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Showing results for tags 'equality'.
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How do you feel about couples that "swing" where the wife is the only one that plays with other people? My wife and I have an arrangement that she can sleep with other women as long as I am there and watching, even if the other woman is married and me and the other guy watch. We have also talked about, but have not done this yet, her sleeping with another guy and I would watch/have a MFM with my wife. My wife is not comfortable with me sleeping with other women at this point, and honestly I am completely fine with that. I feel we both get A LOT of excitement out of this arrangement. Her for obvious reasons, and me because I get to watch my wife and experience my deepest fantasies! Once again we have not invited another male into our bedroom yet, but I think we both feel we would be willing to try now to see how we feel about it. I have heard arguments that this is "one-sided" and will lead to disaster for our marriage! That the only way we should proceed is if my wife is willing to allow me to fuck other women as well. I don't feel that this is one-sided though, I feel that I am very much included in the activities and my wife is doing this for me. Any thoughts?- 80 replies
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To make a long story short...my wife and I considered swinging as a couple, my wife felt more comfortable "swinging" alone, ie. having more of an "open marriage". It was a bit of a stretch for me, but I said "OK, as long as we keep it all fair to each other." She's already had her first encounter with her cyber-BF, I'm still working to have my first encounter. (And yes, I know the open marriage approach works against me as far as sex goes, but works for me in terms of relationships with women....there's exposure on both sides, and I realize that.) She has lined up her second encounter already. Tonight we had an argument because she felt like I implied she'd already had an encounter to the female friend that I was pursuing (she's already discussed this female friend with her cyber-BF), and I told her that she needs to just cancel this second encounter until I've had my first. (I won't tell you what she said to that, but it was actually quite hurtful to me.) So, is this fair? In "conventional" swinging, you obviously don't have these kinds of issues...either you both play or neither play. We agreed in writing to be totally fair to each other and help each other line up encounters. She IS working to help me. I originally said "yes, go ahead with the 2nd encounter" because I truly want her to enjoy this and get what she wants and needs out of it, and I saw her working for me too. Now I'm questioning whether that was a good decision after her response to me about telling her I think she should cancel her 2nd encounter. Here's my main question: Is it fair for me to ask her to wait for me, or no? Post your thoughts please.
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I am very new to the swinging thing. My new wife on the other hand was a swinger for several years with her previous husband. For the first time she confided in me that she as a desire to have sex with another man by herself. She says it is a curiosity. I don't know how to handle this. I love my wife and want our marriage to work. Please help me to understand this better. We talked about it last night and this morning I feel worse than I did before we talked. I am ok with bringing in other couples to share and enjoy sexually but it seems selfish and wrong and not good for a loving relationship to just go and have sex with someone without your partner. I genuinely want to understand and be ok with this. HOW???? HELP!!!! -
Hello. I am wanting some advice. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for a few years now and have had some great times. I have to travel and spend anywhere from three to six months at a time in different locations for work and she used to travel with me. During this time we played as a couple about 99% of the time with her playing separately on a few occasions which I found hot. Since then we have had a baby and she has settled in one area while I continue to travel. I need to point out that we normally only see each other about one weekend a month. We both played separately while apart and both enjoyed it. We never play without without the others knowledge. Here recently I have been wanting to only play as a couple, we have not played as a couple since she became pregnant and that is something I miss doing with her. My wife is not happy about it and wants to continue the separate play. Am I wrong to ask her to stop playing separately just because my feelings about it have changed?
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Hi all! A couple of years ago, my husband starting dabbling a bit in MFM role playing during sex. With toys, talking out scenes, etc. I had never even heard of this before. It started out very gradually with dirty talk and then role playing with toys. He always made sure I was comfy with it and, much to my surprise, I really enjoyed it! That eventually led to talk of really having a MFM. Come to find out, this was a long held fantasy of my husband. He got really hot thinking about me satisfying 2 men. And the bragging rights of how hot his wife is. We eventually did it and had an amazing time. Since then, we have played with several single men...some more than once...and it has been so much fun every time. My question is this: I sometimes wonder if he, at some point, will ask me for a fmf. He's never indicated that he is interested in that. Not once. But it's something that I think about....like how would I handle that? I am EXTREMELY opposed to having another woman in bed. The thought of it makes me queasy. I don't like the look of the female body. And I don't think that I could even get into it at all. So if he eventually asks for that, how should I handle it without sounding like a selfish human? And, remember....he was the one that brought up the MFM stuff. I didn't ask for it. I really enjoy it, but it was his fantasy initially. Just thought I'd ask for some opinions on this...just in case it ever rears up! TIA!
