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Hi all, I love the camaraderie, the supportive attitudes and general concern that are shown by the members of this board to other members, new or old. I really feel that this is a place where like-minded people can talk, discuss, introspect and honestly "put it out there" without fear of insensitive "snarking" or ridicule. You guys are great, and an absolute treasure as a resource for those of us who are not yet vastly experienced. That said, I would like to pose a question. I'll be happy to be the first one to answer. Even after all of the planning, fantasizing and talking you and your wife or SO did prior to your first experience, how, in detail, did the men of this forum feel the first time you saw your wife open her legs and willingly accept another man's penis into her vagina? As he actually took his place upon or (or she him) and pushed his penis into her body? Despite all of the preparation and desire on both of our parts for this experience, I found a cornucopia of emotions, feelings and thoughts running through my brain and body like a torrent. The male in question was someone we'd gotten to know fairly well; his wife was absent that day due to illness. The hello kiss between he and my wife turned very passionate and prolonged; he began to fondle her breasts and her pussy (she was wearing short shorts) and she began, almost unconsciously, to stroke his cock. One thing led to another, soon they were doing oral on each other, and I signaled my wife that it would be ok with me if she fucked him. We hit the bedroom, and I stood at the edge of the bed, looking into her eyes and holding her hand, as he moved between her legs. She spread them wide for him, and I got the feeling in the pit of my stomach, like a pang of EXCITEMENT mixed with ENVY, mixed with FEAR, mixed with a highly erotic feeling. She put her legs on his shoulders, and as I watched, his very rigid cock penetrated her pussy and she made a noise I'd never heard her make without me. Erotic excitement, incredible arousal and jealous feelings poured through me, as I watched him aggressively drive himself deeper and deeper into my wife. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to stop, or to continue forever. The excitement was incredible, as was the arousal, but strangely I wasn't hard. I watched as she squirted several times for him, and had orgasm after orgasm. Again, I wasn't sure what I was feeling except that it was VERY powerful. Regret that we had decided this and couldn't go back, excitement to do it again and again, incredible desire to join and to put my cock in her mouth, uncertainty as to how to proceed. Finally, I could see he was ready to cum, and when he did, I looked at and kissed my wife as she thrust into him. We always use condoms, so he carefully pulled out, and I mounted her with him behind her, cradling her shoulders as I drove MY cock into her. We thrust hard against each other, and I came deep in her with him holding onto her from behind. Our friend was polite, showed deference and was very gracious; my wife, for her part, really enjoyed it and had nothing but pleasure and positive emotions flowing through her. In keeping with her usual, she really had no memory as to what he did to her after she began to fuck him...she's in another world during sex and remembers very little. I had to fill her in (which she was eager to hear). I, on the other hand, took a bit to integrate all of the feelings of jealousy, excitement, loss, gain, fear, eroticism, pain and pleasure that I had experienced. Things have been similar but less startling as other events have unfolded. I'm not sure, but I really think it is the gamut of emotions, from jealousy and pain to pleasure and massive sexual excitement, that make, for me, seeing her with another man so incredibly hot. I've said before that I think it's our power to channel the power latent in jealousy (and the envy, fear of being left out, fear of not being good enough that jealousy encompasses) into our similarly intense erotic experience that keeps us (at least ME!!!!) enthusiastic about the lifestyle and finding opportunities to play again and again. Our stated reasons for getting into the LS is that we love to watch each other as we're pleasured....and that's still true. How about you? -
Hey all, Well I need some insight from the ladies. My wife and I have played at a few clubs but just let others watch as I totally respect her boundaries. Each time we went she got so wet when we had sex in front of others but she was still shy looking at people. Well we were talking about if she would feel more comfortable if we chose a guy to watch us in a hotel. Then I asked what about an erotic massage from me and another guy.....she said she thought she could do that. Well last month we took that next step and did the soft swing. We invited another guy to join us in a hotel and gave her an erotic massage. The guy was so respectful and we NEVER got rough. When we flipped her over, she got so wet when both of us gave her oral and fingered her. We made her have the most intense orgasm I've EVER seen her have. She almost fell off the table it was so intense. Then just me and my wife had sex in front of the other guy. Oh, she was blindfolded the entire time and never saw the other guy in order to make her more comfortable and avoid embarrassment. The thing is, after he left and I took off the blindfold she started to cry. I asked her why and she asked why I didn't look at her as a slut now.....WHAT!? I assured her I loved her immensely and I would never see her that way. My question is, she got so wet and into it but cried after.....do you think she felt guilty for enjoying it so much? Or do you think it was too much for her? I try and talk with her but it seems like she's scared to talk. I guess I'm confused.....did any of you feel that way after the first time? I'm hoping that it's normal.....kind of like loosing your virginity......She said she enjoyed it and wants to do it again in a few months but the crying thing has me concerned. Any advice or how you felt the first time would help......thanks. -
