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There was a couple my wife and I occasionally swing with that had trouble in their marriage. They were a good looking couple, in their late 30s, and they already had 3 kids, when we first starting swinging with them. At the time, my wife and I had no idea they were going through trouble, we just assumed they were just ordinary newbies. After 2 years of swinging with them, they actually opened up about their marital problems they had before, but now they're a happy couple again. Now, long story short about their marital problem was, the husband and wife weren't spending a lot of time together, the husband focused a lot of time in his work, the wife focused on their kids and work, vacation became rare for them, and their sex life was "meh". One very sad moment in their life was when it was their anniversary, and they did nothing to celebrate it at all. When they began swinging with me and my wife, they started spending more time together, like going out to dinner more, taking time off work more to be with family, or even just going on a hike together as a couple. And of course, they even told us that their sex life gotten way better since they started swinging with us. Now, would y'all be surprised if y'all accidentally saved a marriage through swinging? Because my wife and I were pretty surprised, but very happy for them.

Three remarks. 1. The success of such "vanilla life" events for the swinger community should be noted. Lifestyle cruises are mostly vanilla experiences in the company of like-minded people. There is clearly a market for ordinary experiences in extraordinary company. 2. Swingers like being in the company of other swingers for many reasons. Part of it is authenticity and candor. Part of it is that LS people are generally happy. Part of it is the fantasy of imagining being with this or that couple in some other setting, typically with fewer clothes and rather more horizontal. 3. Such vanilla events for non-vanilla people are, as the OP so nicely illustrates, low risk and high reward. The risk is the time. There is the possibility that there will be no follow-up. The reward is that there might be a "why don't we get together for drinks or dinner?"--along with the benefit of not having to guess whether their pictures or profile match the people who will actually show up.

Male half here. My wife and I have been to clubs on three different continents … at least half a dozen times at the one in Fayetteville, NC before they lost their lease. We’ve been to a weekly house party in our hometown at least a dozen times. Finally, we’ve been on one Bliss lifestyle cruise. Never — NOT EVEN ONCE — have we felt pressured by ANYbody to do ANYthing! The people who go to clubs and parties are generally unfailingly friendly and polite. I’m not saying you won’t be approached about hooking up, but all you have to say is, “Thank you, but this is our first time and we’re just here to get our feet wet.” 95% will simply say OK and wish you a good evening. As for the other 5%, report them to the “authorities” who’ll at least give them a good “talking to” if not toss them. And if you can find an on premises club and you’re not yet ready to hook up, just snag a playroom and the two of you make your own fun. That’s what we did on our first 3-4 visits to the club in Fayetteville and the same number at the local house party. It’s really exhilarating and kinda naughty to be screwing your brains out with your own partner while hearing the music and people walking by outside wondering who’s in that room and exactly what they’re doing in there. So don’t fear the club and party scenes … go and you’ll almost certainly have a grand time.

Swinger couples often have good decision making ability. Deciding when and with whom to play requires executive decision making skills.

I wonder if the swinging is the operative Factor here. Someone once said something to the effect of if you want to be successful hang out with successful people and do what they do. We have had the experience the people's marriages have been helped in one way or another by hanging out with us. I think that is largely because they modeled some behaviors that we have that we think of as just good marital hygiene. If you are married and happy about being with your partner and having fun to boot that can't help but rub off on people that are around you.

To this day I prefer separate rooms for a number of reasons. I’m not sure how long ago we swapped partners on a cruise, 9 or 10. The morning after that night I went back to my cabin and saw the other wife, who is now a good friend in bed with my husband. Thinking now I was jealous, we were younger and she is beautiful. I think another reason was while my night was perfect the next time I had sex with the man I made love to it was in front of my husband and the sex was not love making it was me being fucked in front of others, completely different. On that same cruise I was watched while a woman spread my legs. I know my husband loved watching us and enjoyed watching me having sex with the husband. Since that trip and our first swap we did swapping and we did parties. I also had sex with other women both in front of others and alone privately. The sex is much different alone. I discussed the reason with my husband many times and understood. When I have sex in front of him or in front of others I feel submissive. I let others take the lead more than I do. I suppress my enjoyment or orgasms, like can you suppress and orgasm. When alone I feel freer to be me, I’m not dominant just not as submissive. The part about watching my husband or watching others at a party is not that exciting. I don’t think I’m jealous watching my husband, I could say I’m more jealous of women who look great then I say I still look pretty damn good too. I just feel better without being watched or watching.

