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In responding today to a post today by bear_n_bunny regarding open marriages vs. swinging, I referred to a related topic that Mrs. LC and I have long wondered about--how most swingers feel about getting to know their playmates vs. just hooking up for sex. Mrs. LC and I fall somewhere in the middle. We're generally turned off by the prospect of what Erica Jong would have called a "zipless fuck"--nameless, entirely impersonal, etc.--and we avoid situations in that direction. Yet, we have no desire to build a relationship beforehand, either. The prospect of "dating" before playing in hopes that everyone gels on a personal level is something we don't want to deal with. Nor do we particularly want to be friends afterwards. We prefer to keep friends and playmates separate. For us, if we meet, have dinner and/or drinks, and find basic chemistry exists, then that's all we need--or want, really. So, we're curious where everyone else stands. Is it necessary for you to be "friends" before you play? Are you on the other end of the spectrum, preferring to play and then say goodbye? Or are you somewhere in the middle? We've seen folks express opinions all over the spectrum, and we're curious about the norm.

Two questions mostly directed to the male half of the swinging couples. Women, feel free to respond, your input is always valued. How important is it that you like the other guy that you plan to swing with in the heterosexual manner, either in a MFM or in a MFMF? Does he have to be respectable? Is it up to the woman? Do you have any standards whatsoever? Also, to the more experienced folk, is it uncommon that the guys would get along really well? Personally I found it very important that the guy my wife would have would be someone that I respected, or at least someone I thought was "good enough" for my wife. Perhaps it was my protective nature, or something. But I felt that it was important.

So long stories short. My husband (31 and straight) and I have been together since I was 19 (pansexual), I'm now 26. At the start of the relationship I had a LOT of sexual kinks and likes that I basically refused due to my up bringing (porn was bad, a partner watching porn was a divorceable offence, kinks don't exist, no sex talk, all sex related things were learned from biology books surprisingly not a religious household). Now I have a lot of out of the unusual sex likes. A few topics my husband hase always talked about are open relationship, a third partner, and threesomes. And I told my husband that if he wanted a FFM threesome I get a MMF, and he agreed saying it was expected. Well I've been trying to get him to set up a threesome himself with a second woman as I'm like "let's have the first FFM one with someone you choose and find attractive" but he wants me to set it up because my "preferences" and being comfortable with the female are more important then his sexual gratification (I understand). This is important. But this doesn't worry me as I have a large and more relaxed experience with women. I told him to set up the first MMF so he to would feel okay with the other male and not my sexual gratification. Reason being, I would prefer, as for the male partner, and my first time threesome, to be a friend or preferably a close male friend to myself and my husband to make me feel comfortable. I have past trauma (I won't hide this) so for me when it comes to thinking of a MMF it is with a close friend of ours that I can trust in these extra exotic things I would like to take place during said threesomes, that I know this person would not trigger a negative response. PROBLEM. My husband is the complete opposite, he understands where I come from but says he is not willing to possibly end a friendship (all our friendships are over 4 years old or in committed relationships) and it would make him feel uncomfortable as he'd feel that other person may not understand post-threesome dynamics (aka have sex then probably not continue it with said person) and that he, having previous experience in multiple threesomes, has had this happen a few times, and still to the day has issues with a few of these people even after ending friendships. But that being said, I understand where he is coming from, he's willing to choose the partner just not a person with a personal relationship with us. So the reason I'm posting. We have a friend, call him Mike. Mike was in a relationship, but he, his ex, my husband and myself would often be quite open (as we are all quite like minded) with each other. Due to it being a long and close friendship, an quite a few drunk nights, mike and his ex knows what we like and we know what they like. So mike knows we are up for a threesomes etc. But it was all shared as a group of friends. Well like I said, mike and ex broke up a while ago. Mike still pretty open on his sex life, so are we, we are all pretty involved in each other's lives (like to the point where we are his emergency contacts and if hubby couldn't make it Mike would of been in the delivery room with me while birthing my children) we even share how our mental health and physical health is going and financials. Probs a weird friendship honestly. Issue started with me, up until 2 months ago, everything was platonic, no undertones, no nothing's, alone together for gaming/4x4/cooking etc, sibling style relationship. Until my brain had a sex dream of mike myself and my husband. I told my husband and he isn't worried And only response was "it's okay, I've had sex dreams of your friends, I just hope I didn't kiss him." Well the sex dreams got more and more and my husband started ripping me up about them, first in private then he started in front of Mike. Mike does not know about the dreams, so it's all inside jokes but, husband started making the jokes slightly more show-off and sexualized (which I was embarrassed about but don't mind as this is one of my kinks). But I noticed this made Mike actually look at me and make comments. We like to compliment each other, my husband and I are very "if your friends look good let them know" as most of our friends have body image issues, and sometimes just telling them they look nice does a lot for them. Mike is also the same. So since the start of the friendship, complimenting has been a large and normal bit of it. But the last 2 weeks Mike's compliments have become more like my husband's since hubby started the more sexualized jokes, and yes there are sexual undertones. But Mike for some reason already told my husband that he wouldn't sleep with another man's partner just randomly said it, middle of a convo, our of context, and we were like "cool story bro". I've been talking to my husband about the dreams as they have been annoying me (as I don't really want to see mike in this light) and then 2 nights ago, I had a very in-depth dream about mike, naturally told my husband and he was like "well do you want to do stuff with him" and I'm like "no" and he said "then there's no issue, these dreams happen." Well. Until today. Mike, my husband and I were sitting on the couch joking around and Mike brings up having a threesome. I looked at my husband annoyed cause I thought he told Mike about the dreams and my husband looked at me, and then my husband jokingly said "*my name* would be down for that" and I slapped him on the shoulder and said shut up and we all laughed and the convo moved on to Mike's birthday. Well I know a threesome would never happen with Mike due to my husband' strict "no sleeping with friends" rule but since Mike said what he did last night I kinda actually wish he'd drop the rule just once, I feel bad for this. But I love my partner and last thing I'd want is to make him feel uncomfortable so I've just dropped it due to respecting his wishes. BUT I'm wondering should I wait till Mike mentions a threesome again and pull him aside and just openly tell him "if you want it you'd have to ask hubby about it because I'm down" and if hubby says no to mike directly then I'd leave it alone forever. Or should I just ignore it all and shut down anything from mike from now? I feel I should leave it because my respect for my husband outweighs the want for sexual gratification for myself.

