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We've been 'in the lifestyle' for about 5 years and have had multiple experiences in groups/couples/singles. My husband is the plan maker. When we talk to new people, he does the majority of the messaging and planning. When it comes to talking to the couple (or person) and actually making the plans, he gets very insecure. The few weeks leading up to making plans with someone, there has to be no snags in our day to day lives. If he sends me a message on snap or in text and I miss it, then he feels like it's more important to me to be talking to and making plans with other people. I've been trying very hard to empathize and go his pace, but even if we get a text from a couple we've been speaking to and I ask him what we should reply, sometimes he takes that as being too eager of me. Like I should let them hang before we reply to them. Does that make sense? My husband is a very emotional person, me not so much. He needs constant consoling. We have a lot of fun but I'm really confused about him a lot of the time. As much as he seems to want to keep going in this direction, he also really digs his feet in and it's..exhausting trying to constantly gauge where he's at. Anytime we try and talk through this problem, it turns into an argument. I'm at a loss. -
Hi there community... First, I need to apologize, because I know you field the type of questions I'm about to ask routinely enough to be sick to death. I am hoping though that you will entertain the questions and help me out if you can. My GF and I have been together long enough now to know that we're going to get married. We live together, we love together. We get along better than I've EVER gotten along with anyone. We've had our fights - all couples do, but we've never had a fight which didn't make us stronger. I believe that changed last night. Allow me to explain. A few months ago, my GF was out with some girlfriends having a few drinks. As she always does, she was giving me text updates as the evening progressed. I know all of the girls she was with - including the one girl who apparently that night admitted to having a bi-curious side. According to my GF, her friend explained her "rules" for having a girl/girl encounter: 1. The other girl would have to be a total stranger. 2. She'd have to be a little drunk (otherwise she'd be to inhibited to do it). 3. Her husband could watch, but could not touch, period. I was excited by this as this girl is fairly attractive and now I have thoughts of her living out her fantasies when I see her, although I'd never say anything... ever. Anyways... my GF added to this story by explaining that for her to do a girl/girl experience, the rules would have to be exactly the same. Of course this got my juices flowing. I had to know more. The next day, I asked her about the conversation the girls had the night before. Asking her the obvious question about what she'd said. Her reply was a bit of a let down. she said that she was just talking and that she meant had she ever decided to do that and that she was past that in life now. (I'm 31, she's 32). I was disappointed, but I told her (and the other girl) there was a place she could go to satisfy her fantasy. (the local on-premise club) It was clear immediately that I opened a door for her that she didn't know existed. She sorta admitted it was more fantasy than something she was really looking to do... I'll digress on that one... Now, give me a minute to explain who each of us are... It's sort of integral to the forthcoming question(s). I was married for a long time. The relationship was bad, and without too much detail, our sex life reflected how awful our marriage really was. Not satisfied with things, I stepped out on her. A huge mistake, but it's what happened. I registered with Swing Lifestyle, created a premium account, and sought the company of singles and couples while I was married. I did meet one couple in the year that I was involved with the lifestyle guy. I fooled around with the girl in the couple only once or twice, but it gave me experience into the lifestyle. I liked it. I even contemplated bringing this to the wife, but I thought better of it and kept it my secret. When I met my GF, I cancelled my Swing Lifestyle and gave up the lifestyle altogether, promising that I'd only come back if and when I could come back with my GF. My GF has been around the block a lot, but all vanilla stuff with two exceptions. The first found her in bed with another couple, but not as a player. She was just there while the couple was having sex together. The second found her in bed with two men... She told me she had to leave the situation before anything happened. "I'm only built for one at a time." She said. She's had no other lifestyle experience whatsoever, but she's not dumb either; she knows what's out there. We both like to watch porn together. We're both voyeurs. She is the most sexual woman I've ever met, and I'm lucky to have it as good with her as I do. I'm also extremely sexual. I think although I don't have the experience she does, I'm less inhibited than she.... ...onto the story - So having had the conversation about the local on-premise club, I asked my GF if she'd ever want to go. I was scared stiff to ask the question. If she said no, she'd wonder why I wanted to go. I