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Showing results for tags 'chemistry'.
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Which one makes you hot for someone most often? A HOT BODY AND FACE A KILLER PERSONALITY SOMETHING ELSE. WHAT? Which one of these draws you to another person sexually?
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People sharing what questions they ask about potential playmates and sexual history has led to some very interesting thoughts and discussions. The one I found most interesting was the idea of "wild" people are not safe. Which of course led to the discussion of what constitutes being "wild". How many partners does it take for you to decide ok this person just has had too many partners for me to feel safe with them. Are there other issues that constitute wild? At what point do you feel that you just can't trust your sexual health in the "hands" of this person or people? -
Besides the trying to get a feel for someone based on what their occupation is, which is sometimes accurate, sometimes not, are there any occupations that if someone does that for a living, you flat out wouldn't swing with them? Cop? Divorce attorney? Minister or rabbi? Mortician? What is it about some occupations that would either turn you off or else make you so skittish you would just take a pass instead of running the risk of your worst fears coming true?
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We've all occasionally met people in our day to day lives who spark an instant connection. You just...CONNECT. You find yourselves wondering if you know this person from somewhere, because there is something so damned familiar about them. And they fascinate you. You don't necessarily interpret it as sexual attraction (or maybe you do), but you find yourselves awkwardly struggling to prolong a conversation that has long since exceeded its polite expiry time in your particular social context. And you're racking your brains to come up with a socially acceptable reason to have to meet again to carry on the conversation. We've all done this. You've just met someone with whom you have wicked good energetic chemistry. Or, if you subscribe to such beliefs (raises hand), someone you've known in a past life who happened to stop around to say hello. Sometimes you don't even realize how compatible you really are until your clothes are off and ka-BOOM! Holy fuck! It's like being on a date with a Hitachi Magic Wand, because he just intuitively hits exactly all the right buttons. This was the case with one of my playmates. It surprised the hell out of me because he didn't strike me immediately as "my type". But afterward, I found myself groaning and squirming at just the memory of our playtime. And attracted suddenly to other men who were of a similar type. So this playmate happens to be exceptionally energetically sensitive. Like I said, he's very intuitive, and had me almost passing out with very light G-spot manipulation. In turn, I found that the thing he found most arousing was gentle, feather-light stroking of his cock. And the most surprising thing? Every wave of pleasure he experienced "echoed" in me; I could feel it as a sweet aching in that energy centre just below my belly button, and it flared in time with his. "Oh my God, what are you doing to me?" he asked. I'm like, "I don't know! What the hell are you doing to ME?" I figured it was me subconsciously playing around with his energy. I know there are a lot of rational types in this group - maybe predominantly so - but I'm hoping you'll look at this with an open mind. To me, this is a very real thing. I can't define it, I can't really adequately describe it, and I sure can't prove it to anyone. But this phenomenon is part of my reality, and I'm more than happy to incorporate its mysteries as part of my playtime. Anyone have any thoughts on this, or similar experiences?
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We went to a house party last night at the home of some friends, some couples were familiar to us and there were a few new ones as well. A nice mix of folks looking for adult fun. One of the new couples brought another couple with them and it soon became apparent to me that their lady friend was somewhat mentally challenged. She seemed eager and willing to play, a very sweet young lady --but for some reason, I just couldn't get past the fact that she was handicapped. Hubby felt the same as I did, so we just didn't play with them. For us, I believe we handled it in a way that was courteous and allowed us to feel comfortable with the situation. However, others did play with her/them and I guess I felt, well - disturbed by it. Of course, those choices are not mine to make for others, I would never never never say anything to anyone for making such a choice. So the questions I have to pose are these: How would you feel about being in this situation? and if bothered by it, how would you handle it? Would you play with her/them? Am I wrong to be bothered by it? or to feel so strongly? A question for me to find the answer to within myself - if she had been attractive to us, would I have felt differently? Happy to clarify if others have questions back. I look forward to your words of wisdom as I believe we will run into this couple again. I just want to be able to handle it with grace in the future - and find a way to be ok with it.
