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I’ve been lurking a while and read a ton here the boards. Now I’ve gotten myself into a situation that is not talked about very much on here. I’ve fallen in love with a playmate. I really didn’t mean for it to happen, and from what she tells me she didn’t mean for it to happen either. Let me start by saying I’ve been completely open and 100% honest with my wife, and my playmate Becca tells me that she has been mostly open with her husband. We’ll get to that in a bit. Becca and I met at a club, just a few months ago. From the first I thought she was attractive, I mean let’s face it, we’re here to fuck attractive people, right? My wife, Angie, and I went to the club that night to have some fun. We’re experienced swingers-we don’t play alot, swinging does not rule our lives- but we’ve had our share of fun. The night I met Becca was no different; we hoped to meet some fun people, have some good to great sex, and maybe make some friends we could hang out with on a regular basis. Becca and I both realized pretty quickly that there is a strong physical attraction between the two of us. The sex is effortless and I’ve never fit together with anyone better. After that first night of being together, my wife Angie and Becca’s husband Rob exchanged numbers. Becca asked for my number but I declined, telling her she could just text Angie if she wanted. I don’t normally like to have communication with the women I play with outside of swinging situations. I was not able to get Becca out of my head for the next several days- which is unusual for me. I threw caution to the wind sent her my number via SLS. She texted me a few hours later. Over the next several days we exchanged texts and even spoke on the phone a few times. All with Angie’s knowledge. We all four got together again a few weeks later-and it was even better than the first time. It was that night that I recognized that I had developed emotional feelings for Becca, and I was pretty sure that she had developed similar feelings for me. A few days after we were all together the second time I told my wife about my feelings for Becca. I told her I didn’t know if I was getting our sexual chemistry mixed up with emotion but I thought that could be the case. To my surprise Angie did not freak out. She told me she suspected something was up-given the amount of communication between Becca and I. I took a few weeks to sort out my feelings and spent many more hours talking to both Angie and Becca. I realized that I was probably in love with Becca. And I told them both so. Becca told me she feels the same way. This is not the “oh, I’ve just fucked someone new, I hope they like me best” kind of feeling. We’ve both been with other people since we met and it has not cooled our emotions. This is raw, real and deep. When I told Angie all of this she gave me license to pursue a relationship with Becca and follow it wherever it may lead. I did not ask for this, Angie offered it to me. Angie is secure about our commitment to each other-I am not leaving my wife and Becca and Angie both know that. Becca also has no intention of leaving her husband. Becca has talked with her husband Rob about us and the feelings we’ve developed for each other. What she has not told him is that she thinks loves me, she does not know how he would react to that (here is the mostly open part that I alluded to in the first paragraph). She has told him our feelings are deep but has not gone into how much we care for each other. Rob is completely comfortable with texts and calls throughout the day, but not with Becca and I meeting without him and Angie there-even for lunch or dinner. I completely understand and respect this. I don’t like it, but I respect it. I suspect if the shoe were on the other foot I would feel the same way. I really genuinely like Rob by the way, he treats both Becca and Angie really well-and he and Angie have really great sex together. Angie has told Rob that it’s just sex between the two of them and Rob feels the same way. They have no other feelings for each other past that. Becca and I text every day and talk several times a week; I know about her life and children, and she knows about mine. We have similar interests and lives outside of swinging, we are in similar businesses. We have become emotional rocks for each other. I get emotional needs met from her that I do not get from Angie. Again, I have been upfront with Angie about all this and she is fine with it. So here are my big questions: Do these things really ever work, or are we on the express train to Dramaville? Is it possible to keep something like this going long term? How do we navigate the fact that Rob is not comfortable with Becca and I meeting without him around (again, we will not be going against his wishes on this one) and knowing that he and Angie will want to have more variety in their swinging soon, which will leave less opportunity for Becca and I to be together? Any thoughts from the wise sages on here are welcome. I’m a big boy-if I’ve being naïve about anything please tell me. I can take it.