We have been on a swinger site looking to meet a like couple close but not too close to us. We have decided that Deb would go through profiles then share with me interesting people before reaching out with a message. Last night she called out to me very excited that she found an old boyfriend from before she knew me, and his wife lives about an hour from us. I have two questions: Do people ever see people they know on swinger sites and how do you deal with it? An old boyfriend? Tell me I shouldn’t care. So far I said hold off contacting. As far as appearance and profile I would normally give a 👍🏼

We had some questions we would like to ask, and we appreciated those who could share their history. What do you feel the first time you see another man enter you or your partner enter another woman and vice versa? How did you start swinging? Did you play with friends or strangers? Did you use condoms or not? Did you let the other guy cum inside (assuming you were taking the pill or similar and that you trust the other couple)? Did you notice any physical difference? My answer is the following. English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes. Even now, we feel we are "almost" new in this new world, and that was 100% true until a few years ago (2019). We had talked about the LS for many years until we finally made a web profile in a local S community. After some time talking online, we finally met with some couples in restaurants. We had a really nice match with the fourth couple we met. They are really handsome and funny and were also new in the S community; they were about 10 years older than us (we were at the end of our 20s). They shared the same fantasies and worries as us that consist basically in having a good match, trusting new people, and safe sex. After that, we started talking more often. Unfortunately, we all have somewhat chaotic schedules, so it was a couple of months later when we met again for a more intimate meeting. First, we meet in a hotel, one month later at our place, just for soft swaps. The four of us had greats moments but also were really nervous, so we took things slow. After that, we progressively shared more fantasies, intimate pictures online and gained more confidence. We were becoming friends really quickly, but something that made us trust in them completely was that they had just had a child a few months before meeting us, and she was breastfeeding. Of course, she didn't want anything to happen to her son and for them as well as us (and surely for anyone on this page); the most important thing was the safety of their bodies and that of their children… Even so, maybe the next thing sounds a bit innocent or irresponsible, and years ago is something we never thought we'd do… We decided to play at 100% with them, and to do it without condoms. Obviously, it was because the feeling is more intimate that way and simply because we trust them completely. Also, both girls were on the pill; both couples checked themselves before playing, and we were sure we were just playing with each other. The next time we met was at their place. It would be the second man for me, and practically the second woman for my husband, so we were really nervous, but super excited (In their case, they have a much longer history than us, not in the LS but with previous partners). We arrived at their place trembling a little despite all the trust we had built with them, knowing that this time we would do it, made everything quite intense. They have prepared a nice environment with candles and low light. Everyone started with their own couple. When it comes to being naked and touching each other, our previous encounters already made us all feel completely comfortable so everything went smoothly. Eventually, the girls started playing a little bit with each other in a classical 69, while our own husbands penetrated us. I'm really shy, so I didn't dare to go all the way to licking her. For me it was more about seeing at close how they were having sex and some small liking here and there (especially right in the union, but closer to the guy). I was nervous but I loved every second of it (And really impressive also). She was much more comfortable with me and my husband and I could feel how she was really into licking me and even taking my husband out of me to suck him or licking me. In our first meetings, we (the girls) "almost" didn't do anything bi, and it was a whole new experience for me and something I always had wanted to do. Eventually, someone asked if we were ready, and we said yes. Then both girls lay on our backs and waited for each of our husbands to enter us (mine in her and her husband in me). My husband and I had many plants about that moment. The most important was to look at each other bodies at the moment of the first insertion, but there were so many new sensations that it was difficult to keep track of everything that was going on. I had my legs spread, and our friend was waiting with his big tool really close to my entrance when my husband started to enter our lady friend. She was on her back next to me. Before my husband entered, he looked at her in the eyes, like asking her if it was ok to enter, to which she nodded and looked at the perfect penis pointing right at her wet entrance. Then my husband looked at me in the eyes with the face of a kid in a candy store, and then he moved close to her. My husband was really excited when he entered her slowly, and a delicious moan of pleasure escaped from her when he fully entered. I felt great for him (for all of us) for having that crazy experience. My husband mentioned how the internal fold and the texture inside her feel a little bit different than mine, also delicious but in a different way, but not something too notable. In addition, the lubrication was slightly different than me but just a little bit (he had been inside me just seconds before so the fluids of both girls were a little bit mixed). Because of my position, I just could see the borderline of their connection while my husband entered her. I