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There was a couple my wife and I occasionally swing with that had trouble in their marriage. They were a good looking couple, in their late 30s, and they already had 3 kids, when we first starting swinging with them. At the time, my wife and I had no idea they were going through trouble, we just assumed they were just ordinary newbies. After 2 years of swinging with them, they actually opened up about their marital problems they had before, but now they're a happy couple again. Now, long story short about their marital problem was, the husband and wife weren't spending a lot of time together, the husband focused a lot of time in his work, the wife focused on their kids and work, vacation became rare for them, and their sex life was "meh". One very sad moment in their life was when it was their anniversary, and they did nothing to celebrate it at all. When they began swinging with me and my wife, they started spending more time together, like going out to dinner more, taking time off work more to be with family, or even just going on a hike together as a couple. And of course, they even told us that their sex life gotten way better since they started swinging with us. Now, would y'all be surprised if y'all accidentally saved a marriage through swinging? Because my wife and I were pretty surprised, but very happy for them.

I have been called a Cum Slut in derogatory ways which I take as a badge. Some men ask, some men withdraw, I rather they just let it go. The least messy if I’m sucking is let me swallow. I always wonder why a man wants to pull out and use his hand just to cum on my face or body.

Please don't. There is one woman in our group, not that old 40 maybe, who has a "loose pussy." She is one of my favorites to play with, especially getting sloppy seconds. It is work, a struggle for me to reach orgasm with her (I'm a slow cummer, somewhat deliberately), but when I get there I nearly lose consciousness. She is the only woman who makes me grunt and scream as I cum. If you want to do anything do those pelvic floor exercises, Klegals or whatever they're called. That feels greats for a guy when a woman can manipulate a guys dick with her vagina.

Most guys get social pressure not to get serious about a woman who is a slut. Believe me, from personal experience and talking with other middle aged guys, you'd rather have a wife who likes sex too much, more than you can provide and needs to step out once in a while, than a wife who has little or no interest in sex.

I separate swinging and swapping. Swinging is sex for sex without attachment of enjoying being with a partner. Swinging is detached sex. Swapping is much more intimate sex. There are those who will take exception when I say swapping is making love with your partner. I’ve been told love is not a healthy function of the lifestyle, I disagree. I enjoy making love which is not the same as being in love. Alone with a partner is not rushed sex, it is touching and kissing and even talking without any outside pressure.

They do both.... I happen to find both the male penis and the female clit/labia extremely attractive. I guess I like the penis partly because i have one and have enjoyed it for many many years. I love to suck a cock to completion as it's kind of a challenge. And I can't suck my own. If I could I seldom leave the house. I love to suck a woman as well. Love the scent, the folds and the juices that flow. Nothing better that giving another person, male or female pleasure.

My physical beauty lol. I can’t say blowing your gasket too soon is a good thing, it’s also not a terrible thing. I want to please my partners, I feel that if they don’t blow their gasket I am doing something wrong. How many partners have I just had oral sex with where their pleasure was my pleasure. I will never know what a partner is thinking, if it’s something other than me I won’t take it as a negative, it’s a partner still thinking about my pleasure if they are trying to delay their own.

In our closed group of seven married couples, we feel confident that our circle is closed for several reasons. We are very serious and all agree that if someone went outside the group, the consequences would be harsh, even illegally harsh. If you want to play outside the group that's ok, but you need to say so and leave the group. Coming back would be the same as joining, testing, testing and monogamy for a while. Second, we believe that cheating on the group is less likely to occur that a vanilla couple cheating because everyone is getting all the sex and sexual variety that they can handle.

About 18 years ago, the first time I played with a particular couple (who I’m still friends with) I came to their house. They arranged their guest very nicely for the occasion and she was dressed provocatively. We were making small talk and the husband asked if I wanted him to put on some porn. I politely declined, but in my head I was thinking "In a few minutes I’m going to have my cock in your wife’s pussy up to my balls. I really don’t need to watch video sex when she’s sitting next to me." (She was great and I enjoyed having her husband watch us.)