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So we took in a very good friend about six weeks ago following a very ugly split with her ex. We have know both of them for about ten years and started playing together about three years ago. I actually have known her much longer and before we started hanging out as couples. Anyway, things have evolved to a point where we are sharing our bed 4-5 nights per week. We are playing together and separately. For example, in the morning it’s not unusual for me to come out of the shower and find her and my husband snuggling, touching and even fucking. I actually love seeing them together and have no feelings of jealousy. She and I are doing the same and actually took the day off Wednesday and simply spent the day in bed alone while he was at work. It’s not all about sex, but it’s clear that she really loves him and I think he feels the same about her. I know that I care deeply for her and may actually be in love as well. We prepare meals together, hang out in the evenings together, play together and still swing separately, but it is definitely decreasing. Everything feels very natural and relaxed and we are all content - have we found ourselves slipping into a true polyamorous relationship? I never really thought about it and we were talking about it last night. Thoughts? Warnings? This is uncharted territory.- 14 replies
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The hubs and I were very active in the lifestyle for several years. We had a great time, we had lax rules where we were ok with each other playing solo. I traveled with him on business and had a particular lover I was completely head over heals for. The sex was like no other, he felt it too. Fast forward many years, we’re out of the lifestyle. He became an alcoholic and our marriage imploded. During all of this, we had split briefly. He came back but I let him know that I didn’t have feelings for him anymore. We could try to coexist, for the family. We have lived this way for 6/7 years. Last fall T, reached out to me and I went to see him. It was electric, as it always is. Well I was planning to see him again, and I was going to tell the hubs b4 I left, that I was going to see T. Explosion! He had suspected since last fall, how can he ever believe me again, oh yeah sure I was going to tell him... yada yada. Hubs says well if this is the way we are going to spend the rest of our marriage we might as well get a divorce. He’s the one that drug me kicking and screaming into the lifestyle, we allowed each other freedoms. I’m heartbroken and mad!
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We have been playing with a couple for about five years on and off. We see them at our club, at some resorts and at local house parties. Wherever we are, she always seeks out my husband. We have all been together many times and I enjoy her husband very much, but for my husband and I, it’s literally just sex. She is very different with my husband lately than with her other partners. I believe she has fallen for him. When I see them together, she is very passionate and attentive to him in ways that I don’t see when she’s with other men. My husband rolls with it and is always a pleaser. We don’t want to make things uncomfortable or lose their friendship, but we are getting uncomfortable with the notion that she may be interested in a deeper relationship than we have experienced with other partners. Should we just go with it? I’m not sure I can handle sharing him that way and I don’t think he’s interested in that type of relationship either. Thoughts about when the sex leads to something more?
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My wife and I have been in the swinging lifestyle about a year and a half now and it's been great. We have a friend we've know about a year and after a little encouragement from me and the wife she agreed to play with me. She's not comfortable playing with my wife home yet, so we always plan it when she's out. I think it may be going too far, though. We've gone out to dinner twice, alone, which my wife has told me no more. We talk almost everyday, hike and do stuff like that. I'm afraid this is becoming more than the FWB situation we agreed on. -
Back in November, my husband and I decided to welcome a friend of mine into our relationship (poly) after talking about it for over a year. I was under the impression we had zero issues in our marriage. If I had the slightest feeling that we did, I never would have welcomed her in. Anyway, fast forward to now. He asked me for a divorce because he "only loves me as a friend" and they are together. I'm working through those issues and I'm getting some closure. My question for you guys is, I still like the idea of a poly relationship, but I would like to be the addition into the relationship because I know what it is like to be hurt in these situations now and I know I wouldn't do that. Is this a good idea? (Maybe not right now, but eventually.) -
