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HI guys, Ok we have been trying to find the right single male for a threesome and are having terrible luck. We make contact... they respond say they are interested... we respond back... then nothing! Let me preface this by saying that when we make initial contact there is a pic sent with the email of both myself and my hubby full shot of face and body. We also state that he is extremely straight and we also say exactly why we liked the profile and what we are interested in. So if they don't like how we look or what we want they simply can decline. What we are wondering is why contact us back say interested and then when we say lets chat (basically that's all the next email states and we give our IM address and ask for his) NOTHING. Do they get cold feet? We normally also pick people who have certs too (not that that means too much I know) just makes us feel better that maybe they are actually swingers. Any advice on what we may be doing wrong or why they don't make further contact? Just trying to get into the single guy's mind here, lol Thanks guys -
So, me and the wife are new to swinging. We have soft swapped several times and full swapped (or at least tried to full swap) 4 times. The problem is, I was only able to get hard enough for penetration one of those times, and that was only for a few minutes. Last night was another failure. I just need help finding out what the issue is. I mean, I am completely comfortable with this couple, I am very attracted to her, and I'm totally turned on by watching my wife with them, so it just doesn't make sense to me. I even took cialis last night to make sure everything went smoothly. Not even that could do the trick. Im to the point where I'm embarrassed and wondering if I should even try again. Advice? -
I am sure this sounds funny, so let me explain. We are fairly new the swing thing, with our first exposure in 2002. It was then I noticed that swinging appears to be all about the women. The bi-girl thing seems to be what connects most couples initially, then if the guys are lucky, they can join in. Well, that seems to work just fine, unless your lady is not bi at all. My lady has no interest in other women, and does not like to flirt with other women. She has been flirted with, and each time she went along with it, to please me, we hit it off with the other couple, soft swing only, and only twice. However, she has decided the girl-girl thing is not her bag. So, on a recent trip to a swingers resort, we were kind of left sitting on the sidelines, while the obvious girl-girl initiated hookups ran wild around us. It seems girls can sense that my wife is not interested and basically avoided us. My attempts to make friends with the other guys, were always cut short by the girls cutting in and taking over the moment. So, back to the question, can a non bi sexual female based couple get into the swing of things, or is it a lost cause.
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We usually couple swap. Not clear that anyone else in the group did. We went to one semi-naked party where everyone stared at each other. We had a hot tub encounter with another couple. We attended a party where they were putting whipped cream on women’s boobs and licking it off. We left early, not excited to have entire party lick wife’s boobs. Some guys not her speed. We asked another couple to come to our room to play after massive flirting by their husband. They said yes. Then they did not show up and did not call. We called them and got a stuttering excuse. We presume they flirt, don’t play. Our bad, should’ve vetted better. No one asked us to play. We are reasonably attractive for our age (my wife more so) and we were within the average age of the group. Find it odd. Lots of show, no go. We had a great time anyway.- 8 replies
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I am so jealous of men. (for the most part) They can relax and have fun during sex because orgasm is inevitable. I envy that. I crave that. For me achieving orgasm feels like work. I don't orgasm unless my clitoris is stimulated. It is very frustrating. The only no hands approach there is for me is oral. It doesn't matter what position I am in I have to use a vibe or my hands. Mostly the vibe because manual stimulation with fingers isn't successful very often. I just want to have sex and it happen. For me, my biggest fantasy is just to have sex with my husband (hands free, battery free) and have a no work orgasm. For me the best orgasms are while being penetrated because that fullness inside just adds to the pleasure. But on the flipside when I can't just lay back enjoy, it takes away from it. Sometimes it takes me over 20 minutes to get there. For the most part (if I have an orgasm) it is just that one. Sometimes I get to squeeze out two. I know this has an effect on my husband as well. Men gain a little confidence off getting their wives off. Husbands with wives who achieve multiple orgasms get a little kick to the ego. I don't think a lot of those husbands know how lucky they are. It's not always their skill but the physical ability of their wives to achieve said orgasms. That doesn't really matter though, the effect is a positive one for both. Just like the effect of not achieving one can be negative even though neither is really at fault. I am not really looking for advice on what position to try or anything like that. I guess I just need to vent. How do you make this not matter? How do you not worry about it? Here I am contemplating buying a new "toy" (We Vibe). Toys and such are suppose to be an added pleasure, not a necessity. Ugh!!
