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Showing results for tags 'expectations'.
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I've been noticing that full-swap play seems to be what is most common in this community. I'm not surprised by that but a little worried maybe. My husband and I have been talking more and more about actually making my longstanding voyeur/exhibitionist fantasies come true. For me, it's mostly about watching and being watched. Though we have discussed some grey areas where fondling/stroking and mutual masturbation would be enjoyable, full swapping just isn't the plan for us. Would we be rather unpopular at clubs? Do the folks that enjoy the full experience ignore anything less? Surely it'd be assumed we were there for the full swap; what kind of reaction could we expect once we let on what our interests are? -
Okay so I feel like this is probably pretty common amongst new swingers but I need to discuss it with someone cause I feel kinda bad. So me and my wife started swinging and have only had 2 experiences so far, both at the swing club near us. Both times me and my wife went she (a social butterfly) found someone within a couple hours and completed one of her fantasies both times. The first time I wasn't present with her I was just outside the room in the main play room. I did this to let her try it without any pressure or influence from me. The second time we dvp/dped her and had a lot of fun. Like 30 people stood around watching her wanting to get involved So my problem starts a few days ago when we got into a mild argument and she said "well it's kinda fucked. You have got to see me fuck another man. I've done it twice, but you have yet to do anything with another woman." So personally I'm an extremely shy and introverted person. She always thought I was the catch cause when we met in highschool all the girls were falling over me and I only had eyes for her. Well she walks into the club and literally everyone is looking at her. I don't have "game" shit Idk how to even flirt. It's not because I feel bad or like I'm cheating, I could honestly give a fuck less about that sorta stuff. I just don't have the confidence to go to a woman I find attractive and shoot my shot. I grew up extremely abused and so rejection to me is something that crushes me. When you learn to never ask for anything being denied when you finally do just ends your confidence. So really my question, is this normal for one partner to be the clear catch and able to go find partners where the other partner can't find anyone due to confidence? I dont want to make her mad because I don't ever do it but I also don't want to force myself to go fuck someone I don't even find attractive or something just to make her happy. I am totally content in our swinging choice and everything else. This is really just one of those things I hadn't anticipated. I hate it cause I know I'm attractive. I just have 0 confidence to test it out.- 6 replies
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- finding playmates
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Can anyone give me advice on what to do in this situation. We started seeing this couple several months ago, and grew very attached. It has turned from being more Swing to Polyamory in the past month, and now the other man wants to have one on one sex with my wife, most likely in a closed door situation, for he will not play with her at all when I am present. When we first met this couple, we told them, my wife was Bi, and only wanted to play with his woman. Everything progressed well at first, and I also had opprotunities to have sex with his wife. I did not, and I repeat, NOT demand anything, and was only offered this by him. We have enjoyed several FMF, as well as a couple FM with me and his wife, while they watched. Nothing happened closed door. Now, this other couple is demanding that My Wife have a sexual relationship with him. I have been told (by his wife) that the fun will stop, and she will not have sex with us again if my wife does not put out. I am open to the idea of my wife having sex with another man, so long as it is what she wants, in a safe situation, with someone we know well. I am not Jealous of any pleasure she may get, so long as it is open door, and everyone is involved. Their attitude is for me to dominate her, and make her have sex with him, or any sex from this point on will stop. We have grown very attached to this couple, and they are super fun to be with. My wife has no interest in having sex with him. As you can imagine, there are more factors involved, like our age differences, body shapes, sexual experiences, attitudes towards sex, as well as rough vs sensual sex. Things are not as cut and dry as this one point. She is not attracted to him. She constantly is telling me that she does not want to have sex with him. He also does things that make me suspicous of his intentions. He had a closed door encounter at a party this past weekend. I trusted him to follow his own rules, about everyone being involved in any sex. All of us had been drinking alot, and we all were very intoxicated. I did not find out until the next day that he had made my wife have a g sopt orgasm, and made her cum / squirt 4 times, and had eaten her pussy. Damn, I wish I could have been there. I would loved to have watched. I did not know of the g sopt trick. He is definately more experienced, and knows alot more than me. This G Spot trick is just that, a trick, and has beed said to cause women to have emotions for men they are not attracted to. All of this seems underhanded, and selfish. I should have been involved. When I asked her how all of this could have happened, she said that she could not stop him. I never expected him to pull a rabbit out of the hat like this in a closed door situation. The trust I gave him has been somewhat shattered, to the point of having a panic attack, another new trick my body has never had. What to do now?