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Bear and I were invited to a house party by a couple we had only seen a couple times at a LS club - he contacted us through SLS. We were curious and like our profile states we are soft play. When we arrived our conversation was easy and the hosting couple told us that a few weeks prior the wife had 4 men at the same time while the husband watched. They said what a great experience it was and my husband again made it clear we enjoy watching - we enjoy being watched and we soft play with other couples. Throughout the night the wife kept paying extra attention to Bear - squeezing his thighs - sitting almost in his lap - during a game of Adult Spin the Bottle (there were 7 couples) she was directed to give all the men - who were now naked - a lap dance - she was naked by this point also - when it was Bears turn she grinded on him extra long with bouncing. After that Bear realized she was looking for more than he wanted to give and we wound up leaving. Few days later the host gave us a positive shout out but he was complimenting me mostly- how sexy I am - how beautiful I am. Then he texted Bear wanting to get together this past weekend and telling him how hot Rabbit is. The whole time we were at the party I didn’t think this guy was attracted to me at all - he barely spoke to me beyond the initial greeting. So his compliments were a surprise. However the way his wife was making it obvious she wanted to do Bear I have thought maybe it was just their way to get us to hang again so she could try again with Bear. Other than trying to politely decline her advances we enjoyed the party - it was just crazy fun and I’m not sure if anyone had sex that night cause we left at 2am and no one was doing anything. Anyway I just wanted some opinions on this since we may have been in the LS for 4 years now but still have had very limited experiences.
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We are not new to swinging but the other night brought to us a situation I never expected. We went to a club this past weekend and I thought we had a blast. While there he hooked up with the wife of a couple we knew pretty well. She doesn't play with women and I understand that. Long story short the two of them went off and had their moment. I have no problems with the events of the night at all. I do have a problem with the fact that he promised to make sure I had mine that evening as well. That was the agreement. He is totally ignoring me. Won't engage or touch me sensually or sexually at all. He actually being distant and mean. I'm worried something happened. I don't like this feeling. He's never made me feel this way before. He's breaking our number one rule of communication. I'm dying inside and feel so betrayed.
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There is that recent annoying thread of a that guy wanting to play around but will not let anyone touch his wife because "he's not a loser". I hear a lot from vanilla male half of a couple that "THEY would like to have a fmf. You ask about mfm and he says that SHE will never want anyone else than him to touch her. SHE is not into that and SHE is happy with one male only in her life. The more you dig, the more it is that the male half of the couple would just never share his wife/girlfriend with another male. Many guys will cheat and be sure the wife/gf remains faithful. When that same guy tells you he loves her to death, somehow I'm always doubting what concept of love is behind. There are definitely degrees of love. I recently had the thought of cheating (only for a few days) but that was because my wife gets to play more than me. Not her fault, just easier to find single guys than it is to find single girls for threesomes. We're working on that Long ago, at young age, I cheated. I felt so bad and guilty that I started to think about swinging and open discussions with my ex gf at the time and we found solutions to be equal and just. We had a lot of fun and it is such a great feeling to not have to lie. Can letting yourself have fun but not letting your partner play be called love?
