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Showing results for tags 'emotional monogamy'.
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Let me start by saying I am not a swinger. I'll lay out this situation as clearly as I can so I can get honest opinions and advice. I met a man online in Oct of 2011. We live a ten hour drive from one another and we have met in person twice. We talk everyday via IM, phone, text and webcam. He is married, and he and his wife are in the LS and have been for 7 years, they have been married for 15. She doesn't really know about me, I have called a few times on the weekends or in the evenings because he told me if I need him he wants me to be able to get in touch with him. I do make sure me calling at those times are infrequent. So, I have called and asked for him when she has answered the phone and she has never asked who I am, but he is honest with me about the fact that she does not know about what our relationship entails. He and I talk about everything, fun stuff, sexual, everyday mundane, goals, dreams, and those deep secrets and things in life that happen that most people don't tell anyone. A few months ago as we were getting off the phone he said *wait* he wanted to tell me something. He told me he loved me, I was shocked, I never expected he would love me much less admit to it. I know he is committed to his wife and family. The two times we have met in person we have cuddled and kissed, held hands and been very affectionate, but we have never had sex..of any kind. I honestly don't know if I would have sex with him knowing he is married, but then again he is a swinger and he has no problem with casual sex. The issue he says is he cannot have sex with me because it would not be *casual sex* or *just fucking* because he loves me and he knows he would make love to me, and he cannot right that in his head in regards to his marriage. I fully understand what he is saying, and I wouldn't pressure him into anything and quite honestly I enjoy having him in my life as a confidant and someone I love deeply. So, after all that, is this cheating per se? From what he has told me, they enjoy casual sex with other couples, but they are both involved each time. They swing about once a month or so, and he says since he isn't having sex with me, that he is not cheating on his wife. We do talk about sexual things, fantasies, our likes and dislikes and we've talked about what we would like to do to one another. So, is this out of bounds? Would this bother you if your spouse/partner had a relationship like this? Again, she knows I exist but she doesn't know how we met or the extent of our relationship. Where do I/we go from here? It was one thing when we pretended it was *only* a friendship, but now that we have admitted to our true feelings, does that make it cheating? Ask any questions you have and I will answer them as clearly as possible. Thank you for your time.