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Bear and I were invited to a house party by a couple we had only seen a couple times at a LS club - he contacted us through SLS. We were curious and like our profile states we are soft play. When we arrived our conversation was easy and the hosting couple told us that a few weeks prior the wife had 4 men at the same time while the husband watched. They said what a great experience it was and my husband again made it clear we enjoy watching - we enjoy being watched and we soft play with other couples. Throughout the night the wife kept paying extra attention to Bear - squeezing his thighs - sitting almost in his lap - during a game of Adult Spin the Bottle (there were 7 couples) she was directed to give all the men - who were now naked - a lap dance - she was naked by this point also - when it was Bears turn she grinded on him extra long with bouncing. After that Bear realized she was looking for more than he wanted to give and we wound up leaving. Few days later the host gave us a positive shout out but he was complimenting me mostly- how sexy I am - how beautiful I am. Then he texted Bear wanting to get together this past weekend and telling him how hot Rabbit is. The whole time we were at the party I didn’t think this guy was attracted to me at all - he barely spoke to me beyond the initial greeting. So his compliments were a surprise. However the way his wife was making it obvious she wanted to do Bear I have thought maybe it was just their way to get us to hang again so she could try again with Bear. Other than trying to politely decline her advances we enjoyed the party - it was just crazy fun and I’m not sure if anyone had sex that night cause we left at 2am and no one was doing anything. Anyway I just wanted some opinions on this since we may have been in the LS for 4 years now but still have had very limited experiences.
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First let me say long time lurker, I've been reading through this forum for a couple of years now, and the posts and topics have been very informative, you wonderful guys and gals have made it easy for my wife and I to begin exploring this side of our sexuality, and although we have discussed this for what seems like forever (actually over the course of 7 years), we decided to take the plunge and try the lifestyle when my wife finally decided she was ready to come out of her shell, and felt we were stable enough to handle it. So we began our journey 2 years ago by trying a few of the dating apps to try and connect. At first we said we would only try and find a female for a threesome, but after months of looking (and no luck), we decided at the end of May this year to open it up and look for a compatible couple (MF). Well two weeks ago we found a couple and we thought from the profile looked compatible and I sent them a PM. (names of the couple, for sake of post, are Bill and Ann). The Wife of the Couple (Ann) hit me back and said do you have KIK, if so I can create a group and we can all hang out and get to know each other. So I got KIK installed on mine and my wife's phone and set up the accounts (my wife isn't internet savvy) and we started to get to know each other, via a group chat. Last weekend we had a dinner date and met up. We conversated, but my wife is an extrovert, (I'm an introvert) so she did most of the talking and asking questions. We told them up front we were newbies, so they new what to expect, and said they were cool with us asking questions. While the other couple seemed genuine and real, I just didn't get the vibe that the Wife (Ann) was that into me, as she didn't engage me directly, just added to whatever her husband (Bill) brought up. She did mention that she is a submissive, and likes to be tied up and spanked, which I told her I found intriguing, but nothing really else as far as direct contact to me. Bill and my wife seemed to hit it off well. Following the date, Bill and my wife regularly exchange heavy flirts and messages in the Kik Chat, and I try to engage Ann, but I really don't hear from her. A few days by and my wife decides to up the ante by sending a sexy bra pic (no nudity) and that got both Bill and Ann to respond with heavy flirting to my wife. In fact, it all but seems like Ann is actually interested in my wife, more so than either of us (my wife and I) thought. So, now the three of them (my wife and Bill and Ann) have made plans to try and meet up for a soft swap in a week. Unfortunately, I'm starting to get the sinking feeling that I may be a third wheel here, and that if we do meet up, it will result in me being sidelined. I brought my concerns up to my wife, but she seems to think that I'm being paranoid, and untrusting. She points out that Ann (the wife) messaged me directly and hit me up first to initiate the group chat. I pointed out that its not that far fetched for someone to grab someone else's phone and pretend to be somebody else to chat: Maybe the husband (Bill) initiated the chat request from her phone, because the wife, she just wants a girl experience, and didn't want to come across that way? (I say this because there was no pictures of my wife in the Dating app we met on. Just two picks of me. The first time they 'saw' my wife was when we all were in the Kik Chat. So my wife, to prove me wrong, initiated a simple request next time she was on the chat, which was to ask the wife (Ann) directly: "Who do you find more attractive, me or my spouse?" Bill the husband quickly responded "oh she's in the shower, and then when she gets out she has to run to the store, so it may be a minute before she answers". 