We've been married for 10 years and are brand new to this lifestyle. After much discussion, my husband and I placed a profile on a swinger's site and found many couples, but narrowed it down to one we really, really clicked with. The husband of the couple and I chatted for many, many hours a day and then brought our spouses into a group chat. We chatted online for a few weeks (all parties individually and as a group) and then decided to meet in person. After a really amazing day and evening with them, we met them again 2 days later and then again 2 days after that. Our days were full of fun, laughter, dinner, and some really hot soft swapping. Unfortunately, something happened along the way, pretty early on, and I fell hard for the husband of the other couple and he fell for me as well. I was completely honest with my husband and immediately told him about my feelings for this person. He was accepting of it and doesn't feel threatened or insecure in any way about it. My husband also told me at that point that he has strong feelings for the wife of the couple, which was also fine with me. The problem is this.....the wife of the other couple has feelings for my husband, but just at a friendship level at this point. When she found out that her husband and I are into this way deeper than the other two, she panicked and now needs time to sort things out. In my head, the fact that he and I developed deep feelings for each other doesn't change anything. I would never leave my husband for anyone and he has said the same. They're just that....feelings. So, my question is...what are we to do? This is so scary to leave this in the hands of one person. I really thought we were all on the same page and moving along very well together, but now we've hit this roadblock. I can only hope it's a temporary one and that the wife will come to realize that I really want nothing from her husband and there's no way I'd ever leave mine. I'm completely happy where I am. I'm of the mindset that people can love more than one person at a time, but I realize that not everyone is like me. Do we just wait for her to make a decision or do we just call it quits? It would be very, very difficult for me to do so, but I don't want anyone to get hurt in this situation. -
I'm just trying to sort out my feelings and maybe writing them down, and having the good folks on the forums offer their $.02, will help. So, I've got a crush on my friend-with-benefits. I probably should have seen it coming. In fact, I think I did. She's exactly the type of lady I've always crushed on. Smart, strong but with a hint of softness, geeky, long dark hair, great eyes... Yeah, I was doomed from the start. When we first met, I joked about it: "If I was ten years younger, she would have been exactly my type." First she was just a casual acquaintance and sometime babysitter (yes, I'm banging the babysitter, get over it, she's in her 20's). Then we were friends. Now, we're friends with benefits. It's a casual thing... friends and occasional sex... really great sex. OK, I knew I had a bit of a crush on her right from the start. I'm an idiot but I'm not a total idiot. I said as much. I said it to myself, to my wife, to her wife, to her... we all know it. The other day I looked at her picture online. I went looking because I hadn't seen her in a week. (A damn week? Really, I should have known better.) It hit me... that feeling, that swooping, heart skipping a beat, light headed, what-the-hell-I-shouldn't-be-feeling-this feeling. Oh crap. So I said it to her. Those three damn words. She knows. She cares about me too. But she doesn't feel "the way I want her to." (Her words.) The thing is, fucked as I know just how I want her to feel. I don't even know what these feelings mean to me. What we have is good. Friendship and occasional really great sex. I don't really want more than that... except maybe more often (twice a month instead of once) and she and I both want that. I don't want to run away with her. We both have good relationships with our spouses and other partners. I don't want to mess any of that up. I like what we have. In fact, liking what we have is what got me into this emotional confusion in the first place. Maybe it's just a question of definitions. What is love beyond friendship and sex? What does it mean that I have this crazy-making neuro-chemical reaction just to seeing her? Aren't I too old for this shit? Nope, still haven't sorted it out. I'll just have to keep trying. (If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. Welcome to my crazy. )- 42 replies
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She fell in love with him. I was happy that she was happy and it was awesome to watch them progress from fucking to making love. I was willing to share her equally with him but he fell in love with her and didn't want her to have sex with me anymore. He wanted to possess her for himself. We're still married. He's gone. She still gets special feelings for men she has awesome experiences with but she is happy to have those special moments and still have the security of being married to me. She respects me for letting her experience other men.