This is certainly not unheard of. Shore2please has written several good posts about it. Quoting one: "I am a wife who rather swap in separate rooms. I don’t want to watch what goes on between my husband and the other woman... I watched my husband and his [the other man's] wife. I think I wanted to turn away, I couldn’t. Ladies how do you feel watching?" Although I get incredibly jealous, I OTOH, act on my jealousy and enjoy it.

We all (David, Lora, Red, Clair, and I) are still playing fairly frequently with Joe and Shannon. At first they mostly stayed in a hotel near us for foursomes, up to all seven of us together for sex. (It took two babysitters to watch all our kids.) Now, those from our family visit them one or two at a time for threesomes or separate room MF or FF overnight play. So yes, you are correct. An occasional fuckfest has it's place, but alone for a night is special. Including that moment of the first morning kiss with my husband after we both spent the night being with another.

We are a small, exclusive club of testicle connoisseurs. Women such as us should have an annual event where presentations are made and the finer points of our appreciations are discussed. Live offerings, critiques, judgments, awards. The Best Scrotum Award would be named for the French author Honoré de Balzac. I too will look at a naked man's balls when at a nude spa. That's why I feel compelled to part my legs slightly if a man stares at me. It's only fair.

We were concerned about disease, and both of us religiously required condoms for PIV intercourse. But because it seemed the risk of disease transmission for oral sex was less common, we made the decision to accept the very small risk, and didn't use any protection for oral, either way. Neither of us ever contacted any detectable STI. Of course, my investigation into oral sex risk is dated - at least a decade old - so you might wish to do your own research.

No reason for Ray to be an ex-best friend. She could have made them better friends. And still be a FWB herself. Particularly with a woman, there's enough to go around.

I am usually a slow cummer because as someone said above, I enjoy it too much and don't want to end. If I feel myself getting close to orgasm/ejaculation, I instinctively back off. So I usually go 30 to 45 minutes. If it's just my wife and me, she'll cum twice or thrice in that time, but if we're in a real hurry I can do it in 5 minutes. In a swinging situation I will go as long as my partner wants, maybe 15 minutes, an orgasm, then stop, eat her out if she likes, then move on to another woman for another 15 minutes or so and cum in her. There was one time, however, I kept going and didn't cum until I finished with the 4th woman.

I might be wrong, but I *believe* it’s frowned upon and that 99% don’t use them. And a condom on the other male addresses only half of the equation … what about your male going down on the other female? Are you going to insist on using something such as a dental dam? Pretty much 100% of women are going to ask what’s the point of giving them oral at all in that case.

Based on attire of some guests ( 40DDDs hanging out, several people knew each other and gave traditional swingers kiss on lips. Hearty laughter at sexual innuendos.

Based on the attire of the guests?

Friends of ours in Florida are generous enough to organize these types of events. Last winter, we attended a dinner out with about 30 people. They hosted a hotel takeover, but we were still up north. They post these events on SDC, which is popular in Florida. We prefer to meet at vanilla events, rather than sex clubs where you get down and dirty right away with strangers. We like to meet, get to know what makes people tick first.

"She's living in L.A. with my best old ex-friend Ray" - Jim Croce

I think that the bride and the BM did the groom a favor by not going through with the wedding when she was clearly not ready and obviously didn't love him above all others. They saved him the greater pain of a messy divorce with kids and houses and dogs to split up and so forth ten years later. I was at a family wedding, 7-7-07 was supposed to be a lucky day but not so much. The bride did in fact run off with the best man a few months later, she could have saved my cousin Danny about twenty five grand if she would have just been straight with everybody.