To me, this is very selfish and would be a deal-breaker. He is immature, greedy, and controlling. The most important part of being in a relationship and in the lifestyle is taking pleasure and satisfaction in your loved one's sexual play and fun. He's doing the exact opposite. My advice? Dump him and use the contacts you've made in the lifestyle to keep looking for someone who is generous. There is a guy who will appreciate you and be a good partner for your sexual and life journey.

With the couples who we swing with some we started as sex partners and became friends, some started as friends and became play partners and with a few we have developed romantic feelings and become lovers. So many in the lifestyle avoid that final step but my wife and I have reveled in it. We both have joyously return home, or been returned to, after a deeply intimate, loving time with another. It takes marriage to a whole other level.

I thought bisexual meant being romantically attracted to both sexes, I was corrected, it is sexually attracted too. When Alan asked me to have sex with another woman so he could watch I said no, I’m not gay. He knew I had sex with females before we met and just wanted to watch. Many women we met claimed they were straight and curious, some very emphatic they weren’t bi. I always assured them I wasn’t bi either. If you need to label me in the strict sense go ahead. I hate labels. The first woman Alan and I met is attractive young woman that we both enjoyed sexually. The ultimate act two women do sexually is oral sex. She was very willing with her overbearing boyfriend urging her. I need to be attracted to a person before being sexually attracted to them, romance is not part of the attraction.

Three remarks. 1. The success of such "vanilla life" events for the swinger community should be noted. Lifestyle cruises are mostly vanilla experiences in the company of like-minded people. There is clearly a market for ordinary experiences in extraordinary company. 2. Swingers like being in the company of other swingers for many reasons. Part of it is authenticity and candor. Part of it is that LS people are generally happy. Part of it is the fantasy of imagining being with this or that couple in some other setting, typically with fewer clothes and rather more horizontal. 3. Such vanilla events for non-vanilla people are, as the OP so nicely illustrates, low risk and high reward. The risk is the time. There is the possibility that there will be no follow-up. The reward is that there might be a "why don't we get together for drinks or dinner?"--along with the benefit of not having to guess whether their pictures or profile match the people who will actually show up.

Male half here. My wife and I have been to clubs on three different continents … at least half a dozen times at the one in Fayetteville, NC before they lost their lease. We’ve been to a weekly house party in our hometown at least a dozen times. Finally, we’ve been on one Bliss lifestyle cruise. Never — NOT EVEN ONCE — have we felt pressured by ANYbody to do ANYthing! The people who go to clubs and parties are generally unfailingly friendly and polite. I’m not saying you won’t be approached about hooking up, but all you have to say is, “Thank you, but this is our first time and we’re just here to get our feet wet.” 95% will simply say OK and wish you a good evening. As for the other 5%, report them to the “authorities” who’ll at least give them a good “talking to” if not toss them. And if you can find an on premises club and you’re not yet ready to hook up, just snag a playroom and the two of you make your own fun. That’s what we did on our first 3-4 visits to the club in Fayetteville and the same number at the local house party. It’s really exhilarating and kinda naughty to be screwing your brains out with your own partner while hearing the music and people walking by outside wondering who’s in that room and exactly what they’re doing in there. So don’t fear the club and party scenes … go and you’ll almost certainly have a grand time.

Bob, This is a forum for discussing LifeStyle topics - NOT a pickup place. Have you tried SLS, Kasadie or SDC - those are the places you'll find other swingers. Yes, you'll have to pay.

njbm, I don’t think that’s generally the case. Another member of this board and I each (we figured out later) sometimes attended a regularly-scheduled hotel-suite party in central Florida. At the end of the pre-party social hour everyone took a seat and the hostess went around the room asking people to introduce themselves (first name only) and describe what they wanted to do that evening. I can only recall one man who described himself as bi. But there were a fair number who described themselves as bi-curious or heteroflexible. I don’t think it was a differentiator as to whether they engaged in anal, top or bottom. In my opinion the choice of bin or bi-curious was more an indicator of how comfortable they were with their sexuality.

