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There was a couple my wife and I occasionally swing with that had trouble in their marriage. They were a good looking couple, in their late 30s, and they already had 3 kids, when we first starting swinging with them. At the time, my wife and I had no idea they were going through trouble, we just assumed they were just ordinary newbies. After 2 years of swinging with them, they actually opened up about their marital problems they had before, but now they're a happy couple again. Now, long story short about their marital problem was, the husband and wife weren't spending a lot of time together, the husband focused a lot of time in his work, the wife focused on their kids and work, vacation became rare for them, and their sex life was "meh". One very sad moment in their life was when it was their anniversary, and they did nothing to celebrate it at all. When they began swinging with me and my wife, they started spending more time together, like going out to dinner more, taking time off work more to be with family, or even just going on a hike together as a couple. And of course, they even told us that their sex life gotten way better since they started swinging with us. Now, would y'all be surprised if y'all accidentally saved a marriage through swinging? Because my wife and I were pretty surprised, but very happy for them.

I can fully imagine this happening, though it hasn't happened to us (that we know of). There was one couple we almost played with that played with another couple right before they were to meet up with us for a play date. That first time playing caused the wife to leave the husband, and that was that. Some time later, my wife and I played with the jilted husband in a MFM.

Swinger couples often have good decision making ability. Deciding when and with whom to play requires executive decision making skills.

To this day I prefer separate rooms for a number of reasons. I’m not sure how long ago we swapped partners on a cruise, 9 or 10. The morning after that night I went back to my cabin and saw the other wife, who is now a good friend in bed with my husband. Thinking now I was jealous, we were younger and she is beautiful. I think another reason was while my night was perfect the next time I had sex with the man I made love to it was in front of my husband and the sex was not love making it was me being fucked in front of others, completely different. On that same cruise I was watched while a woman spread my legs. I know my husband loved watching us and enjoyed watching me having sex with the husband. Since that trip and our first swap we did swapping and we did parties. I also had sex with other women both in front of others and alone privately. The sex is much different alone. I discussed the reason with my husband many times and understood. When I have sex in front of him or in front of others I feel submissive. I let others take the lead more than I do. I suppress my enjoyment or orgasms, like can you suppress and orgasm. When alone I feel freer to be me, I’m not dominant just not as submissive. The part about watching my husband or watching others at a party is not that exciting. I don’t think I’m jealous watching my husband, I could say I’m more jealous of women who look great then I say I still look pretty damn good too. I just feel better without being watched or watching.

Well everybody is into something different i guess. We've been doing this and every permutation possible for 26 years and it still excites the hell out of me. I think she may have been bored with a couple partners along the way but never me. Like I've said here 100 times, seeing my wife with another is like a 1000 volt shock to my system that hurts so good. It was 26 years ago and still is today.

My husband wants to swing. This will be our second attempt at trying to dip our toes in. It's complicated, a long story, but he was too pushy and did not allow me to lead. We never did anything with anyone because I was never ready... We are trying again and he promised to go at my pace but I have a lot of trauma from what happened although I've been in therapy...and we've been in marriage counseling. I wanted to try the last time but slowly. I mean SLOWLY. Get myself used to the idea with baby steps... I have both feelings of enticement and excitement but also I'm completely horrified at the thought of sharing the person I love the most in the world. It literally makes me want to puke thinking about it. How on earth do I overcome this? Looking for advice. I truly want to over come these overwhelming feelings but I don't know if I can. How can I get comfortable with the idea? Or maybe I can't bypass these feelings of ick...but I think if I do...it might be a lot of fun. Saying I'm torn is an understatement.

The sex lives of our poly family has never been "meh," but believe me, sharing among ourselves and especially playing outside the family is incredibly exciting. And it hits from both sides - having more than one sex partner yourself and knowing, watching the other (or others) you love being pleased and satisfied by another sex partner can only increase your love and desire for them.

They have a kid who is in college, so they have been married at least around twenty years. Yeah, that was terrible, inhumane. It never could be easy, but they should have been civil. The groom was so upset that he threatened them, stalked them, and restraining orders were involved. (BTW, I know them both, but only met several times.) No comments about this? It is the reason I posted the story; she was serious. Her attitude surprised me, but I guess it shouldn't. I do not know her outside of work, and she hasn’t discussed her romantic/sex life with me. She isn't married, engaged, or going steady, but mentions three boyfriends who spends the night or travels with her. ("I was late this morning because I stayed with Stephen.") And the boyfriends apparently have other partners as well, who she nonchalantly accepts. ("I wanted to see Stephen this weekend, but he was with Suzie.") My point is that although she may not be in the lifestyle, the lifestyle open-mindedness is in the vanilla world. She thought that the bride and best man going for "one last fling before the ring" was normal.

