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There was a couple my wife and I occasionally swing with that had trouble in their marriage. They were a good looking couple, in their late 30s, and they already had 3 kids, when we first starting swinging with them. At the time, my wife and I had no idea they were going through trouble, we just assumed they were just ordinary newbies. After 2 years of swinging with them, they actually opened up about their marital problems they had before, but now they're a happy couple again. Now, long story short about their marital problem was, the husband and wife weren't spending a lot of time together, the husband focused a lot of time in his work, the wife focused on their kids and work, vacation became rare for them, and their sex life was "meh". One very sad moment in their life was when it was their anniversary, and they did nothing to celebrate it at all. When they began swinging with me and my wife, they started spending more time together, like going out to dinner more, taking time off work more to be with family, or even just going on a hike together as a couple. And of course, they even told us that their sex life gotten way better since they started swinging with us. Now, would y'all be surprised if y'all accidentally saved a marriage through swinging? Because my wife and I were pretty surprised, but very happy for them.

Three remarks. 1. The success of such "vanilla life" events for the swinger community should be noted. Lifestyle cruises are mostly vanilla experiences in the company of like-minded people. There is clearly a market for ordinary experiences in extraordinary company. 2. Swingers like being in the company of other swingers for many reasons. Part of it is authenticity and candor. Part of it is that LS people are generally happy. Part of it is the fantasy of imagining being with this or that couple in some other setting, typically with fewer clothes and rather more horizontal. 3. Such vanilla events for non-vanilla people are, as the OP so nicely illustrates, low risk and high reward. The risk is the time. There is the possibility that there will be no follow-up. The reward is that there might be a "why don't we get together for drinks or dinner?"--along with the benefit of not having to guess whether their pictures or profile match the people who will actually show up.

Male half here. My wife and I have been to clubs on three different continents … at least half a dozen times at the one in Fayetteville, NC before they lost their lease. We’ve been to a weekly house party in our hometown at least a dozen times. Finally, we’ve been on one Bliss lifestyle cruise. Never — NOT EVEN ONCE — have we felt pressured by ANYbody to do ANYthing! The people who go to clubs and parties are generally unfailingly friendly and polite. I’m not saying you won’t be approached about hooking up, but all you have to say is, “Thank you, but this is our first time and we’re just here to get our feet wet.” 95% will simply say OK and wish you a good evening. As for the other 5%, report them to the “authorities” who’ll at least give them a good “talking to” if not toss them. And if you can find an on premises club and you’re not yet ready to hook up, just snag a playroom and the two of you make your own fun. That’s what we did on our first 3-4 visits to the club in Fayetteville and the same number at the local house party. It’s really exhilarating and kinda naughty to be screwing your brains out with your own partner while hearing the music and people walking by outside wondering who’s in that room and exactly what they’re doing in there. So don’t fear the club and party scenes … go and you’ll almost certainly have a grand time.

Swinger couples often have good decision making ability. Deciding when and with whom to play requires executive decision making skills.

I wonder if the swinging is the operative Factor here. Someone once said something to the effect of if you want to be successful hang out with successful people and do what they do. We have had the experience the people's marriages have been helped in one way or another by hanging out with us. I think that is largely because they modeled some behaviors that we have that we think of as just good marital hygiene. If you are married and happy about being with your partner and having fun to boot that can't help but rub off on people that are around you.

To this day I prefer separate rooms for a number of reasons. I’m not sure how long ago we swapped partners on a cruise, 9 or 10. The morning after that night I went back to my cabin and saw the other wife, who is now a good friend in bed with my husband. Thinking now I was jealous, we were younger and she is beautiful. I think another reason was while my night was perfect the next time I had sex with the man I made love to it was in front of my husband and the sex was not love making it was me being fucked in front of others, completely different. On that same cruise I was watched while a woman spread my legs. I know my husband loved watching us and enjoyed watching me having sex with the husband. Since that trip and our first swap we did swapping and we did parties. I also had sex with other women both in front of others and alone privately. The sex is much different alone. I discussed the reason with my husband many times and understood. When I have sex in front of him or in front of others I feel submissive. I let others take the lead more than I do. I suppress my enjoyment or orgasms, like can you suppress and orgasm. When alone I feel freer to be me, I’m not dominant just not as submissive. The part about watching my husband or watching others at a party is not that exciting. I don’t think I’m jealous watching my husband, I could say I’m more jealous of women who look great then I say I still look pretty damn good too. I just feel better without being watched or watching.