Been there. Hilltop on Arizona. While we were deep in the moment a helicopter started circling overhead. Didn't stop us, kinda felt sorry for the jealous suckers stuck in the air.

Bob, I can understand that you'd like to swing with another woman. Are you dating? If so, then you know the trepidation that comes with asking a woman, "Are you interested in sex with others." Since we in ENM are just a fraction of the population, just bumping into such a woman is way against the odds. And being a single man is no picnic. You've got a leg up, I think, in that you'd be empathetic to what the other woman is thinking. But you'd still got to find such a woman (or a couple,) and get through the competition. Would it be possible for you to look up the partners of your past, explain that your wife is no longer with you, and ask if they have any contacts that might want to meet you? You might also wind up getting invited into threesomes, or house parties or such where you can meet eligible women. Good luck.

Michelin star restaurants don't have The Food Network playing on a TV to prepare their guests for the meal.

Just like size the duration by the men posting are extraordinary. I most likely have the least experience so I can only comment on the men I had sex with. I am guessing the men last under 10 minutes. Now I had to Google what science says, 5-7 minutes and that sounds right. Thinking about the 10 inch guys who go over a half hour I say I’m happy I haven’t met you. With foreplay I can cum from oral before penetration and again during sex, sometimes more than once. With toys I orgasm quickly depending on what I’m doing. I’ve only had multiple partners a few times.

AdamGunn2 said: "My question would be, "How can you be sure it's closed?" That is the same as in a marriage only with more dimensions.

It's pretty safe to ditch condoms if you are only playing with very few (like 2 to 3) partners in a closed circle. My circle consists only of 2 widows in their 60s and an elderly couple, all of whom I play with separately. As the other man has lost much of his libido and has erection problems, he doesn't always enter his wife in every encounter and whenever he does so, his thrusting is shallow and he doesn't last long and seldom cum. So I am basically the guy who does the bulk of the penetrations, thrusting and cumming. The thing about women who have passed their fertile age is that they tend to prefer bareback sex and creampies. I guess this is the norm for them when they have sex with their husbands, so they just continue doing so in their later years.

When Sandra Day O'Connor retired from the Supreme Court, the primary reason was that her husband was suffering from mental decline and was in a care facility - where he had struck up a sexual relationship with another resident who was also suffering from senility, for lack of a better word. An article I read around that time, in Slate I believe, said that such a thing was not all that uncommon among institutionalized old people. The article went through all the moral, legal, and ethical issues of such people who do not recognize their decades-long spouses, but are having a torrid affair with new acquaintance. Some try to stop it, some say let them live their last years having this fun. Overall, though it was sad, it reinforced how strong our sexual needs are. I commend Justice O'Connor for responding with love instead of anger or drama. I don't look forward to getting old, but I do look forward to continuing to having sex, straight and Lesbian.

We generally swing with a group of 3 to 4 couples, and even though we're all seasoned swingers some folks find porn offensive so music it is. Even when it's a mfm at home it's still music. We sort of feel like if there are actual naked bodies within reach then nobody should be paying attention to porn anyway.

I figure that is a joke about a candidate making a comment. The truth is most women never saw or touched another woman down there. What I didn’t realize when we first started meeting others is that women have a better knowledge of seeing penises, all the women have seen, played and had in their mouth some or many men. Almost all have tasted a man and his ejaculate having no knowledge how other women taste. We all know our own bodies, our own anatomy, our own vaginas, never seeing any other vagina close. Men see other men in locker rooms, not up close but they can see what’s hanging. I don’t say I’ll grab yours, I do ask do you want to touch mine or do you want me to touch you first. I figure the woman never saw a vagina other than her own, I offer an up close examination. When age is a factor I know my own anatomy changed over the years. I don’t want to scare a much younger woman seeing a vagina that way.