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I don’t remember not being shaven but I felt I needed to be even more hairless before meeting our first couple. I had never had a professional waxing only heard about bikini and Brazilian and decided to go the full bare way. Being fully inspected, not internally, only by my doctor now I’m there for some strange woman. Those of you who go for waxing know it’s not painless. I just told her go for the full thing not just the bikini. My husband normally trims but I talked him to fully shave everything. He agreed to do it for me. We met our first couple and she was like me, hairless. I figure she gets waxed. He was trimmed on top, his balls smooth. I was happy I had gone for the full treatment. I even thought my husband looked great shaved. We are now playing with friends of ours and it’s our first time with them. She has what my husband called a cute bush. Not a big bushy bush, just a trimmed soft bush. I am still new to doing anything with a woman, I just figured she would have shaved or waxed. I didn’t know what to think as I am seeing my friend and expecting to have my mouth there. We have since gone to a nude beach and noticed plenty of untrimmed people, male and female. My husband says it could be sexy. Sexy and I just had all my hair yanked off of me. I told him all the bare men were sexy, maybe he should be waxed and I’ll let mine grow back in.
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In the topic on "Has swinging evolved" I read this comment... So now I have to ask the rest of you. Is swinging everything you thought it would be? Are you finding it to be the fun and free lifestyle you thought? Were you looking for friends and can now only find people looking for sex? Are you happy with how things have turned out or a bit disappointed in what you have found?
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Hey everyone. My husband and I have been swinging for a little over a year now. We have a friend who has a house party every weekend. We like to go a few times a month. When my husband gets to play he has a great time and everything is awesome. But, when he doesn't get any action and I do, he mopes about it and complains the whole hour and a half drive home. He thinks people don't like him and that he is not good looking (which is crazy, he's totally hot!). When we go to the parties I am not afraid to go up and talk to people. I enjoy talking and flirting with men and women. I usually play every time. He does not really talk to people. I have tried to encourage him to talk but he always says that he leaves that to me and then I can introduce him. We can play separately at these parties and we have both done so on several occasions. I have tried to leave it to him to decide when we go to parties and what the rules are, but he keeps insisting on putting me in charge. I have suggested we stop swinging, but he doesn't want to stop either. I have tried to tell him that just because one person didn't want to talk to him doesn't mean nobody wants to talk to him. I tell him that he's totally hot and he can last a long time until she gets all she wants before he finishes. I tell him that's a good thing for swingers. He still insists that he is not good looking and nobody likes him. We never have this problem when he gets laid at the parties, only when he doesn't. He doesn't let on during the party that there is a problem and acts like he enjoys me playing and having a good time, but I get an earful of how terrible the party was for him on the way home and it totally ruins my high from enjoying the party. What can I do? -
Ok, I've been curious about testing the waters out on the other side. I've been thinking about it quite a bit for a while now. My SO and I have talked about it and she is really supportive of me and my decisions. One problem, I have no idea on even how to begin. I mean I've never approached or had conversation with a guy on that level. When this does happen my SO will be with me and most likely it's probably gonna be in a MMF or maybe in a MFMF setting but even then what can I do to make it easier for me? I know I will probably be nervous. What can I do to ease my nerves once it happens and what's the best way to be in (bottom/top)? Any info would be greatly appreciated.- 17 replies
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- bi males
- expectations
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For those of you who have not followed our introduction to swinging on here, my wife and I started swinging a little over six months ago. So far our fun has been limited to her playing while I watch. She has met with men for 1 on 1, threeways, and gangbangs. We will soon be experiencing our first house party. The party is hosted by a couple we met through some of the contacts we have already met. We were told there will be approximately 15 couple attending, plus 1-2 single women and 5-6 single men. The house has a no play zone in the kitchen, two bedrooms set aside for going 'private,' a 'women only' room, and the family room is a group fun room. With the info on the house and the size and breakdown of the group, what should we expect? Any red flags based on what we posted? Thank you in advance for the advice. -
We see couples all the time where the guy is straight and the woman is somewhere in the bisexual range and it does seem that some g/g play is often expected as part of a swap. Is that common for everyone, or am I imagining the expectation that because I'm bi I'll happily play with both halves of a couple? Also, do you have to explain if you're straight? Or just not feeling it that night?