thought it might destroy us. Much to my surprise though, she said we could absolutely go, but immediately followed it up with: "I'm not doing anything though." Still shocked, I explained that was fine and that we'd just be going to check the club out and be voyeurs for a night. Excited, I wanted to sit down, review the club's website and pick a date right then and there, but she was scheduled to have knee surgery in a few weeks and there would be no way we could have gone before that or before she recovered completely. We decided on going to our local club on March 13 (about 2 weeks from now). We had a few more conversations about going since the first time we discussed it. In those discussions she made it very clear to me that: 1. She did not want to share me with anyone else. 2. She wanted me to not want to share her with anyone else too. I completely understood her and reassured her that we were going strictly as voyeurs. She seemed ok with that and haven't talked much about going since then... until a few days ago. I have been doing ALL the research I can do to find out things like how the night is going to go down for first timers, what we should wear, how to politely say no, club etiquette, etc... in doing so, I started contacting current members and those who have been there before. I made friends with a few couples in the area, but just as mentors. All of this was in the open, and I never hid anything from Rachael, except for one thing: I would be ok sharing each other, although it's not something I'm prepared to lose the love of my life over. Last night, I was talking with someone about going to the club (as I've been doing almost every night for two weeks - yea, I'm excited!) and she asked me what my GF wanted to get out of the club visit. Having never considered that at all, I decided to ask her. Up the stairs I marched, laptop in hand and sat down with her and asked her. She said she didn't know and asked me the same question. As I was answering, she caught a line of text I typed about being curious about doing more in the lifestyle. This was a conversation I wanted to have, but not how it happened and when it happened. I was TERRIFIED that admitting to wanting to be open would do irreparable damage. I was seeking advice on how to do this when she found out. Now I'm not prepared. It got very nasty, and although the fight ended with us embracing and making lifelong promises, I don't know this fight will ever go away. Her sadness revolves around my being ok with sharing her with someone else. She went as far as to say that if I am willing to let her be with someone else, I am with the wrong woman. I quickly tried to backtrack to save my relationship. I tried explain that "doing more" or going further doesn't necessarily imply full swap or even soft swap... It might me being watched together, or same room sex, etc... It didn't work at first... She kept honing in on my desire to share her and how much that hurt. I tried to explain that I would never pressure her into something that she didn't want to do, and if she didn't want to explore openly as swingers, then WE don't want to... She didn't quite believe me there, although I meant it. If one of us or the other isn't ok with something, then WE together aren't. I believe that completely. For her though, it was all about my being ok with her being with another... She reiterated that would NEVER happen, ever. Given all that was said last night, I told her (and I meant it) that we might want to reconsider going to the club altogether. Despite the fight, she insisted that she wanted to go... to watch and take it all in visually. She also said that IF any action happened there, it would be in a private room with the blinds drawn. I've always believed this would be a victory for me at this point, as I did not want to have the conversation yet. People, I need help because now I'm confused. It's clear to me that she knows I want more from this than just voyeuring. It's clear to me that she's uncomfortable with that. It's also clear that she still wants to walk through the club's door with me. I don't know what to make of all of this. Is there still a remote curiosity in there?? Given what she's said will she ever come around to the lifestyle? Will there ever be an appropriate time to express to her that I might want to do more than just watch other couples? How do I do that while assuring her that she's all the woman I need and that it is just something I thought might be fun to share together, although we don't have to? I'm sorry, it sort of all just fell apart on me here at the end. My mind is racing again. This is a fragile situation for me, and I don't want to break my relationship, which until last night was impenetrable. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and answer (if you do).... Sincerely, The New Guy -