Hi ..newbie here..please be gentle! 😉 Husband (straight) and I (bisexual) are about to embark on our first meet. Originally started with us doing ff and men watching, joining in with own partner. After much discussion, it's now progressed to us doing more! We communicate well in our everyday life and with this too..you have to! Both happy with what we have decided, but, I am feeling stuff about certain things and I can't explain these feelings (emotional and physical!) Both happy with ff and mf. His biggest turn on is watching and mine is him watching me. I'm ok with him receiving oral from f (baby steps!) But the thought of him giving feels different and more 'scary'! Only word I can use that is anywhere near! That being said it also all feels a turn on at the same time! I'm so confused..we're talking a lot between us and other couple, and being very open about everything. We are very happy and in love and have an amazing bond already. We have talked in depth over a few years and ready to take the plunge. Any advice or explanation about this or how to deal with this, and how process and explain would be gratefully received x 😊
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A topic that fascinates me, and makes me a bit envious, are posts about how someone met their spouse while in a swinging situation. It is the opposite of the usual story where a vanilla couple makes a decision to engage in non-monogamy after they are a couple. It intrigues me because the sex is there with other people before there is the spark which leads to love. I don't know why, but when I read these stories I find them very romantic, almost to the point of crying. Anyone have a story to share? Thanks.
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My husband and I have been in the lifestyle right at 3 years. During that time we have been in quite a few MFM threesomes. I have yet to see him with another woman. We have done the foreplay, I have watched him kiss and makeout with other women and have even watched him give and receive oral. There have been quite a few attempts but it's like when it comes time for the actual sex part, I freeze up and when I do, my brain fogs up and I can't give a straight reply or reason about anything. It's not a jealousy issue. We have a very secure marriage. I just don't know what it is. Has anyone had issues like this before?
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My wife and I have discussed swinging as well as threesomes. For all we agree and disagree I have several questions which anyone should feel free to chime in on. We are not new to each other (26+ years) and have been adventurous all these years. We both realize the strength the relationship must have in order to survive the introduction of more sexual partners. My questions are... 1. We both agree that as a first experience, a threesome seems much more personal for all three as you are all physically involved with each other vs a true spouse swap to which you are now taken From each other and concentrate on a new partner. Are we even close in that thought? 2.In the event all four are involved at the same time, it’s more of an orgy then an actual swap? -
Hi All, Serious topic here, and trigger warning for anyone not looking to read about emotionally heavy topics involving depression, anger and emotional abuse. Thanks in advance to anyone who can offer serious advice. My husband and I have been together for 15 years and while mostly the times have been good, there have been some hard times. My husband is a wonderful man who has many positive attributes but struggled for years with depression and insecurity. When we first got together (very young) I was relatively little experienced but sexually open minded, very sexually comfortable, and was eager to explore. He had been with one other person in an emotionally abusive relationship. Throughout our relationship he has had several major depressive cycles, and during the low points of these cycles he would have anger management issues and obsessiveness. He would become hyper focused on sexual issues, such as the (few) number of past partners I had, what I did with them in detail, how they compared to him, etc. He would obsessively imagine my past and become upset and angry with me. He would also become hyper sexual and needy. Over the years I begged him to start therapy, but he was afraid we couldn’t afford it. Overtime, his depressive cycles, pain and anger escalated to him emotionally lashing out (never physically). He would say very hurtful things such as we needed to have a threesome so that he could settle the score, that was the only way his obsessive thoughts would go away, or him needing to have a threesome to make up for the fact that I wasn’t a virgin. Overtime, I essentially “lost” my sex drive from the shame and grief, this of course compounded his insecurities. Eventually (far to late of course) I gave him an ultimatum of therapy or divorce. We have been in marriage therapy for two years, as well as individual therapy separately. He is also on anti-depressants now. We have made much progress rebuilding our relationship and re-establishing communication, trust, respect, etc, as well as working to rebuild our sexual relationship. He has processed that he is genuinely interested in swinging, and that part of his anger involved not being able to accept his own sexually interests before, and looking to justify them by any means necessary before. For my part, I am opened minded generally about the idea of swinging as concept, and most of my go-to fantasies involve multiple people. However, I am still so hurt by the past, that whenever the idea comes up I reflexively cry and feel as though I’m about to have a panic attack. I’m interested in exploring the topic but it is just so hard overcome the trauma and anxiety it brings. This is an active topic in personal therapy and active subject we discuss together. He is very apologetic and understanding now. However, it hasn’t totally helped yet alleviate the hurt inside or taken the edge off the reflexive reaction. I was wondering if anyone had advice on dealing with relationship specific trauma and stigma associated with swinging as opposed to cultural/parental/religious stigma. It is helpful to talk with our therapists but might be more insightful to connect with someone who has lived something similar.