25 minutes later the answer we get is "Well, I would like to explore with everyone." So of course, to my wife that is an okay answer. So last couple of days I try and initiate conversations, directly to the wife (hey how is it going Ann, how's your day Ann, etc)in our KIK group. Crickets. My wife and Bill on the other hand are going hot and heavy in their conversations, and each one is getting more daring than the last. Ann will respond if my wife mentions her, or if Bill Mentions her, but doesn't respond to me. So am I being wrong in what I assume is going to happen? Or is this commonplace, that sometimes one spouse from either couple are more turned on and hot for another, and so they conversate more, and click better? The fact that I don't even get anything back responsive (Hey, let me know your at least alive Ann? lol) trips my spidey-sense big time. Bill and Ann said they have been in the LS for 4 or 5 years), and the first night they talked and talked ( Bill mostly) about what he brings to the table for his partners (lots and lots of toys) and what they like to do and have done to them. My wife is gung ho and ready for this to go down (New lingerie bought for the event, non stop excitement), and when I brought up that we may even have to pay for the hotel in this, even though she has reigned in our spending habits this summer, she said we should be able to pay for it fine. But if I bring up the fact that I don't think this gonna work, or that I feel this is one sided, my wife gets upset, and reminds me how long this took her to come around to it, that I'm being overtly paranoid, that it will work out just don't back out, etc. I could really use some sagely advice on this, so that I can understand and figure out my next move before next weekend. Thank you all for listening. -
while visiting a friend who was going through a pretty tough break up, I was pretty shocked when he called me into his room to show me something... My husband was outside watching the kids. He just comes right out and asks me if I would have an affair with him! when I said no, he asked if I was attracted to him, to which I answered yes. then he said, so, we dont have to tell anyone. you know you want me! And told him that I was a faithful wife, but I would be happy to ask my husband about it...he was utterly shocked. he asked why I would do that and I told him because it will turn him on and he will say yes and then he asked if we both wanted to have an affair. we said yes. I thought it would be weird because other times had been, and this was a friend and mixing friends with the lifestyle is risky and all but right then and there, crazed said, go for it, and he went right back out to watch the kids. we ended up spending the night that night and all three slept in the bed. it wasn't weird at all. in fact, because I had been with our friend before and already felt comfortable with him, we smoothly moved together. I was teased and loved and fucked hard, and I enjoyed it immensely. I didn't get much sleep but the sleep I did get was the best rest ever, securely laying , sated between two men I cared for and had just had an amazing night with. we went back on several other weekends and stayed over and I now know that the trick to a great experience is chemistry!!
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The foundation of having a good swinging experience with another couple is chemistry and compatibility. Directly related to swinging, or in general, what are your top three questions you ask that you have found give the best results on determining if that compatibility is really there? For us, it's: 1. How long have you been swinging? 2. How did you get into swinging, and who's idea was it? 3. Besides swinging, what do guys like to do for fun? There's no right or wrong answers on any of those, but just by the replies, we usually have a pretty good feel for where to go from there.
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From another thread: I thought this would be a great thread so here it is! For those of you who have a swing partner/FWB that is better suited to your sexual tastes than your spouse, would you care to expand on that thought? -
I had a thought run through my mind tonight as I read a comment about "quality" versus "quantity". For those swingers who prefer "quality" over "quantity", are you more open to a possible poly situation in the future? As I see it, the more connection we have with others, emotionally and mentally, the more likely we are to being open to poly whereas those who want "quantity" don't want that connection and actually prefer there to be no other connection other than superficial attraction. Or am I on the wrong track?