would have liked to look closer, but when I was trying to pay more attention to them, another penis got in contact with my vagina. I felt a big electric shock in all my body that made me totally forget about what my husband was doing. I looked at my new lover. He started rubbing his penis at my entrance, making my whole-body tremble... then he began to enter me slowly. My body was extremely ready despite my mind being a little nervous. I did not offer him the slightest resistance… It was incredible how my body could make me feel the same sensation that only my husband had made me feel, but in that case, it was a new man inside me. The physical sensation was practically the same (He is a little longer than my husband when he is totally hard, but unfortunately, he was not completely hard, maybe 95%, but it was understandable due to the nerves of the moments) still he filled me all, crashing against the deepest part of me. it was delightful... What was totally new and different was the whole experience. I was having sex with someone new right in from of my husband! And far from jealous, what we felt was exciting about the experience. Also, the intimacy of the act I was doing with our friend (and my husband with our girlfriend) was super profound and a fantastic experience, difficult to describe. My husband told me how he managed to see a little as the other guy entered, but the girl connected to him was taking a huge part of his attention. What he liked the most was my surprised face during the whole process. Our only rule was that the boys should finish outside. Their rule was that we couldn't kiss them on the lips. Ones of the thing I liked the most during the sex act was how my new lover, at a moment of great passion, suddenly brought his mouth close to mine (their kissing rule was more of a suggestion than a rule since she had also kissed my husband but only slightly, but my new lover's kiss was very deep and sinful, it was only for a couple of seconds but I loved it). We played for a while. It was fantastic how from time to time my husband kissed the girl's breasts or touched my breasts and kissed me (while staying connected to the girl). My husband loved the moans that the girl and I were doing and the face of pleasure that we had while new men were inside of us. After some time, my new lover was already completely hard. Even then, the physical feeling was practically the same delicious sensation I felt with my husband (not counting all the mental sensations that it was totally new). It was really interesting, but maybe it was due to the fact that the difference between the boys was not too notable (for the girls who have been with more boys, do you feel some difference if your new partners have a noticeable size difference? I know size doesn't matter, and its more about technique and how you interact with you partner, but what about when there is a really big difference, like a super big or super small guy… do you feel like the guy is breaking you apart or that the guy stays a little bit loose inside of you?) Unfortunately, after a little bit too short time later and like adolescents with their first girlfriends, both boys came outside of the girls due to nerves. First, my husband and that got my new lover too excited and make him cum almost immediately after. Now we fantasize a lot about that moment and we wish the men would have finished inside of the girls and then do it again just after the guys have cum inside (have any of you done that?), but at the time, we were too insecure with the pill (even if by that time we had years taking the pill and my husband always cum inside of me, but this was a new guy, so my husband and I were a little bit nervous about it). Also, we would have felt very embarrassed to tell them that we wanted to do that at that time. After the guys finished, we took a bath, and then we started playing again (each with each own partner) until eventually, their one-year-old baby started to cry in the other room, and we ended up the night. The experience was wonderful, and it left us wanting much more. We feel that to make it a completely perfect experience, we needed to have had even more confidence and be more open with them, especially more communication at the moment of play. We would have liked not to feel those little nerves when we played. However, we didn't have any other opportunity to see them because the world stopped in 2020. We talked for some time, but eventually, things cold down when we moved. After that, my husband and I have had many fantasies that we hope to do in the future. We know that parties or large groups are not our things and it's more about finding really close friends to play with... we'll see what the future holds😊

So we are intrigued by the lifestyle but have yet to try it out. I understand that most people meet a couple or person, get to know them and so on. My question is; Have you had luck and a good time hooking up with a random person or couple the same day as meeting them? A one and done deal like on a vacation or when traveling out of town? We come from a small town that we are well known and established. As eager as we are to try the "Lifestyle" I would feel more comfortable doing elsewhere. Especially until we figure out if it is for us or not.

Do you prefer the same partners recurrently or new partners for “new relationship energy?”

So we all heard about or seen in movies where the guest drop keys into a fishbowl and then the opposite sex pull out a key to see who they match up with. It got us thinking -does anyone have those type of parties in this day and age? We tend to find a couple and make sure we click on some level (seem really difficult -had enough to find 2 people the click and then trying to find 4 to click and if the females are bi -than that is 6 trying to click -lol) -but back to the question -who has had just random swinging sex (leaving it up to the keys)? Did it work out fine -like to hear some peoples thoughts -not that we are looking to do this, but it was just a curious topic.

