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Showing results for tags 'herpes'.
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Trying to figure out what to do from here. We have been in the lifestyle for a decade. Had a recent, and extremely unfortunate, separation. We both had partners (unfortunately, neither one confirmed tests🤦🏻♂️), and are now HSV2 positive. We both love the lifestyle but do not know where to turn or if we are just fucked ( no pun). Yes, we are working on us first, but are wondering if there is “life” after this. We will not hide it, we are respectful of others, and we do not wish to risk anyone. Any direction is appreciated (shitty comments will get ya no where… jus sayin)
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My significant other and I began playing last May and have played about a dozen times. We did a lot of verbal Covid screening and we're all good there. We did our first STD checkups since starting, and she turned up positive for HSV-2. I turned up negative for everything. I consider this as no big deal. She has never had a breakout, and our theory is that she got it from a vanilla dating partner prior to us getting together a bit over a year ago. Her previous screening to this was done before her last partner before we began dating. Long story short, she is super sad because she thinks she is ruined/tainted and that no one will want to play with her again. We are so new that we don't know the answer to that. I work with numbers for a living, and my guesstimate is that in any given club or house party, up to half the people there will have it. Yet no one walks around disclosing their HSV-2 status. We use protection for penetration, but oral has always been "open season" so the risk of HSV-2 transmission is there. And condoms only protect female-to-male transmission about 65%. From my readings, unprotected sex if there's no breakout has a 3-4% chance of transmission. Taking Valtrex daily drops that to 1-2%. Nothing can be done to take this risk totally down to 0%. Seems that due to regular testing by most in the LS, there is some acceptance of risk. Any advice or observations from experienced folk is appreciated!
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I am a registered member but am posting unregistered due to the nature of my problem. We have been playing with a couple for a year, we talked daily and met up quite regularly. They are much more active in the lifestyle, while we have only been with a few couples. Recently we don't talk or meet up anymore, but when questioned the response is everything is fine. Well a week ago my husband noticed a rash just under his belly button, we went to the doctor and he said it looks like herpes. We are waiting on blood results now. We haven't been with anyone but this couple in 5 months. From what I've read, the symptoms come about just under a month after being exposed to the virus. My question is how do we tell this couple that we think they gave him herpes? Part of me thinks they knew already and this is the reason for the "friendship" dwindling. I am terrified and feeling so betrayed because I'm expecting a very negative response along with denial and spreading of this news to everyone. Any help or advice would be so appreciated.
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We are new to swinging and have had only one experience. We've noted a lot of discussion about STDs and safe sex. Candidly, we assume that everyone has something unless we really get to know them. This seems to be a particularly appropriate assumption with herpes where many couples apparently feel that disclosure is unnecessary so long as there is no outbreak. That being said, we are wondering...would you knowingly play with a couple where one or both of the members has told you up front that they have herpes (though no outbreaks at the time of the play)? -
We met a great couple and hit it off. We were planning to get together for playtime, and the female half mentioned that she hoped her cold sore went away before then, because it was ugly. WHOA! We told them we weren't comfortable playing with anyone who gets cold sores/fever blisters. Just not willing to take the risk. They both kept trying to convince us that it was okay to play as long as they didn't have active sores. I pointed them to all the info I had, so they would understand why we weren't comfortable with it. They posted on a local lifestyle message board under another name, asking whether they should tell people. The results? A resounding HELL YES, they should tell people! Now, they are back to posted under their usual user name, and are making dates. We have other friends who have met these two and really like them, and the possibility is there for play. Do we mention this? If we find out someone has been involved with them sexually, do we just put off playtime to see if it's been transmitted to them? Do we explain why, and risk being called gossips? Or do we just put it off, and potentially hurt feelings by saying "No" to people we've played with and enjoyed many times already. It would just be awkward, but is that better than the alternative? Any and all advice is appreciated -
After a whirlwind first year of swinging, with one couple rather regularly (couple #1-including some separate play), and another couple (couple #2) twice, my wife was diagnosed with herpes and says she will not do it anymore - she is totally done. Everything was great until the diagnosis. When we found out we were both devastated and I felt guilty. I thought we were done at that point, but even after the diagnosis we went to a party recently with couple #2 and after the party they came to our house and we told them about the diagnosis and we still swung. On top of the herpes issue she is also afraid the other people at the party know about us and doesn't like sneaking around and now she is sure she is done with it and attributes it to drinking too much each time. But during the last year she told me several times when she hadn't had too much to drink that she was just as into it as I was (which was a lot). I think we both enjoyed our foray into the lifestyle immensely and if she had not gotten herpes and we were smarter and more discreet we would continue with it. It looks like our swinging is dead but I think neither of us really wants it to be - what should I/we do. Thanks in advance for all the advice I can get. -
Which situation do you believe presents the greater statistical risk of contracting herpes? 1) Having intercourse (with a condom) with someone who is infected but does not have symptoms and does not know they are infected. 2) Having intercourse (with a condom) with someone who is infected, knows they have it, is not suffering from a symptomatic outbreak, and is on a medication (suppressive therapy).
