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A little disappointed. We talked before that we would always talk after about our experience. We both agreed not to get angry or jealous. Feelings are hard to predict. Our first experience was with a single woman. After my wife said she was surprised I came in our friend. I understood her concern. We had our first small party with two couples. I watched my wife being with both men and women. I was with both of the women. I had mixed feelings watching her and for some reason more so giving oral. I knew it would happen and watching gave me mixed feelings. I got busy with one of the women and glanced over to see my wife with her doing doggy and oral at the same time. I heard her enjoying and I was enjoying doing what I was doing. Now the after talk at home. I tell her my experiences. I at one point played with the two women. Told her I enjoyed one of them more and what she did. Wife’s turn to tell. She says one of them while giving her oral did it to her bum. She says it was strange feeling. I listened. Then she said while they were having sex he pulled out while she was cumming and put it in her bum. I felt angry listening. I said why didn’t you stop him. She said it just happened. I said it had to hurt and she said not that much. I never did anal with her. Every time I tried we stopped. Now she let someone we just met did it. I think she feels bad that I wasn’t the first to do this. I don’t know if I’m angry or jealous or disappointed.

When my husband, James, and I started doing full swaps we decided early on we preferred seperate rooms while swapping. It wasn't long before we unexpectedly indoctrinated a couple that were very good friends of ours into the life style. We had known them for 10 years and had been there when they met, dated and eventually got married. After we all started sleeping together we became even closer to them. They are truly our best friends. When it comes to Adam and Julie we had decided that we were comfortable being completely open with them. So permissions or planning are not needed to be affectionate or intimate with them. So if I want to spend time with Adam I can, if Julie wants time with my James she can. If Julie and I want some female affection, we just do it. So I quickly realized that Adam started his days early and ended his work day around 3 PM every day which was when I got out also. After a full day of work I am ready for a brain break and for me sex is the ultimate brain break, since my husband wasn't out of work yet, I started using Adam to reinvigorate the work engine. So I'd stop at his place on my way home and we would get frisky. My husband and Julie start their day later and they both enjoy morning sex, so Julie would leave her house just after Adam and I went to work and she would drop by our house and go upstairs and wake James for morning loving. Now I know this happens but had never experienced it or saw it, so while it was real, it wasn't "real" to me. One day I got to work and realized I wasn't feeling well so I left work and headed home. To my surprise, my husband and Julie were naked on the couch, she was on top and was seriously riding my husband. Now I know this happens, we had talked about it a lot, but I had never walked in on them doing the deed and it was just as she was orgasming. I should not have been shocked, but I was, and I shouldn't have felt a pang of jealousy, but I did. I had to step out of the room momentarily to compose myself. I'd have been devastated if I had ruined such a beautiful moment. To this day I have no clue what made me flash temporarily jealous shades, was it a first time thing, or was it reality catching me off guard, or if it was how amazing Julie looked. She is fit, thin and beautiful and James deeply enjoys her company. But I can't blame him, cause I regularly enjoy her company also. It doesn't flare anymore now, it was just that first time. So have you ever walked in on a moment you weren't expected to see? Did you react the way you expected too?

So my wife and I had our first swinging experience last week. It started off as two couples just having sex in the same room and then we all agreed to swap partners. Knowing my wife’s concerns with jealousy I confirmed probably 7 times that it’s something she wanted to do and was comfortable with it. I know in retrospect this conversation should have happened before. We each had sex with the other couple twice and all was well and good until the next day. My wife is incredibly upset and regrets our decision. I fully support her decision that she does not want to do it again and have made it clear this changes nothing and love her with all of my heart. The helpful thing is we will likely never see this couple again as we met them on vacation in a different state. She struggles with the fact that I am not jealous that she had sex with another guy. In fact I told her it turned me on. I no way is she blaming me or the other couple but she’s really hurting. Any advice? Or do I just continue to let her know I’m here for her and let her go through the grieving process? Thanks.

