Leaderboard

This is not the attitude of most swinger couples. The vast majority have both people completely involved in doing what they wish to, with the full support of the other person. If you want to have sex with other men, then he should not only allow that, he should encourage you. Any other attitude is immature by swinger standards. "I’m struggling to see how this could end in anything other than me feeling isolated and alone in grappling with it. I’m concerned that perhaps if he can’t see someone he actually has feelings for with another person but he needs multiple partners to be happy, then maybe a relationship isn’t for him?" The question I have is how is this relationship good for you? I suspect if you go down the road with this man, he'll be continually changing his rules to his advantage and your disadvantage. He will attempt to control you. Is this what you want? Since I'm suspecting you'd like something else, I'd suggest terminating the relationship sooner rather than later. Delay will only cause you more pain.

To me, this is very selfish and would be a deal-breaker. He is immature, greedy, and controlling. The most important part of being in a relationship and in the lifestyle is taking pleasure and satisfaction in your loved one's sexual play and fun. He's doing the exact opposite. My advice? Dump him and use the contacts you've made in the lifestyle to keep looking for someone who is generous. There is a guy who will appreciate you and be a good partner for your sexual and life journey.

You're going to have a very hard time finding couples who are looking to swing where only the woman gets to experience the other couple and the other man is left out of the fun. I agree with the above. He's not being fair. I'd walk away.

With the couples who we swing with some we started as sex partners and became friends, some started as friends and became play partners and with a few we have developed romantic feelings and become lovers. So many in the lifestyle avoid that final step but my wife and I have reveled in it. We both have joyously return home, or been returned to, after a deeply intimate, loving time with another. It takes marriage to a whole other level.

Methinks.

Yes, and let the slower person play while you don't so they don't need to worry about what ever may be troubling him/her about their spouse doing anything.

Sorry, I'm merely going off your posts. When you use the terms ' a lot of trauma', say you're in individual therapy and marriage counseling, and mention you 'left for awhile' questioning your marriage, I assume you mean those words. Those are pretty clear in their meaning. I'm not angry at all. Everything I wrote in my last post is based on reality. "Choice (1)" is based on a couple in my neighborhood who did exactly what I wrote. Started slow but ramped up quickly, much more quickly than the wife wanted. The last part is also based on a real situation. Another couple from my neighborhood set specific rules. Yet, when involved, the rules were very difficult to stick with and were broken. Wife crossed a lie, husband couldn't handle it. I left out a lot of details as the stories are long but their situations followed what I wrote. Side note, we have quite a few swinger couples in the neighborhood, though the neighborhood is quite large so it isn't as nutty as that sounds. I referred the male from one couple and the female from the other to a law school buddy who does family law. The male retained him while the female chose to retain a female attorney. No I don't live within your marriage. I never said I did. Sadly in my career I've seen a lot of relationships that crumbled and am just writing based on that experience, lifestyle experience and your posts. I only wish you and your husband the best. The lifestyle is quite fun. You meet a lot of wonderful people. It is quite difficult to get out because a major problem arises when one partner wants to back off and the other doesn't. When there is one partner who wants to go all in and the other is unsure, that potential issue is there.

You are making an awful lot of assumptions for not knowing either of us. We have an amazing healthy sex life first of all. He's so much fun, we play a lot, and really enjoy each other in bed. Also this is not just about him. He wants to see me having sex with other men because he wants me pleasured in more ways than he can give me. I can only hope to aspire to the compersion I feel he has. Secondly he is not pushing me anymore. He did the first time around and it was an epic fail in his part. He realizes now that doing that will never allow an opportunity at this lifestyle. I'm sorry to say this but you sound very angry. I've given tidbits of my story and he is a good husband. He just got carried away. We are working through all of that. I'm not sure what else to say in response to what you've said because you have no idea how much he actually does respect me and how he shows me in other ways. Yes he got carried away...but he never got anything he wanted from doing it that way. Time will prove to me how serious he is as we go at a snails pace. He's agreed to do all the things I've asked including listening to podcasts and learning from them then talking about them. He's agreed to go to clubs with no expectations. I do not believe for one second he's cross a major boundary again because he knows it will be the end of our marriage. You are entitled to feel how you do about what you've read but you don't live within my marriage and just because he fucked up the first time does not mean he'll do it again. And if he does, I will walk away and that will allow him to find exactly what he's looking for. This is not just about him. He wants to do it together. He's made that very clear. He wants to watch me enjoy myself. That's the entire part that turns him on the most.

I've never wanted or needed to wear a butt plug all day but I have for a couple of hours before having anal sex. It makes things much easier. Always do an enema before you put the butt plug in.