Leaderboard

Life has many paths with some roads leading back to the starting line. Eight years ago I spent a night with a college friend and her boyfriend after a snowstorm at a football game. Plenty has happened to me since that night, engagement, learning some friends were swingers, getting married, an open marriage, a pregnancy that was terminated, a divorce, an abusive relationship and lots and lots of therapy. My life returned to what some call normal, dating men and occasional women. That original friend married, not the boyfriend I knew, had disappeared from my life and now reemerged. Not the scene of the crime she called and asked if I wanted to join her and her husband to the football game at our school. Reluctant to be “used” and anxious to feel free, I agreed. I found out another sorority sister my ex and I had played with had also married, a guy I never met, were also going to the game. The hardest part was reliving my last few years, I only gave an abbreviated retelling. With that all told both of the husbands couldn’t have been sweeter to me.

That is my point, sex is to be savored, sex is intimate. If it is more than one guy I hope it’s more than one night. I need or want more than an hour with a partner. I have experienced serial sex, FFM, and FF sex, give me MF for a night.

I separate swinging and swapping. Swinging is sex for sex without attachment of enjoying being with a partner. Swinging is detached sex. Swapping is much more intimate sex. There are those who will take exception when I say swapping is making love with your partner. I’ve been told love is not a healthy function of the lifestyle, I disagree. I enjoy making love which is not the same as being in love. Alone with a partner is not rushed sex, it is touching and kissing and even talking without any outside pressure.

Agreed. Even if it's just sex, there is much more to it than a quick fuck/orgasm. So much to savor without distractions. If it's more than one guy, I prefer them serially alone rather than both (or three) at once. My favorite though is an FFM threesome. There is something magical for me about being a part of that, including all the foreplay and postplay.

Thank you for kind words. I never left “here”, I would check in from time to time holding off posting. Without contributing I was able to read posts from a different perspective wondering what was real and what was fantasy. I am pretty sure I know. There are a number of members who have given me support, I have even allowed myself to open up to one very special couple. Several years ago we met them, they knew about my original problem and gave me full support. I just found it easier to talk to an older woman, about 20 years older telling her things I had a hard time explaining to my friends. It is her who said I should come back here to post my thoughts. She understands that I need to clear my head without direct contact, a healthy way to express my thoughts even though I do see a professional. I am finally feeling healthy enough to regain my life and enjoy that life again. Thank you for your support.

I recently answered a post stating my #1 sexual thought was a 25 year old. Let me clear up that thought. If I am just looking for sex I want someone younger, good looking and quickly hard. If I am looking to have a fun night I enjoy a few friends who I can relate to who also enjoys us. Swinging is as much social as sexual. Sex for sex is Sex.

I'm going to add another comment regarding my time in Endictott, NY: A number of -- and by 'number' I mean a LOT -- people in the 'lifestyle' back then were in their 40s and 50's. We were young, being in our early 20s. But substantial numbers of them were between 40 and 60, which would put them between 65 and 85 today. Did new people join the crowd? I hope so. But if they didn't, then I can't vouch for how it is, *today*. We fell-in with them NOT through the advertisements in the want-ads or the regional swingers' magazines: They were the core members of an unrelated community organization that my wife and I were involved with. A late-night get-together with a hot-tub after an event -- and we were introduced to the 'other' activities the organizational leaders were involved with. After I posted the reply, above, I googled the organization -- it's still around, still part of the community. I don't recognize any of the boardmembers or other members on the website; organizations grow and change, and that's a Good Thing. Perhaps they still have hot tub parties. I cannot say.

Apropos to our recent trip to the south of France we were invited to join friends plus two couples we didn’t know to share an AirBnb for 10 days. We know our friends in many sexual ways always having great times. Thinking about group sex and one on one sex it is different. I never thought being alone with a single woman as being with a lover. During our vacation we each did spend at least one night alone with a partner, one I felt I was stuck with. I was happy she fell asleep and let me sleep. I never let on that the night wasn’t great, she was more fun outside the bedroom. The only one I told was Lin who didn’t complain about any of the men.

I lived in Endicott 25+ years ago, and there was an active scene that used notices in the Press & Sun Bulletin's 'want ads' for meetups and parties. Email was new, and not everyone had it, and cell phones were not yet a thing. It was there. It was hard to find/get involved compared to today. But the point is: it is, indeed, there.

Some context for the way we live the lifestyle: We adults share two bedrooms - one is David’s and one is Red's, although most of the stuff in them belong to us women. We women decide who is sleeping with which man. The women who are sleeping together is more important than which guy is chosen. Most importantly, in the "three bed" is who is in the middle. Usually, it's not the guy. And yes, there is something special about the MF "two bed" as well. There are six permutations of that arrangement, so your opportunity for the "one man, one woman, the way God intended it" with each is once a week.

Oh for sure. That will hopefully happen when we find the right people also

Clearing your mind of negativity is very cathartic. Positive thoughts and meditation also helps. I have a kalyana mitta who has been a guide and facilitator for me.

Younger is not always better, something I experienced at a party. I won’t say he was 25 he was attractive enough just not that great sexually.