So after almost 2 years of my wife being in the lifestyle we ran across some bad experiences and more common than not couples where we aren't fully compatible. So we brought up the idea of solo play one evening and how it would work and if there were any "rules" other than communicating before hand. you know, the usual stuff that all normal couples discuss in the lifestyle. Well the next day my wife approaches me to tell me a few things. That she has a man that she is interested in playing with and that she has known him for over 10 years and before we met that they used to fuck regularly. She was single but he always had girlfriends that he could not stay faithful to. She had stayed in contact with him through social media and runs into him from time to time in public where he always asks if they are ever going to fuck again. She has always turned him down. This I know. But now that we have opened the door to solo play she would like to play with him because of familiarity and she feels safe. So after more discussion I agreed that it was okay. I would like to play solo as well but has not seemed to work out because the female either flakes out or doesn't believe that I have permission from the wife. The following week while she had the week off she texts me to say "He called me to see if I could come over is that alright?". I could not really refuse since I already signed off on the idea but did not expect it to happen so quickly. I feel like I had agreed to a situation where she wanted to see this man for a long time and it was just a matter getting me onboard or okay with it. They spent day together breakfast, then to his house until late in the afternoon. The idea of her being with someone else does not bother me. We've played numerous times with many couples. I have a few things that make me uneasy about this arrangement. I was first upset that it happened so quickly. I stated to her that I felt like she should have called me or talked about it before I left for work. It felt too convenient that he contacted her 5 minutes after I got to the office and a text to me felt very impersonal especially for our first encounter that was solo play. Additionally, he is not in the lifestyle. He has a girlfriend that is unaware of the situation. So he is cheating. As I said before they have known each other for over a decade and have had a casual sexual relationship in the past. Am I just being jealous that every time I am away from the house and they both have the same day off, which is every week, that they are spending the day together. We talked that solo play would only be a once a month thing and that we would sort of schedule it days ahead like a date. This felt like more of a booty call or that it was planned ahead of time without me knowing. And am I jealous that with my schedule solo play is difficult for me and that when I am home she is home too. So I would have to leave her home while I go on a date versus playing with someone while my wife is at work.

Well to all of you who know of me, I must tell you that the Mrs. and I have finally had our first threesome! I thought I might be a little weirded out by watching another man fuck my wife, but I wasn't. But there is one thing that concerns me. After he and I tagged-team her, she still has not had her orgasm. She suggests that the 2 of them go again because she is so close. Well they did, and she sang like I have never been able to make her do before. Now, this threesome is her b-day present, and the man is one that she has had sex with before during a trial open marriage. So I definitely wanted to her to get off, but feel a little (read: a hell of a lot!) jealous that it was him who got her off in that matter. Other than that one sticking point, I must say that I had good time as well watching her play out her fantasy of D/s, and mfm. Any ideas on how to counter this feeling? I don't want to ruin the memory of last night(5/25/04) for feeling jealous.

