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You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I say go for it. Lots of couples enjoy single males so you might get lucky.

A great observation. I had nearly a decade of playing with and experiencing penises in my mouth, bum, and pussy, and not having any Lesbian desires. And two years of living in an MFM situation before David started playing with other women. The women who let me participate in those MF encounters brought out my curiosity about and ultimately love of women and pussy. I am indebted to them (Clair) for that self-discovery and journey.

Please don't. There is one woman in our group, not that old 40 maybe, who has a "loose pussy." She is one of my favorites to play with, especially getting sloppy seconds. It is work, a struggle for me to reach orgasm with her (I'm a slow cummer, somewhat deliberately), but when I get there I nearly lose consciousness. She is the only woman who makes me grunt and scream as I cum. If you want to do anything do those pelvic floor exercises, Klegals or whatever they're called. That feels greats for a guy when a woman can manipulate a guys dick with her vagina.

It's gone both ways for us, more turning lifestyle partners into friends and lovers, but it has gone the other way as well with a few vanilla friends.

I separate swinging and swapping. Swinging is sex for sex without attachment of enjoying being with a partner. Swinging is detached sex. Swapping is much more intimate sex. There are those who will take exception when I say swapping is making love with your partner. I’ve been told love is not a healthy function of the lifestyle, I disagree. I enjoy making love which is not the same as being in love. Alone with a partner is not rushed sex, it is touching and kissing and even talking without any outside pressure.

This may be the most important thread for men in recent recorded history. In fact, it may be so important that I could be the first primate winner of the Noble Prize. Chances are, if you don’t find value in this thread you hate pie, cute babies and all the things that make our country great* Here’s my theory about haunted houses. They really aren’t that scary. But, if you buy into them, they can be creepy as hell. Mrs Spoo and I love haunted houses because we know how to buy in, to really let ourselves be scared. And we always get our money’s worth! You see, being scared is what the haunted house guys are trying to do, but I can spoil that simply by not letting myself get into it. Being scared, therefore, is not so much their job as it is mine. They are doing their part – and when I do mine, it is an amazing experience! So – let’s apply that to sex. Men – the good ones anyway – obsess about their equipment and/or ability to please a playmate. I know for me, I read as much stuff as I can, I work out, I try to make myself fun for the person I am lucky enough to be with (which is usually Mrs Spoo – and I consider that the greatest luck of all!) So – I will start with the assumption (which, admittedly, often doesn’t fit, but for most of the men around here, is probably workable) that the men are doing their part. Where the theory comes in is with the women buying into the experience. I am quite sure that it is not me who gives a woman an orgasm as much as it is her who allows herself to have one. Women can certainly block the best efforts. There are two keys to this (as I see it): Chemistry, which is unpredictable and impossible to manipulate. It is either there, sometimes in the form of visible sparks, or it is not. Comfort, which is just a positive rapport that two people have that makes each able to relax and enjoy a situation. Both can increase the other, I think. Where there is chemistry there will be more comfort. Where there is comfort, chemistry can be found. “Buying in” to the experience does not mean pretending you are enjoying lame sex. Not at all! There will always be lame experiences – mostly because I can’t make ever male read this, the most important thread in the history of the written word. But, for those of us who do read it, the questions are these: What can a man do to help increase your comfort level? What helps you relax in a situation and “buy in”? That’s it! The answers to those questions – from women who are familiar with themselves and with what works, what doesn’t – are the Holy Grail that we men seek! It is not the dozens of penis enlargement spam we receive in our email every week. It is right here, in this thread. Your answers will raise this from the best board for swinging information on the net to the single greatest resource for mankind – a monolith of wisdom and evolutionary potential, ala 2001 – A Space Odyssey. Help us evolve, ladies. Help us help you