You know folks, some people just put the most interesting TMI on their profiles. I just read one from a single male from another site who put right into his profile "I am looking for couples and females who really don't mind the few and far in between one night stands, since I don't have enough time to commit to any serious relationship!" His words. Not mine. I do have to admit, I have to admire his somewhat honesty. But it made me think of something. Maybe just the slim one or two person actually looking for the one night stand. Now here is my question though; How successful do you suppose these individuals are and would this be something that you would be involved with? And along with this question, maybe this could be a twist. If you attend a swingers party and end up playing with people at that party, and that was it, would you consider that to be a one night stand you just experience, and in a strange sense, maybe even sought?

(Male half here) The Mrs. and I have been toying with the idea of adding in some "extra" excitement to our sex life for a while now. Probably for around three years now, off and on. We have a bunch of toys we have used from time to time to spice things up; handcuffs, restraints, various dildos, cock rings, you know, the usual suspects. We found it's fun to use them during fantasy time and role playing, but it's more of a special occasion thing. My idea in the beginning of it all, was to find another couple to do a foursome/swap type thing with, and she was open to the idea, but we never took it farther than fantasy. We made an account on SLS for shits and giggles. To see what it was all about, and get an idea of the people who did these type things. We replied to a few messages, but that was it. We had offers to meet up for drinks by several couple online, but for whatever reason, we never went through with meeting any of them. I'm not sure if the Mrs. was completely sold on watching me bang another chick in front of her in real life yet. Our family life became very busy, and the idea faded away over the next few months. Fast forward to the present. Last week, her an I were going at it hot and heavy before the kids got off of school, and I was pulling out some of my ever-trusty dirty talk. I put a blindfold on her and was taking her doggie. I never last that long when I am fucking her doggie style. Something about that ass, the whole visual aspect of it that makes me want to blow my load rather quickly. I leaned over, whispered in her ear in a clearly and overly perverse way, "maybe I'll find a guy online, get a hotel room, put you in your blindfold, and invite him over to help me fuck you". Not sure if she was going to play along, her moans and heavy breathing let me know I was doing something right. She couldn't see a thing as I pushed my cock as deep as it would go inside of her pussy. I wondered what was going on in her mind. What was she thinking? I turned her ninety degrees so I could watch us in the bedroom mirror, and with a stern tone I told her, "Open your mouth and imagine sucking my cock". She complied and opened her mouth for me. I told her how beautiful she looked getting railed as she took me in her mouth, and that it was okay. I felt her hot snatch get extremely wet from whatever she was imagining in her head, which in turn made me empty my eager ball content up inside her rather quickly. It was just to much to hold back seeing how horny and into it she got. I knew she did not cum yet, so I put her on her back and proceeded to eat her pussy, while she helped me out by rubbing her own clit like the expert at it she is. I needed her to feel that much needed release. Afterwards I said, "Babe, that was fucking hot", and gave her a nice kiss, with my face still slathered in her juices. With a smile on her face, she told me she had an idea. "Oh yeah?", I said. She continues with "Promise you won't get mad?" I replied, "well depends on what it is I guess". I wasn't entirely sure what she was scheming, but I had a pretty good idea. That was the day she came in to work and told her co-worker that she was thinking of him earlier that day. He asked her what she meant by that several times throughout the day, but it wasn't until the shift was almost over that she finally told him. She said that while she was getting her pussy pounded by me before work, and she told him what I said to her while doing it, and that she was thinking of him. She came home and told me about what she did. What she said to him at work. He told her that from the first time he met her, that he knew she would end up sitting on his face one day. There was an initial shock of her actually saying what I figured she was up to, and I had a few mixed emotions about it. Like her & I not actually discussing her idea before she put it in motion. Him being a coworker makes it much more difficult situation I think. It's not like it's someone she will never see again. She works with him, which can easily be a recipe for disaster. That's why I stressed what will happen if this goes wrong. As long as we are open and honest about shit, we can have fun, and she seemed to understand that, and I slept on it. The next day we talked some more, and had some more really hot sex, during which I had her think of him again, making her say "Fuck me John", and whatnot. Super dirty shit. She got so horny when I told her that I wanted him to make her squirt all over my face. She told me to get on my back, sat on my dick, and grinded it until she gushed all over me and the bed, which of course made me cum like crazy at the same time. She only squirts a couple times a year for me, so I know she was digging it big time, and that's when I knew it would be fun as hell in real life. What are your thoughts on bringing a co-worker into the mix? I figure doing a MFM with her at first will ease her into the idea of really swinging, which will allow her to be comfortable with watching me be with another female. She certainly has no qualms about bringing a dude in.