10thBader&Badger’s Wife We have been reading this site for the past couple of months. Now we are creating our first question because it always seems to come up and then someone gets flamed by some experience members. Mostly because they disagree with the newbie when they are asking a question. So please just take what I am writing as a inquisitive thought and not putting down the lifestyle that you live. How can someone not be jealous. Yeah certain situations where jealousy is silly and I totally agree. But there are some times where people on the site have said it was jealous and my only thought was it wasn’t jealousy but it was just a person being hurt. I’m going to give you a example one poster wrote: Him and his wife decided that they were going to go swinging and do a Threesome MMF. The husband and a man that was doing the wife was having a great time, the man coming out of his sexual zone had to back away for a moment and ponder. He started looking at the other man and his wife having sex and she was making noises and requesting things from this total stranger that confused her husband. This husband also noted that he was more than willing to do those things with his wife but she always said no. But with this total stranger she was absolutely willing to do all the things that she would not let her husband do and was enjoying it immensely. Her husband just sat there and watched in amazement while the wife was completely oblivious of him being in the room and hurting Mentally. Then the husband decided to leave the room because he was feeling really bad and the wife did not even noticed. The husband return to the room and saw his wife then requesting for the total stranger to do anal and it really hurt the husband because when he requested to do anal with her, she wanted no part of it. know several people or shall I say members said that you have to be happy for your wife because she is freer with this man and you should enjoy the fact that she is willing to experiment and let herself go. To my husband and I, we were just shaking our heads and saying how can anyone say that? How can this woman experiment with a total stranger but not willing to do the same thing or at a higher level with her husband and say that she loves him. It just doesn’t compute. I’m not sure how anyone could see that. If anything the wife should be more open with the husband that has requested everything that she did with this total stranger. How can this woman say that I love my husband 100% and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I’m more willing to experiment sexually with a total stranger than I am with my loving husband. But many members said you were just jealous and husband and I said no he’s just hurt emotionally. I thoughts were he is not jealous because he’s actually allowing this to happen in a threesome but hurt by the fact that she is more open with the total stranger that she is with him even though he’s just as willing to do the same things that she is requesting from the total stranger. I just can’t see that as jealousy as some members have said. Example number two Insecurities: This Fictionally couple wants to have a full swap and is looking for another couple. So they start looking on the Internet together. Now, historically the wife has always told her husband that he was more than enough for her with his size of cock. That at times it has even been too much because she is a smaller woman. So all through the marriage they would have making live sessions, but when they were just be passionate fucking together, he always had to take it easy. Because he wanted her to enjoy it and not have pain. So he and his wife Are looking on the Internet for another couple but every couple that the wife stops at. The guy is much bigger or shall I say not much bigger but larger than husband. The husband this just thought through his head. As something that it may not be actually the size of his cock but the other features of his physical body. So he lets the thought go and doesn’t create any problems but while in bed he’s asking her why is that every guy that you stop at seems to be bigger than mine. You’ve always said that I was too big, the wife tells him that she really didn’t notice but it was the total package that she was looking at. So that time comes where the couples meet, they go to wherever to have sex. The husband is enjoying himself with the other couples wife, just to see his wife while peeking over at her, she is enjoying the size of this of a man. The husband calls a timer and talks to the wife away from the other couple. And he says to his wife, are you OK. The wife says I am fine. So they go back to the other couple and continue. He looks over at his wife while he is playing with the other guy‘s wife and sees this guy putting on a condom and then starts fucking his wife wildly and she is enjoying every bit of it. The husband is thinking in his head what the fuck. How can this be happen. But everything continues as planned everybody finishes up and a couple leaves and go to separate way. The husband is absolutely baffled. He asked his wife how can you enjoy what he was doing to you when he was much larger than I but when I want to do that with you in our own home, you complain about it. The woman cannot understand why her husband is asking her that because she just enjoyed herself. The man sitting here thinking has he been lied to the whole time. Now some member will say that it was the newness. And it was explained this way by a member that the man can be satisfying her completely. Her husband is probably do it everything that this man has done to his wife but the fact that the newness of a different person was bringing her to different heights. And different levels of ecstasy. Then some member will say you shouldn’t worry about anything because your wife had a good time. Stop being insecure and have insecurities about the enjoyment of sex that your wife just had with a total stranger. To my husband and We are thinking wow, I know I would have been hurt emotionally because if I have been told something repeatedly throughout my marriage and to have my partner do something the total opposite with a total stranger and enjoy it immensely. How could I not be hurt or upset. Not angry unless I get some catchphrase or not a good explanation, that is when anger will come in. But the fact of being hurt is always considered insecurities/jealousy and we don’t take those two things fit those situations. So can the board just explain to us how insecurities/jealousy always seems to be the catchphrase with someone is actually from our opinion just hurt or not understanding the situation. I hope that are examples even though they are somethings that we read on here from people asking questions, we’re good enough of an explanation and a situation that has brought on much discussion between my husband and I. As I and my husband have explained on here several times. We only had one experience which did not go well. I guess that would be for another time but we appreciate all your input and we just want to say that there is one experience member that we really enjoy reading even though we disagree with him or her sometime but we really like this process input because after we agree with him or her a lot My husband says Chicup Is a beast!!!!! That dude needs two tickets when he goes to the zoo. One to get in and One to get out!!!!!! Julie, I always say that you are a breath of fresh air of reason and you should have your own book of one-liners that often put everybody in their seat to ponder.

