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Congratulations 👏👏 In November we will celebrate our 40 Years Mariage and 35 Years lifestyle. 😀

Today makes 30 years for us being Married!

I understand the not doing it close to home and with strangers. If it doesn’t go well no one will know. Separate rooms is how we started, separate cabins on a cruise and I am thankful for that. I was free to enjoy sex with another man while not worrying if my husband was jealous or if I would be jealous watching him with another woman. I made love to another man for the first time pleasing each other without restraint. He didn’t need to prove anything to my husband or his wife. To this day years later I think of that night as the best swinging experience. If you read my original posts you will read the first time I saw my husband in bed with the other wife I wasn’t happy and the sex in front of them that first time was not as enjoyable. I got over that and we have sex either way now, same or separate, I still prefer separate.

We had our first MMF in College before getting married.

My wife is the Picasso of hand jobs. When other men have trouble reaching an orgasm, I tell her to pull out her secret weapon to bring things to a conclusion. Works everytime, like Colt 45. I can think of two couples in the recent past who asked to play with us again and I attribute it to the guys looking for that handjob.

Sorry, I'm merely going off your posts. When you use the terms ' a lot of trauma', say you're in individual therapy and marriage counseling, and mention you 'left for awhile' questioning your marriage, I assume you mean those words. Those are pretty clear in their meaning. I'm not angry at all. Everything I wrote in my last post is based on reality. "Choice (1)" is based on a couple in my neighborhood who did exactly what I wrote. Started slow but ramped up quickly, much more quickly than the wife wanted. The last part is also based on a real situation. Another couple from my neighborhood set specific rules. Yet, when involved, the rules were very difficult to stick with and were broken. Wife crossed a lie, husband couldn't handle it. I left out a lot of details as the stories are long but their situations followed what I wrote. Side note, we have quite a few swinger couples in the neighborhood, though the neighborhood is quite large so it isn't as nutty as that sounds. I referred the male from one couple and the female from the other to a law school buddy who does family law. The male retained him while the female chose to retain a female attorney. No I don't live within your marriage. I never said I did. Sadly in my career I've seen a lot of relationships that crumbled and am just writing based on that experience, lifestyle experience and your posts. I only wish you and your husband the best. The lifestyle is quite fun. You meet a lot of wonderful people. It is quite difficult to get out because a major problem arises when one partner wants to back off and the other doesn't. When there is one partner who wants to go all in and the other is unsure, that potential issue is there.

Congratulations. A fine example of how being in the lifestyle is compatible with a long, happy and successful marriage. Please tell us how that first lifestyle conversation went? Were you two in love at the time or playing around and fell in love?

You are making an awful lot of assumptions for not knowing either of us. We have an amazing healthy sex life first of all. He's so much fun, we play a lot, and really enjoy each other in bed. Also this is not just about him. He wants to see me having sex with other men because he wants me pleasured in more ways than he can give me. I can only hope to aspire to the compersion I feel he has. Secondly he is not pushing me anymore. He did the first time around and it was an epic fail in his part. He realizes now that doing that will never allow an opportunity at this lifestyle. I'm sorry to say this but you sound very angry. I've given tidbits of my story and he is a good husband. He just got carried away. We are working through all of that. I'm not sure what else to say in response to what you've said because you have no idea how much he actually does respect me and how he shows me in other ways. Yes he got carried away...but he never got anything he wanted from doing it that way. Time will prove to me how serious he is as we go at a snails pace. He's agreed to do all the things I've asked including listening to podcasts and learning from them then talking about them. He's agreed to go to clubs with no expectations. I do not believe for one second he's cross a major boundary again because he knows it will be the end of our marriage. You are entitled to feel how you do about what you've read but you don't live within my marriage and just because he fucked up the first time does not mean he'll do it again. And if he does, I will walk away and that will allow him to find exactly what he's looking for. This is not just about him. He wants to do it together. He's made that very clear. He wants to watch me enjoy myself. That's the entire part that turns him on the most.

We did go to our first swinger party last December. I wanted to continue to go, get to know people so I could get more comfortable. He shut down any further parties and said they were boring. He even told a couple we were chatting with that they weren't his thing. He said going forward we would only try to find couples online and I honestly was so angry. I ended up deleting every site we were on because I told him I would never do this that way. I can't do this that way. I'm not a "fuck on first meet" kinda girl. I need an emotional connection to the couple so I can build trust. Then we had a dinner arranged. I had cold feet because I absolutely did not want to have sex after a first dinner so I asked the couple how they felt about a few things. They were very kind and said they didn't really play in first dates usually anyways. Well he demanded after that convo that I had to tell them we are willing to fuck on a first date and I said absolutely not so at the last minute I canceled and said I was not ready. They were so gracious and said it was just going to be dinner which is all I wanted so my husband essentially ruined this for himself. A lot transpired between them and now. I even left for a while questioning our marriage as a whole because he is usually so amazing, a great husband, provider, father...everything but this made me feel unloved. But we started therapy together and I got therapy for myself. We've been working on things and he kept bringing it up and I said absolutely not after everything that's happened. BUT we've been doing so much better. He's grown as well and I can see positive changes in him. He has admitted to his failures and how he pushed way too hard. He promised it will be different this time but I'm still waiting for that heartfelt apology he promised me. Once he does that I can begin to heal and move forward because it truly is something I want to try.