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So my wife and have been in the swinging lifestyle for a little over a year and have a few regular friends of many varieties of fetishes. One friend has been visiting for the week and travels home soon. He is a favorite friend and has great chemistry with both of us. Generally, with him I prefer to watch her with him. He fucks her so good. She moans and moans, eyes rolling back. Occasionally I like to give them some alone time and will go to hotel parking lot for awhile. I have no discomfort in this. It’s been our way for a few years. She enjoys him and him her. I can afford them a little more freedom to let go without worrying I’m ok. This a wonderful gift. My wife adores me so after this. I bask in every glorious thrust. This my favorite part -to watch in the beginning and then go to the parking lot. I don’t even think or wonder what is happening. Seen it a hundred times. Well on this visit out friend was here all week and would be gone for over a year. Wifey asked for a five night fanfare for farewell. On the fifth evening I drove to to hotel and carried out stuff to the room I grabbed my gear and gave them the room for an hour or so. I have never been bothered before. Well of course a little trepidation in the beginning but until trust was developed. After a few months I began the parking lot dash. I’m sitting here nervous as hell, trembling. Fearful. What the fuck is this. No specific thoughts or ideas. I was spinning. Waiting for her. Watching the clock. I have done this with my wife and friend for years no problem. Now I remember a tremble of nervousness as I showered for the night and some anxiety in traffic on the journey. It was agony watching the number turn on the clock. We have a rule. If one partner feels odd the game is off, but they were only gonna feel a few more minutes. Longest damned minutes of my life. And then came the wife, messy hair and smiles. Eyes gleaming. Thank God. We drove off for home. As we always do my wife relayed every touch, tug and twist to me. Beaming at each thrust. She was as usual overjoyed with love for me. It didn’t settle my stomach. We always take some time together to bind after and she dozed as I held her. I found tears running down my cheeks. I don’t have any one feeling or thought or anything. I don’t feel any difference from my wife. I shared the moments with her as she woke and she held me and comforted me. Taking care of me. This has been the most passionate moment between us in many years. Cleansing. We have decided to keep together for visits now and may try again soon. I can’t even begin to understand what happened. Has anyone had a similar experiences and what are they.
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I usually read that it’s the man that suggested swinging, for us it was my wife, how did you react? I figure most will immediately say they didn’t hesitate and jumped at the suggestion. I think that is a too simple answer. My first feelings were why did she want or find the need to go to someone else for sexual satisfaction, was I not enough. She did explain that our friends were swingers and it sounded fun and thought she would enjoy sex with her girlfriend. We have now been playing with our friends for years and I have no regrets, they are our pandemic lockdown relief and we were talking how they got me to agree in the beginning.
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This is my biggest fear from woman to woman, what is it like to see and hear your man with another woman? Our marriage is great and sex life is amazing, communication is great between us and just nervous on what to do when we do decide to take part in lifestyle, what I will feel, just ANY advice in this lifestyle will be great. thank you
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Was anyone surprised by how much your reluctant wife loved having sex with another man in front of you for the first time? Did you feel jealous? How did she act toward you after he came in her and left? The next day?