Ok this is just a general question, just wanting opinions. Wife and have been going to a swing club for about 2 years now, hooked up with a few cpls, not a lot 2-3, but had a lot of fun. Sometimes just me and her play while watching others too. I would like to think we both enjoyed it. Prior to that we had done MFM with an ex BF of hers, she enjoyed it. I loved watching (and messing with her at same time) that was a long time ago when we were in our mid 30s. We just turned 50s. That MFM was short lived, about 2-3 week span with only about 3-4 meets. He was the one who moved on. So since then, there was a long period of no play. But that's not the only thing that stopped us, we now had a family to deal with. Started up again since kids are now bigger and self sufficient. So that is our back ground. Now for what's currently going on. We love to go to reg dive bars (as well as the swing club) lol, you know the kind where one knows your name lol. Well we have gotten to know a few people there at one of our favorite places and their drama (DAMN more drama than the swing club). Well we really got to know this guy that frequents there a bit. He is a really nice guy, gets flirty with all the girls, loud when drunk. My wife enjoys his company, he is about our age if not a little older. He is a tall good looking black man (we are Hispanic). We've played pool, darts, gotten drunk together at the bar. Basically had a lot of bar fun that was it. The second to the last time we saw him, in a drunken discussion we all agreed to meet at his apartment the next morning for steak BBQ (my wife even told him she'd bring the salad lol), just saying we were all wasted. The next time we saw him he asked "what happened?" We told him the truth, we were all f'ed up, my wife didn't even remember the salad statement she made. Well that night we closed the bar.... again. This time he asked us if we wanted to come over to his apartment, which we discovered is right across the street from the bar and that a lot of the people that we know and frequent the same bar also live at the complex. We went with the intention of just seeing where it was just in case we ever decided to get together again we would know where it was, plus I was kind of curious as to see what his "pad" looked like. My wife looked at me and stated "you know he's probably gonna wanna fuck", I just blew her off. He was very flirty with her at the bar, making comments like "girl, if he wasn't here", and "man, you lucky dog I know your gonna hit that tonite". I was not insulted as I know that was a great ego boost for my wife . He showed us around. It was a small place, but big enough for a single guy. We talked for a while. Then I had to go pee. After a little while, probably about 20-45 minutes, I felt we had stayed enough and said goodbye and left (we had closed the bar so it was way past 2 a.m.). Nothing eventful. So I thought. The next day while wife and I went out, I started asking what she really thought of him. I found him very cocky, too loud when drunk, even probably better in bed just by his stature. On the plus side he was great to be around, life of the party, he enjoyed doing what we were doing. I was surprised, she told me she liked him and found him fun to be with (no neg, not even the over flirty with the women in the bar). I asked her straight out would you fuck him? She stated yes (this does not bother me, we usually talk). I asked her would you have fucked him that night? She again stated yes but that I was the one who wanted to leave (again, I guess it was my misunderstanding, but I did not get a vibe that he wanted to do anything that night that he was just being cordial). She then told me... oh yeah, he wanted to fuck. While I was in the bathroom and he was showing her some family pictures hanging on the wall, he grabbed her, pulled her close and kissed her with tongue and she kissed him back. He stated again to her that if I was not in the picture, he would be doing a lot of stuff to her right now. I was not mad, I guess becauseof all his comments at the bar I figured he was hot for her, I just didn't think he wanted to do anything now. What do you guys think? I have a lot of issues with him being loud. You know the code at the club, is way different, (we are there to play and so are you... so no tell). I like my privacy and don't want to be outed. The part of my wife wanting to fuck him really excites me, but I keep getting the thoughts, he wants her to "cheat on me" which is kinda of stupid because I would so let it happen as long as I was there too (we have never played apart and it's not gonna happen... plus she's always been greedy, the more dicks the better)

This post in another thread got me thinking... In my mind "friends first" swinging and poly are two completely different things, but other people apparently think of them as one and the same. What does everyone else think? To expand on my views (the rest of the post is purely my opinion ).. Everyone I have met who wants to be friends first is looking more for a sense of safety by knowing people a bit before having sex. Whether or not this is legit or not is another topic, but it's something that people believe. Also, friends first folks tend to want to be more open about swinging - having that couple or two or five that you swing with AND hang out with gives you the chance to talk about swinging, be yourselves, and generally not have to be in the closet about it. At least every once in a while. Having a friendship makes things a bit more comfortable for some. Polyamory, on the other hand, is actually looking for romantic love. I love my friends, but that doesn't mean I'm in a poly relationship with all of them. On SLS, I mention that we are looking for friends, but we do not consider anyone we meet on SLS (or other swinging sites) as people with whom we could potentially have a real, whole, romantic relationship. I guess my general question is - Is this a common thought in people's minds? When you see someone looking for "friends first" does your mind automatically go to poly/relationships/too invested?