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We have no experience with this at all, so I have a question. Let's say that you and your partner are going to meet up with another couple and have sex. How long would you expect to actually have sex? How many times would you expect the guys to cum? Is this something that would be typically discussed with the other couple beforehand? Thanks
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My girlfriend and I have been curious about the "lifestyle" for the past few years. We made the decision to take the first step and visit a local swing club this weekend. We have been discussing our limits for quite some time and decided for our first visit we are only going to have sex with one another. We have been researching "first time" stories and have found that they differ quite a bit. We decided to leave this thread to hopefully have a dialogue with those already in the lifestyle who can give us some advice on what we should expect. We would also appreciate any advice that anyone can offer. We are very excited about our upcoming visit and are trying to learn as much as possible before then. Thanks! -
We made a mistake with a newbie couple recently. Some background on us. When we go to a large party, we tend to mingle a lot. Doesn't matter who we arrived with or who we plan on playing with later, we are going to mingle. Talk, kiss and touch all sorts of people we know and maybe some we just met. That's why we are at the large party. If we didn't want to mingle, we wouldn't go. One of the few rules we have in the lifestyle is non exclusivity. We refuse to be exclusive with anyone else. We reserve the right to kiss and touch whomever we desire. So if we are at a party and there are 10 people we are friendly with, so be it. It doesn't mean we dont have a favorite, it doesn't mean we aren't going to still play with whomever we have set up plans with, it just means that is what we like and that's why we attend a party. If we want to solo it for the night, we dont go to a lifestyle party. We know that isn't how everyone does it though, some people like to stay attached to their planned playdates all night, and some even like to stay attached to the people they arrived with, even if no play is planned for later. To each their own. So, what happened is we met a new couple for drinks and chatting (nothing else happened) before the party. We had talked a bit with them through text and website mail before this, and had briefly met them the previous week at a party. Then, it's time to go to the party and we all waited for the shuttle ride over there (along with a bunch of others). By this time we had spoken with them about our plans for the party and how we enjoy it. They seemed to understand, but I guess they didn't. The female was fine, the male half didn't grasp this though even though he agreed also. Anyway, we get to the party, and again we say a quick "nice meeting you, if we dont see you again have fun!" type of thing. We did introduce them to a few people while waiting for the shuttle, but they quickly went on their own way and we lost track of them upon arriving (typical larger party, few hundred people, dark noisy bar..). Saw them here and there during the party, said a few words here and there, kept mingling. So the night goes along, we enjoy ourselves, and we head back to the hotel. We were thinking about what to do and if we should play with anyone or what. And then the mr half texts us with something a bit unhappily odd. So we invited them to our room (knowing that this was blowing our chances of playing with anyone else mind you) to talk about it. They come to our room, and then the Mr half of them lambasts us for being rude and treating them poorly by leaving them out to hang all night. At first we were taken aback, we all had a bit to drink, so I asked again to clarify the issue. More ranting. Then we said we were sorry, we didn't realize they didn't understand what we said earlier. And then he started to rant again, and I'd had enough. I told him do you recall what I said early on. He says yes. So then I asked , ok what's the problem? He then finally admitted that it was a bit disconcerting to him that he couldn't "win over" my wife to the point of having her stay by his side all night, and part of that might have been that his wife seems rather interested in me, even though it's her coming onto me, he still probably feels a bit jealous or something. He had the expectation that we were going to go further, even though neither of us said anything towards that (hell him and my wife never even kissed yet, he never even made the move..) , it's just how it worked when he used to date. Well we said this isn't dating, and it's not how we work, not to mention we already said that isn't in the plans. We then went through a few examples of past experiences, and also said having drinks is not equal to saying yes to sex. Unless someone is in your room and their clothes are off and you are having sex while they say yes, dont count on sex. He demeanor was softening by this time, and he conceded that he probably went overboard with how he was talking. And there it was. Poor expectations ended up pretty much ruining his night from what we gather. He stewed all night at the party, and was really pissed by the time the party was done. Still bewilders me why he didn't say anything early on at the party when we saw them, but who knows. The thing is, this kind of drama-ish crap happens all the time. Usually though the people that feel slighted will never tell you, instead they just avoid you or vanish, and once in a while they probably gossip about it instead. We've all heard those stories. So, we decided we really need to state our plans very clearly and probably a few times to anyone, especially newbies. We figure that if stating our plans pisses someone off, at least it will happen before the party instead of after. We've done this before, and usually do it with everyone. Just last week my wife brought along her favored playmate to a bar meet, and we made it clear to him that she wouldn't be "exclusive". She was going to arrive and leave with him, but had no plans on going out yet avoiding others. He didn't initially like hearing this, but has accepted it. It's a marriage rule for us, the only people we are exclusive with is ourselves. Nobody else will dictate that to us. -
If you could have exactly what you wanted from the lifestyle, what would it be? What is your ideal type of swinging?