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I kinda would like an opportunity to write about an aspect of this that is... worrisome to me, kind of, and this topic is relevant. I am the wife in this couple, and had many hesitations about trying this lifestyle. I still can't say that we are experienced, we are beginners. At first I went through a lot of the usual fears and feelings people describe from the reluctant wife. I ended up going along with it sort of resigned to the idea that I might as well, if he is sick of me he is sick of me, and he is going to get it elsewhere anyway. Turned out it was not as I expected, and his motives didn't seem to be what I thought. He mostly gets turned on seeing many other men turned on by me (he's sort of a materialistic type, like to show off his stuff, cars, etc.). Perhaps he also likes to see me being more sexually aggressive, and working harder to seduce him as I did when we first met 25 years ago. Here's my problem - I am jumping in the game, wearing sexy stuff, doing all the role playing and posing and he is ecstatic. We're all kinky and he is having a blast. I have not had an orgasm since we started this. Though I am faking them beautifully and loudly. I did this in the beginning of our relationship, took him out dancing and surprised him with no panties under my short skirt, riding him in a semi public place, doing strip teases, going into kinkier acts like anal sex. I am not, on the surface of things, a prude- I have more sexual experience than he, have had threesomes and stuff before I met him, and things like oral sex are a no-brainer. But perhaps deeply, I am what you guys are calling a "vanilla"? I even get into playing domination or submission- any of this, but it is a "mental" pleasure. I mean I enjoy it through his eyes, knowing how excited he is, but physically I feel less. My attention is pulled to the exterior, to appearences, and not to the interior and my sensations. So I feel numb. It just becomes a big act. I feel badly, because the first time we had sex in a club, he was thrilled and talked for days about how that was really "making love" for him. It surprised me because I would have used the word "fucking" (and I don't mean that in a bad way, just not a "loving" way.) He is not aware that I had no orgasm, and that I was very intensely putting a lot of effort into being a sex goddess, which was distracting me from getting any enjoyment from it! On one hand, I am thinking, okay, we experience this differently, and what feels intimate to me is not for him, and vice versa. We have done a lot of my "vanilla" style the last few years, with me having the biggest mind blowing and multiple orgasms, so perhaps it is only fair that we change for a while and do it his way, while I am less satisfied. He lives through the regard of others, so it isn't good for him unless other people witness it. Are there other women that can relate to or understand what I am saying? I guess I'm talking about being cut off from my senses by being overly attentive and conscious of others? Is there any advice, ideas, or thoughts from anyone about how to better find a balance between our different sexual tastes or needs? I thought about this in relation to this topic because I wonder if it is a problem to consider for similar couples- it might not be enough to 'talk her into it", for her to find physical pleasure in it might be more complicated even past that. -
Need help with this. We had met a couple, our first, that we would only like to meet her again. We wrote about our meeting before. They are younger than us, not married and we met them because we were eager to meet a couple. It had helped that they were good looking. It ended up he wasn't what we wanted though we did go through with everything. We have since met another couple who we have more in common with. Alan and I were talking last night and we were talking about the first couple. My reactions to "our first" and what I thought about them. I told him I thought she was a younger me and he said exactly. She does look like me a little, on the small side. He was being playful but he said I was pretty wild that night. I guess I was with her and he said he had a good time with her too. Not sure how to react to that but I knew he did I am fine with that. Problem is we both would like to meet her again but not him. They aren't really a couple, just friends. We want nothing to do with him, but he was the contact we have. Don't know how to contact her or if we should. Is this wrong? -
Hi Everyone, My wife and I are fairly new to the swinging lifestyle. We had talked about if for a couple of years before actually trying it a little over a year ago. We thoroughly enjoy it now. We've had fun fulfilling each other's fantasies (one of which was seeing my wife with another woman - every guy's fantasy!). Recently she brought up a new fantasy of hers that I wasn't all that comfortable with. Simply put, she wants to see me have sex with the man. I've never been interested in men and I've explained that to her. She tells me she'd never been interested in women either, but did it to fulfill my fantasy. Now I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. We have a few good looking couples that we hook up with from time to time and out of fairness to my wife I've tried to imagine what it would be like going from his wife to him and I just can't see it happening. What should I do? Have any of you other guys out there gotten that request from your wife? Or even tried it? I really enjoy swinging and don't want this to be what ends it. Do I need to just take the plunge and try it? On one hand I have to consider fairness to my wife. On the other hand this is uncharted territory. In the few conversations we've had about it my answer has been "no way." But now I'm asking myself, "would it really be such a bad thing?" Any advice from experienced swingers would be very welcome. -