A very good article. I have two thoughts: First, we did not have to deal with introducing our children to a polyamorous family. They were born into into it. (The only exception was that Lora joined our family after the first two were born to Clair and me, but they were young.) It is totally natural for each of our children to have five parents, three moms and two dads. Compared to other kids, they feel lucky. They also comprehend that they have biological parents, but it's not something that they dwell upon with regard to us adults, more as to who among them are half-siblings, genetically unrelated, or in one case, full-siblings. (Lora and I have two children, one each with David and Red; Clair has three - one with Red and two with David.) The oldest are now aware of what sex is and that it happens among us adults, but only to the extent that any kids know that parents have sex behind closed doors. Second, as to others, there are two parts to it. The first is lawyers and making the legal aspects as secure as possible. I won't go into that, other than we've done a lot of work. The second is our relationship with schools and healthcare folks. We did our research and screen, then meet with them, bringing in members of our family. For doctors and nurses, the tone was set when Clair (who was the first to get pregnant) went in for her pre-natal exam accompanied by David who is the father, and me, David’s wife. It was explained that we were all good with it and excited to be raising this child together. Similarly when I got pregnant and went in to the gyno introducing Red as the father and David as my husband. Same with school. People know that the familial relationship is broader than the genetic. Each of the children has been brought in, picked up, and supported along the way by each of us adults as their parents, regardless of the biological relationship, and have authority over each of them. (There's legal stuff involved.) We adults strive to never inadvertantly contradict one another to avoid even a hint of conflict. Overall, it's not much different than step-parents and the like, but it's concurrent rather than sequential relationships. It seems normal. It is normal.

For people who are in a polyamorous relationship and have kids there a recent study about it. I want to be neutral in this since I am not a polyamorous parents. If the link doesn't work, please let me know, I will copy and paste the article here. Juhl: Are the children of polyamorous parents OK? | Montreal Gazette

Being alone with one lover. We started swapping spouses in separate cabins on a cruise and to this I prefer swapping to partying. My favorite is still my first who lives far enough away that it’s not an obsession. Since that first we have attended parties with group sex where I feel I am not myself, a little inhibited. If we are swinging give me one partner for the night alone in a private room. I’m not one who enjoys being passed around or looking for multiple partners just for a sex act.

I would call it Lesbian before I experienced it and when I did it was hard to accept that I enjoyed. After many same sex experiences I now call it sex just like sex with a man. Other than the obvious act I can only have with a man the sex with a woman is just as fulfilling.

My wife never came during swinging. It was all foreplay for when we were alone afterwards. She also never cums with penetration. Everyone is different and just accept who you are.

Since you have decided to go full swap, have one of the men inside you, while the other, or the other girl, go down on you. There are various ways to accomplish that, but I suspect that you will like the results! Maybe you will even learn how to bridge the gap and be able to cum with only PiV, but that's not guaranteed.

Relax, maybe have a drink first if you imbibe, and ride the pony. The fun of swinging is that everyone is different and it is up to the new partner to figure out what makes their partner feel good. We have both encountered partners that rang our bell and we have rung some bells, too. Some encounters have been unsuccessful, some boring. That’s the voyage. We hope our partner is fulfilled, we hope we are. If not, maybe next time. We don’t keep score, it’s not a competition. Have fun!

We are constantly talking on the phone trying to plan our next time. Our talk is very educational to me and at time very sexual because I ask too many questions. They are way more experienced in swinging so I ask her my crazy questions. I told her I post on this Swingersboard most people have been so nice and give advice that helps. The nice thing about her is she is my age and sees things like I do. She also understands my bisexual feelings and my fears. She told me about the men and their penises, actually their cocks. I asked her about the uncircumcised ones, she says she has only seen a few. I didn’t know it started as a religious thing. We talked about shapes and sizes she sees, she put in perspective that most people are the same but different. That makes sense to me. I admitted that I saw penises before I was married but only my own vagina or pussy. Now I’m learning how others look and how to explore. She thinks I worry too much. I think we are getting along.

From your profile picture, I would have guessed seven of nine.

Never had that, it's the tongue action that can set me off.

No kidding. Personally I find it odd that so many say they had NO jealousy. I'm not sure thats even healthy. I often play with a couple we know for MFM's and the first several times we did these my wife was not always 100% comfortable with this and had to be in the right mood. Later the first time my wife had an MFM his wife had very strong jealousy feelings. Finally the time I let her go play without me, I didn't have jealousy feelings, but I had an uneasy feeling if I thought about it. Its primal, its normal, it can be over come. Its never been a major game breaking issue for us, but its still there. Most couples we know enough to really talk swinging with all talk about having bouts of this when they first started. For us, most of it is when we were not together. The first time we played it was same room and we had no issues, it wasn't until we did separate that there were issues. Maybe for us its the not being included which makes it harder to handle at the time. We are past that mostly. I say mostly because if my wife told me she set up a gang bang for herself and to not wait up, odds are I'd have 'issues' with that, that go beyond her safety

Join the club, my wife has lately expressed the same fantasy only involving me. I have two reactions: 1. Tuck and run 2. Isn't this about experimentation? I think it is more common than most men will admit.

Miss you Alura!