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My gf and I have been together for about 6 years and we are 24 and 25. We had our first experience with someone else fucking her 2 days ago. During the time when they were downstairs we were drinking and having fun. I even thought it was hot to watch her blow someone else for the first time. They went up stairs and had sex. For the past 3 days now I have been feeling like she’s not interested in me and when I go to have sex or intimate with her she kind of shrugs me off. Now I feel as though I am a weak man for allowing another man to have sex with her. And I am feeling more insecure now then ever. I know it may be my ego trying to come to my defense and I have been trying to reassure myself. I still want to be apart of the Lifestyle and she does too but I need some advice. What were emotions you felt the first time your significant other had sex with someone else? How did you move past those emotions & what can you suggest that I do to move past those emotions. Because at the end of the day it was really fun but I’m just incredibly conflicted now. -
Hi Gang, We've been in the Lifestyle for going on 5 1/2 years now, and we've played with couples, single females, and single males. We've enjoyed all aspects of these fun times. Lately, I've been feeling more and more excitement and arousal in seeing my wife being fucked by another man. It's been getting more and more interesting, and I have more and more feelings of compersion (and less "hey, I'm left out"). It's totally hot to watch her take another man, revel in the sexual feelings and lose herself in the pleasure he's giving her. Making sounds she has NEVER made with me, and fucking him for HER pleasure, not mine (although it's SOOO hot to watch). I'm not sure what has cause this rather interesting change of arousal and interest patterns, but I wondered if any of you have gone through this as well. No cuckolding here, but just when there's a guy she wants to fuck, I TOTALLY enjoy setting it up for her and watching (and participating) her be completely satisfied. The change from even Steven to loving when she gets it has been totally non-volitional and I wonder if any of you others, male or female, have gone through the same?
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Hey all! Welp, we're stuck in a situation that makes us feel like we're in highschool all over again. Two situations, actually! Bear with me here as I describe. We're friends with Couple 1, who are longtime swingers and awesome people. Completely wonderful friendship. They threw a private swinger's party, which we gladly attended. While we were there, we met Couple 2, who looked cute and seemed fun. (And how bad could it be if Couple 1 likes them, right?). We played with them, had a pretty good time, exchanged kik profiles. Husband is border-line physically appealing to me, but on the right side of the border. Bring in Couple 3, with whom we get along great. In the weeks to follow, we get some unsolicited real-time photos from Couple 2, and the contents of the photos show that they're playing with Couple 3. We think "wait, cool! You all know each other!" and send a flirty message to Couple 2 & 3, basically saying "have fun! We'll be thinking of you" Couple 3 tells us, later, that they're chagrined and that Couple 2 has been become known for outing other couples - admittedly, only those who are already in the lifestyle - and that they're going to start keeping their distances from Couple 2 after this. Couple 1 - whom they ALSO know, as we discovered when we attended a second party - also privately tells us that Couple 2 has ticked off some of their other friends and will be phased out of parties. Couple 2-Wife is now trying to get pregnant, but still playing with other couples/men. Couple 2-Husband is now ravening after me like a a starving wolf in the dead of winter if you laid out a dead cow in front of it. Hubby and I are not impressed by this new twist in his personality, we're disappointed that Husband can't also full-swap with Couple-2-wife and not feel worried, and we're super worried about their ability to be discrete. Lastly - and most simply - while we were at the last party, we also met Couple 4. Couple 4-Wife is super HWP, hilarious, and generally our cup of tea. Couple 4-Husband is charming, respectful, and....very, very obese. Couple 4 propositioned us (again, very courteously), and we declined that night because we were on our way out, and then vaguely declined their invitations following since they live two hours away and we rarely check our S.L.S profile). We will be attending another one of Couple 1's parties along with Couple 4 on in two weeks, as it turns out, and I'm nervous about how that will play out. So here are our questions: 1. Simplest: How do we deal with Couple 4(dissimilar wife and husband) at Couple 1's parties without actually hurting their feelings, but still swapping with others at parties? Is there any way for my husband to play with the wife where I don't have to reciprocate with the husband? 2. How do we distance ourselves from Couple 2 when we've already slept with them, and there is a strong possibility they will hear from other people in Couple 1's network that we're still happily swinging with others? We've both "taken one for the team" in the past, and it really put a lot of stress on our relationship. We LOVE playing with Couple 1 and Couple 3 because everything is in balance and we click. Neither of us wants to get back into uncomfortable drama. Swinging should ultimately be fun, right? Please help! We're trying to move forwards in a constructive way that doesn't burn any bridges. Cheers, Kurious -