I finally have a friend to discuss sex with. I always wondered if I was normal in how I reacted in bed never having the opportunity to discuss it with a girlfriend. I never talked about sex with my mother and my girl talk with friends was almost nonexistent. Finding a new friend through swinging I now have someone my age who I speak to openly about all things sex. Orgasms: How long does it take you? Do you always have orgasms? I recently bought sex toys that I use alone and I told her I sometimes orgasm quicker with a toy which brought up the topic of different toys. Suggestions from a number of posts led me to some great finds, thank you. She has much more experience with men as I only have been with a few. I figure I am lucky none of the men were too quick and all took their time with foreplay, I love oral. I often orgasm and more just from oral something not all woman do. Ladies: How long does it take you? Do you orgasm from oral? Do toys by yourself work? Do you squirt? I always thought it was a bladder problem. I’m so happy to have this friend.

Congratulations! Many more to come.

Swinging is a very individualized sport. However you decide to proceed, do it on your own terms. A lot of folks dig seeing their spouse being pleasured by another, or pleasuring another. Some are into it for same sex experiences, every couple has thie own story. My own fantasy is a puppy pile of pleasure on a king size bed, where everyone plays with everyone. Not for everybody obviously.

@blueeyedbeauty - i applaud you for not wanting to throw in the towel and give up on this altogether. And we think as long as you are still willing to try it can work. But of paramount importance is the generally accepted rule that, as the woman, you set the rules, you have final say over when, where and with whom. Any swinger couple here will agree that this is conventional swinger wisdom. So before going any further please imagine a scenario that works for you and communicate this to your husband as non-negotiable terms. Also, we would advise visiting a swing club for your first experience as opposed to trying to find acceptable matches online. I don't think we would have ever got off the ground if we tried to find the perfect match online first. And if you do visit a club, part of your rules should be no expectation of play. If you're not feeling it then just chatting with folks and maybe a bit of watching is all that should be expected. Know your power as a woman. In the Lifestyle women hold all the power.

As a woman, I take satisfaction in the knowledge that even after I'm cleaned up that a small but living part of the men with whom I had intercourse is still swimming inside me. Humans are inherently non-monogamous, so sloppy seconds and all that is natural.

How long depends on so many things. There are times it just doesn’t happen and it doesn’t always matter. I can have fun without having a partner help me reach an orgasm. To orgasm I need foreplay of lots of oral that is done in a way that not every partner can do. Great oral leads to an orgasm in less than 5 minutes, longer if only good oral. For me giving a great blow job is all I want to do. In my highly orgasmic years after oral it would take anywhere from 3-30 minutes and changes in positions. Toys are the fastest for me. In the right mood there is one toy that has me shaking in a minute, a real orgasm not the most satisfying one.

Still a fantasy is to fuck Gwen right after another guy has cum in her. So I guess the answer to the original question is yes.

I'm not that into it but I did it in our little playgroup last Friday night bc one of the wives really wanted DP. I much prefer vaginas but it was a dirty job and somebody had to do it.

I was a virgin bride too. Pain, blood, we got it done. I was afraid of the pain but waited my whole life for the moment. No orgasm from me, I still loved it. Perfectly said. Remember all those firsts too. Pretty sure that was the same here with my husband watching and the wife and him busy. What I remember was they had accents, not from the USA. He also was different in penis was the first I ever saw uncircumcised. My husband insisted that I go first. He later said he wanted to make sure I didn’t back out if he did it and I would be mad at him. Before doing anything I told them I squirted, I said I peed sometimes, they corrected me. The last thing he did before penetration was some very good oral and then he lifted my legs onto his shoulders and in he went. Pretty sure I closed my eyes, it was different only because he was different. I concentrated not to pee/squirt, maybe that took my mind off of what we did. Timmy said I moaned and looked like I orgasmed, I didn't think I did but I enjoyed. I eventually did and I eventually squirted. I eventually also did other firsts with them. Too bad we’ll never see them again.

yeah, but at the the does not matter that much. whar I really liked and made me horny was something else