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My ex-wife and I were in the lifestyle for several years, and then unfortunately found out she had been cheating (several times in college, and two separate affairs during our marriage) during our entire 10-year relationship, even while we were swingers (but never with other swingers). Took me a long time to reflect on what happened, how I may have contributed, questioned swinging, etc. It took me some time and many of my friends to help me realize she had a LOT of issues, and still does. I was concerned there could be the possibility my ex-wife would try to accuse me of something false related to our swinging (I made her do it, etc.) that would eventually reveal my past to my new wife. Honestly, I approached the lifestyle with my ex-wife as a gift to her - it was all for her, not myself; I learned a lot about myself, and thought we had completely open, honest, and loving communication, never pushing each other to do something and always respecting our decisions made together as a couple, and truly thought it was improving our marriage. I give you that backstory to tell you my current story… I’m remarried to an incredible woman, and could go on for days how amazing and stunning she truly is…we’re both devout Christians and attend church regularly. A few months before I proposed (she knew it was coming, ring picked out, etc.), I made it a point to be completely honest with her and tell her about my past in the lifestyle with my ex-wife, no details, just the blunt fact. I’m honest to a fault and deeply believe I owed my now wife the entire truth, especially in case my ex- decided to falsely accuse me of something related to our lifestyle involvement. She didn’t take it very well, she was very disgusted and felt taken advantage of, etc., and I actually thought at one point she wouldn’t accept my proposal. It took a little while, but we finally worked through it, but not after some very specific questions she had about it all…which I tried very hard to still vaguely side-step (going into steamy sex details about an ex- with your current girlfriend isn’t exactly wise course of action). My current wife is more reserved and conservative in her beliefs, but popular and stylish, and not at all a prude. She immediately denounced swinging and asked if I wanted her to do the same, pictured me doing all these gross orgies with ugly people, etc…typical mainstream misconceptions and misunderstandings of what the lifestyle really is…and I explained it to her. She’s not the most confident woman in bed, part of her reserved side, but I’ve been trying to get her out of her sexual shyness shell so to speak for a while. But for the past couple years, year of engagement and year of marriage, our sex frequency has gone down considerably, almost seems like she’s disinterested. I have to initiate sex all the time, she never does oral (giving or receiving) or any other foreplay, and she makes it seem like a task to get done and over with most of the time. [side note, she’s performed oral on me once, while she was on her period because she felt obligated, which I stopped her and told her she didn’t have to just because of that and felt she HAD to please me, I’m a gentleman, and not selfish. She took it as I didn’t like how she was doing it, so she claims to this day…] It worries me, and I’ve brought up my frustrations a couple times and she actually listened, but nothing really has changed, she hasn’t opened up and communicated or appear to feel more comfortable during sex. There have been extremely brief glimpses of hope at times though (before I discussed my frustration)… like when I was trying to skirt details of explaining the lifestyle, I did ask her about her sexual history and if she had ever had a one night stand before, which she did admit to me she’s had one (so at least one, maybe more, which was a encouraging in my opinion) and I was merely relating the similarity to swinging that sex can be for fun and just for sex and to help her see that her desires are not so far off from a swinging couples, it’s along the same lines and even better if you consider the open communication. Another occasion, she initiated and for once acted like a sex goddess one night we stayed at a friend's house after drinks, wouldn’t let me get up without fucking her, she was vocal, passionate, wild, it was incredible…but she did have some drinks in her. Another - she tried to get me to have sex in a public bathroom when we were out with a bunch of friends once (work friends mind you), which I wasn’t really into and said no…which she got upset and accused me of swinging but I wouldn’t do that with her…caught me off guard a little and made me wonder her real intent for wanting to in the first place, testing me or truly acting on exhibitionism impulse. With these examples, I’d like to think there’s a sexually free woman in there somewhere, at least I hope, she just doesn’t communicate about this kind of stuff very well, and I really hope her knowledge of my past doesn’t make her feel more inadequate or insecure in bed. If anything, I had hoped it would open her up to feel more comfortable in expressing her desires and sexual prowess with me, but it has definitely not. I am not trying to get her to be a swinger, and won’t ever bring that up, ever, but I do want to have that same open communication and comfort sexually with just her that I learned from the lifestyle, complete and respectful open honest dialogue about what we both want, like, dislike, etc. I do want her to feel desire and comfort initiating sex on her own more confidently. I just don’t know where to start or how to approach…which is why I’m here, asking some old lifestyle friends for any sage advice or ideas that maybe I’m not thinking of or haven’t tried yet. -