So. Been swinging for a while. Mostly great experiences, a few bad ones, and now this one. Met a couple several months ago and we all jive extremely well. Played many times. Here's the problem. Wife of the other couple and I connect very well. Like old friends/lovers well. My wife loves her too and they also have a connection. We also really like her husband, and have a great relationship with him as well...BUT he is unsure about all of this. Up until this point, they've been more of a hit-it-and-quit-it couple (for about 3 years or so). They recently discussed the situation, and thought they should take a short break to assess all of this. We totally support their need to make sure they're OK with everything going forwards, and see it as essential that all four of us are on the same page going forwards. However, the idea that they might not be OK with being in a relationship with us as a couple and that we wouldn't be able to be friends/lovers is pretty tough for us to handle emotionally. Other than being totally casual in all of our swinging (just not our style), I don't think we can avoid this kind of situation. The question is, while we know the best and only thing we can do is support their need to re-evaluate, and accept whatever decision they come to as a couple, the feelings of uncertainty and worry about their ultimate decision are depressing. Any advice about how to best accept what might ultimately be a break-up without being too devastated about it? We've been together for 17 years, so break-ups aren't exactly in our bag of tricks at this point in our life. Thanks! -
I'm just trying to sort out my feelings and maybe writing them down, and having the good folks on the forums offer their $.02, will help. So, I've got a crush on my friend-with-benefits. I probably should have seen it coming. In fact, I think I did. She's exactly the type of lady I've always crushed on. Smart, strong but with a hint of softness, geeky, long dark hair, great eyes... Yeah, I was doomed from the start. When we first met, I joked about it: "If I was ten years younger, she would have been exactly my type." First she was just a casual acquaintance and sometime babysitter (yes, I'm banging the babysitter, get over it, she's in her 20's). Then we were friends. Now, we're friends with benefits. It's a casual thing... friends and occasional sex... really great sex. OK, I knew I had a bit of a crush on her right from the start. I'm an idiot but I'm not a total idiot. I said as much. I said it to myself, to my wife, to her wife, to her... we all know it. The other day I looked at her picture online. I went looking because I hadn't seen her in a week. (A damn week? Really, I should have known better.) It hit me... that feeling, that swooping, heart skipping a beat, light headed, what-the-hell-I-shouldn't-be-feeling-this feeling. Oh crap. So I said it to her. Those three damn words. She knows. She cares about me too. But she doesn't feel "the way I want her to." (Her words.) The thing is, fucked as I know just how I want her to feel. I don't even know what these feelings mean to me. What we have is good. Friendship and occasional really great sex. I don't really want more than that... except maybe more often (twice a month instead of once) and she and I both want that. I don't want to run away with her. We both have good relationships with our spouses and other partners. I don't want to mess any of that up. I like what we have. In fact, liking what we have is what got me into this emotional confusion in the first place. Maybe it's just a question of definitions. What is love beyond friendship and sex? What does it mean that I have this crazy-making neuro-chemical reaction just to seeing her? Aren't I too old for this shit? Nope, still haven't sorted it out. I'll just have to keep trying. (If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. Welcome to my crazy. )- 42 replies
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27 yo female. New to the site and completely new to swinging. Not sure quite how to express my feelings at the moment but I'll do my best. My husband (26 M) came to me about a month ago asking to open our relationship to others. I know with 100% certainty that he has our marriage's best interest in mind and if this turns out not to be for us, he would drop it without thinking twice. A little back story -- We have been together for 5 years, relationship is solid and we have always been happy. Since our first discussion, we have talked, a lot, and communicated every angle and concern. We even went to a marriage counselor once to make sure there is nothing we are missing before "diving in". She suggested going to a Swingers Club to observe first, which we are going to tomorrow night. Before the session with the counselor, we have done a soft swap with a male friend of ours, with which we were all very drunk and inhibitions we're obviously down. That actually turned out to be a great time. On another occasion, however, simply watching my husband make out with another woman in front of me was like a knife in my side. As I mentioned earlier, I'm not quite sure how to express my feelings but my question is how? How do you get past those uneasy feelings? How do you become comfortable with the idea of your SO being with someone else? What can I do to get past all this uncertainty? Any advice is very appreciated. Thank you!