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Everyone here does know that cold sores or fever blisters in the mouth area means you have herpes HSV1? Do you disclose to all your potential partners that you have herpes before you kiss them or go down on them? You could be shedding the virus even if you do not have a sore.
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We are in our late 50s and married for many years. Hubby suggested swinging 5 years ago, I said, “OK, let’s give it a try.” It has been a fun, hot, sexy, educational, and life changing experience. We really lived the lifestyle. We did lifestyle activities most weekends for those 5 years. Early this year, our swinging lifestyle came to a crashing halt when I found the painful herpes sores on my labia. Hubby has been great as I knew he would. His words to me were…….That is it. We are done swinging. Don’t worry about it. We will be fine. He made a special point to thank me for giving him the chance to live out his fantasies. Did we do everything we could to avoid an STD? No, we did not. We made choices that gave us what we wanted from swinging. We knew there were risks, but like most people, we hoped the odds would be in our favor. Life goes on. I have had no more outbreaks. Fingers are crossed that my immune system keeps the virus dormant. I must be honest and say that we really miss swinging. We still think like swingers. Swingers do see the world differently, and we still like the view. Now we go out to dinner every Saturday night, because that was our main swinging night. It is much too depressing to stay home on a Saturday night for us. I have been reading this board for all of the 5 years we were swinging but under a different name. I thought I would not want to read here anymore, but I find I can’t stay away. Once a swinger, always a swinger is true. I can’t think any other way even now. I hope all of you successfully avoid STDs in the lifestyle.
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Ok, we've been reading these STD related discussions, and trying to decide what we should do. We know we might be HSV and HPV carriers just like 80-90% of the population. We are not symptomatic and haven't been active outside of our relationship for 10 years, but we are still going to be tested for all other possibilities before we go any further. What bothers me, is that given the number of people that visit this site, there aren't more that admit to being carriers of the more common infections. We couldn't find any couple in our area that doesn't say D/D free. As far as we're concerned, it's the symptoms that are the real turn-off. If we found another couple that is not symptomatic, but is honest that they may have contracted something we already have, we would not have a problem swinging with them. I mean, what's the harm? Hell, we feel that our mutual honesty would help to alleviate our own misgivings, and might help everyone relax. What we're getting at is, we realize there's a negative stigma about having an STD, but if we're all carriers and not symptomatic then why not be honest. Oh sure you can lie just so you can get that tasty virgin couple into bed, but at what cost? I thought we were all beyond the player tactics. I would like to hear from the rest of you about this. Do you feel that if a couple/person is non-symptomatic, but admits that they may have an STD you already have, that you would still be turned off? How many here have been tested recently? We plan on being tested within 3 months of any sexual contact. We don't suspect we'll find anything more, but we'd rather know than spread something. Come on people, most of us should know that the majority of the population has HPV and HSV, so why is it such a threat? In many cases, you don't even have to be sexually active to contract either. Thanks Julie for the site. I don't know if that's you in your avatar, but it reminds me (TriumphGuy) of an old girlfriend.
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How do you find other couples who like to swing that have the herpes virus? I can't believe that no swingers have the virus, since 1 out of every 4 adults in the United States have herpes according to some major health organizations. Please respond!