After using SDC, SLS, "Dirty Facebook", Kik, going on dates, and going to a Lifestyle party, we threw in the towel. We have a few friends we play with. After 2 years we are still blown away how difficult it seems to be to chat, meet, click. Hope others have better results than us. The good news is we really like each other and we can say we tried it and liked it. May try again in a few years. What we learned.... 1. Seems lots are looking to fill a void. 2. Lots of males dragging the wife along. 3. Tons of people want to do pic swap but nothing more. 4. Seems the wife intimidated at least half the couples. 5. People have magical cameras when taking pics of themselves or pics are 5 years old. 6. It seems to be a sport for most, which is fine, just tell people that. 7. Lots of couples are not married. That's fine, just tell people that. All in all, we enjoyed our experiences. We will take this knowledge and use it in the future.
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Our frustration is in finding other couples to play with. We are on several websites and are finding that couples who initially seem interested in getting together will talk and put us off and we end up not getting together at all. Is there another way to meet other couples that would be interested in actually getting together? -
Took the wife to an on-premise swing club last Saturday. She was looking good and in a playful mood. She neglects to tell me the big red dragon was in town until we were almost there. Yes, she was on her period damn it. She was hit on by two different women who wanted to give her oral as well as a black man that she would have played with. We did get in the hot tub naked with another couple but alas, no sensual contact that night for anyone. Has the 'big red dragon' as I call it ever put a damper on your playtime? -
Okay, this has been a bit of a theme since the beginning. Please excuse the rantish and douchey sounding component and please feel free to relate your thoughts and experiences and observations along these lines. SO DAMN SICK of couples where one partner is a 7, 8, 9 and the other is a 3, 4, 5. How can "hot couples 2+2 attraction" and action occur when an AUTOMATIC take one for the team is in place because ONE of the four is woefully underwhelming? And that take one for the teamer is usually my wife. It's why I keep telling her "Please let me find you a super sexy sane single who happens to be a 9" so he and I can spit roast you to a quivering O fest that leaves no stone unturned, or better yet send you out alone. Nope, bless her, she wants me to interface my gifts with another couple's female "strange" and won't play ball on the MMF...YET! We, as a couple, are what we like to think of as a "near-perfect 15". But the formula is what's key: We add up to our 15 by EACH of us being a solid 7.5....not by her being a 10 and me being a 5 with generous judging. (My wife claims I'm a 9 due to being tall, full head of hair, with a runner's build and a great witty wit. And here I was thinking it was my majestic, magnificent member.... I claim she's a 10 due to her tall, willowy, slender build, beautiful smile, high IQ, and magic vibrating Kegel tunnel that tastes like honey, tickles like a feather, and sucks like a Dyson Dickilator). But I digress. What's with so many LS couples where there is one partner (usually the female) who is put together, attractive, hwp, interesting, engaging, aging incredibly well, and just downright SEXY. And the other partner (usually the guy) who is, well, cripes, gone to seed, poorly dressed, rarely flossed, schlumpily attired, dull at conversation, and in many cases presumptive that my wife will be interested in him just because his wife is hot. Aaaaarrrrgggg. Are we just unlucky, or is this why so many of the girls in the LS love playing with the other girls? We've been to many LS parties where we've seen Uneven after Uneven after Uneven couple. Guys...here's a hint. Untucked shirts don't hide beer belly shelves. End of douchey, partially tongue in cheek, frustrated rant. Feel free to pillory me, or chime in with your observations here. -
I think this is common but how common is it really. My wife and I are ready and eager to actively start swinging. We have gone to clubs, we have found couples and single females on local boards, we have texted, we have chatted and we have even had dinner with a couple of couples and drinks with one unicorn. Conversation goes really well on the web and on the phones. What we are finding more often than not is the following. a) Got to finally meet, things going good. Bring it up then never hear back (Troll or Fake) b) Other people bring up a meet then they start calling it off multiple times. Heck you asked for the date, not us and once we say yes you back off?? (Not a troll or fake since both female and male side has been verified on phone) c) Send out an e-mail (dozens of them) and people just never bother to have the courtesy to even respond. The profile even says looking to meet everyone, if you are not interersted that is fine don't be shy just say so. d) Meet one or two