Apologies in advance, this is a long one but I would appreciate your opinions! I've had a close work bud that turned into a really close family friend for the past 3 years. I no longer work with him but we remain very close. I think of him as my brother and I know that J also loves him too. (I'll refer to him as VF.) Not in the same way that she loves me, but more or less like a brother as well. We pretty much feel the same way about him, but I'm not interested in him sexually. We have a lot of things in common and have pretty much hung out whenever there has been any free time for a few years now. Almost like a bunch of dates that we went on as a couple with just him is how I've described it in the past. More about us: W = Man J = Woman We've only been into the LS for a few months, but we have been having a lot of fun (and a few bad experiences too). We haven't fully swapped yet, but that day is coming, and we're really not in a huge rush. Its not that we're not ready or anything its just that we haven't found the right mesh. We've basically kissed (she's really into that) and I've gotten some oral action, as well as a few soft swapping situations. We also almost got into a full swap situation but J wasn't into it. I might make an introduction post and I'll link it here in due time if you'd like to know our full story. In this situation it was mainly me going at it with the other girl, with all clothes on, and instead of jealousy or feeling something else 'silly' I was redefining the word 'hot' inside of my head. I looked over though and she wasn't into the dude and so an abrupt halt was called to the proceedings and we went back to soft swapping. An epiphany of sort though occurred that night because it wasn't about ME doing something with the other woman but it was more along the lines of US having a blast with each other. That's why I stopped when I got the "look" and it didn't bother me one wit that I couldn't continue with the other woman. Fast forward to me waking up this morning and what should pop into my head? Fantasies! I remember watching an Skinimax soft core porn when I was a teen and it was all about how the two girls who were best friends decided to have fun with the husband. At first it was just the wife and she put a blindfold on the guy and kept kissing him, then she sort of tagged the friend and she started kissing him and at first he was like all "Wahhh?" but he went with it, and then the wife came back and started kissing his chest and...you get the rest. So I started thinking about how like guys really do have an attraction/curiosity to their mate's friends. I mean, I had to hold so much together to never bang the shit out of my ex GF's sister. And she was always getting me into certain situations that I'm sure she knew were giving me raging boners... YIKES! Ergo, why wouldn't females have the same fantasy? Except in my case we have a bonafide best friend in our midst who we both care for ... holy shit! Ding ding ding we got a winner! Maybe?! So now I have it playing around in my head for 3 hours this morning and J keeps wondering why I have this grin on my face because I'm thinking about how I can go propose this to my bud. I'm thinking all about how we're going to be just sitting on the couch, then I'll just start maybe making out with the wife a bit, then try to grab VF's hand and plant it on her boob, and whisper something like "hall pass" while trying not to laugh. Then I'm thinking about how turned on both of them would be and how excited my wife would be and I wonder if after a bit maybe she'd call me up, or not, and how "hot" the evening would be. Course, this probably wouldn't be the way it would play out at all but it's my head people! Shit always works exactly the way I want it to You see, I know he's clean, great person, has hangups like most people do but he's my best male friend. My wife is my best friend as well. I figure what a fun gift of sorts I could give them, would be a fantasy that they would remember for a long time. I think that the only reason I wouldn't be involved is if he wasn't ok with another male around or if it would make him uncomfortable or unable to get it up or something. I also know that he's into the wife, and I've caught him eying her with the "kissy face" that pretty much sums up his desire. I've already talked with the wife about it and she's expressed her curiosity and it kind of makes total sense to me if you look at the fantasy up above that I got into so much as a teen. I'm going to have to give you more back-story here as it is warranted for him. You see I inadvertently hooked him up with a girl about 8 months back. And she's quite a bore, no same interests, not attractive, not smart, really judgy (meaning: likes to judge others) and mean. We're both baffled why the hell he would be interested in her but we both think it comes down to that he's had 1 serious other girlfriend and this girl now has him ringed in with his cock. He's 30+ years old. I always thought he'd hit it and quit it, but she's still around and it's just all weird. I think it's mainly due to fear that he'll be lonely and this is as good as it is going to get (that's pretty much what he's told me). I think his main problem is that he's so introverted that it is very hard for him to approach girls. I think if he could get past that he'd have no problem as he's very successful and has a great heart. Oh I also helped him lose 50+ pounds too. Rrrreooorww! So there that is, he's got a girlfriend and that's one hang up that might turn him off. No problemo, I respect that even though who in the hell could resist my wife?? The other thing that got me thinking that time is running out is that this psycho biatch seriously started talking aloud this past weekend about "having kids" and "buying a house together". PUUUUKE!!! I talked with him after and said: "Really this is it? You wouldn't fuck anyone else out there?" "No, I would" "Buying houses dude?" "I'm going to buy a house if I want one." Well OK then, that's really inconclusive. I figure if there's ever a time to do this it should be soon. I don't want to screw around with anyone's marriage. I already know she is going to be the super jealous type so I'm figuring this is his last shot. If they are casually dating as he's putting off, then I'm thinking I should be making my move before this thing ends up in a horrible marriage that will eventually end in divorce :P So feel free to give some opinions on the matter so far. It might be too much to ask him to cheat on her, but I feel that's his prerogative but I think it'd be a lot of fun for everyone involved and maybe give him a little confidence boost and help him clear his head and not be so latched on that other horrible pussy. I can see you asking, "Is this to maybe break them up?" While we wouldn't mind that outcome, it wouldn't matter either way as in the end we both want him to be happy. After a little pestering me I finally caved into the wife and told her what was stewing in my brain. I wanted to just have it be a fun surprise but I think she was glad I told her and she told me that she'd be into it if I was OK with it. So now to talk to VF. I think it would go with (forgive lack of quotes): So uh...how's that whole GF action going? You guys pretty serious? If no, continue... I mean, do you love her or have you told her that? If no, continue... What if I told you that you could probably fuck someone else? Today even if you wanted to? Gauge response, if positive then continue. Well there's this person I have in mind but it might be a bit weird. Not sure how to approach this... Conversation I hope would ensue. What about my wife? With a giggle maybe so I might have a last chance to back out? I'm expecting a big WTF?? Well I dunno...I mean you never thought of it? Then I'd go into how it might be fun. I would never bring up the fact that the wife was in on the whole scheme as that would make things weird for them if he didn't want to give it a go. I'd think he'd be fucking bananas not too, but who am I to judge. The only negative for me that I've found is that well the first swap wouldn't include me, or at the best it'd be a MFM which does sound fun even though I'm not into dudes, because mainly I bet J would really enjoy it. I figure that life is long, I'll get my chance, or the more morbid: I'm dead I don't care. I can sure as shit tell you that if it was the other way around and J did a FMF for me I'd be smiling for months. I somewhat thought about that maybe J could then go around my back and cheat on me later with VF. I figure if that's what she wanted to do she could have easily done that in the past 3 years no problem. The only negative for him would be he thinks we're fucking crazy and doesn't want to hang. He's pretty laid back that I think even if I did ask he might be weirded out for a few days but we'd be OK in the end. Or he thinks I'm a bastard that wants to break them up or something although I would hope with my line of questioning I could get that before the whole proposition part. I also would make clear that this is just going to be a one time thing. The reason for saying that would be so that there would be no expectations for anything in the future. I'm not so sure that he could the making love vs fucking or casual sex part of the whole equation. I'd make it really clear though up front that it'd be just sex and if he couldn't handle it then never mind, no hard feelings. The other thing would be is that somehow he'd spill the beans and it would end up affecting his relationship with his yucky GF. Like I said before we'd be happy about it, but he might not be. If he breaks up with her we certainly aren't playing with him every night so he might be lonely till he found someone else. Which if he tried would be a day. That's not to say that if everyone had a good time we couldn't give it another go, I just don't want to give him the wrong idea or maybe even provide a band aid for his other relationship. Mostly as if that one gets more serious then I really want nothing to do with that. I can definitely over-think this though so I'll defer to the good people of the community. Is this just a bat shit crazy idea or should I give it a go?

