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Life has many paths with some roads leading back to the starting line. Eight years ago I spent a night with a college friend and her boyfriend after a snowstorm at a football game. Plenty has happened to me since that night, engagement, learning some friends were swingers, getting married, an open marriage, a pregnancy that was terminated, a divorce, an abusive relationship and lots and lots of therapy. My life returned to what some call normal, dating men and occasional women. That original friend married, not the boyfriend I knew, had disappeared from my life and now reemerged. Not the scene of the crime she called and asked if I wanted to join her and her husband to the football game at our school. Reluctant to be “used” and anxious to feel free, I agreed. I found out another sorority sister my ex and I had played with had also married, a guy I never met, were also going to the game. The hardest part was reliving my last few years, I only gave an abbreviated retelling. With that all told both of the husbands couldn’t have been sweeter to me.

Thank you for still being around. You're part of our community, and we would sorely miss you. We're all in your corner, and cheering for you!

Simply put: What is said to one is said to both. If you do not want that do not put it out there. The confidentiality of what is between us is absolute.

I'll chime in. Our 45 year relationship is partly based on our open, honest and complete divulgench (is that a word) of information. There are only a handful of things that friends have asked me not to share and sometimes I don't. I tell folks up front if our conversation gets into delicate waters, that I share almost everything with my wife. I won't go running to her to tell her things, but I won't lie when asked. It's worked really well for years. My opinion, and that's all it is, is that the activities completed during 'hot'GF'ing' would be open for complete disclosure. In fact, that would be some of the hottest shit out there. I love to hear of her escapades, it's part of the game. Sounds like you're having a great time and I see no reason why she should keep anything in that space private.

It's funny how the power dynamics work. My GF always liked to pretend that her boss had all the power. So she would submit to all of his requests, even a few things that made her a little uncomfortable (which is rare) because he had the "power" over her and she "had to do it." In reality, this was just her playing into her submissive fantasy. He was the superior and she was the subordinate and he would have gotten into a lot more trouble than she would have if she ever decided to come forward about the relationship (which she never would have done anyway). So, in a way, she really held most of the power in that respect, even though she didn't want to think of it that way.

1. Congratulations on your successful recovery from open heart surgery! 2. The scar will fade. It will take about a year to reach maturity. There is an inflammatory phase--where it will stay red and a bit angry looking. There is a fibroproliferative phase where scar tissue continues to be laid down--this goes on for months. There is a remodeling phase that goes out to about a year. Keep the sun off of it this spring and summer and fall if you want the scar to fade to the most minimal appearance. SPF as high as you can find. And a t-shirt. 3. We medical types have our own rituals--guessing the operation from the scar. We go to a variety of nude resorts and LS activities. It is the rare person who has not had this or that operation. We think of those scars as "proof of life". 4. Mrs. FL has a long scar on her upper arm. Looks like a shark bite. She's a melanoma survivor. Me, I have a long scar on the back of my neck. Cervical spine decompression. No one cares. Really. Indeed, survival, recovery and getting back in the game is the best story you will ever tell.