times, "dates" go great and the other couple or female even state they are interested in more...then nothing. It's starting to give us a bit of a complex and just wanting to call it quits, it sometimes does not seem worth the price we are paying for no results. I am a man and men are "trained" to hear no or face rejection from an early age in sexual situations. My wife on the other hand..women don't get turned down that often and it seems to be bothering her more personally than me. I am just tired of spending time e-mailing, sending photos, talking on the phone everything going well and then nothing....Feels like a waste since we are maybe 80/0 that's 80 contacts and 0 encounters. Maybe I am just venting maybe I am curious but what is so difficult in a person saying "thanks but no thanks" and not wasting everyone's time?! The lifestyle has a lot of roots in openness, well we sure are not seeing a lot of that belief in people involved in the lifestyle. We are almost ready to give up on swingers and move over to regular bars and clubs and trying our hand with vanilla's since we have never seen this amount of "snobbery" and "rudeness" with non-lifestyle people. We know that the odd's will be against us with vanilla's but we are venturing to say that at least they will have a laugh and say "sorry I or we don't go that way". For the curious ones no we are not Ken and Barbie but we have all our teeth, we don't chew and spit tobacco at the dinner table (at least not me HA!) and we don't set our expectations high with couples 10 years younger than us or the local gym fitness pinup girl. We are HWP, in our late 30's early 40's and have been told by close friends NOT in the lifestyle that we don't look our age and can go for early to mid 30's. We do send REAL CURRENT photos to these contacts and they continue even after receiving them so it's not that we turn them off visually. WTF ??!! Anyone willing to lend a helping hand and give us some one on one advice? I don't think we are doing anything wrong but maybe we are. I feel like I am running out of time here, my wife was really getting into the lifestyle idea but I just say idea since we have only had one encounter.That was 5 years ago BEFORE we considered ourselves in the lifestyle. It was a vanilla friend of ours and it just happened, we were not out there looking for it. With all this negative energy she is seeing she is starting to lose interest in even trying, she is no longer interested in sending out e-mails to people and tell's me to handle it. -
Ok...so your wife is really hot for you. You get her into bed, and she spends a little more than an hour slowly riding you...she reaching orgasm again and again. You haven't. She finally dismounts and is absolutely spent. Do you look at her completely spent and satisfied and leave her be, or do you turn to her and say "my turn" ? And if you say "my turn" do you do it, to get off... or do you expect her to f**k you like you have never been f**ked before? -
I know life often gets in the way for all of us, whether newbies or not. This question is especially for those who haven't had their first time yet. What do you feel has kept you from doing so? For those who are active already, what things do you feel have kept you from swinging as often as you'd like? (Or if you swing as often as you like, let us know how often that is). -
My girlfriend and I have been swinging for about a year, have met / had dinner with about a dozen couples, been to the clubs and even had a few play dates. Our problem is that while we seem to click and have a great time with a few couples in a vanilla setting the play time has been less than fulfilling usually because the other guy has issues. So far we have dealt with the "jealous guy issue" who just could not handle seeing his wife enjoy herself even though they were supposedly far more experienced than us. The "quick cummer" who came about 2 minutes after my girl went down on him then felt like play time was over and it was time for them to go home. The "can't get it up with a condom on" of course my girlfriend would not fuck him without a condom which ended that evening fairly quickly. And of course the disappearing couples who after a nice evening, etc etc everyone gets along, things are great, lets set up a play date, then wham o you never hear from them again. We did have one nice evening and play date with a very experienced couple they were about 5 years older than us. ( We are mid-forties ). They were great. No jealousy, attentive, and we got to live out one of our fantasies of us both fucking someone else in the same bed, side by side as we touched and watched each other. My girlfriend is frustrated by all the other guy problems. She is patient and understanding but frankly is tiring of watching me have fun fucking and playing with the other women while she deals with the guy issues. She has occasionally given up on them and just joins in with me and the other lady but that usually causes problems with the other guys feeling left out. She then feels bad about leaving them out which usually ends the evening. We have not played in months because of the bad experiences and she now says she just wants us to play with other single women only, ( she is very bi ) which I know is nearly impossible to find. My question after that long dissertation above is this: Is this the norm in the swinging world : 1:5 or One good experience to every 5 attempts ? What has been your success ratio ?