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I have heard from several members here that the more they get to know a couple, the less they want to have sex with them. Maybe we just haven't been fortunate enough to get to know a couple that well that it reaches that point or maybe I'm not wired that way. Or perhaps there's something else in play (like maybe they meant in terms of seeing them pick their nose or exhibit an unbecoming personality trait). However, for myself, I have found that the more we talk and get to know a couple, the more comfortable I feel with them and I'm more interested in engaging with them in sex. In fact, finding more about other couples almost endears them to me. I know that sounds too intimate but the more I get to know a person, the more I care about them as a person and their well-being. Even if we witness something that is a turn-off, it's even more of a reminder to me that they aren't perfect...not some unattainable, flawless couple who sits on their lofty pedestal. Is this feeling felt more in those who are open to poly or is it not poly-specific? Is the desire of not wanting to know too much about another couple a "protective barrier" so feelings won't develop? Is it just the mindset that swinging is for sex and nothing else so everything outside of that is irrelevant? Or am I just looking too much into this? Please share your thoughts on the matter!
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There we were, my wife and I, this weekend at our local club, in the middle of casual NSA sex with two guys and a lady and the thought slams into my head: I want more. Not more sex, the sex was fine as casual sex goes, but more... more than just bodies rubbing together. I want a connection, shared experience, friendship, a common ground beyond insert tab A into slot B. I haven't reached the point of being about to articulate more than that, but this seemed like a good place to start exploring the notion. -
How do you handle a small party of 4 couples, where you are simply not attracted to one of the couples attending? -
Today I Learned that "online dating" goes back to 1959 with the finale project of a group of Stanford students that programmed a computer to match up 49 men and 49 women. This resulted in 1 marriage... which I thought was some damn good results. This got me thinking that likely sites like E-harmony may have a higher LTR match rate because they rely on the computer to do the matching rather than the users to pick their best matches (which we all know is 90% based on pictures). That got me thinking, would swingers use a site where the programming did the matching? Where it asks what you are looking for, with a series of questions on interests (both swinging & non), what type of swinging situations you are looking for (LT vs 1N; 3some, group, etc), your looks, what you want out of the looks of others and then take all that info to match you up. So, would you try a site that did this? Do you think it would even work for swingers?
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Ok short story, this is my first post. Lol Seeking any advice...I (female) had first MFM with my husband (18 years) and a respectful guy (a fun time, but not a top ten) who aided in breaking me into the territory of MFM lol so after this experience, I went on a search for another single guy for an even better experience. What advice can u give about the attraction piece? I found another great guy but the sexual attraction is not there and I'm trying to figure out if the guy meets all other criteria in my head do I just look past this? Ladies how important is attraction/chemistry in the experience?
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We are 40, and don't date under 30. Why? Drama insurance. You remember those stupid dramatic fights you had with exes in your 20's? Also ... the "I'm almost old enough to be your dad and that's kinda creepy" factor. Yeah. Best to pass. Let's check the email: *supermodel barbie and hardbody ken pics* Hey guys, we're 21m/24f, drama free experienced cpl. Text us! -XO (local phone number) What would you do? -
I find myself in a strange situation...typically, we don't play apart except at house parties and an occasional hall pass. We have met a couple through friends - we really like them and have flirted, some kissing, and other soft swap activities. So far so good - but here's the rub - my husband is not "feeling it" with the other Mrs. I think for him, there's not enough chemistry for a full swap. I think she's into him, but he responds best to overt and aggressive women that leave no room to doubt her interest and she's just not that type...a little reserved and friendly - but for him, hard to read. I was surprised to get a hall pass to be with them if I choose to and if they are interested in playing that way. The other husband and I really click and there's this sexual tension between us whenever we are at the same get-together. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable because we value this budding friendship with them both and genuinely enjoy their company. I don't want to encourage her to be more friendly with my husband, he's pretty much made up his mind. I certainly don't want to make her feel that she is in any way undesirable, because she's not...she's just not his cup of tea. I would just approach them at the next party and go to it, but there isn't one for awhile. They offered to give us a lift to our hotel last night and we declined...IMO they have to be wondering what the deal is. To my knowledge, they don't play apart. I would not get the ok from hubby if I were meeting the other Mr. alone anyway, this is a couples thing he doesn't mind me doing rarely if we are friends with them (this will make the second time in 2.5 years). I savor the freedom and love that he is willing to let me push the boundaries sometimes. Our profile pretty much says that we most often play in threesomes and we find it difficult to find a four way connection. How do I say that my husband isn't feeling the chemistry with the wife, but I would really like to be their third in a fmf?