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Hi All, My wife and I are new to this. We have never done anything like this before, but we have both fallen in love with a younger man. We are going to be traveling to meet him soon. Any tips at all would be appreciated. Sorry, I'm so new to this I don't even know what's important to share. Maybe I should share my wife and I are happily married almost 7 years. I was friends with the other guy first, but my wife and him developed feelings for each other. I definitely have an unexplored bi side (I think he does a little bit as well). Are there any things that are great ideas things to avoid? Sexually, romantically, friendship-wise and marriage-wise? If it was your first time for a threesome_mmf as a married couple what do you wish you knew? -
Hi ladies! I'm just wondering and have looked online with not a lot of success. I was trying gauge the percentage of women who swing and who have at some point developed feelings for the swinging partner? So obviously this question would be for a woman who has had a regular swinging partner. Even to those experienced ladies, did you ever in the past have feelings for a swinging partner that caused problems in your relationship? I guess what I'm wondering is have any of you have difficulties in your relationship due to you getting your emotions tied up with the playing? We always hear women get their emotions involved more easily than men. This is my worry at the moment. Thanks, John
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So this weekend the crap hit the fan if you will. I have posted much lately as life for MrsVan and I just hasn't been focused on lifestyle things at all. Many may remember a few posts about a couple that we have known for a couple of years that have turned from a standard vanilla couple to playing fun naked games with a bunch of touchy feely stuff as well. Well about 18mos or so ago, I felt a shift in my emotions towards the other wife, first what I thought may have been just a strong infatuation, then just a deeper connection than typical friends. Well after many months of soul searching and on again off again discussions with MrsVan I have finally come to terms with how I feel. In addition to that it has been made aware to the other couple. She has also confessed feelings for me but I am not sure to what depth. We are now at the early stages of attempting to figure this all out. MrsVan feels like she is now sharing my love and her best friend, as that is who I have fallen for. While everyone knows deep down that neither of us are going to run off, this is still a lot for us all to deal with. I am struggling to put into terms for MrsVan exactly how I feel, and I am struggling with a way to explain that I do not love her any less. Nor is there anything missing in our relationship. I truly did not seek this out, at first I was confused about my feelings as well. It has happened and now as a group we are attempting to work it out. Any help is welcome. While MrsVan and I may be experienced swingers we are not experienced with poly situations AND our friends have been nothing but a traditional couple for all the years they have been together. Just looking for some helpful advice.... -
My husband and I are, by rule, just plain swingers. We enjoy meeting new people, going to the club, and having fun:) I preface my post with this because we have friends on this board, and although they may learn something new about us, I do not wish them to think we are different than what we show or that we have any agenda to seek something in addition to what we already have. In fact, I'm posting because the situation that has developed with one couple is something that we did not seek, and I find myself at somewhat of a loss as to how to handle some of the challenges that I've personally faced in the situation. Well over a year ago now, we met a couple at the club we attend. We'd seen their profile. They looked interesting:) We didn't get to know them the first night, but there was something about them, even in that night, that made us wish to get to know them better. It's funny how a touch on the arm and a look in the eye or the tone of a chuckle can speak volumes. Anyway, we did manage to get together with this couple a few times over the course of the following, oh, I don't know, 3-5 months. And oddly, I can't say the experiences were easy if success is measured by the ease of sexual contact or conversational flow. Nevertheless, the interactions were sincere, and we realized these two were, very simply, extraordinarily likeable and down to earth. More months passed. The male half of the other couple and I would occasionally IM one another. We learned more about them and their somewhat different approach to the lifestyle. We recognized there were differences between us but knew, when our upcoming vacation was getting closer, that this was a couple we could probably really enjoy "just hanging with," so we invited them to join us. And they came for a week - us and them - their kids and ours. And although the physical set up of the vacation spot could have allowed for a sex fest, we, for the most part, just hung out, played video games, and enjoyed the local attractions. The only extraordinary thing that happened during that week, for me at least, was that we were fully ourselves with this couple. I think in basic swinging, we tend to bring our "A game" to the club or to the evening out. In the course of a week though, personality and foibles become apparent, and the cool thing was, they still wanted to see us, like we wanted to see them. I know this is getting long, so I'll try to shorten it... Over the course of the following 2-3 months, we thought one or both of them might disappear for a time due to potential job obligations. This struck us acutely. I can't even explain why. And a concerted effort was made by all of us to spend more time together, even when it meant traveling