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We are constantly talking on the phone trying to plan our next time. Our talk is very educational to me and at time very sexual because I ask too many questions. They are way more experienced in swinging so I ask her my crazy questions. I told her I post on this Swingersboard most people have been so nice and give advice that helps. The nice thing about her is she is my age and sees things like I do. She also understands my bisexual feelings and my fears. She told me about the men and their penises, actually their cocks. I asked her about the uncircumcised ones, she says she has only seen a few. I didn’t know it started as a religious thing. We talked about shapes and sizes she sees, she put in perspective that most people are the same but different. That makes sense to me. I admitted that I saw penises before I was married but only my own vagina or pussy. Now I’m learning how others look and how to explore. She thinks I worry too much. I think we are getting along.

We take a different approach to the lifestyle. We'll find potential matches via the website. We'll exchange texts/chat, emails, maybe talk on the phone. If we seem like a match, we meet up for a lite dinner/hors d'oeuvre with the expectation of playing. Due to work, family, etc we don't have the opportunity to get out for multiple meet-ups. If we did the whole first meet, second meet....we'd end up 6 months out without doing anything. And we'd be out multiple dinners, multiple nights with babysitters, etc. That approach doesn't work for us.

They did not say where the four way match was of question because I am sure they didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I have a feeling the only winning connection was our male (me) to their female. Dinner out with them was pleasant, so we offered to try again. Will advise how it goes.

When i was in college i was sorta dating a girl and one night in a college bar my friend told me she was there with another guy and when i found her she was making out with him. Holy shit that turned me on like crazy. She saw me too and was apologetic but i told her not to worry it was fine. Somehow when she heard me say that she turned her attention back to me and we went back to her place and fucked all night. Ever since then i have encouraged every girl i dated to engage in this game - mostly unsuccessfully. As for me i'm just wired that way. It drives me wild seeing my woman flirt and make out with others and 10x moreso if they actually fuck. And from my experience the "Bar Pickup Game" drives the ladies wild as well. It's a win/win/win 😁

Mr here - I break down the area into three sections- above, under and the sack. Above and under I use Nair. I shave the sack with a razor. I've been shaving for nearly 15 years and have never cut myself. The Nair burned the heck out of the sack because the skin is too sensitive. It works great above and under. I've found the razor leaves ingrown hairs above and usually miss places when I shaved under. I use a standard razor. I use Gillette but anything non-disposable works for me. I use women's shaving cream (e.g. coconut, strawberry, etc) because I hate the smell of all the men's stuff. It is WAY too cologne scented. Shaving in the shower with soap is a disaster. Shave twice a week, or more if needed. I use the Nair twice a week. Mrs - shaves with a razor in the shower.

No question that 4-way matches are elusive. They begin with strong matches within each couple. Next, they require interest by all parties in finding a 4 way match. Finally there has to be luck. Thinking back on our (individual, before we met) dating experiences, it took a long time to find pairings that were at least interesting, longer still to find ones that would last beyond 2 dates, and ultimately a very long time to find each other. While it is true that swinger dating comes with no expectations beyond pleasant time together, there still has to be pairing. Moreover, there has to be complementary pairing (two pairs). Those are long-but-not-impossible odds. It's for precisely this reason that we...and maybe others...regard those great 2+2 pairings as exceptional and worth holding on to.

Okay, here’s my take on the terms. Cheater - if a woman is in a committed relationship and has sex outside that relationship AND if her husband (or SO) has not given her permission to have sex with others, then the woman is cheating. It doesn’t matter if the husband is aware of it or not, if he hasn’t given his okay then the bond between the couple is broken. Of course, the same goes if the cheater is a man. Hotwife - A ‘hotwife’ is a woman who has sex with others with her husband’s permission. He might have knowledge of when she’s having sex, or not. But it’s expected that he will be fine with it when/if he learns of it. There are different forms of hotwifing. She may ‘solo’ with one or more men without the SO being there. The husband might be in the room with her and observing The husband might be the the other male in an MFM or MMF threesome Fill in others. There is a great amount of variation in how couples live the hotwife lifestyle. Stag/Vixen - The husband is knowledgable and supportive of his wife’s sexual adventures. The wife does not humiliate her husband. Cuckold - A man is a cuckold when his hotwife attempts to belittle him with her sexual adventures. This can be done either verbally or physically (for example, forcing him to wear a cock cage).