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Interested in swinging but HSV (Herpes) positive
seattlecpl06 posted a topic in Let's Talk About Sex
Hi there! My girl and I are brand new to this and as yet inexperienced in any kind of swapping. Oddly, it was my girl who recommended this. Or maybe not so oddly. It happened after we'd taken some "time off" from our relationship. I'd felt a need for sexual variety (in plain words, other partners), but I didn't want to end things with her (I love her like crazy, to be honest). I refuse to cheat on her. Not knowing what to do, I sat down, explained things to her, and we agreed to take some time off (during which I was free to see other partners, provided I practiced safe sex, etc.) I did see someone else, once (it was a one-night kinda thing) and found out it was about the most empty, unfulfilling sex I knew. While the physical aspects were pleasurable, I missed my girl like crazy and a weird part of me wished I could have shared my experiences with her. At this point I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to cheat on my girl, but some part of me -- even after two years -- couldn't let go of my need for sexual variety and a need to "hunt" (you men may know what I mean... hell, you women too). Hurting and confused, I went back to talk to my girl (who was also hurting and confused; she's been a SAINT through all of this. There is no better woman.) I was very honest with her about what had happened and the quandary I was in. Long ago she had said "I don't share" -- so I assumed that any kind of "open" or polyamorous relationship was out. I was facing losing the best woman in my life because I couldn't keep my hormones under control. Or, just finding a way to curb my wandering eye and be happily monogamous -- something I'd tried before in a previous relationship, and which had led to the one (and hopefully only!) time I've been unfaithful. I was trapped between a rock and a hard spot, and while I figured my future held nothing but misery, at least I was determined to be honest and honorable and not drag her into it. To my UTTER surprise, she suggested swinging. She suggested -- and I agree -- that we both should wait and work on "us" for a while. That's just smart. But she said that maybe we could work something out where we met other couples and "swapped." She'd seen something on Oprah where a middle-aged couple was swinging, and she said that to her surprise, they were very clean-cut, attractive, and prosperous-looking. I think that opened her eyes; she might have had some preconceptions before. So, she told me, she'd thought about it, and she knew about my problem (needing more than one partner, but being crazy for her) and the more she thought about "swapping," the more excited she got. This is what floored me. At first I thought she was just (to borrow a phrase) "taking one for the team" -- in other words, doing this to make me happy. But talking to her about it, she was really, really excited. Not so much about the idea of sex with other men (although she's excited about that) as much as the idea of SHARING this sexy, slightly kinky activity with me. In my mind, that's a very good sign! So we've been talking it through. Like I said, we're probably a little ways out from actually DOING anything, but we're both BRIMMING with curiousity. One of the things I decided I wanted as a "rule" was a "no alone play" rule. That way, anything we did was not just going off alone to sleep with a stranger, but a shared couple activity. That seems much safer (and in some ways, more exciting) to me. I know that right now, at least, the thought of her off alone in a room with some hot guy would drive me nuts, but not in a good way. But being in the same room with her and a hot guy, while I'm with a hot gal, each of us giving and receiving pleasure without worrying about who "owns" whom sexually -- is quite exciting to BOTH of us. So we're in the phase where we try to formulate the "rules" to make us both comfortable with the idea. I'd welcome any comments or opinions or advice. I know we both need to work on "us" a little before we share our sexuality with others. We both know that and are ready to do the work. But we're both so excited to find a way that we can BOTH "hunt" a little sexually (we're excited at the prospect of going on a "date" with another couple and feeling the sexual tension build) and we can BOTH get more variety than strict monogamy would give. One complicating factor: we're both HSV-2 (genital herpes) positive. So we'd have to find other couples who were herpes positive. But that cloud has a silver lining; at least we don't have to worry about catching herpes! It's just all the OTHER stuff that we need to worry about (we also created a "no unprotected intercourse" rule along with an "unprotected oral is okay at your discretion" rule, and an "anyone can back out at any time with no shame" rule which can be used if anything looks or, god forbid, smells funky). Anyway, I'm excited and looking forward to what I hope may be the most healthy relationship of my life, and the most sexually exciting to boot. Hi! -
Is there any way to have safe sex with someone who has herpes?
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Being paranoid, we've done some research into STDs and the chance of catching something during swinging. It seems that about 70% of people have oral Herpes Simplex Virus Type 1 (HSV-1). Oral HSV-1 can be passed to others as either oral or genital herpes. People are most contagious during a visible outbreak, but are also contagious at other times through asymptomatic viral shedding. Our questions are: 1) If you have oral herpes, do you tell your potential playmates? 2) If you tell people, is it just during an outbreak or all the time? 3) If you don't have herpes, what precautions do you take to prevent catching it orally or genitally? 4) Do you think people with oral herpes are obligated to tell potential playmates? Even though 70% of people have oral HSV-1, we've never heard it mentioned at a swing club.