to their home 3 hours away. And during those efforts, our relationship with them as individuals and as couples grew extraordinarily strong. Now, skipping forward to the present, it seems that job obligations may not require our friends' long-term absence, and we find ourselves with a couple we love. I can't tell you how I loathed coming to that conclusion. My husband did it so much more easily. He is more of a risk taker, while I am a self-protector. And the challenges I am now facing are the ones that test my personal defenses. I now fear losing them. Neither one of us, as couples, is exclusive with the other, and I don't wish it. I do wish, however, that the insecurity that niggles when I know they have a new or old playmate/s (they tend to play more with singles than couples) would just go away. I wonder if they will take up all our friends' time and energy. I can so easily see, for myself, that no one can replace this couple, either one of them, and I even believe, without question, that for my female counterpart we are truly unique, and yet I find myself wondering, especially when I know the male half of the other couple is working on the next sexual conquest (he loves the game), am I really nothing more than an early stop in the development of his sexual prowess with others. With our normal swinger friends that thought simply never occurs to me. When I see the normal male counterpart in that mode, I think, "go for it, baby!" And yet, with this one, I can get a lump in my throat, even as I write. It did not help matters when, during a vanilla party with them and their friends, he showed an extraordinary insensitivity by overtly flirting all night with a vanilla single female friend of theirs (read next sexual conquest here), even though I was the one who would end up in bed with him. It is a truly odd situation when many of their vanilla friends know that they swing, and one will openly tease him and advertise her power, while my husband and I will, out of respect, hide our shared sexuality. This sort of situation was one that has been added to a list of those that we will intentionally avoid with the couple. Ack! I hate it though, feeling vulnerable. I really do. And I've read the other poly postings here. I've read "Green-eyed over the secondary." I recognize that jealousy in any form is an indicator of fear of loss. And I accept that. What I'm clueless about is how to move beyond it. The thoughts of other poly people are welcome. Really, any thoughts are welcome, so long as they aren't of the "You're such a dumbass" variety. The love words have already been exchanged. In some sense, the damage has already been done. For those of you who may be thinking, "dumbass," please know that I've already kicked myself. I did the very first time it hurt. -
My wife and I have been married for 14 years and began our journey into swinging over 2 years ago. We have a model marriage, rock solid and exceptionally sexually charged. It all started when our best (vanilla) friends asked my wife to video them having sex, and she was shocked. We discussed it, and I really liked the idea. It didn't happen, but we began discussing our private fantasies. My ultimate fantasy is to watch her having sex with another man. That desire took us down the road to swinging. We found our first swinger couple online, and became full swap. Only rule: We play together; same room sex. On that bases, we're able to signal each other if anything negative comes up. Fast forward to present day. We've had a mutual (married) friend that we've known since college (15 years). This summer my wife confided in the guy of the other couple that we were swingers. He thought the idea was tantalizing, and immediately started introducing the idea to his wife. Within two months all the ground work had been laid and I ended up giving his wife a massage that ended up nude and I had sex with her (completely sanctioned by our spouses). We were alone in the living room late at night- the other two had left us alone because I was working on my assignment. Upon notifying my wife and the other husband, they went directly to the upstairs bedroom and caught up. This stretched our same room swinging rule, but since we were introducing vanilla friends to the wide world of recreational sex it was acceptable. By chance we had already planned a mutual vacation in Las Vegas for the following month. In all the hot discussions with our friends with new benefits we ended up negotiating an overnight wife swap. All three of them wanted it, and I decided since it was Vegas, lets try it all. One night became all 4 nights almost right away. I didn't want that, didn't like it, but I reserved judgement. I wasn't going to be the Debbie Downer of the group in Las Vegas. So we went ahead as planned. 4 nights of separate closed door sex. I couldn't believe I had gotten myself into. Now my wife and her (boy)friend of 15 years have all but established our group as a polyamorous. They only play behind that goddammed closed door, and I hate it. I have the same privilege with his wife, but for me I only consider myself a NSA swinger. Not a closed polyamorous "I love you" relationship. My wife is in love with this guy, we see them on 6 week intervals (240 miles separate us) and I don't know what to do. It's so far along now that I'll destroy the friendship if I pull the All-Stop lever now. I don't see the other-wife that I've been assigned as being in the same attraction class as my wife. He, on the other hand is ga-ga over my wife, and they have talked up a bond that rivals my own marriage. She's admitted to me that they're saying their I-Love-You's behind that damn closed door. I've imposed time limits on them now, 1.5 hours is it behind that door. My wife respects that and follows it, but I know she (they) want more and likely resent it. I'm iron clad on that, and have shut out all discussions about more time -> all night swaps again. If I had foreseen any of this when we started swinging 2 years ago I would have squashed it. But now I'm here, and I'm conflicted. I can suppress my (is it jitters? jealousy?), but it keeps popping up and I become moody over the worst case scenario of those two running off and starting a bakery together. I don't want to stop what's possibly a good thing, but my primary fantasy has been permanently removed: watching my wife enjoy sex with another man. I've deleted all our swingers profiles on the lifestyle sites in protest. I might just passively remove myself from the group. I'm so afraid of damaging my awesome marriage over this. Tell me, what would you do? -