The other couple said, "Not much of a four-way match." Did they say why? Did they indicate that either was having an off-night? I and my wife had many of these dates, and I can't remember a single one that if the first one didn't go well we thought it was worth a second chance. We had plenty of successful first dates, many leading to 'interaction' either that night or down the road. But if we weren't feeling it, we would just chalk it off to, 'they're not our type' and move on. We dated newbies, too. We expected them to have a lot of questions, and we were called upon to be mentors. One couple had drinks or dinner with us four times before they were ready. And if the couple didn't want to have sex with us, and instead tried another couple, we certainly weren't offended. BUT . . . every newbie couple that we bumped into that eventually turned into swingers was excited about the prospect on that first date.

We’ll do the second dinner. Maybe we’ll bond. As NC said, how bad can it be? My wife’s comment when fun dinner partners become suboptimal sex partners: “ We should have stopped at dinner.”

Remember that nothing that happens while swinging constitutes cheating. You and your partner arrive together as a couple and leave together as a couple, and everything that happens in between is part of the adventure you both signed up for together. Discuss "the rules" amongst yourselves first, then discuss them again with your play partners before the action begins. Don't be too much of a stickler for the rules - it's normal for boundaries to be gently pushed but watch each other for signs of distress. Most - probably 95% - of swingers are the most patient, polite and understanding ppl you will ever meet. Like so many other "scary" things in life, once you're engaged in doing it you'll wonder what you were so scared about.

It would be interesting if one or both were women. My wife is still social media friends with some of the unknowing and one knowing wives of the married men that she had relationships with when she was single. Being the third in those marriages was her thing.

Because my wife has never played the bar pickup game, the rest of the survey is moot, so I stand mute.

My wife had sex with her friend's husband on two occasions. Both times her friend was present in the house but did not participate. Her friend encouraged it. As a result the three of them decided to involve me and we became swingers. Could that still be considered as cheating?

You might wish to check out the word "wittol" ... its an old word that refers to a man who knows and accepts his wife's infidelities. Cuckolding may or may not involve cheating ... it simply refers to a married man who's wife has sex with other men. The husband may or may not know, but the fact that she's married and having sex with other men gives him the cuckold title. Hot wife just identifies the married woman (not the man) as having sex with other partners (male or female). I kind of think of cuckolding as one-way swinging ... the wife has other sex partners while the husband remains monogamous. Now for the twisters: Words tend to take on broader meanings over time, particularly the word cuckold over the past 10 years or so, I imagine due to the internet and huge availability of websites & info related to cuckolding. Now, women can become cuckolds as well as men ... I use as examples Sandra Bullock and Elizabeth Edwards, who's husbands cheated on them, and these women referred to themselves as "being cuckolded". Also, single couples, who are in supposedly monogamous relationships, can practice cuckolding as well ... both the cheating kind, and the voluntary kind. One partner remaining monogamous while the other partner includes others in their love play. Hope this helps a bit in your understanding of cuckolding ... its really difficult, sometimes, to hold a conversation with people about a word that has different meanings to different people. Mac

I was wondering about this a bit myself. Although the only real life experience I have with this is the husband not telling wife. For example, I know a couple where the husband is allowed to sleep with whomever he wants but wife just doesn't want to hear about it. Hubby and I have a similar arrangement. If he sleeps with someone on a hall pass, that's fine but I don't need to hear about it. It doesn't turn me on to hear the details and such. Hubby is different. If I slept with someone else, he would want to know and hear the details. Then we could go at it

Cheating---Husband doesn't know. Hotwife---Husband knows and is turned on by it and both parties share the experience either through talking or watching. Cuckolding---there is an element of humiliation toward the husband that also turns him on. It can take many forms. Without the humiliation factor it isn't cuckolding. Otherwise we'd have to classify swingers playing separately as cucks. I wouldn't (and suspect others) like being called that.