10thBader&Badger’s Wife We have been reading this site for the past couple of months. Now we are creating our first question because it always seems to come up and then someone gets flamed by some experience members. Mostly because they disagree with the newbie when they are asking a question. So please just take what I am writing as a inquisitive thought and not putting down the lifestyle that you live. How can someone not be jealous. Yeah certain situations where jealousy is silly and I totally agree. But there are some times where people on the site have said it was jealous and my only thought was it wasn’t jealousy but it was just a person being hurt. I’m going to give you a example one poster wrote: Him and his wife decided that they were going to go swinging and do a Threesome MMF. The husband and a man that was doing the wife was having a great time, the man coming out of his sexual zone had to back away for a moment and ponder. He started looking at the other man and his wife having sex and she was making noises and requesting things from this total stranger that confused her husband. This husband also noted that he was more than willing to do those things with his wife but she always said no. But with this total stranger she was absolutely willing to do all the things that she would not let her husband do and was enjoying it immensely. Her husband just sat there and watched in amazement while the wife was completely oblivious of him being in the room and hurting Mentally. Then the husband decided to leave the room because he was feeling really bad and the wife did not even noticed. The husband return to the room and saw his wife then requesting for the total stranger to do anal and it really hurt the husband because when he requested to do anal with her, she wanted no part of it. know several people or shall I say members said that you have to be happy for your wife because she is freer with this man and you should enjoy the fact that she is willing to experiment and let herself go. To my husband and I, we were just shaking our heads and saying how can anyone say that? How can this woman experiment with a total stranger but not willing to do the same thing or at a higher level with her husband and say that she loves him. It just doesn’t compute. I’m not sure how anyone could see that. If anything the wife should be more open with the husband that has requested everything that she did with this total stranger. How can this woman say that I love my husband 100% and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I’m more willing to experiment sexually with a total stranger than I am with my loving husband. But many members said you were just jealous and husband and I said no he’s just hurt emotionally. I thoughts were he is not jealous because he’s actually allowing this to happen in a threesome but hurt by the fact that she is more open with the total stranger that she is with him even though he’s just as willing to do the same things that she is requesting from the total stranger. I just can’t see that as jealousy as some members have said. Example number two Insecurities: This Fictionally couple wants to have a full swap and is looking for another couple. So they start looking on the Internet together. Now, historically the wife has always told her husband that he was more than enough for her with his size of cock. That at times it has even been too much because she is a smaller woman. So all through the marriage they would have making live sessions, but when they were just be passionate fucking together, he always had to take it easy. Because he wanted her to enjoy it and not have pain. So he and his wife Are looking on the Internet for another couple but every couple that the wife stops at. The guy is much bigger or shall I say not much bigger but larger than husband. The husband this just thought through his head. As something that it may not be actually the size of his cock but the other features of his physical body. So he lets the thought go and doesn’t create any problems but while in bed he’s asking her why is that every guy that you stop at seems to be bigger than mine. You’ve always said that I was too big, the wife tells him that she really didn’t notice but it was the total package that she was looking at. So that time comes where the couples meet, they go to wherever to have sex. The husband is enjoying himself with the other couples wife, just to see his wife while peeking over at her, she is enjoying the size of this of a man. The husband calls a timer and talks to the wife away from the other couple. And he says to his wife, are you OK. The wife says I am fine. So they go back to the other couple and continue. He looks over at his wife while he is playing with the other guy‘s wife and sees this guy putting on a condom and then starts fucking his wife wildly and she is enjoying every bit of it. The husband is thinking in his head what the fuck. How can this be happen. But everything continues as planned everybody finishes up and a couple leaves and go to separate way. The husband is absolutely baffled. He asked his wife how can you enjoy what he was doing to you when he was much larger than I but when I want to do that with you in our own home, you complain about it. The woman cannot understand why her husband is asking her that because she just enjoyed herself. The man sitting here thinking has he been lied to the whole time. Now some member will say that it was the newness. And it was explained this way by a member that the man can be satisfying her completely. Her husband is probably do it everything that this man has done to his wife but the fact that the newness of a different person was bringing her to different heights. And different levels of ecstasy. Then some member will say you shouldn’t worry about anything because