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How important is it to you that you like your partner's playmate?
Guest posted a topic in Finding People to Swing With
Scenario: You and your spouse go out on a date with another couple. You hit it off with your playmate, your spouse hits it off with their playmate, but you and your spouse's playmate don't really jive. In fact, you kinda feel like they are patronizing you and just putting up with you to get into your spouse's pants. My question: Does this impact you, the situation, your feelings about your spouse with that person, the whole grouping, etc? Or could you not care less as long as you and your spouse are happy with the people with whom you are with? Ok, Scenario B: Same exact setup as above, but the difference is that in this scenario you aren't hitting it off with your playmate. I mean, you two are fine chatting, but there isn't any chemistry for playing. Your spouse and their playmate are still totally into each other, but you still feel like your spouse's playmate is just putting up with you. Does this change your feelings or the situation? I guess the main question: How "good" do you have to feel about the person your spouse is with, or does it even matter since you're not the one playing with them? -
Any advice for couples with a straight female?
arvcpl posted a topic in Finding People to Swing With
I am hoping for some advice and specifically some insight from the ladies in regards to connecting to other women in a lifestyle setting. My wife is ok with some physical contact with select women but she is not actually bisexual and really does not have an easy time connecting to other women even if it is nonsexual. She just doesn't have an interest in very many women's issues and she doesn't spend much time focusing on connecting with the other women. She has been told to her face by a number of women that in order to be comfortable enough to play they need to have a level of connection and comfort with the other woman even if they and the other women don't have sex with each other. We have also been told by others that she intimidates other women because she is usually one of if not the most attractive women at the club or party and she comes off as ignoring the other women and at times inadvertantly comes off as snobbish. Then since she isn't chit-chatting with the women it makes a lot of the men turn their attention to her while the girls are chatting and that makes the other women that much more anxious with her around. We both really are nice people and she is a kind and decent person but she just doesn't have that female bonding gene that so many other women in the lifestyle seem to have. My question is does anyone have any advice or suggestions for couples where the female is straight and just has a hard time connecting with other women in the lifestyle? My questions for the ladies is what makes you connect with another woman enough to play even though you may not have direct sexual contact with her? Is there anything she can do short of 'eating at the Y' that will make other women more comfortable around her and feel less threatened by her? Is there anything that I can do that will help facilitate this? When push comes to shove I think women are far more territorial and protective than men are and if the women feel the least bit threatened or aren't completely at peace with a situation it is game over. -
On a recent car trip Mr. Menage and I were talking and it has led to me posting this thread... As a swinger if you were with a potential play partner and you were allowed only one (1) question to determine if you felt that they would be a fun play partner what would that one (1) question be? The obvious assumption is that looks, sexual attraction, etc. were all in place for them to be on your "doable" list.......so again you only get the one (1) question to determine if they would be a "FUN" play partner - what would it be?
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So maybe this wouldn't really qualify as a "bad" experience but it surely wasn't one of those great experiences that we are used to. After months of conflicting schedules we finally had the opportunity last night to meet a couple we have been chatting with for a play date. We had dinner, sat around talking for hours and it just didn't seem like anything was going to happen. Nobody was making the first move and it was getting late, so finally I just looked at everyone and said, ok let's address the big not so naked elephant in the room...are we going to play or are we not. If not no big deal, but we need to get going then so we can all get to bed...if so we are ready and willing. I know not the best way to get things started but I have never been the most eloquent person anyways. So we finally get upstairs and the wife and I had a really really good time. MrsVan and the husband just didn't seem to have that sexual chemistry going on. We all go along great, but not in the sack. We haven't heard back from the other couple yet and looking back on the evening we might not. We really liked them but we don't think we could play with them again. I would play with the wife again in a heart beat, but since MrsVan was not having much fun and the other husband also didn't seem to be having much fun, why bother. The problem is that past experience says that if/when we told them we didn't want to play again, we would never hear back from them. Can't say as I blame them though, I mean it would be pretty obvious as to why whe didn't want to play again. I guess we had been very lucky as this really is only our second bad encounter and like I said, it was a terrible encounter, just not pleasant for MrsVan...and if one of us isn't having a good time then why bother. -Van