As a woman I am turned on having sex with another man’s wife. My husband gets turned on too just watching me with another woman.

If that's what you saw, I question how clear your view was.

Funny that after answering our 10 year preference we were contacted by a couple 15 years younger than me. How they got our email is more surprising. Several years ago we met their friends that contacted us through a swingers site who were looking for a first for the wife. What I’m reading they met on that same site and the ones we met gave us as a referral for a First. A nice compliment out of nowhere. Alan has been corresponding with the new couple who he thinks are more than 15 years younger. Two negatives are they are young and they sent a nude picture without us asking. Not a sex picture, just naked. We stopped meeting newbies last year and have a smaller group we enjoy. I’m not fully sure why we were chosen. Alan said the couple they contacted were not confident in being in the first for her and that I handled their first so well. I think the nude photo worked on Alan. What man doesn’t enjoy younger women? My question is why do younger people want us, they know our age. Alan isn’t wrong when he says we should enjoy, there isn’t anything wrong meeting them.

You sound like a very good man. A very selfless man. Mine seems to only want this if he's doing it too...which to an extent I understand...but this journey is teaching me a lot about myself and my boundaries. Who knows if we'll ever play at this rate. I don't think my husband has this kind of selflessness in him to actually allow me to grow comfortable by playing first...to see that is all going to be okay. But your love for your wife is beautiful.

In my limited experience, I would say that around a quarter of women are to some degree bisexual, and half of them are full-on pussy eaters. That comes from the time when I was setting up my husband David with my female friends and acquaintances. That's how we met Clair and Lora. In our family, Clair started her sex life as exclusively Lesbian, until she decided that she liked men and dick shortly before playing with David. Lora was more straight, but had sex with girls in college. Both of these women were part of the one-quarter who let me watch them with David, which turned me on to wanting to eat and reclaim his cum out of her. I liked it.

This statement is extremely profound! My nonswinging friends are in the other boat as many men who are husbands know. Their wives are indifferent about sex and that is the worst. Even after pleading with them to hear their husbands, to hear the sex therapists, to hear the sex advice shouted practically everywhere, to hear me, they often brush it off as if to say, "My man is a good man, he will never leave me/us (the kids/family), he is happy, we schedule sex once ever few months (but seldom/if ever follow through), he loves me & us, we are comfortable." See how sad indifference is? They have their heads so far, well you understand, they can't see because of it. Our couples are wonderful examples of - you'd rather have a wife that likes sex to much - as we wives embrace frequent bi sex with multiple trusted friends the increase of sex has been multiplied in each of our marriages. For me, the more sex we have the more I want with my husband, as well as with our friends.

My wife is in love with another couple that we play with. She sees them/him often and they exchange "I love you," in front of me. It doesn't bother me at all. Daniela is married to me, we share a home and child together and after whatever she does with him/them, she comes home to me. It also gives me a sense of pride and security that another man (and his wife) loves her and he doesn't just see Daniela as another pussy to fuck and push aside. Most importantly, other people loving her so deeply is the best insurance if anything should happen to me. Yeah, I have life insurance but there are other people who have "feelings" for my wife as well.

We were concerned about disease, and both of us religiously required condoms for PIV intercourse. But because it seemed the risk of disease transmission for oral sex was less common, we made the decision to accept the very small risk, and didn't use any protection for oral, either way. Neither of us ever contacted any detectable STI. Of course, my investigation into oral sex risk is dated - at least a decade old - so you might wish to do your own research.

I might be wrong, but I *believe* it’s frowned upon and that 99% don’t use them. And a condom on the other male addresses only half of the equation … what about your male going down on the other female? Are you going to insist on using something such as a dental dam? Pretty much 100% of women are going to ask what’s the point of giving them oral at all in that case.