My wife and I have been together for 22 years, married 16 and have always had a good relationship. We've been in the LS for just over 4 years. Our first full swap was 3 1/2 years ago. She hit it off with the other guy great; she described him as a tomcat seeking prey. Apparently she likes a somewhat domineering male. Although I was with his wife 1 or 2 times, I really didn't feel the right chemistry, so that was it for me, with exception of some parties we had where it just worked out that I did her. He had asked my wife to call him after that first time, and they have been in in phone contact ever since, once or twice a week, which I had no problem with because my wife has always been upfront with me about all. When it was known that his wife wasn't my type, he told my wife not to tell me that they had phoned each other because he didn't want me going into aol chat and telling his wife that they had been in contact. Apparently he kept things from his wife. My wife tells me everything so I said that wasn't cool at all. Nevertheless, after 1 MFM with my wife and him, I wasn't into him telling my wife to keep things from me, and him going behind his wifes back to do as he wanted. My wife was enamored with him and though I expressed my grave concern that he was cheating on his wife, I allowed my wife to get together with him on occasion, like once every few months over the past few years but still saying I didn't like him keeping this a secret from his wife, as its something I never would do. Fast forward to our local club last month. We were chatting with a couple newly acquainted with us in our off premise club, and they said they knew that other couple (we didn't say anything about my wife being with that guy for the past 3 years occasionally), but the other couple says "we know them, his wife cheated on him a few years back; he found out was pissed and told the other woman and they nearly got divorced over it." Well that was it. When I heard that drama, I said to my wife "that's VERY uncool, and if relative strangers are knowledgeable about their drama, you will probably become known as the other woman of a cheating spouse, and we'll be blacklisted from our local LS community." So anyway, last night I said why don't we have 3 couples over Sat night because we've only gone dancing at our local club for the past month but haven't had any playtime. She said great, and that she had planned to go out on Friday night with this guy if ok with me. I said, here I am thinking about something for both of us on Sat., and she already has made plans for herself on Friday for an intimate encounter. So now I'm thinking that she really only goes along with all our playdates to keep me in the game, so I'll allow her to keep on going with this other guy. I called her out on it, and she says she just really likes him, but if I demand it's over then she'll be mopey and dissappointed, but will have to deal with it. Anyway, we talked some more and as a solution I am trying to convince her to convince this guy to get his wife in on it; I'll do his wife to take one for the team (she's actually very foxxy) for my wife to be happy and see the guy, but for her to keep on going with him while he's doing it all behind her back is just not cool with me. What do you think? Thanks.
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We had a MFM but now wife getting too attached to the male
Guest posted a topic in Swinging Situational HELP!
Hey all... So we had this delicious 3 some with a guy. The first time we'd ever done anything remotely like it. It was a joint decision and we both really liked it. But, my wife and the guy got pretty intense and now she can't stop thinking about him. So much so that she managed to get in touch with him and he stopped by her work today. She's all confused about her feelings. We have kids, been happily married for a long time, truly have a great sex life. But now she wants to sleep with him one on one and I am very confused about this, so is she. Part of me wants to let her have this experience but I'm afraid she'll want more and it'll turn into an affair and then we have a giant mess on our hands with the kids and all, and the other part of me is hurt and jealous and I feel the neanderthal inside me lurking. It's not as if the guy was a great lover either, far from it... wouldn't go down on her. It's just that she's been a loyal faithful wonderful wife but now she's let the genie out of the bottle. Not sure what the hell I'm supposed to do... Thoughts? -
My question goes like this - would it work (dating, playing) if a single male falls in love with a married female without even trying to do so, like how little by little you start to feel attachment. Has this happened? I want to learn from others experiences.
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My partner felt she loved her swinging partner. He was the first guy she was with apart from me. On reflection she feels it was just lust and admits she does like the guy a lot. I don't mind that, and would expect that. Have any of you ever fallen in love with your swinging friends or has your partner? Or even felt mildly in love? And if so, how has that affected your feelings towards them/relationship with him/her? Just wondering if falling in love is a big no-no in swinging.