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If you males encounter a female that doesn't "cum" at the drop of a hat, that you actually have to work at to figure out what makes her tick - do you see that as a challenge or a waste of time? I'm obviously in this category, in over 18months only two males (apart from hubby) have given me an orgasm. I have a ball playing, am very active and the males always leave satisfied and hubby always makes sure I'm satisfied either during or afterwards, he almost always brings the visiting female to orgasm. The only successful males have been those that have been frequent playmates. I wonder if the others just saw it as a waste of time after the first attempt? -
hi guys, i apologize for the length of this post and i promise that at the end, there is a question but first, a little background: my wife and i have been swinging off and on now for about 2.5 or 3 years. In that time, we've only managed to find three couples that we actually got to play with (all of them through SLS). all of our experiences have been pretty good for the most part but we've found ourselves in the middle of a year-long drought. our relationship with the first couple was almost 100% sexual. we found that we didn't really have all that in common and we just didn't click in the way we had hoped. while we managed to have some decent sessions with them, we kind of drifted apart in a quiet, mutual fashion. they were our first couple so we chalked it up to experience and moved on. the second couple we met was awesome. we really enjoyed them, became pretty close and did our most exploring with them. we spent several months hanging out and just getting to know each other before we finally decided to play. because we became friends with them and liked hanging out with them, it made our playdates so much more relaxed and enjoyable. we played with them exclusively for over a year and then gradually we started noticing that the female half didn't seem that into it anymore. they ended up moving away shortly after that and we haven't played with them since. we went to visit them once with full expectations of playing but it never happened and we came to the conclusion that this era had simply come to an end. we barely hear from them anymore but we've all expressed interest in remaining friends. the third and last couple started off very similarly to the second in that we spent a lot of time getting to know them and going out on dates together before we actually got down to business. we had one session with them that went ok, but not great. we hung out with them once after that about a week later and then they just kind of fell off the planet. we'd write them every once in a while and then we'd go weeks, sometimes months, at a time without hearing back from them. when they did write, they'd say something like they were really busy and sorry for not writing sooner. we certainly understand that things can get hectic and tried not to take it too personally. we'd write back and suggest getting together but when we'd make plans they'd flake out at the last minute. finally, after a particular long silence from them, my wife wrote them and asked point blank if they were still interested in swinging with us. they wrote back and said that they had been wanting to talk to us about it but didn't know how and then went on to say that they felt like they needed to work some stuff out between them and really needed to take a break. so, that's that. we're now "single" and wanting to get back into the game but are a little reluctant about how to go about it. from our experience we've learned that we only feel comfortable taking on one or two couples at a given time and that we prefer for our relationships with potential partners to extend beyond the bedroom. we're not looking to become best friends with anyone but we do want to LIKE them. we find that it's much easier to communicate wants/needs in that situation not to mention much sexier. now, we're finally getting down to the question(s) . are we setting our sights too high? we want to meet people that we can be friends with but we're both pretty sensitive and it seems to hurt our egos when we invest time into people just to have them suddenly drop off the planet. we thought about meeting people for "just sex" but found our main problem with that first couple we meet was it felt too cold and clinical. i know that everyone's experiences are different but i'm wondering how other couples on this board are choosing to relate with their swing partners. what are you looking for and have you found it? if so, how? advice? thanks!
