asking. Taking a shot in the dark here, we have a rule that either of us can veto a couple without having to explain why. If there isn't a connection, then there isn't a connection and going forward would require one of us 'taking one for the team', which neither of us ever want the other to have to do.

I'm so sorry to see this, but glad you're on track with a good support system, and that you've reached out to let us know you're safe.

She also learned she really enjoyed playing with two men at the same time who are not her husband. 😉

Leah, it's so good to have you back. I remember you fondly. I'm so sorry about all the trying times you've gone through, I so hope the rest of your life is happy and fulfilling.

I admired you and your approach to life and the lifestyle while it was going well, and now I admire your resilience when things became difficult. And I appreciate you sharing with us here.

Leah, I'm glad you're back! It's horrendous what has happened. We stand with you!!

Leah, I'm glad you're back and glad you're doing better despite a fair amount of tragedy in your life. I'm sure your caring friends would agree when I say please don't beat yourself up over what transpired. Honestly, it sounds to me like the men who should have supported and respected you didn't. Having been in the LS 26 years, my wife and I are aware of some of its pitfalls. Regarding the pregnancy risk, we have had close calls. As the husband I have always accepted full responsibility in the event something went wrong. Had it been an accidental pregnancy I made it clear from the outset I would support my wife through whatever outcome she chose - including the prospect of raising the child as our own. It sounds like your confusion and lying was the result of being afraid and feeling unsupported by your husband. It shouldn't have been a burden you felt like you had to carry alone. Forgive my conjecture, but I feel like the destructive relationship with the older swinger gentleman may have been the result of undeserved guilt and self-loathing resulting from the messy divorce etc you suffered through. None of this should be your burden to bear alone. The men in your life didn't support you. I feel like if your husband could have been more supportive your story would be very different. I'm sure he enjoyed the threesomes he shared with you, but when the very real repercussions came home to roost he let you down. Welcome back! As you know, we in the LS are supportive and non-judgemental. I am happy to have you back among us!

What the exact words were I don’t remember. She was telling us about the other resorts, one was Hedonism, I don’t remember the others where there is sex parties and nude beaches. I let her know I was a virgin when we married and Timmy is the only one who I had sex with. We joked about that, I then said I did have other kinds of sex before. Don’t know why I told her about hand and oral sex before we married. She said she loss count on the men she had sex with. We talked about my childhood and didn’t want my reputation in our town talked about. The conversation was going to an embarrassing way about did I ever wonder what it would be like with another man. Think my sunburn didn’t cover the other shades I turned. We talked religion and then others finding out. She said nobody at the hotel is from my town and she thought Timmy would enjoy another woman. I said I don’t remember the exact words that convinced me, maybe that we will probably never get this chance again. Now we know it’s hard to get a second chance of meeting but not impossible.

I was raised in a very strict rural area where sex was never discussed in my house. The fear of God was my upbringing. Everyone knew who were the “loose” girls. My sex life stopped short of losing my virginity before marriage, my husband was my first. I know that is old fashioned and after meeting a more worldly woman on our vacation we realized that our beliefs were just fear. I now the stupidity of ridiculous godly fears. Thankfully we are young enough to enjoy ourselves now for many years.

Yankee/Giants fans here. We’ve done Eagles and Red Sox fans. We all look alike without clothes.

This topic sounds familiar, I was chastised for bringing politics into a discussion. I checked and 6 years ago I stated that I was uncomfortable with a man who was very vocal in his political preference. 10 years ago political talk was civil if brought up, the area we live in was solidly in agreement on the topic. When politics was brought up at this one party by someone I never met before it made me angry, it took away from the reason we were there, sex. I certainly didn’t want to think about politics, I use baseball scores to help me delay. @Half MT I understand your reluctance to mix sex and politics. Your first party is hard enough without outside reasons that could ruin your first, it could affect how you will approach future meetings

I can see both sides to this post. The OP is new to the lifestyle and needs a comfort zone. Read her posts, on vacation she was relaxed, her inhibitions disappeared in that comfort. I’m not a therapist, to me she is looking for sex without pressure or guilt. Many look for sex as the main focus of swinging, it certainly is the reason though others want the social factor too. Politics aside we would go to football games in NJ wearing my Giants jersey and approached Eagles fans. Sex with the enemy!

You are right, we read the signs and flags as negatives as we knew it was a “sex party”, the hostess could have been a very willing participant and she wanted everyone to know she wanted to F*ck Biden. I don’t know how we misread her intentions.

Maybe you're right, but it seems to me in our situation it's my wife that is the dominant! Not any of the guys or me. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind watching her with another guy, it's just not the "big thing" for me. When another man's wife and I are enjoying ourselves, I don't feel like I'm the top dog or anything, I just really appreciate the fact I get to enjoy a different woman with no fuss by her husband and the different feel.

Just my theory...I think it's personality, maybe even a dom and submissive thing to an extent. My husband loves watching me, he does not even care that much if he has another man's wife...he loves handing me over, so to speak. There are men who really enjoy, and prefer, being on the other side of the equation... it's kinda good that there are both.

I've always thought that anything less than three guys working on one girl is not a gangbang. Also, one at a time is a train, not a gangbang.