Friends of ours in Florida are generous enough to organize these types of events. Last winter, we attended a dinner out with about 30 people. They hosted a hotel takeover, but we were still up north. They post these events on SDC, which is popular in Florida. We prefer to meet at vanilla events, rather than sex clubs where you get down and dirty right away with strangers. We like to meet, get to know what makes people tick first.

I explored more. During the lockdown we talked about what are we going to do being together 24/7. I can’t remember what brought up swinging it was Rocky started searching swinger sites I think. He found a couple where the woman was bi and asked me if I could do it. What I remember was sex with no kissing because of Covid. Rocky and I were excited to do this, secretly I was scared like hell. Looking back I don’t know how I did it but I am happy I did. Why not?

With 15 years as swingers, my wife never sought out girl/girl play. A few - very few! - times a woman would approach her and Mary would let her kiss or perform oral on her. But she never ate a woman out, or started a F/F situation. Many times she would tell the other woman she wasn't interested, one time when the woman wouldn't back away Mary got a little aggressive with her. It never hurt our swinger encounters. The rule of swinging is the same as that for drinking wine: If you don't like what you're drinking, don't drink it. If you like what you're drinking, drink more of it.

Swinger couples often have good decision making ability. Deciding when and with whom to play requires executive decision making skills.

I wonder if the swinging is the operative Factor here. Someone once said something to the effect of if you want to be successful hang out with successful people and do what they do. We have had the experience the people's marriages have been helped in one way or another by hanging out with us. I think that is largely because they modeled some behaviors that we have that we think of as just good marital hygiene. If you are married and happy about being with your partner and having fun to boot that can't help but rub off on people that are around you.

To this day I prefer separate rooms for a number of reasons. I’m not sure how long ago we swapped partners on a cruise, 9 or 10. The morning after that night I went back to my cabin and saw the other wife, who is now a good friend in bed with my husband. Thinking now I was jealous, we were younger and she is beautiful. I think another reason was while my night was perfect the next time I had sex with the man I made love to it was in front of my husband and the sex was not love making it was me being fucked in front of others, completely different. On that same cruise I was watched while a woman spread my legs. I know my husband loved watching us and enjoyed watching me having sex with the husband. Since that trip and our first swap we did swapping and we did parties. I also had sex with other women both in front of others and alone privately. The sex is much different alone. I discussed the reason with my husband many times and understood. When I have sex in front of him or in front of others I feel submissive. I let others take the lead more than I do. I suppress my enjoyment or orgasms, like can you suppress and orgasm. When alone I feel freer to be me, I’m not dominant just not as submissive. The part about watching my husband or watching others at a party is not that exciting. I don’t think I’m jealous watching my husband, I could say I’m more jealous of women who look great then I say I still look pretty damn good too. I just feel better without being watched or watching.

This is certainly not unheard of. Shore2please has written several good posts about it. Quoting one: "I am a wife who rather swap in separate rooms. I don’t want to watch what goes on between my husband and the other woman... I watched my husband and his [the other man's] wife. I think I wanted to turn away, I couldn’t. Ladies how do you feel watching?" Although I get incredibly jealous, I OTOH, act on my jealousy and enjoy it.

We all (David, Lora, Red, Clair, and I) are still playing fairly frequently with Joe and Shannon. At first they mostly stayed in a hotel near us for foursomes, up to all seven of us together for sex. (It took two babysitters to watch all our kids.) Now, those from our family visit them one or two at a time for threesomes or separate room MF or FF overnight play. So yes, you are correct. An occasional fuckfest has it's place, but alone for a night is special. Including that moment of the first morning kiss with my husband after we both spent the night being with another.

We are a small, exclusive club of testicle connoisseurs. Women such as us should have an annual event where presentations are made and the finer points of our appreciations are discussed. Live offerings, critiques, judgments, awards. The Best Scrotum Award would be named for the French author Honoré de Balzac. I too will look at a naked man's balls when at a nude spa. That's why I feel compelled to part my legs slightly if a man stares at me. It's only fair.