I first brought up the idea of introducing others to our sex life about 4 years ago after a role playing session just made something click inside me. At the time she thought we should just keep it in our fantasy world. Fast forward ahead about a year, upon finding Facebook and reconnecting with several old high school friends she connected with her first real boyfriend who she hadn’t seen or talked to in over 15 years. She comes to find out that he and his wife have just entered the lifestyle and he would very much like to initiate us. This ex was the first guy to ever play with her boobs or finger her. They did lots of heavy petting, including mutual masturbation, but no actual sex, oral or otherwise. He and his wife live in the same area she grew up in which is about 180 miles away from where we live now. This excited me very much and she was intrigued by the idea. When she learned they were members of Adult Friend Finder we were able to find their profile and emailed them as an anonymous couple. For a week she teased him including putting up faceless nude pictures for them to see. Once she came clean with him and let him know it was her we continued chatting with them including a video chat session where we watched them have sex. He was very much still attracted to her. I told my wife this was the perfect couple to break into the lifestyle with. She was comfortable with him I found his wife attractive and the feelings were mutual. We had a trip planned to the area for a family gathering and they asked us, while we were there, to come by for a visit and maybe more. We planned on going right up to the day but my wife got too nervous and we backed out. So she still hasn’t seen this guy in person for 20 years. That was two years ago. After that my wife and him keep in contact off and on through Facebook with the occasional reference to sexual memories and how he and his wife were progressing in the lifestyle. My interest in swinging never died off and I would bring it up now and again over the last two years. She would claim to be interested in being with a woman and a MFM threesome really appeals to her. But her issue is with jealousy when thinking about me being with another woman. I’ve encouraged the MFM fantasy for a while and then yesterday happened. During a chat on Facebook with the ex he asked if she/we were still interested in the lifestyle or if it was just a phase. She told him about my continued interest and her issue with jealousy that has kept us out. He suggested a MFM threesome and he’d love to be the second M. I asked her what she thought and she told me she was open to it. When she told me about this I encouraged her to talk more about it with him. It turns out that he says he and his wife do play occasionally alone. So this morning after sleeping on it we talked about it and my wife thinks that even though her ex is not the most attractive possibility, that the comfort level with him will be more important. And I also know she is a bit curious as to what it would be like to have sex with him after all this time. So we agreed to proceed with this guy with the following plan. First my wife is going to let him know we are interested in having him as the third for our first MFM threesome. But before that happens she wants to talk to his wife to make sure she knows what’s going on and that his wife approves. Also my wife wants to chat, talk, and meet non-sexually with him before we get down to the actual threesome meeting. I’m extremely excited about the looming possibility of taking our first step into the lifestyle. I’m just wondering what everyone thinks of this scenario and if we’re approaching it correctly or if we are making any mistakes. Sorry this was so long I just wanted to give everyone a glimpse of how we got here.

So we see this a lot, the "we aren't bed post notchers" or "we don't want bed hoppers". But what is it that TO YOU defines these terms. I feel like these are terms that are different for everyone. While to me personally, they mean people who jump from partner to partner with no desire to do repeat business or to necessarily even see those partners again. However, when I read those words in a profile, I don't reply to the profile because I'm afraid that those who actually include those phrases in their profiles are strictly looking for "friends first" or perhaps just aren't really ready to swing at all (kind of along the lines of those who put "no drama" in their profiles tend to be the ones bringing it).