I've told the story many times before but to repeat, before Daniela and I got married she had relationships with many married men. Her motives were complicated and she did it for her own satisfaction as well, but primarily she got involved with these guys to help their marriages. She listened, gave them psychotherapy, pointed out all the good characteristics of their wives, bought gifts for the husbands to give their wives, performed sex acts they never got at home and fucked their brains out. And from what Daniela has told me, these marriages improved. To me it's actually pretty simple - getting good sex from Daniela improved their mood so they were nicer to their wives.

With 15 years as swingers, my wife never sought out girl/girl play. A few - very few! - times a woman would approach her and Mary would let her kiss or perform oral on her. But she never ate a woman out, or started a F/F situation. Many times she would tell the other woman she wasn't interested, one time when the woman wouldn't back away Mary got a little aggressive with her. It never hurt our swinger encounters. The rule of swinging is the same as that for drinking wine: If you don't like what you're drinking, don't drink it. If you like what you're drinking, drink more of it.

They have a kid who is in college, so they have been married at least around twenty years. Yeah, that was terrible, inhumane. It never could be easy, but they should have been civil. The groom was so upset that he threatened them, stalked them, and restraining orders were involved. (BTW, I know them both, but only met several times.) No comments about this? It is the reason I posted the story; she was serious. Her attitude surprised me, but I guess it shouldn't. I do not know her outside of work, and she hasn’t discussed her romantic/sex life with me. She isn't married, engaged, or going steady, but mentions three boyfriends who spends the night or travels with her. ("I was late this morning because I stayed with Stephen.") And the boyfriends apparently have other partners as well, who she nonchalantly accepts. ("I wanted to see Stephen this weekend, but he was with Suzie.") My point is that although she may not be in the lifestyle, the lifestyle open-mindedness is in the vanilla world. She thought that the bride and best man going for "one last fling before the ring" was normal.

I can fully imagine this happening, though it hasn't happened to us (that we know of). There was one couple we almost played with that played with another couple right before they were to meet up with us for a play date. That first time playing caused the wife to leave the husband, and that was that. Some time later, my wife and I played with the jilted husband in a MFM.

First, I never intended to criticize you or what you prefer. Our differences are what makes the lifestyle and this forum so wonderful. I especially love the vicarious empathy I have for your feelings, somewhat similar, somewhat different. I'm jealous of both. And it's not just their looks, it's how other women sexually please Red and David.

I most definitely do! Balls are incredible to play with, feel, explore, lick, smell, taste, suck, oh my goodness I am so addicted to sucking balls now. The way they feel in my mouth, as you mentioned, each so different in so many ways. Love seeing a good set of balls on a man. Love seeing them swaying, swinging and I love feeling the weight of them. My husband says it is like that for him with our breasts and butts. I get that now.

yes, Yes, YES, YEEEEESSSSSSS! I 100% agree. I also agree that I most definitely handle larger with length better anally. The larger guys who want to have that balls deep experience have to take us anally for that. I am much better at it over the last year but my husband is still the best in our group for taking the big guys deep. I suppose that is why we get called on so often. As long as they continue being slow going, building up to it, it all works out in the end - lol.

Well everybody is into something different i guess. We've been doing this and every permutation possible for 26 years and it still excites the hell out of me. I think she may have been bored with a couple partners along the way but never me. Like I've said here 100 times, seeing my wife with another is like a 1000 volt shock to my system that hurts so good. It was 26 years ago and still is today.

Thank you for confirming something I’ve long believed about women … well, MOST women anyway!

I meant this as a joke and now you have gotten me excited and it's become a fantasy...

Same problem for me occasionally with much shorter. A guy like that would be welcomed in my bum, but not my pussy. No chance of bottoming out. It's diameter, not length that feels good in my cunt.

Katrina here: If you argue for your limitations, they become yours. Consider that they might be just as concerned, stepping outside of their normal playgroup. Remember, this is all about having fun. Sex is the question and Yes is the answer. One time we were at a house party. I met this couple and thought this should be fun and were chatting them up. The husband then says to me,"I guess I'm trying to impress you". My reply was,"If you're trying to impress me , neither of us is going to have any fun". His wife laughed so hard, we of course ended up in bed with them.

