ClearwaterMan

Wow, a lot of spectacular insight. To answer one of the points specifically: No, not looking for a ticket into swinging. Instead, I am looking for what I think many of you have: That strong bond and relationship that is enhanced by fun you can have with others. What I am also getting out of this is, unless there are single women who are very public in their desire to swing and swap, i.e. they have it in a dating profile or just bring it up in the first conversation, then it's best to keep it out of the conversation with women who don't. But what I also think I'm reading is that not many of you believed you'd be doing what you're doing when you first got married. Swinging is just something that "came up" in a discussion like moving to a different city or changing jobs after years of being married. And since all of you are still doing it, then I'm thinking that is probably the best way for it to happen. Whereas, the impression you're giving me is if a couple gets into swinging while just dating, then as one of you put it--it's really just two single people going out to have sex with others. I think my choice is that I'm just going to not bring it up with women whose standpoints on swinging I don't know. But also start looking for those women are very upfront about it in profiles online. And I'll just see where things go. Hey, really, I'm just glad I am back in this frame of mind of getting together with women after years of avoiding it.

I'm new to the forum and wasn't sure where to post this. So, Administrator, please move to appropriate area if this isn't the right one. I'm single. 49 years old. Straight. Never married. No kids. Recently snipped. Very stable and good guy. Yes, a true bachelor. I've been out of the dating scene for a LONG time due to some bad experiences in late 2000's. I also discovered I wasn't truly emotionally available and it wasn't fair to women to be out there meeting them if I wasn't happy with myself--I was really just wasting their time. But things have changed. Totally different guy now. Lots of very positive things going on. Feeling good and looking good. So, now, I am ready to start meeting women again. So here's the question: When is the appropriate time to bring up with a woman that I'd like to try swinging if we are to be a couple? I've been reading a lot on the boards here. But it seems most people don't get into it until they are married. Lots of "We were monogamous and married for 20 years, then . . ." Well, what if you're a single guy, and you're out meeting women and dating them? I'm guessing that mentioning it on the first date isn't wise. But waiting until you're 6 months in isn't appropriate either--because she'll know I've had this planned all along. I guess what I'm saying is there aren't any single women out there who have "I am open to swinging" in their dating profiles. You know what I mean? As an example,I re-hooked up with a woman I've known for 19 years in 2019. We've done a lot together. She knows me as well as any woman on the planet. She is outgoing and friendly and non-prudish, etc. I brought up us going to a swingers club. Her response, "You want me to have sex with strangers????" And this is from a 46 year old with lots of sexual experience. And it's too bad because I know she would be extremely popular with other couples. Also, as a single guy, I don't want to be "that single guy" who rolls in to a swingers club or resort by himself. That just feels weird to me. I want swinging to be something that I experience with someone else I'm crazy about who feels like I do. I don't want to be viewed as a guy who is just into the scene because I want to have sex with other guys' wives. I want to make sure there are mutually beneficial relationships going on with giving and receiving. Or, am I looking at this wrong? Maybe it's better that couples don't get into swinging until they're married so that close emotional bond of love is solid. In addition, there's a contract if something goes wrong--one person can divorce the other. Whereas, just going as bf and gf, it's essentially just two single people who are together with no real penalty if things go wrong while swinging. Does swinging as a non-married couple make it more likely that jealousy and falling in love with someone else's wife or husband will happen? Yep, I think that's a good question too. Thoughts on this? Thanks. I think this forum is spectacular, by the way. So much openness and honesty.