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Ladies, What were your mental and emotional processes when you were approached about swinging from your husband or S/O? It seems my wife has been on a bit of a roller coaster ride. At first she was stunned and didn't believe it, then she was hurt that I would be willing to share her, and then angry that I would want it. Then she thought all I wanted was to have sex with other women. She even asked if I had gay thoughts. Later she seemed to settle down and was a little turned on about it in bed at times. Then she went back to square one etc... Now she has accepted the idea and allows for me to talk about it even when we have sex, which I rarely do because I don't want to push her or make our sex just about my swinging desires. When I do send her sexy little text messages or talk about my fantasies in bed she doesn't respond to the fantasy but seems to quietly enjoy the thoughts. I am hoping this is part of her process because I don't want to ask her directly about swinging again until she is ready to bring it up. Lately, she has been telling me all the time how much she loves me and how she feels closer to me than ever! Could this part her process? If not it doesn't matter, it is great to hear that from her! Because I feel the same towards her! That's why I feel the desire to swinging with her as strange as that sounds! Thanks and I can't wait to hear your responses! -
We've heard of relationships where one partner has a higher sex drive than the other and sometimes this leads them to trying out swinging. Keeping this in mind, I was wondering recently if couples where one has a higher need for emotional intimacy than the other sometimes creates a curiosity in polyamory. So, just as swinging can possibly solve the issue of one partner having a much higher sex drive, could polyamory possibly solve the issue where one partner requires more emotional intimacy than then their primary partner can give? -
Hi We're relatively new to the swinger lifestyle but have had a few great experiences with other couples. We are moving into playing separately with others but have established rules for this - including safe sex, prior notice of dates, no play in our home/bed, and no overnights. Recently, an opportunity came up for my boyfriend to play separately with someone who is visiting from out of town. She is staying with a friend so therefore no hotel. My boyfriend wanted to use the guest bedroom or get a hotel and spend the night with her. I'm very uncomfortable with both of those ideas. Although he knows how I feel and has agreed to not do either of those options, he's angry with me because he feels that our rules are too restrictive and that he's missing out on an opportunity that he'd really like to take advantage of. Any advice? Thanks.
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Let me start by saying I am not a swinger. I'll lay out this situation as clearly as I can so I can get honest opinions and advice. I met a man online in Oct of 2011. We live a ten hour drive from one another and we have met in person twice. We talk everyday via IM, phone, text and webcam. He is married, and he and his wife are in the LS and have been for 7 years, they have been married for 15. She doesn't really know about me, I have called a few times on the weekends or in the evenings because he told me if I need him he wants me to be able to get in touch with him. I do make sure me calling at those times are infrequent. So, I have called and asked for him when she has answered the phone and she has never asked who I am, but he is honest with me about the fact that she does not know about what our relationship entails. He and I talk about everything, fun stuff, sexual, everyday mundane, goals, dreams, and those deep secrets and things in life that happen that most people don't tell anyone. A few months ago as we were getting off the phone he said *wait* he wanted to tell me something. He told me he loved me, I was shocked, I never expected he would love me much less admit to it. I know he is committed to his wife and family. The two times we have met in person we have cuddled and kissed, held hands and been very affectionate, but we have never had sex..of any kind. I honestly don't know if I would have sex with him knowing he is married, but then again he is a swinger and he has no problem with casual sex. The issue he says is he cannot have sex with me because it would not be *casual sex* or *just fucking* because he loves me and he knows he would make love to me, and he cannot right that in his head in regards to his marriage. I fully understand what he is saying, and I wouldn't pressure him into anything and quite honestly I enjoy having him in my life as a confidant and someone I love deeply. So, after all that, is this cheating per se? From what he has told me, they enjoy casual sex with other couples, but they are both involved each time. They swing about once a month or so, and he says since he isn't having sex with me, that he is not cheating on his wife. We do talk about sexual things, fantasies, our likes and dislikes and we've talked about what we would like to do to one another. So, is this out of bounds? Would this bother you if your spouse/partner had a relationship like this? Again, she knows I exist but she doesn't know how we met or the extent of our relationship. Where do I/we go from here? It was one thing when we pretended it was *only* a friendship, but now that we have admitted to our true feelings, does that make it cheating? Ask any questions you have and I will answer them as clearly as possible. Thank you for your time. -