Don’t be intimidated and be yourself. Nothing is a bigger turnoff than being or trying to be something your not. We met many newbies all were nervous, it’s normal. Be honest with your new friends, let them know you only played with friends. The old saying you can only make one first impression is true, others will see right through any phoniness just like you will be the one reading your new friends. If they are the right couple they should be able to make you relaxed. I am reading you are looking for real new friends not just sex. Be careful some just want add notches.

My wife does. She always comments on a beautiful set of balls when we people watch at the nude beach.

My preference is to take each ball individually and gently feel it, explore it, assess it with my fingers and with my lips and tongue. Not only is there a variation among men, but David has two slightly different size testicles. I love feeling the plumbing in there as well. I'm surprised other women don't share my interest and enthusiasm. Testicles are the source of all of a man's masculinity. You're a sexual philanthropist.

From a swinger group page on FB “This is my first post here in this group, which is more than wonderful in terms of the amount of information and experiences of its members.... I have been a bull in the lifestyle for more than 5 years... and things have been going well every time... but the last time It was about 5 days ago.. My partner in playing said that I take too long in playing.. I usually ejaculate the first time after 2 hours... and the second time I can ejaculate after 7 or 8 hours and I can continue throughout Time without ejaculation.. because I am really enjoying it so much and I can have sex not only with my penis.. but with all my feelings, emotions, mind and literally every atom in my body feels sex.... Is the long time a problem or something undesirable!!!?” “I enjoy extended play with my PPP, but generally I call it quits after 75 minutes with someone other than him …places to go, people to see, things to do. It’s also super rude at a club where you are taking up a playroom to extend beyond 90 mins, IMO.” My comment: Billygoat8one Hhhmmmm. Well throwing away porn fantasy and exaggeration in our over 25 years active in the lifestyle, hosting parties, group activities, women’s fantasy events, multiple gangbang events we have never met or experienced a woman who desired or endured a single man thrusting into them continually for an hour and a half let alone for several hours not to mention a man being able to without taking something, injecting something, strapping on something or inflating something. So my guess is you are stopping, starting, changing activity, position, style etc. everyone we know, play/played with, club members all expect a beginning, a pleasurable middle and an end. The satisfaction of each participant that they pleasured their partner. That they did that. As a organizer of swinger events, group/club owner, group sex/orgy and gangbang host we have hours of talking with couples and mostly women participants (mostly newbies) on their curiosities, concerns and their perceived inadequacies. Women that felt they were not enough or desired or not capable. Which has always been a bit absurd to me as without willing, sexually adventurous women all you would have is a room full of naked hairy men with nothing to do. In most cases women feel a sexual confidence in making their playmate finish, orgasm. And have a better sense of sexual accomplishment by doing again if the same partner recovers and can go again. So I can expect a negative experience if after an hour or two playing and positions if she can’t get her playmate/partner to orgasm they may feel inadequate, not skilled or desired enough. Yes there are some who from time to time desire lengthily activity, positions and multiple partners I can state factually their sense of sexual self is not just her pleasure/orgasms/adventure but equally importantly satisfying her partner/partners and having them come back for more leaving them totally sated, drained. For the women (small percentage of) that can orgasm from just penetrative thrusting alone a partner who can control themselves to activity thrust and grind (mostly regardless of size and girth, technique control rules here) continually for 15 - 30 minutes can be very satisfying for her. A fewer percentage that can be truly multi orgasmic with a solo partner one that has that control can be spectacular. But I can tell you that at some point she is going to want you to finish, to pop as that completes her satisfaction. Of the other 29 comments most were men advertising/offering their prowess and longevity and jumping on the few women who responded with comments and offers….the usual crap. Of the few women respondents non were interested in someone who went hours. And the lady I quoted above was the only one that stated she enjoyed someone long lasting/endurance. So I thought I would share here. Your thoughts?

We would definitely play that game. We love sexy, playful games. My only thought is that the woman who gets the “loser” to cum needs to be rewarded too. She was the one doing most of the work. Maybe have the loser go down on her until she cums or have the winner fuck both women. That way everyone wins in the end.

Which is a good reason to to be in the lifestyle early on, while dating, before getting married. The bride and BM could have done their thing and either got it out of their system or made their decision before the wrong wedding was planned.