your wife had a good time. Stop being insecure and have insecurities about the enjoyment of sex that your wife just had with a total stranger. To my husband and We are thinking wow, I know I would have been hurt emotionally because if I have been told something repeatedly throughout my marriage and to have my partner do something the total opposite with a total stranger and enjoy it immensely. How could I not be hurt or upset. Not angry unless I get some catchphrase or not a good explanation, that is when anger will come in. But the fact of being hurt is always considered insecurities/jealousy and we don’t take those two things fit those situations. So can the board just explain to us how insecurities/jealousy always seems to be the catchphrase with someone is actually from our opinion just hurt or not understanding the situation. I hope that are examples even though they are somethings that we read on here from people asking questions, we’re good enough of an explanation and a situation that has brought on much discussion between my husband and I. As I and my husband have explained on here several times. We only had one experience which did not go well. I guess that would be for another time but we appreciate all your input and we just want to say that there is one experience member that we really enjoy reading even though we disagree with him or her sometime but we really like this process input because after we agree with him or her a lot My husband says Chicup Is a beast!!!!! That dude needs two tickets when he goes to the zoo. One to get in and One to get out!!!!!! Julie, I always say that you are a breath of fresh air of reason and you should have your own book of one-liners that often put everybody in their seat to ponder.
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Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who responded to my first post. As someone who is getting into this, it is very beneficial for me to talk to others. My situation has progressed somewhat after the time I posted that link and I would like to get everyone's opinion on an incident that I experienced. My wife and I met a couple. She had shown a certain unusual interest in my wife as both women had sort of "eyed" each other up and down in a clothing store. They started girl-chatting and became facebook friends. My wife is secretly bi and she is highly selective about who she thinks of that way and this woman was someone she confessed to me that she had started to fancy. It seemed that they were into the lifestyle because she would be very bold in front of her husband and I found that to be unusual. My wife opened up to her about being with another woman and that is when she revealed something we had sort of guessed on our own. They were seeing other couples but were very selective. We decided to go on a double date, with no formal discussion that we are looking into each other as potential swing-mates. It was just something we all secretly knew. This double date went very well and seemed like a normal double date. We went to a bar where we played pool. My wife is very well developed in the chest area and when she took off her layer to play pool then she got a lot of attention. Those globes seemed like they were going to spill out of the low neckline every time she would bend over. The other woman was tall and athletic and very beautiful in her own way. To see two beautiful women kicking out rear ends on the pool table was an arousing experience for him and I both. The men played horribly, thanks to the distractions that were in front of us. When the pool was over, we sat down to eat and this other woman dropped salsa on my wife's chest and then apologized. After that she licked it off of her cleavage and said "Yummmm ... GOD that is so hot!" My cock was bursting out of my jeans and I could see the other guy was feeling very tense (in a positive way.) I felt like we had found the ideal couple but no one ever brought swinging up. My wife reached under me and felt my hardness. I thought we should go home and discuss the next step. Once it was over and we were driving back my wife asked me if I was aroused by the other woman or her? I was thinking in my mind "what the hell did I just get myself into?" If this one innocent date is causing this interrogation then where are we headed with this lifestyle? She wanted to know who aroused me more. I told her "you silly!" She said that if she was a man, she would find her more attractive. I told her as a bisexual woman what you find attractive in her and what I find attractive in her as a straight man is not the same thing. While the woman was definitely very attractive, the person that you appreciate as a "Swing mate" is really not a replacement for your lover. That is a relationship that needs to be valued and appreciated in its own capacity and not in comparison to your committed one. We talked about it and even though I was looking forward to some great sex in bed that night with my wife, I did not get any. I did get it later but that night was lonely. I was wondering if other couples had a similar attack of hesitancy, either on part of the man or the woman? If yes how did you deal with it? Or are truly happy swinging couples the ones who hit it off without overcoming this barrier? What is normal for people who pursue this lifestyle?