I feel bad for the groom-to-be. There's a principle here in that the bride and best man both effectively stabbed the groom-to-be in the back. In that sense, they likely deserved each other. But yeah, I agree with Mikey; I wouldn't be surprised if they eventually divorced. I've seen it before, sadly on more than one occasion.

I wonder if the swinging is the operative Factor here. Someone once said something to the effect of if you want to be successful hang out with successful people and do what they do. We have had the experience the people's marriages have been helped in one way or another by hanging out with us. I think that is largely because they modeled some behaviors that we have that we think of as just good marital hygiene. If you are married and happy about being with your partner and having fun to boot that can't help but rub off on people that are around you.

Now, I wouldn't be surprised if that doesn't last very long.

First, I never intended to criticize you or what you prefer. Our differences are what makes the lifestyle and this forum so wonderful. I especially love the vicarious empathy I have for your feelings, somewhat similar, somewhat different. I'm jealous of both. And it's not just their looks, it's how other women sexually please Red and David.

This is certainly not unheard of. Shore2please has written several good posts about it. Quoting one: "I am a wife who rather swap in separate rooms. I don’t want to watch what goes on between my husband and the other woman... I watched my husband and his [the other man's] wife. I think I wanted to turn away, I couldn’t. Ladies how do you feel watching?" Although I get incredibly jealous, I OTOH, act on my jealousy and enjoy it.

REALLY?? I never would 've thunk it!! You do realize that is part of your charm.

Talk to your husband about you going first and him not playing. You start with a man of your choice in the manner you choose: your husband there or not there or just nearby; at a hotel or at your home; you describe every detail or say little of what happened; you do it once with the other guy or have a wild weekend. You get the picture. Believe me, after you get comfortable having sex with another man, enjoy it, and see what a wonderful, generous gift it is from your husband, (and how much pleasure he takes in your fun), you will be happy to do the same for him. You will beg him to join you in the adventure.

You are not alone in experiencing the mental conflict that is part of the journey into swinging. The excitement generated by thoughts of anticipated pleasure and fun is very powerful. Then the thinking turns the other way in regards to jealousy issues, you being so or your partner not coping seeing you ejoying sex in a way that he has never experienced with you. And then the thinking about who you might be meeting and will there be an attraction great enough that you actually want to progress to intimacy. All heavy stuff on the mind. There are lots of stories here similar to yours and there are many who will give you advice. But I am sure that most will say that to have a problem free and fun swinging lifestyle you should be starting with a very strong and stable relationship with your partner. There are many relationships that have ended because of involvement in swinging. Many of those relationships were on rocky ground prior to entering into swinging and the swinging just made things worse. Having sex with other people while having relationship issues is unlikely to resolve the relationship issues. Good relationships are built on good communication between the partners. Open discussion without judgement and conflict. Respecting eachothers feelings and needs. Only when you have talked together about swinging and set any boundaries or limitations and then feel totally comfortable should you proceed. If you are torn now, then more talking with your partner is needed before proceeding any futher. Take it slowly and don't be pressured into anything you are not 100% happy about. Swinging is a lifestyle choice that can be fun and add excitement to life. But it should not be done at the expense of one of the partners happiness. Best wishes in resolving your situation.

Not all. Neither of us are interested in seeing or being part of that kind of activity.

To each his/her own but it’s something neither one of us are into.

Main stream swinging is an oxymoron. Swinging is not main stream. Within swinging there are diverse interests. Bisexuality by both genders, BDSM, hot wifing, vixen/stag, dom/sub. Many of these sub interests are currently of no interest to me, but if I am open minded enough to participate in the lifestyle, I owe it to participants in these subgroups to be tolerant and supportive of their interests and not denigrate them.

Admittedly, I haven't figured out how to "get into" snapchat yet, but my alternative Instagram feed is a lot of fun. Brandi Love is my guilty pleasure these days. I see she has a Snapchat account... Hmmm...