Hello! This is Christy, my hubby is Allen. We have recently joined the board, and I am glad we did. We have been reading alot of the faq's and other threads. And I have read through the posts that Allen made. Thanks to all of you! I am learning so much. I am looking for advice from the women on here. Allen and I discussed this so much, me being with other men. It took me a long time to really accept his sincerity about it, that he really wanted this for me, for us. At first, I was suspicious that it might be a "tit-for-tat" thing, I play he plays. But over time, his sincerity was evident and I am know now that me playing is what he wants, and in no way obligates me to reciprocate. That is a tremendous sense of freedom to me, and is the main reason why I am now really wanting to pursue this. BTW - not that I would never let him play, in the future, if we get to that place. But for now, as we begin, I need the freedom of knowing it is limited to me with others right now. And, Allen wants this too. There is one thing that still concerns me. We are so into this right now, but I wonder what emotions and feelings we may deal with afterward, things we don't even know are there yet. We have discussed it so much, and I feel we are secure and ready. But I was wondering if any of you had any unexpected issues after the first time? Also, ladies, how do you enjoy the sex with other men while ensuring that hubby remains secure and not threatened? How do you give yourself the freedom to let go and enjoy each experience to the max without your response and actions making hubby feel insecure? Just really wondering about this. One last question - what has been the positive effects on you and your marriage by having sex with other men? How does it make you feel about yourself, about your hubby, about your marriage? Right now, I feel so grateful and secure with Allen for leading me to explore doing this for real. Can't wait to hear the responses. Christy
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Hi ladies! I'm just wondering and have looked online with not a lot of success. I was trying gauge the percentage of women who swing and who have at some point developed feelings for the swinging partner? So obviously this question would be for a woman who has had a regular swinging partner. Even to those experienced ladies, did you ever in the past have feelings for a swinging partner that caused problems in your relationship? I guess what I'm wondering is have any of you have difficulties in your relationship due to you getting your emotions tied up with the playing? We always hear women get their emotions involved more easily than men. This is my worry at the moment. Thanks, John
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Currently as a married couple we have never shared. My question/fear is, how do the dynamics change after you have played with others? I enjoy our sex life now, but of course we could use a little spice, too, hence me being here. Do you guys find that 'regular sex' at home with your SO is different now? More boring? Not as fulfilling? Also, I need someone to tell me real answers - how likely is it that we will run into jealously issues? We aren't a particularly jealous couple at all, we have discussed boundaries/limits and lines not to be crossed... But I'm wondering if people find the aftermath to be more than they imagined... Thank you for helping out. -
So this weekend the crap hit the fan if you will. I have posted much lately as life for MrsVan and I just hasn't been focused on lifestyle things at all. Many may remember a few posts about a couple that we have known for a couple of years that have turned from a standard vanilla couple to playing fun naked games with a bunch of touchy feely stuff as well. Well about 18mos or so ago, I felt a shift in my emotions towards the other wife, first what I thought may have been just a strong infatuation, then just a deeper connection than typical friends. Well after many months of soul searching and on again off again discussions with MrsVan I have finally come to terms with how I feel. In addition to that it has been made aware to the other couple. She has also confessed feelings for me but I am not sure to what depth. We are now at the early stages of attempting to figure this all out. MrsVan feels like she is now sharing my love and her best friend, as that is who I have fallen for. While everyone knows deep down that neither of us are going to run off, this is still a lot for us all to deal with. I am struggling to put into terms for MrsVan exactly how I feel, and I am struggling with a way to explain that I do not love her any less. Nor is there anything missing in our relationship. I truly did not seek this out, at first I was confused about my feelings as well. It has happened and now as a group we are attempting to work it out. Any help is welcome. While MrsVan and I may be experienced swingers we are not experienced with poly situations AND our friends have been nothing but a traditional couple for all the years they have been together. Just looking for some helpful advice....