I think there are several things that make me comfortable in a play situation. 1. Talk to Spoo! We have so many guys that will wait till he walks away from me or I am walking around by myself to talk to me. It makes me feel like you think he is insignificant to me and/or that I’ll sneak off with you and play alone. Sorry guys your not “all that”. Spoo is most important to me and if you plan to “back door” him or think I’m “that” easy you have the lifestyle all wrong…or at least you have me all wrong. 2. Talk to me! Seems simple enough doesn't it? We'll play pool with couples and Spoo, the wife and I will be talking and getting to know each other and the husband is like a bump on a log. Talk about anything but talk...I don't hit the sheets with someone I don't even know. 3. Flirt! Are you just in this for your wife to have fun? Are you not interested in me but she's interested in Spoo? That's what it feels like if you can't flirt a little. It doesn't have to be over the top and definitely not crude but something. I like when we play pool at the club because it makes this part kind of easy...trying to mess up shots etc. 4. Treat your wife respectfully, because I’ll notice and if you can’t treat her better than anyone in the club then why should I think you’ll care about how I feel or what I want when we get to the room!! 5. Don’t take yourself too seriously. I have the most fun with guys who are comfortable with themselves and not intimidated or trying to be “the best” guy in the lifestyle. In other words…we can have a fun time and some great sex but Spoo is the only one who rocks my world. Our best times have been when all four of us talked to each other, flirted and could laugh at the in room mishaps. (you know those unexpected things that just happen when you are trying to get four people on beds pushed together in a tiny and sometimes very warm room and you have to laugh about them). One last thing I would like to comment on is the "buying in". This is merely enjoying the moments. Ladies...know yourself! Know what you like, and what pushes your buttons. I’ve mentioned this before on the board but when we first got into the lifestyle I read “The Good Girls Guide to Bad Girl Sex”. It opened my eyes to my sexual self and increased my over all enjoyment. Eat right, work out, primp (shave all your “parts” ), take relaxing baths…but, do this for you. When I am taking care of me I feel sexy and confident. I can feel it and Spoo can see it. If you don't feel sexy in your own skin then find out why. Buy sexy clothes (ones the YOU are comfortable in) not what you think your “suppose” to wear.

Thanks Julie for your attention and encouragement. I guess the hardest part for wannabee swingers is looking your soulmate in the eye and saying I'm happy to see you doing the sort of stuff with someone else that Emily Bronte would have deemed anathema. "But how can you possibly love me then?" Is the natural response (all the while thinking "that sounds so cool" giggle). Su and I giggle about this a lot, which helps no end. Not only am I happy to see you do it, but I find it a major turn-on! Me an Su are relatively new to the lifestyle (lots of new adventures awaiting us). I (Bud) hope I'll be open minded enough to remember how we felt at this point, in the future and NOT become jaded as I'm sure can happen. Su's gone to bed. Work for her tomorrow. Bank holiday for me. Can't wait to see John &/or A N Other with her again, though. I feel like I ought to feel bad, but I don't 'cause she's the one that starts it off as a rule. Lord deliver me from insatiable women. LOL.

Thanks for such quick responses and insight. We got started by watching "naughty" (Su's description - lol) DVD's. Turned out that when choosing which to watch, we both kept choosing those that featured a girl and 2 or 3 guys or 2 girls and 5 guys etc., (there were always more guys). I often said "John (our friend) would love to join in with you in bed" or "how would you feel if me and John were doing the same to you" as in the film. She slapped it down at first (maybe out of loyalty to me?) but quickly became super-aroused at the mention of me and her and John. I found it equally stimulating to imagine the scenario. After a lot of foreplay (every time I spoke to John on the phone, Su would come up and say "Hello, John. How would you like to be here now?"). She would then proceed to give me a BJ or push her naked pussy into my face and even get me to penetrate her while I was talkng to him and I was describing what we were up to with Su saying things like "John, I need you. I need something to suck" so he could hear. I told her I was going to invite him to stay with us for a few days and that I hoped she was going to put her money where her mouth is when he came over. At that point, she said to me "You want to share me with John?" and the "sharing" word has stuck with me ever since as that was it in a nutshell. John's a good friend, my best friend, that I've been pals with since we were 8 years old. At no point has he ever pushed the boundaries. He's turned on by Su (few guys or bi/bicurious girls wouldn't be as she is brazenly beautiful - and knows it). I'm comfortable seeing them both having pleasure with each other and I'm confident in myself that I'm Su's man as I'm no slouch where fun and sex are concerned. I do find it erotic when Su gives head to another guy and even encourages us to DP her. I was just saying that, in spite of this, I can still recall my thought on that very first night when I saw them together and I got scared that I might have spoiled things between me and Su. As it happens, I hadn't, but I can see why the original poster got upset later. I think that 1 thing that lends strength to our relationship is that Su has never felt she should "reciprocate" in any way by engaging in 2 girls and me action and as long as she's not leaning towards that, I'll never push for it. Call me soft or a sap or whatever, but I get turned on to see her with another guy and she seems to enjoy the attention. I'd love her to want to see me do likewise with another girl, but until that is cool with her (and it has to come from her), I'm in control and "faithfull" to her.

Oh, we love a good quality porn, don't get us wrong. At times it is on when we club and me likey. But it just seemed like this guy was watching more of the tv than the pile we had going on. Mrs fun feels like hey, you gonna fuck or watch tv?