This is certainly not unheard of. Shore2please has written several good posts about it. Quoting one: "I am a wife who rather swap in separate rooms. I don’t want to watch what goes on between my husband and the other woman... I watched my husband and his [the other man's] wife. I think I wanted to turn away, I couldn’t. Ladies how do you feel watching?" Although I get incredibly jealous, I OTOH, act on my jealousy and enjoy it.

We all (David, Lora, Red, Clair, and I) are still playing fairly frequently with Joe and Shannon. At first they mostly stayed in a hotel near us for foursomes, up to all seven of us together for sex. (It took two babysitters to watch all our kids.) Now, those from our family visit them one or two at a time for threesomes or separate room MF or FF overnight play. So yes, you are correct. An occasional fuckfest has it's place, but alone for a night is special. Including that moment of the first morning kiss with my husband after we both spent the night being with another.

We are a small, exclusive club of testicle connoisseurs. Women such as us should have an annual event where presentations are made and the finer points of our appreciations are discussed. Live offerings, critiques, judgments, awards. The Best Scrotum Award would be named for the French author Honoré de Balzac. I too will look at a naked man's balls when at a nude spa. That's why I feel compelled to part my legs slightly if a man stares at me. It's only fair.

Most guys get social pressure not to get serious about a woman who is a slut. Believe me, from personal experience and talking with other middle aged guys, you'd rather have a wife who likes sex too much, more than you can provide and needs to step out once in a while, than a wife who has little or no interest in sex.

We were concerned about disease, and both of us religiously required condoms for PIV intercourse. But because it seemed the risk of disease transmission for oral sex was less common, we made the decision to accept the very small risk, and didn't use any protection for oral, either way. Neither of us ever contacted any detectable STI. Of course, my investigation into oral sex risk is dated - at least a decade old - so you might wish to do your own research.

No reason for Ray to be an ex-best friend. She could have made them better friends. And still be a FWB herself. Particularly with a woman, there's enough to go around.

I am usually a slow cummer because as someone said above, I enjoy it too much and don't want to end. If I feel myself getting close to orgasm/ejaculation, I instinctively back off. So I usually go 30 to 45 minutes. If it's just my wife and me, she'll cum twice or thrice in that time, but if we're in a real hurry I can do it in 5 minutes. In a swinging situation I will go as long as my partner wants, maybe 15 minutes, an orgasm, then stop, eat her out if she likes, then move on to another woman for another 15 minutes or so and cum in her. There was one time, however, I kept going and didn't cum until I finished with the 4th woman.

I might be wrong, but I *believe* it’s frowned upon and that 99% don’t use them. And a condom on the other male addresses only half of the equation … what about your male going down on the other female? Are you going to insist on using something such as a dental dam? Pretty much 100% of women are going to ask what’s the point of giving them oral at all in that case.

Based on attire of some guests ( 40DDDs hanging out, several people knew each other and gave traditional swingers kiss on lips. Hearty laughter at sexual innuendos.

Based on the attire of the guests?

Friends of ours in Florida are generous enough to organize these types of events. Last winter, we attended a dinner out with about 30 people. They hosted a hotel takeover, but we were still up north. They post these events on SDC, which is popular in Florida. We prefer to meet at vanilla events, rather than sex clubs where you get down and dirty right away with strangers. We like to meet, get to know what makes people tick first.

"She's living in L.A. with my best old ex-friend Ray" - Jim Croce

I think that the bride and the BM did the groom a favor by not going through with the wedding when she was clearly not ready and obviously didn't love him above all others. They saved him the greater pain of a messy divorce with kids and houses and dogs to split up and so forth ten years later. I was at a family wedding, 7-7-07 was supposed to be a lucky day but not so much. The bride did in fact run off with the best man a few months later, she could have saved my cousin Danny about twenty five grand if she would have just been straight with everybody.

I've told the story many times before but to repeat, before Daniela and I got married she had relationships with many married men. Her motives were complicated and she did it for her own satisfaction as well, but primarily she got involved with these guys to help their marriages. She listened, gave them psychotherapy, pointed out all the good characteristics of their wives, bought gifts for the husbands to give their wives, performed sex acts they never got at home and fucked their brains out. And from what Daniela has told me, these marriages improved. To me it's actually pretty simple - getting good sex from Daniela improved their mood so they were nicer to their wives.