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I would like my wife to have sex with another man. My concern is that what if he has a much larger penis then me and she enjoys it more than mine? And, if so, how would that effect us?
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I was wondering how would the man in a couple feel if another man makes his wife have more orgasms than he has and they were also more intense than anything she has ever felt before from sex?. Do you think this will cause a break in the marriage or will it make it better? I ask this because I know some techniques that can do exactly what I described but I don't want to cause a rift in a relationship. When I do it with a single woman I don't have to worry about her significant other getting mad at her constantly thinking about the orgasms I gave her but if it's a couple I don't know if this is the same case. The techniques I use require a lot of exercises on my part to build strength and can't be accomplished in a week and some men might not even feel like doing the work and I'm worried the women might try to cheat with me to get these orgasms and I'm not into that. I really want to try some group sex with this knowledge because I love to see a woman in total ecstasy but I don't know if it's a wise thing to do. Can anyone help me out?
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First time swinging and need some help!
SexyWVcouple102 posted a topic in First Swinging Experiences
Hello all, Well yesterday we had our first sexual experience outside of our marriage. It was a mfm threesome and it was great. The guy was hot and my wife really took a liking to him. The only thing is that the guy was way nervous and had some performance anxiety. He was using a condom (wouldn't have it any other way) but could not keep it up at all. He did finally get hard and cum and it was great. The only problem is that the experience was bad for my wife. She left thinking that he couldn't stay hard because he didn't like her. Keep in mind my wife is extremely hot. She is 5'9" 125 Lbs long hair and very long legs. I haven't met a man yet that hasn't wanted to have sex with her so I don't think that was an issue. It has really upset her so that she isn't sure if she wants to continue. Anyone out there with a similar experience that can help out? -
Hello again... We are a couple who is swinging with another couple and have enjoyed it immensely. My problem arose when i agreed to allow my hubby to sleep with a woman that he has talked with in another state when he is working down there. I am not jealous of the couple we swing with, but knowing that the possibility of him sleeping with this woman completely freaked me out. We discussed it many times, and yep I encouraged him to do it, thinking that we are swinging with a couple and I have no jealous feelings there. But then he went to the other state and took condoms with him, I was ok till that evening and he went out. My imagination went crazy, thinking of all the things he was doing. I'm not sure if the feelings I have are jealousy or insecurity... cause my thoughts were sure revolving around is she better than me... Guess my questions are these... How come I am jealous or insecure over this woman and not the woman in the couple, and would it be right and ok to now deny him of this encounter after i encouraged him to go for it???
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Let me begin by saying: I am a married male and my wife and I are new to the swing scene. An observation: There seems to be a lot of single male bashing in the swingers community. Are single women better than single guys or is it just a fact that so many men have fantasies about being with two women? Are women more inclined to fulfill their husbands fantasies? Why do so many of you think that you are doing the male a favor? Maybe he is doing your wife a favor. I firmly believe that this whole swing thing is driven by male fantasies, therefore I am perplexed by the anti single male rhetoric. I have also noticed one of Julie's comments about what can get a single male into a couple's door: Being well hung! Duh! I have had plenty of discussions with mature females that really enjoy sex and ninety percent of them admit - yes it would be nice to be with a well endowed male. Why is that? Here is a news flash: Most of us have an average penis! So, of course women are inclined to look for something different. How many well endowed men do some of you know that actually swing? Narrows the field doesn't it? It's like being a priced bull. But you want that priced bull to be married - hmm? Insecurity on your husband's part about losing his sweetheart to a single male. Better go with the married one - he is safer. I think most people that swing are hypocrites.