Okay, this has been a bit of a theme since the beginning. Please excuse the rantish and douchey sounding component and please feel free to relate your thoughts and experiences and observations along these lines. SO DAMN SICK of couples where one partner is a 7, 8, 9 and the other is a 3, 4, 5. How can "hot couples 2+2 attraction" and action occur when an AUTOMATIC take one for the team is in place because ONE of the four is woefully underwhelming? And that take one for the teamer is usually my wife. It's why I keep telling her "Please let me find you a super sexy sane single who happens to be a 9" so he and I can spit roast you to a quivering O fest that leaves no stone unturned, or better yet send you out alone. Nope, bless her, she wants me to interface my gifts with another couple's female "strange" and won't play ball on the MMF...YET! We, as a couple, are what we like to think of as a "near-perfect 15". But the formula is what's key: We add up to our 15 by EACH of us being a solid 7.5....not by her being a 10 and me being a 5 with generous judging. (My wife claims I'm a 9 due to being tall, full head of hair, with a runner's build and a great witty wit. And here I was thinking it was my majestic, magnificent member.... I claim she's a 10 due to her tall, willowy, slender build, beautiful smile, high IQ, and magic vibrating Kegel tunnel that tastes like honey, tickles like a feather, and sucks like a Dyson Dickilator). But I digress. What's with so many LS couples where there is one partner (usually the female) who is put together, attractive, hwp, interesting, engaging, aging incredibly well, and just downright SEXY. And the other partner (usually the guy) who is, well, cripes, gone to seed, poorly dressed, rarely flossed, schlumpily attired, dull at conversation, and in many cases presumptive that my wife will be interested in him just because his wife is hot. Aaaaarrrrgggg. Are we just unlucky, or is this why so many of the girls in the LS love playing with the other girls? We've been to many LS parties where we've seen Uneven after Uneven after Uneven couple. Guys...here's a hint. Untucked shirts don't hide beer belly shelves. End of douchey, partially tongue in cheek, frustrated rant. Feel free to pillory me, or chime in with your observations here. -
My observation, after watching lifestyle couples for eight years, is that the happiest and most successful do not expect swing to be a you-get-one-I-get-one process. No expectation of even-Steven. I, for example, am satisfied in the knowledge that my wife is having more fun than I. I'm having quite enough fun and that's all I need.
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My wife and I differ on a couple things...any recommendations?
Guest posted a topic in Swinging Solo
Hello, my wife and I are new to this, and we have discussed it many times, our main thought is having a threesome with another male, only female on male, no male on male. My question is this, we are both madly in love with each other we have been together for 10 years, married for 9. I am basically looking for guidance about where to begin. I am currently deployed and cannot do anything right know, but am planning on doing something upon my return to the states. My wife and I differ on a couple of things. She believes that we should have a completely open marriage but she is not willing to share me, no big deal. I think that I have that part taken care off. What I would like to know is what are some of the steps that we should take in setting our rules and our guidelines? And what are some things that we should do to start out? Where do we start I guess is another question? Does anyone have any recommendations? -
"Both of us play or neither of us play." I've often wondered what exactly does this mean and why? I've seen the above statement numerous times here on the board and in personal ads. Honestly, neither Ted nor I understand it. There have been numerous times at parties/socials/clubs where I've played and Ted hasn't or he has played and I haven't, neither of us felt like we were being left out. We've always felt that no matter if one of us played and the other didn't that we were both still playing. So, for those of you who have this statement in an ad, or have made this statement here on the board in response to a question/thread, or if it's the way you feel, could you please explain a bit more why? Teresa