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My husband and I are weighing the pros and cons of swinging. we have not yet done it. I have a BIG question. One of the reasons we want to try it, is for sexual satisfaction. I want to have an orgasm. I haven't in 10 years. Maybe if I'm with someone else I could? Is this ok? Our idea is a MFM threesome. Will this put people off?
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Hi everyone, My husband and I have read many stories, adventures, ideas, do's and don'ts on this board and have learned a lot, but after joining a couple of swinger sites, chatting with singles, couples and exchanging pics, even meeting singles and couples, we are about ready to say "enough is enough". My husband "Mikie" and I "Blondie" are best friends and are open with each other sexually. We talk about everything we have done, to everything we fantasize about. I have been with women in my past relationships and even by myself before I met my husband. The experiences that I had by myself with other women were great but when my partner at the time was involved it was always a bad experience, either during or afterward. When I met Mikie I was truthful about the attraction that I have for women but vowed I would never go there again, even if it was okay with Mikie because of my past experiences. Well, after a few years of marriage I finally felt comfortable enough to try to explore that part of my sexuality and I wanted it to involve my husband even if it just meant he watched. He totally was comfortable with that. We did meet a couple that I did have a few encounters with the wife, while both husbands watched and then joined in with their wives. They became a little strange after a while and we broke it off with them. We have met a few other couples since then, but nobody I was interested in being with. We tried the swinging club scene and got stood up! Never been stood up in our life until then. Anyhow, we have become more open about our fantasies and have broadened our boundaries. We have lots of couples and singles that email us they are interested, but either we are not interested or we email them back and let them know we are interested and never hear another word. We feel like we are in high school again, chasing people. I just took all our pics off SDC and put on there that if anyone is truly interested we would send pics. I guess my question is, are we trying to hard? or not hard enough? Sometimes my husband say's that I am too picky, but shouldn't I be? There have been some sites that we have listed that he is curious about other men and we are open to single men, but it seems that we attract guys that just want to be with me or say they are curious and interested and when we respond we don't hear another word. Guess you could say we are just about ready to say "we give up"!!! Help! We are not an unattractive couple at all and just want to explore our sexual fantasies. Advice please?
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Hi I am a single male, just got into the swinging scene. It is hard being a single male. It seems so distressing to see that all single females want to swing with couples or other females. And all couples want to swing with other females! So, the single males are left out of everything... it is hard. Why should it be so??!!
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Does anyone ever get frustrated? I know similar topics have come up about this and maybe I am just posting to rant..lol. But we are feeling extremely frustrated in finding people. I have been actively bi for a little over 2 years and hubby and I have decided to try swinging (a few attempts, noted in another post). Now our biggest problem (and maybe it's something to do with us being new to swinging) is that we are looking for a couple that we can "play" with on a on-going basis, exclusively. But it just seems everyone we have met so far is more into one-night stands. My questions are: 1) Is "this couple" as rare as single bi-females looking for couples. 2) Does everyone start out looking for this? 3) Could it be us? Thanks in advance for any comments or suggestions. -
Are we the only couple out there who gets tired of reading all the ads and they say "he's straight, she's bi (or bi curious)"? We are are bi couple and really want to have experiences with other bi couples! We have learned by accident that there are other guys out there who want to have the oral/touching experience with other men, but didn't represent themselves that way. What is up with that? Why is it so much more acceptable for women to say they are bi than it is for men? Could it be because two women together are a common fantasy for a lot of men? Our idea of a perfect swinging experience is EVERYONE touching/sucking/etc. each other if they feel like it at the moment. Guess we're just a little frustrated that people can be so open and yet so closed at the same time. Has anyone else felt this way? If so, what did you do about it?