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The title of the thread Swinging Purgatory - being 30-something had been coming back to me quite a bit lately. I remembered the basis of it, but going back and reading it, it didn't quite fit our situation. It's interesting to me to read different posts from different age groups. When I was in my early 20's I was swinging with couples in their 30s and beyond. Now I'm in my 30s and to be honest I can't imagine swinging with most of the "kids" that I encounter in their 20's. What throws the wrench in it for us is that we are in our early/mid 30's and we don't have kids. We don't fit in with the younger couples who don't have kids, but because don't have kids (don't like kids and don't really want to hear about your kids) we find it hard to fit with the couples in our age group (and even somewhat older) as well. We have no issue swinging with couples into their late 40's and even 50s so long as we find them attractive (and there are some hotties out there in those age ranges). Reading the thread I linked above the couple posting had an issue with playing with older couples. With us, as long as you don't remind us of our parents we aren't going to have an issue. All that said, I'd say we find ourselves in a very different swinging purgatory, which may add to our reasons for preferring to only meet at clubs and socials... the mid-30s without kids group. It's just one more reason to not meet over dinner... we don't want to spend the entire dinner hearing about your kids. And too often, if we spend a lot of time talking to couples our age with kids we discover we have nothing outside of swinging in common (because we don't have kids).
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This may be the most important thread for men in recent recorded history. In fact, it may be so important that I could be the first primate winner of the Noble Prize. Chances are, if you don’t find value in this thread you hate pie, cute babies and all the things that make our country great* Here’s my theory about haunted houses. They really aren’t that scary. But, if you buy into them, they can be creepy as hell. Mrs Spoo and I love haunted houses because we know how to buy in, to really let ourselves be scared. And we always get our money’s worth! You see, being scared is what the haunted house guys are trying to do, but I can spoil that simply by not letting myself get into it. Being scared, therefore, is not so much their job as it is mine. They are doing their part – and when I do mine, it is an amazing experience! So – let’s apply that to sex. Men – the good ones anyway – obsess about their equipment and/or ability to please a playmate. I know for me, I read as much stuff as I can, I work out, I try to make myself fun for the person I am lucky enough to be with (which is usually Mrs Spoo – and I consider that the greatest luck of all!) So – I will start with the assumption (which, admittedly, often doesn’t fit, but for most of the men around here, is probably workable) that the men are doing their part. Where the theory comes in is with the women buying into the experience. I am quite sure that it is not me who gives a woman an orgasm as much as it is her who allows herself to have one. Women can certainly block the best efforts. There are two keys to this (as I see it): Chemistry, which is unpredictable and impossible to manipulate. It is either there, sometimes in the form of visible sparks, or it is not. Comfort, which is just a positive rapport that two people have that makes each able to relax and enjoy a situation. Both can increase the other, I think. Where there is chemistry there will be more comfort. Where there is comfort, chemistry can be found. “Buying in” to the experience does not mean pretending you are enjoying lame sex. Not at all! There will always be lame experiences – mostly because I can’t make ever male read this, the most important thread in the history of the written word. But, for those of us who do read it, the questions are these: What can a man do to help increase your comfort level? What helps you relax in a situation and “buy in”? That’s it! The answers to those questions – from women who are familiar with themselves and with what works, what doesn’t – are the Holy Grail that we men seek! It is not the dozens of penis enlargement spam we receive in our email every week. It is right here, in this thread. Your answers will raise this from the best board for swinging information on the net to the single greatest resource for mankind – a monolith of wisdom and evolutionary potential, ala 2001 – A Space Odyssey. Help us evolve, ladies. Help us help you- 38 replies
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I have been looking over many personal ad sites and most have bi or bicurious women...I am a straight female that really honestly is just not into women...I mean, I don't mind the idea of rubbing up against another female or touching if it makes the guys hot, but I am all about getting the cock...I almost feel like an outcast for not being bi, yet the guys aren't being encouraged to go that way..maybe I have just been looking in the wrong places...I don't know, and I hope I don't sound disrespectful...if you are bi and like it, I am happy for you! But do I have to go that way if I want some action?