Hi there, I'll try to keep this brief. Hubby and I opened our 17 year marriage about 4 months ago. We had been swinging on and off for 5 years. We discussed that if either of us met someone and developed feelings that we would be ok with them pursuing that poly relationship. Well, I found him a lovely woman who is a great match for him right at the beginning of opening up. I asked him a couple of weeks ago if he was falling in love with her. He said...with conviction...no. OK then. One week later he totally blindsided me telling me that he told her he loves her. I was VERY unprepared for it. I became very emotional. He said that he was lying to himself and denying the feelings he was having and not trying to deceive me (I 100% believe him). I believe in polyamory and hope to find a poly relationship for myself in the future, but now I'm finding myself super jealous of this relationship and I didn't see it coming (the jealousy). I used to get so excited hearing about the time he spent with her but now it upsets me. When it was "just sex" I was fine. What's wrong with me? Has anyone else navigated this successfully? I'm really hoping this is just a bump in the road.

A quick backstory. We had been discussing swinging for several months. My end of conversation was focused on getting the green light and trying to make sure Ms. K was comfortable with the choice. We did cover her fears and concerns, I didn’t think I had fears or would have strong emotions after. The issue came after our first MFM. We made several newbie mistakes like drinking too much, probably to ease our nerves or get the nerve up. We also had no clue what we were actually doing. We were with an aggressive male that took charge and it was almost a hot wife or cuckold situation which wasn’t what I wanted. All that being said we had a blast and have learned more of what each of us want/need. We definitely will try it again. It was a super hot night after the dust settled. The question at hand is, what do you actually talk about? We are good communicators but didn’t know what we were doing or what to ask one another. You don’t know what you don’t know, so communication was about should we do it? Will we be ok after we do it? I was wrapped up in the heat of the discussion and never realized I would have the emotions to deal with while Ms. K didn’t. I’m asking basically for a check list of topics to cover with one another. I know that is individual but we do need some guidance. How/what do you cover the emotional portion in pregame conversation? What are some basics that need to be covered that a newbie may not consider? For instance, I now know to discuss what we want/ don’t want with the third is a must. Also relaying what we want to each other is vital as well. Last how do you check in with each other while you’re in the moment to make sure everything is going ok? We are fine and have grown from the experience. Even though there was some negative feelings on my part and hers because I didn’t feel great afterwards (no fault of hers at all). The end result was definitely positive. We look forward to growing together in this exciting journey. I hope this all makes sense. Cheers S&N

Hi all, So my wife and I started playing about 4 months ago. It’s been a lot of fun, with of course the usual ups and downs. So far we have been involved in almost exclusively MFM situations. It seems to be a lot harder finding 4 people that click versus 3. Our very first experience was with another couple where we both liked him but she really did not hit it off with the other woman. So, we’ve hit more of a sweet spot, at least for now going the MFM route. We’ve also had a couple of guys that we both really liked that have failed to come back after the first or second “date”. We are really looking for a long-term FWB that we can rely on. With all this being said, we’ve recently found a guy that we both really like. BTW, I’m straight. He fits our needs from a conversational perspective, and we also like his body and sexual prowess. Here is where I’m having a bit of a dilemma. The wife is really into him and has recently told me, something I already knew, that one of her fantasies is doing him without me knowing before hand. She has agreed, and she’s never lied to me, that she would not do it without my permission. However, part of the kink is not telling me before and me only finding out afterwards. She’s also agreed to tape the entire thing for me as I really get off on watching. So a little bit of my dilemma is that I find it really freaking hot, as I like all kinds of kink, and I know he would send her back very satisfied. However, I can’t help but be a little jealous that she desires doing it without me. It’s not a big deal for her if I say no, but I also care enough that knowing that is her fantasy urges me to want to comply. Does anyone with so much more experience than me have any advice or POV?

Hello there. Mr. here. First time poster, long time reader. I've been putting this off for a long time trying to sort thru things and figure them out myself as we go along. We've gotten to a point now though, that I think I need some outside input from other people who are familiar with these types of situations. Wife and I have been married 11 years. We have always been very "open" sexually. It wasn't until earlier this year that we dabbled in swinging though. First mmf went down about 3 months ago. It wasn't a horrible experience, but it wasn't a very good one either. Both my wife and the other guy were too drunk to remember or perform lol. Morning after went a little smoother, but the other guy was too passive and soft for my wife's tastes. Fast forward to this last weekend, and our second mmf went down. Great time all around. Wife was able to just let go and lose herself. There was no awkwardness between the other guy and myself. Just a great sexual experience. So here comes my dilemma.... My wife wants to have sex with this other guy solo now. I'm not sure how to react to this. Before our night together she had hung out with this guy a few times, and they had kissed and did some petting. She had expressed to me that she was really interested in having sex with this guy alone. Now that we've all had sex together, and him and I somewhat know each other, she really wants to have sex with him solo. The prospect of it both scares me and excites me. I'm not sure how to contain my jealousy though. I find myself getting super jealous of them hanging out together. I don't mind someone having sex with my wife, but the prospect of someone "dating" my wife and doing things with her that I would want to do really get me worked up. I have talked to her about how I feel. She's tries her best to reassure me, but there's something in me that just won't let go and roll with it. So, here I am. Using all of you beautiful people as a backboard to maybe help me sort some things out that I haven't been able to wrap my head around. Thanks