With 15 years as swingers, my wife never sought out girl/girl play. A few - very few! - times a woman would approach her and Mary would let her kiss or perform oral on her. But she never ate a woman out, or started a F/F situation. Many times she would tell the other woman she wasn't interested, one time when the woman wouldn't back away Mary got a little aggressive with her. It never hurt our swinger encounters. The rule of swinging is the same as that for drinking wine: If you don't like what you're drinking, don't drink it. If you like what you're drinking, drink more of it.

They have a kid who is in college, so they have been married at least around twenty years. Yeah, that was terrible, inhumane. It never could be easy, but they should have been civil. The groom was so upset that he threatened them, stalked them, and restraining orders were involved. (BTW, I know them both, but only met several times.) No comments about this? It is the reason I posted the story; she was serious. Her attitude surprised me, but I guess it shouldn't. I do not know her outside of work, and she hasn’t discussed her romantic/sex life with me. She isn't married, engaged, or going steady, but mentions three boyfriends who spends the night or travels with her. ("I was late this morning because I stayed with Stephen.") And the boyfriends apparently have other partners as well, who she nonchalantly accepts. ("I wanted to see Stephen this weekend, but he was with Suzie.") My point is that although she may not be in the lifestyle, the lifestyle open-mindedness is in the vanilla world. She thought that the bride and best man going for "one last fling before the ring" was normal.

I can fully imagine this happening, though it hasn't happened to us (that we know of). There was one couple we almost played with that played with another couple right before they were to meet up with us for a play date. That first time playing caused the wife to leave the husband, and that was that. Some time later, my wife and I played with the jilted husband in a MFM.

First, I never intended to criticize you or what you prefer. Our differences are what makes the lifestyle and this forum so wonderful. I especially love the vicarious empathy I have for your feelings, somewhat similar, somewhat different. I'm jealous of both. And it's not just their looks, it's how other women sexually please Red and David.

Find a like-minded woman. As you can tell from these posts, we're out there. Find her, treat her right, give her and let her have the sexual thrills and adventures she wants, then marry her for the journey.

I most definitely do! Balls are incredible to play with, feel, explore, lick, smell, taste, suck, oh my goodness I am so addicted to sucking balls now. The way they feel in my mouth, as you mentioned, each so different in so many ways. Love seeing a good set of balls on a man. Love seeing them swaying, swinging and I love feeling the weight of them. My husband says it is like that for him with our breasts and butts. I get that now.

yes, Yes, YES, YEEEEESSSSSSS! I 100% agree. I also agree that I most definitely handle larger with length better anally. The larger guys who want to have that balls deep experience have to take us anally for that. I am much better at it over the last year but my husband is still the best in our group for taking the big guys deep. I suppose that is why we get called on so often. As long as they continue being slow going, building up to it, it all works out in the end - lol.

Well everybody is into something different i guess. We've been doing this and every permutation possible for 26 years and it still excites the hell out of me. I think she may have been bored with a couple partners along the way but never me. Like I've said here 100 times, seeing my wife with another is like a 1000 volt shock to my system that hurts so good. It was 26 years ago and still is today.

Thank you for confirming something I’ve long believed about women … well, MOST women anyway!

I meant this as a joke and now you have gotten me excited and it's become a fantasy...

Same problem for me occasionally with much shorter. A guy like that would be welcomed in my bum, but not my pussy. No chance of bottoming out. It's diameter, not length that feels good in my cunt.

Katrina here: If you argue for your limitations, they become yours. Consider that they might be just as concerned, stepping outside of their normal playgroup. Remember, this is all about having fun. Sex is the question and Yes is the answer. One time we were at a house party. I met this couple and thought this should be fun and were chatting them up. The husband then says to me,"I guess I'm trying to impress you". My reply was,"If you're trying to impress me , neither of us is going to have any fun". His wife laughed so hard, we of course ended up in bed with them.