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Okay, I have been a dink. I have been manipulative, immature and stupid!!! I am ashamed of myself I have told her everything about how I manipulated her and even how I asked for this kind of advice on this board. There ARE NO SECRETS Please direct your replies to my wife as well as to me. I will ask her to read this thread. I encouraged my wife to do as she wished with a male friend that was very attracted to her, mainly to satisfy my own fantasies of her with another man, and of her learning to like sex more in general. Now I am very worried! This man is married. He has also told my wife that he does not love his wife and is just waiting for the right time to leave. My wife thinks that his wife knows about his affair and isn't that pissed because of the lack of love between them. I think they stay together because they have a profitable business. My wife has now been intimate with him. She likes being with him. She likes his caressing touch, him holding her and kissing her. They have "necked" but that is as far as they have gone. She said that if she feels more comfortable with him, and feels like it is the right time, then she will have sex with him. She said that he has personality qualities that she really likes and wishes I had. She said that she has "feelings" for him but does not love him. She has told him that she loves me very much. It is clear to my wife and I that he has fallen in love, which we both agree is not true love but "romantic love". Never the less this love is a powerful force and it worries me. He has now told her that he will not stop until he makes her fall in love with him. He wants her to go away with him. He says that she is the complete package. It is clear to both of us that he wants to take her away from me. I told my wife that I would like it if she stopped seeing him because I have come to realize that my fantasies are not worth the risk of her falling in love and getting hurt, and especially not worth the risk of loosing her. She told me that she wants to continue on with this relationship because she is having fun and is enjoying herself . She was a little upset with me that I told her that I wanted her to stop when all along I have encouraged her. I told her that I will not force her to stop since I started this whole thing in the first place, and because she wants to continue on. I want her to stop because she wants to and not because I insist. She is happy with me allowing her to continue on even though I want her to stop. She does appreciates this and has thanked me. She says that she appreciates the opportunity I have given her to be with him. She said that she thinks he will end the relationship when he figures out that he is wasting his time trying to get her to leave me. She said that she will not trade me for him. I feel comforted with that statement because I know she loves me deeply and we have a good marriage. BUT I am still very worried and afraid of loosing her because she has "feelings" for him that might grow. I don't want her hurt and if she falls into romantic love with her she WILL get hurt and she knows it. Is there any way that one can PREVENT oneself from "falling in love"...this blind romantic love of the "in love experience"? Is it possible to keep some emotional distance so this does not happen and if so how do you accomplish that? She does admit that she would be a fool to think that she could never fall in love with him even though she loves me. She also admits that she would be a fool to think that he had ZERO chance of winning her from me in the end and feels that she is "playing with fire" to some degree. I NEED HELP! Now what do I do? As I mentioned I will ask my wife to read this thread to hear your replies.....so direct some to her as well as to me please. Thank you -
Need advice...here's the situation: Solid marriage, couple of decades, middle-aged, absolute trust, great communication, swinging for several years, full swap...not belt-notchers but experienced... A few yrs ago wife had a couple of solo play times with guy acquaintances. I said if I ever had the chance I would like to do that. Not jealous of guys, just jealous of the experience. Most of our play has been couple with couple, same room and separate room. Fast forward to the last 6 months...I have been with a single female 6 times solo. It was great. Wife said to go for it. NOW....wife meets dude at club...dude's wife and I do not click...there is a suggestion that my wife has 4 some with dude while his wife is with a different guy that she has been solo with a few times. (I stipulated that wife play only with dude while dude's wife plays with other guy. No interaction between my wife and other guy although the 2 females played some). Wife says, "hey, it's my turn, suck it up". I say ok. Wife comes home from play. I say glad ya had a good time but are we done now? Wife: nope wanna do it again. I say: no foursomes, this is a couple gig. And besides I'm not handling it as well as I thought I would. Wife: suck it up, I like the guy and want to do it again. BTW, readers, fellow sends chatty emails every week. This bugs me. Ok, sorry to go on...I acquiesce to a 3-some with me and dude to make wife happy and to try and "level" the tables but no more 4-somes with somebody else and I'm not there. What do I do? I am uncomfortable now with solo play. I don't deal with it as well as I thought I could. Am I being selfish? She isn't going to run off with other fellow, it's just that I don't want to share unless we're playing as a couple. I changed my mind. I don't want some other fellow sending emails and trying to be my wife's "buddy". She say's I'm controlling. Resents that. Say's I had my fun and now it's her turn, sorry how you feel. I ask when will it end, when you have 3 more times alone? She say's not sure, maybe more...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... Am I screwed up? I want to be fair but...?