The sex lives of our poly family has never been "meh," but believe me, sharing among ourselves and especially playing outside the family is incredibly exciting. And it hits from both sides - having more than one sex partner yourself and knowing, watching the other (or others) you love being pleased and satisfied by another sex partner can only increase your love and desire for them.

Now, I wouldn't be surprised if that doesn't last very long.

There are swingers, swappers, polyamory and singles that post here. We found there is no one category that we all fall into. I can’t agree with your cheating, I’m not your wife. In the years we met new people we met mostly new couples looking to expand their sexuality. I heard of hotwifing and cuckolds, I just don’t understand those labels. Because of our search being limited to married women looking for their first female experience all the men wanted to watch that. Not all men wanted to watch their wife with a man. Not every woman wanted or let their husbands get involved. Marriage and relationships come in more flavors I can imagine, if you are fine with an open marriage and don’t enjoy swinging it is a choice both of you made.

Clearing your mind of negativity is very cathartic. Positive thoughts and meditation also helps. I have a kalyana mitta who has been a guide and facilitator for me.

Thank you for kind words. I never left “here”, I would check in from time to time holding off posting. Without contributing I was able to read posts from a different perspective wondering what was real and what was fantasy. I am pretty sure I know. There are a number of members who have given me support, I have even allowed myself to open up to one very special couple. Several years ago we met them, they knew about my original problem and gave me full support. I just found it easier to talk to an older woman, about 20 years older telling her things I had a hard time explaining to my friends. It is her who said I should come back here to post my thoughts. She understands that I need to clear my head without direct contact, a healthy way to express my thoughts even though I do see a professional. I am finally feeling healthy enough to regain my life and enjoy that life again. Thank you for your support.

At first when it was just David, Red and me, I couldn't stand the thought of either of them with another woman. I was and still am incredibly jealous. For me, it happened all at once. A girlfriend of mine and I were sort of talking about sex. Nothing explicit, but she said how attractive my husband David was, and how nice it must be sleeping with him. Without even thinking, the words came out of my mouth, "It can be arranged." I went home and told David that I wanted him to fuck her. He didn't complain and did. I didn't watch because she didn't want me to. It drove me crazy jealous (in a good way) and improved everything with my husband and things were good between me and her. I acted cool. So two things: I did it all at once and it was good, and it was under my control because I chose her (and the subsequent women). Some of them let me watch and/or participate. I still get jealous, but am now addicted to the feeling and how it enhances my relationships and sex.

I'll probably hold out honestly until he allows me to go first so I can get comfortable. He's the one turned by the idea of watching me. He cannot understand how I don't feel the same way. I'm not wired the way he is. I have no desire currently to see him with another woman. Maybe that will change in time but I honestly don't know. I would love to be more open but I'm not sure how to do that by just jumping in. I know I would not be okay unless I eased in slowly. I can see myself growing a lot once I get over the initial fear...but it's going to take a lot of work and tiny steps forward.

In swinging, the women make the rules. They are given final say. This is just the way it is. If he isn't getting his way bc you prefer things a different way then he just needs to man up and deal with it.

Is the desire to sexually be with a black person racist? It's not racist to prefer that your partners be blond, or have facial hair, or large (or small) breasts, or . . . (fill in your own blank here.) So, if the only reason you want to have inter-racial sex is because you think it might be fun, I don't think that makes you bad - or a racist.

Thinking about it, when hubby or Red wants it much tighter (which is maybe two or three times a month), they go into my, Clair's or Lora's bum. I guess that's why they do it.

I just wanted my husband to experience a tighter vagina. I never told him how tight her vagina was. I wanted it to be a surprise. I never told him I was looking for someone with a tight vagina. He gasp after he penetrated her and had an "Oh my God!" moment. It was awesome to watch his reactions as she squeezed off his dick and he got gangrene.

Not all. Neither of us are interested in seeing or being part of that kind of activity.

Admittedly, I haven't figured out how to "get into" snapchat yet, but my alternative Instagram feed is a lot of fun. Brandi Love is my guilty pleasure these days. I see she has a Snapchat account... Hmmm...

Because it's still unfulfilled