We both have. I love women as much as men now. My husband loves women but totally enjoys sucking cock with me and getting fucked. My favorite and his, position is the both of us side by side spot roasted. We love seeing each other sucking and getting fucked so we will switch directions to watch the other at the same time taking it each way. He loves when I take it anally at the same time as he does as well. When anyone asks him if he is bi, he no longer hesitates and if they ask him what he prefers he always tells them about what he prefers with me, other women, and then the guys. We've had young wives ask him about the bisex and his description is so amazing you can see the ladies toes curl, breasts become alert, legs together, eyes batting, face and neck flushing, and squirming - lol. We have several waiting to get into our group I believe due to him. He definitely identifies as bi but does not seek out bi men, is not attracted to men, but is attracted to couples, if that makes sense. I am agree with him, it's about the couple not either or.

Thank you for kind words. I never left “here”, I would check in from time to time holding off posting. Without contributing I was able to read posts from a different perspective wondering what was real and what was fantasy. I am pretty sure I know. There are a number of members who have given me support, I have even allowed myself to open up to one very special couple. Several years ago we met them, they knew about my original problem and gave me full support. I just found it easier to talk to an older woman, about 20 years older telling her things I had a hard time explaining to my friends. It is her who said I should come back here to post my thoughts. She understands that I need to clear my head without direct contact, a healthy way to express my thoughts even though I do see a professional. I am finally feeling healthy enough to regain my life and enjoy that life again. Thank you for your support.

One of my very gooier but also very vanilla friends posted on Facebook a lovely photo of 2024’s final Super Moon, also called the Beaver Moon because it is occurs in November, rising over a body of water. The reflection of the moon on the water made for a lovely image. She added a caption noting that she didn’t see any beavers. She is so sweet, but also very strait laced, almost to the point of prudish. It was all I could do not to comment or Messenger her that all she needed to do if she wanted to see a beaver was sit in a chair in front of a mirror, pull off her panties, and spread her thighs. 😉😂

In the actual act of having sex? Yeah, more than half an hour is pretty darned long. But, the entire play session? I've been part of an MFM that lasted about three hours, on and off (mostly on). My wife had a fantastic time. For my part, I very much enjoy making my partners enjoy the experience. I'll do a lot to lead up to vaginal sex, with lots of foreplay, erotic massage, oral sex, kissing, etc. I've never had a woman complain (either in the lifestyle or vanilla) about taking 20-30 minutes to actually get to vaginal sex. On the flip side of that, we played with a couple once where the other wife wanted things two go fast fast fast. She got to giving me head very quick, and was moving like a jack hammer on me. The husband was too quick with my wife, and my wife wasn't as wet as she'd like to be when he penetrated her. We never played with them again :)

I've told the story many times before but to repeat, before Daniela and I got married she had relationships with many married men. Her motives were complicated and she did it for her own satisfaction as well, but primarily she got involved with these guys to help their marriages. She listened, gave them psychotherapy, pointed out all the good characteristics of their wives, bought gifts for the husbands to give their wives, performed sex acts they never got at home and fucked their brains out. And from what Daniela has told me, these marriages improved. To me it's actually pretty simple - getting good sex from Daniela improved their mood so they were nicer to their wives.

I meant this as a joke and now you have gotten me excited and it's become a fantasy...

Don’t be intimidated and be yourself. Nothing is a bigger turnoff than being or trying to be something your not. We met many newbies all were nervous, it’s normal. Be honest with your new friends, let them know you only played with friends. The old saying you can only make one first impression is true, others will see right through any phoniness just like you will be the one reading your new friends. If they are the right couple they should be able to make you relaxed. I am reading you are looking for real new friends not just sex. Be careful some just want add notches.