Hello from Canada.
My wife and I have known each other for 20 years and have been married for 15. Our sex life has only gotten better since the first time. I LOVE her so much, I consider myself the luckiest guy on earth because she chose to be my wife. Like many people, we have fantasies that arouse us during intercourse. One of those, was having another man in bed to DP her. We have “done” it many times using sex toys and it was all super great. Or so I thought.
About a week ago, my wife came to me and said that she wanted to have a MFM experience.
Now, I’ve always been a person that tries to let reason prevail over feelings and always strived to be as open minded and understanding as possible. However, when my wife expressed her desires I went into shut down mode.
As I mentioned, I love her very much and her happiness and wellbeing is my main priority. Because of this, I told her that if that is what she wanted we will try it (the rational part of my brain here).
The problem that I’m having (and hope you people can help me with) is that my irrational half can not accept that she wants to bring somebody else to our bed. It screams: she is MINE, she is my LOVE, she BELONGS to me and therefore the thought of having someone else touch her or fuck her makes me extremely angry.
This situation has also brought up a lot of feelings of insecurity that I did not know I had: What if she likes the other guy better, and then the only form of sex that we will ever have will be with someone else? Will she ever enjoy having sex with me alone again or will she do it out of kindness, always secretly comparing me with the other guy? What if I say no to her desire to do this MFM and she resents it, and this frustration hurts our relationship?; Will she still love me after realizing that, perhaps, the sex life we have had so far might not have been so good for her after all?
As I’m writing this, I realize how “teenager” all this sounds, but I can not control these feelings.
What really pisses me off the most is that, since our conversation I have been acting like an asshole with her. I’m silent, grumpy and irritable. Not only that, I have also been irked when she looks at other men (something that has never bothered me before) thinking “is that what you really want, taller than me? more athletic? better looking? younger”.
I’m a wreck, I’m not like this small, resentful, egotistic person. I hate myself for what I’m feeling and even more for not being able to have my rational half take over the irrational part of my brain.
But most of all for not being able to give the person that means the most on this world to me something that she wants/need.
I apologize beforehand for the length of this rant and for possible grammar/spelling errors. As you might surmise from my nickname, English is not my first language.
Thank you in advance for the patience and feedback.
Cheers