Hey everyone... As all whose read my other post, you all know that i have been thinking of throwing a MFM for my partner, she loved the idea, and honestly was very much excited about it, and honestly to tell the truth the more excited she got, the more it turned me on, anyways after having it be a talking fantasy, I decided to take steps to fulfill her fantasy of having two toys to play with, while two of us please her body like never before, Anyways i decided it was probably best to invite a known friend, actually i asked two different people, both of whom i trust, and know would never go behind my back to try to get a one on one hook up with my partner, anyways from here we decided Christmas Eve night would be the best time, we went out looking for a sexy Xmas outfit for her, and boy did we find one, (Just thinking about it has me hard...) Anyways as time came near you could just see the excitement coming off of her from her very smiles that showed so often, and believe me no nothing was putting this good mood off track, which really made me want to give this fulfilling a go... UNFORTUNATELY! Both of my good friends chickened out, of course i was only planning to have one of them join us, as having both of them would probably be too much for the first time... But both of them suddenly decided that they couldn't or didn't want to, I tried reassuring them that it was cool, that i invited them, and our friendship wouldn't be harmed, and it would be really fun we have rules and we'll do all the right steps to make sure everyone was comfortable... But regardless, one of them felt that he was not ready for it and that he had to much going on, that maybe one day but not now, and the other started losing his nerve mostly because of a problem he had, apparently because of smoking there were times he couldn't get it up, and no matter how much comforting, he felt too nervous to give it a shot. Quickly after my partner felt she wasn't as sure of having one with a stranger, and that she felt much better knowing that these people were people i had known, and on realizing this may not happen you could see that smile and drive fade down, i tried to talk them back into it, but lets face it, we can't force a person into something, the worst part is since that day i haven't seen that same excitement in her, and so I really want to get someone, a right someone to come join us, not just to put those great smiles back on her face, but i have to say, when she was as happy as she was, sexually things would getting interesting, and lets put it this way, I'm some what like a cat, i tend to really go through heat phases where i become extremely wild and crave something hot, and unless i have something satisfying that craving heat doesn't go away, just continues to build... I honestly do have some worries, but nothing i haven't talked about with her, and really do believe that the only way I'll shake these worries in my mind is if i give it a try, and fulfill this MFM, lets face it i know it turns me on, even compared to before, my own fantasies have started to stray towards this kind of thing, making me cum harder and just feel that much wilder... I have someone I'm currently talking to, who i may eventually be interested in having us join, but only time will tell if i continue to feel the same about him, my partner is clearly expecting me to take the lead in setting this up, and picking the person, most likely just very excited in fulfilling her fantasy and wanting to have me be completely alright with the person... Anyways if anyone has any thoughts on this feel free to drop a thought... But i think my question that is crossing my mind now is, would it be wrong to pick a random guy whom we both find attractive enough to join, and have a fling? Would that be a Safe thing to do? Or would it be best to continue to wait and slowly pick a person to have this first time MFM? For those of you who randomly picked a stranger and played a fling how did it go?

Ok, so I have finished reading a great post by Uomo....but one question keeps coming up....am I alone in this thought. This is the one part that I keep heating over and over friends first. So I'm gonna quote from his post about it and what I feel under that. Just curious if any feel the same as I do. my reply.... I wonder how many swingers take this view or if maybe I just don't belong here. I share most of the ideas from the original post except for this part. I always hear separate sex from love with swinging...and that's how I feel. Now do not get me wrong just because I want to play with you does not mean we cannot have idle chit chat....but to me a friend is someone who is always there...I love my friends. It is possible that maybe I don't use the term friend as lightly as most...if you are my friend I will go to hell and back for you. I don't have sex with friends because there is only one person who gets the complete friendship/love/sex package and that is my husband. So basically if I have sex with you it is just that, sex...doesn't mean I don't like you...and I will never lead anyone to believe that it is anything other than that. For me honesty is always the best policy even if it is sometimes a little harsh. To me being good friends and having sex is a nono. Maybe my term for "friends with benefits" should be "acquaintance with benefits". So am I really alone in this line of thinking?

I have been reading some of the threads on the forum and I have the same sort of problem with my wife! Friendship! Is it needed? I don't understand what friendship has to do with swinging??? "Sympathy", yes, "Physical attraction", yes, "Lust" yes. I look at it this way. I want to still my lust and at the same time bring something different into our sex life!!! I am not looking for friends or for a relationship with them!! My wife has a different view. She wants a friendship with the people we are looking at swinging with! But to me, you can't have both! There will be no doubt exceptions to the rule, but they won't be very many such friendships out there! She thinks I am heartless but I look at it this way. They want to use me and her to satisfy their lust, and we want to do the same (providing we get that far). I am not out there promising any kind of future with them, nor would I tell them things they want to hear just to get them to swing with us. We have been married 23 years and my wife is my friend. I don't need anyone else as a friend, and to be honest, I don't want or need another friend! Do you all really think you need to have to have friendship in order to swing with the other party? And whatever the answer is, please explain if possible why? I look forward to your replies!