Don’t be intimidated and be yourself. Nothing is a bigger turnoff than being or trying to be something your not. We met many newbies all were nervous, it’s normal. Be honest with your new friends, let them know you only played with friends. The old saying you can only make one first impression is true, others will see right through any phoniness just like you will be the one reading your new friends. If they are the right couple they should be able to make you relaxed. I am reading you are looking for real new friends not just sex. Be careful some just want add notches.

My wife does. She always comments on a beautiful set of balls when we people watch at the nude beach.

My preference is to take each ball individually and gently feel it, explore it, assess it with my fingers and with my lips and tongue. Not only is there a variation among men, but David has two slightly different size testicles. I love feeling the plumbing in there as well. I'm surprised other women don't share my interest and enthusiasm. Testicles are the source of all of a man's masculinity. You're a sexual philanthropist.

Experience has taught me the same! But when you're young and possessive pride can get in the way of a good thing. If your woman likes to fuck that makes you a lucky man! Give her the freedom to explore and you will be repaid countless times over!

My wife is in love with another couple that we play with. She sees them/him often and they exchange "I love you," in front of me. It doesn't bother me at all. Daniela is married to me, we share a home and child together and after whatever she does with him/them, she comes home to me. It also gives me a sense of pride and security that another man (and his wife) loves her and he doesn't just see Daniela as another pussy to fuck and push aside. Most importantly, other people loving her so deeply is the best insurance if anything should happen to me. Yeah, I have life insurance but there are other people who have "feelings" for my wife as well.

From a swinger group page on FB “This is my first post here in this group, which is more than wonderful in terms of the amount of information and experiences of its members.... I have been a bull in the lifestyle for more than 5 years... and things have been going well every time... but the last time It was about 5 days ago.. My partner in playing said that I take too long in playing.. I usually ejaculate the first time after 2 hours... and the second time I can ejaculate after 7 or 8 hours and I can continue throughout Time without ejaculation.. because I am really enjoying it so much and I can have sex not only with my penis.. but with all my feelings, emotions, mind and literally every atom in my body feels sex.... Is the long time a problem or something undesirable!!!?” “I enjoy extended play with my PPP, but generally I call it quits after 75 minutes with someone other than him …places to go, people to see, things to do. It’s also super rude at a club where you are taking up a playroom to extend beyond 90 mins, IMO.” My comment: Billygoat8one Hhhmmmm. Well throwing away porn fantasy and exaggeration in our over 25 years active in the lifestyle, hosting parties, group activities, women’s fantasy events, multiple gangbang events we have never met or experienced a woman who desired or endured a single man thrusting into them continually for an hour and a half let alone for several hours not to mention a man being able to without taking something, injecting something, strapping on something or inflating something. So my guess is you are stopping, starting, changing activity, position, style etc. everyone we know, play/played with, club members all expect a beginning, a pleasurable middle and an end. The satisfaction of each participant that they pleasured their partner. That they did that. As a organizer of swinger events, group/club owner, group sex/orgy and gangbang host we have hours of talking with couples and mostly women participants (mostly newbies) on their curiosities, concerns and their perceived inadequacies. Women that felt they were not enough or desired or not capable. Which has always been a bit absurd to me as without willing, sexually adventurous women all you would have is a room full of naked hairy men with nothing to do. In most cases women feel a sexual confidence in making their playmate finish, orgasm. And have a better sense of sexual accomplishment by doing again if the same partner recovers and can go again. So I can expect a negative experience if after an hour or two playing and positions if she can’t get her playmate/partner to orgasm they may feel inadequate, not skilled or desired enough. Yes there are some who from time to time desire lengthily activity, positions and multiple partners I can state factually their sense of sexual self is not just her pleasure/orgasms/adventure but equally importantly satisfying her partner/partners and having them come back for more leaving them totally sated, drained. For the women (small percentage of) that can orgasm from just penetrative thrusting alone a partner who can control themselves to activity thrust and grind (mostly regardless of size and girth, technique control rules here) continually for 15 - 30 minutes can be very satisfying for her. A fewer percentage that can be truly multi orgasmic with a solo partner one that has that control can be spectacular. But I can tell you that at some point she is going to want you to finish, to pop as that completes her satisfaction. Of the other 29 comments most were men advertising/offering their prowess and longevity and jumping on the few women who responded with comments and offers….the usual crap. Of the few women respondents non were interested in someone who went hours. And the lady I quoted above was the only one that stated she enjoyed someone long lasting/endurance. So I thought I would share here. Your thoughts?