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I was just replying to LM's old thread about lowering your standards and it got me to thinking about the various times we've met people and talked with them only to decide they just weren't our cup of tea. There have been a couple of times where we either did (or would have) given them a second chance... mainly because we got that feeling of "we're being too picky", so we met with them again and again there were just things we couldn't get past. For example.... - one couple has an issue with discretion - they like to name names - another couple, the first time we met them the guy talked so much about himself and the places they go, etc that we thought they were full of themselves. In both of those cases, we tried again only to run right back into the same walls that knocked us out the first time. It has left me wondering if it's worthwhile to even give a second chance and thinking we should just trust our guts on first impressions. That said, there was one couple we would have liked to have given a second chance (after he got way too drunk at our first meeting) but we approached it badly and lost that chance... and it may have been a good thing, but we'll never know. So do you ever give second chances to people after you meet them the first time and your gut instinct says "it's not gonna be worth it".? -
Mrs. Beaverz and I are contemplating starting our adventures at a club sometime in the next year. We are obviously not familiar with the club scene and have some concerns about the typical behavior. We both would have a difficult time if it is common for men to take liberties (such as groping) without the consent of the women. We would hope that all the men would be gentlemen until the appropriate place and time. In the right setting we image it can be very erotic, but being new to this we would want to take it rather slow. We just don’t want to get in a situation that we’re not expecting. We would appreciate input from those that have experienced clubs and can provide some insight on typical behavior. I realize this may be a stupid thread, but we’re just trying to cover all the bases. -
Hello all, been quite a while since i posted here. I just have a simple question for all you club veterans, . In your first club appearence what were you looking for and what actually happened? I'm not actually looking for stories just a look into how your first time in a club worked it's way out. If you were looking for soft swing, basically just wanting to watch and play with your spouse or did you end up getting more than you expected? Just curious. My wife and i are thinking about attending Trapeze in Ft. Lauderdale next month but we have never been to a club before. Just looking for some feedback on everyone's adventures in there first club experience. -
Since we are new to the swing scene we were curious of what to expect when getting together with another couple. We'd like to do a full swap but what we have in mind is more along the lines of group sex--all play together. Is this the norm or do you usually pair off and stay with one partner? Mr. V is giving me dirty looks and telling me not to post such a stupid question !! But I am really curious (and so is he, btw) if what we have in mind is what usually happens. We've had threesomes and imagine being with a couple to be like that with just one more person thrown in the pile. Is this what we should expect? -
My husband and I have been to several clubs and we are a bit surprised by how much, Swinging (swapping) really goes on. We are considered a very attractive couple and personally, we don't look to trade partners but, we do enjoy performing and watching others. However, what we've noticed is that we would estimate the number of couples who choose to swap is very low say, 5%. Most couples choose to attend for the same reason, to be watch and watch. This brings up two questions: 1) Are we right or wrong in our estimation of the no. of couples who swap? What would others estimation to be? 2) It's pretty obvious of why anyone would want to watch but, I have a time explaining the thrill of having someone watch us. Any feedback would be appreciated. -
I'm finally getting my nerve up to ask. Are all women expected to be bi-sexual when it comes to swinging? I consider myself to be female friendly, I don't have a problem helping strip, kiss or caress another woman, which I've done before, but I have NO desire to perform oral sex on one. I notice all these clubs talking about admitting single women but not much for single men, and have read on here about, what appears to me to be, desperate single men (not you regular posters, but you know the type I mean!) becoming pests. So, are women just automatically assumed to be bi?