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Need advice...here's the situation: Solid marriage, couple of decades, middle-aged, absolute trust, great communication, swinging for several years, full swap...not belt-notchers but experienced... A few yrs ago wife had a couple of solo play times with guy acquaintances. I said if I ever had the chance I would like to do that. Not jealous of guys, just jealous of the experience. Most of our play has been couple with couple, same room and separate room. Fast forward to the last 6 months...I have been with a single female 6 times solo. It was great. Wife said to go for it. NOW....wife meets dude at club...dude's wife and I do not click...there is a suggestion that my wife has 4 some with dude while his wife is with a different guy that she has been solo with a few times. (I stipulated that wife play only with dude while dude's wife plays with other guy. No interaction between my wife and other guy although the 2 females played some). Wife says, "hey, it's my turn, suck it up". I say ok. Wife comes home from play. I say glad ya had a good time but are we done now? Wife: nope wanna do it again. I say: no foursomes, this is a couple gig. And besides I'm not handling it as well as I thought I would. Wife: suck it up, I like the guy and want to do it again. BTW, readers, fellow sends chatty emails every week. This bugs me. Ok, sorry to go on...I acquiesce to a 3-some with me and dude to make wife happy and to try and "level" the tables but no more 4-somes with somebody else and I'm not there. What do I do? I am uncomfortable now with solo play. I don't deal with it as well as I thought I could. Am I being selfish? She isn't going to run off with other fellow, it's just that I don't want to share unless we're playing as a couple. I changed my mind. I don't want some other fellow sending emails and trying to be my wife's "buddy". She say's I'm controlling. Resents that. Say's I had my fun and now it's her turn, sorry how you feel. I ask when will it end, when you have 3 more times alone? She say's not sure, maybe more...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... Am I screwed up? I want to be fair but...?
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Ok I'm sure I'm gonna catch hell for this one but I have to know. Why that in this lifestyle are there men that think it is fine to have a threesome (fmf) but won't even entertain the idea of a mfm threesome. I can understand it if the lady is not interested but what if she is?
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I've seen a lot of posts recently from couples who's rules allow one member to have sex with others, while precluding the other member from doing the same. The common reason stated, was acknowledged jealousy/insecurity on the part of the wife/girlfriend (though it could easily go the other way). What is the groups take on this? Is this a healthy approach to swinging? Is it fair? Me, I don't buy it. I think we all have an innate need for fairness and balance and I think drawing a line in the sand and saying "I can do this because it doesn't bother you, but you can't because it bothers me," goes against that innate human need for equal exchange. With the exception of "girl-girl only", encounters (because they seem to be an accepted norm), I think couples who swing should be prepared for some kind of even exchange. If she gets hers, he should be allowed to get his and vice-versa. Does this make sense? Am I being politically incorrect by raising the subject?
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We are at a total loss of words for this and not sure what to say, but we definitely need some advice as quickly as possible. It is probably best to just lay the facts on the table. ~We are new swingers (less than a year). Our first couple that we were with and continue to swing with has several years (guessing somewhere between 3 and 5). ~We prefer to have a friendship with those that we swing with. We have a lot of outside factors in common with this couple. We have maintained an ongoing friendship both in and out of the bedroom. For the last several weeks, through IM/email contact with both of them, it was apparent that something was up. Tonight the F half confided in us that she was only doing "this" for her husband and that she wanted to stop all together. This really shocked us as he seems to be the one who really loves to see her pleased. They never gave this impression at anytime that we have been with them or talked with them, although when I look back some signs were there. (Where do you draw the line). She relayed that she would be willing to "settle" for just one couple with a bi-female. They currently keep themselves booked about twice a week with new couples or singles. (We did not know this until about 2 weeks ago.) She begged us not to let her husband know that she had told us this. We told her she needed to talk to him....and fast! (We didn't know what to say...besides being stunned...We don't have enough experience to offer good advice.) I Lori am pulling my hair out here! We are both discouraged by the fact that we thought they were secure in the lifestyle (in all aspects) only to find out that they clearly are not. She is supposed to call us when her husband will be out of town next week so she can talk with us about it. We think she should be talking with her husband and not us. They are both very nice people, we do not want to hurt their feelings. What do we say? Top that off with the fact that we are now questioning whether or not we want to continue in this lifestyle, as we believed they were comfortable and secure in the lifestyle and we are wondering now if it will kill our own relationship a few years down the road. We are not willing to do that. UGGGGHHHHH! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Lori and Gene
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