We don't even really like condom use for PIV. We'd hard pass on condoms for oral, no interest in that.

We would definitely play that game. We love sexy, playful games. My only thought is that the woman who gets the “loser” to cum needs to be rewarded too. She was the one doing most of the work. Maybe have the loser go down on her until she cums or have the winner fuck both women. That way everyone wins in the end.

I couldn't do 90 minutes in my wildest dreams but some guys can and so can my wife. I've seen 3 straight hours.

The sex lives of our poly family has never been "meh," but believe me, sharing among ourselves and especially playing outside the family is incredibly exciting. And it hits from both sides - having more than one sex partner yourself and knowing, watching the other (or others) you love being pleased and satisfied by another sex partner can only increase your love and desire for them.

Now, I wouldn't be surprised if that doesn't last very long.

Very satisfying isn't it? I love to watch it or be with my man together taking it. It is fun to watch other couples taking cum together especially our young couples. They are so cute.

I did tell how our open marriage started. I was a cheater and my wife found out. I had two regular girlfriends in different cities and would occasionally meet others on business trips. My wife in what I call revenge joined a famous cheaters site. Was I supposed to be jealous? It ended up her cheating saved our marriage.

My goodness, what a post. First, the OP never said he was a cheater, he and his wife had an open relationship. He also said he enjoyed swinging, just not in a situation where his wife is present: That can include separate rooms. It is a choice they made together, so if they're fine with it I'm not going to criticize. My definition of hotwife is this: A married woman who has sex with others with her husband or SO's approval. If the woman humiliates her husband while doing so, then he is a cuckold. If humiliation is not present in their relationship, they have a stag/vixen dynamic. To the OP: I'm a man who tremendously enjoyed watching his wife. We had many encounters with single men where they enjoyed my wife and I simply watched, or participated in an MFM. During foursomes, moresomes, house parties, etc. I was more interested in the females I was with than watching my wife. But that's me. If watching your wife isn't exciting to you, that's just fine. You seem to have worked out what the two of you want.

I'll probably hold out honestly until he allows me to go first so I can get comfortable. He's the one turned by the idea of watching me. He cannot understand how I don't feel the same way. I'm not wired the way he is. I have no desire currently to see him with another woman. Maybe that will change in time but I honestly don't know. I would love to be more open but I'm not sure how to do that by just jumping in. I know I would not be okay unless I eased in slowly. I can see myself growing a lot once I get over the initial fear...but it's going to take a lot of work and tiny steps forward.

Talk to your husband about you going first and him not playing. You start with a man of your choice in the manner you choose: your husband there or not there or just nearby; at a hotel or at your home; you describe every detail or say little of what happened; you do it once with the other guy or have a wild weekend. You get the picture. Believe me, after you get comfortable having sex with another man, enjoy it, and see what a wonderful, generous gift it is from your husband, (and how much pleasure he takes in your fun), you will be happy to do the same for him. You will beg him to join you in the adventure.

You are not alone in experiencing the mental conflict that is part of the journey into swinging. The excitement generated by thoughts of anticipated pleasure and fun is very powerful. Then the thinking turns the other way in regards to jealousy issues, you being so or your partner not coping seeing you ejoying sex in a way that he has never experienced with you. And then the thinking about who you might be meeting and will there be an attraction great enough that you actually want to progress to intimacy. All heavy stuff on the mind. There are lots of stories here similar to yours and there are many who will give you advice. But I am sure that most will say that to have a problem free and fun swinging lifestyle you should be starting with a very strong and stable relationship with your partner. There are many relationships that have ended because of involvement in swinging. Many of those relationships were on rocky ground prior to entering into swinging and the swinging just made things worse. Having sex with other people while having relationship issues is unlikely to resolve the relationship issues. Good relationships are built on good communication between the partners. Open discussion without judgement and conflict. Respecting eachothers feelings and needs. Only when you have talked together about swinging and set any boundaries or limitations and then feel totally comfortable should you proceed. If you are torn now, then more talking with your partner is needed before proceeding any futher. Take it slowly and don't be pressured into anything you are not 100% happy about. Swinging is a lifestyle choice that can be fun and add excitement to life. But it should not be done at the expense of one of the partners happiness. Best wishes in resolving your situation.

Because it's still unfulfilled