"Hello, I'm Mr. NYFlirts... and I have jealousy issues." Yup, I'll be the first to admit I deal with jealousy. Most of the time it's a small tickle in the back of my head, but once in a while it's a raging elephant on my back and I can feel my heart pounding a million times a minute. This is going to be my thread where I post about my jealousy issues. What is and isn't working for me, etc. I'd LOVE to get your thoughts, comments, and suggestions!!! For the record: I don't like feeling jealous! I want it the feelings to go away. Outside of the experiences that trigger the jealousy, I can logically think that there is zero reason to be jealous, but that logic flies out the window when I'm triggered. My analogy: A person can tell themselves "There is zero chance I'll fall off the Empire State Building... look at all these things in place to prevent it from happening", but guess what, when many people get to the top and look down, that logic can't stop the deep-rooted fear of heights. Here are a few situations where I feel jealousy: (NOTE: Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't get jealous in these situations, that's the hardest part. I don't know why sometimes it's triggered and sometimes I'm totally fine.) 1) We're at a club or house party and I see the Mrs. super engaged with another guy. I'm sitting on the couch alone. 2) We're in a room with a couple. The Mrs. & her guy are moving things along but things with me & the girl are stalled. I'm frustrated and jealous. 3) We're in separate rooms with good friends. We all just had amazing sex with our swinger BFF's. I think we're all sleeping, but I start to hear moaning from the other room. My blood starts to boil. 4) The Mrs. is being very amorous with other guys (flirty texting, cuddling, etc.) which makes me feel "less special" and "jealous". I HATE that I feel these ways. I don't think it's right and I work VERY hard with the Mrs. to not feel these ways. I know that the Mrs. loves me unconditionally and I 100% believe her that none of the guys would be even 1/2 as good a long-term fit for her as I am... yet I still have these issues. WHY? More importantly, How do I keep them at bay and not feel bothered or jealous? I would love to take a magic pill and wake up with 100% confidence in every situation and able to have total compersion for my wife's activities. One thing we've done to actively prevent some of these issues is by having the "move at the same speed" rule. I've found that I'm 1,000 times less jealous about what's going on with her and another guy if I'm active... but while this helps in many situations, I'd rather not have to rely on it all the time. I want to be comfortable with knowing my wife loves me and all of us enjoy situations without jealousy rearing it's ugly head. What suggestions, exercises, and especially resources do you have that will help me be less jealous and have more compersion? IMPORTANT: I'm not looking for comments like "You sound like you shouldn't be swinging!" For the most part we've both really enjoyed our time in the LS. We've made amazing friends and have some incredible memories. I know logically that I shouldn't be feeling jealous, so I want to find ways to overcome this beast. I very much look forward to your replies!

I am new here and have done some searching, however I can't find what I am looking for. The Mr. and I have done some extensive talking about moving forward into the lifestyle, which I am all for, but have some reservations. Previous in our marriage we were having some communication issues which lead to an affair on his part. For the most part I have been able to forgive him but the more we talk about moving forward with this, the more reservations I have. I am wondering if the feelings of jealousy and reserve are normal. Is there any advice some more experienced have that they would be willing to share? This lifestyle is very much something I want to experience with the Mr., but don't want to have a disaster in the end. Thanks.

I have a serious situation. My wife and I are middle-aged, and have been married to each other for about 6 years. We have always had problems with her extreme jealousy...paranoia..whatever...although I have always been faithful. A cashier can smile at me, and I can be in deep shit. We are now separated, she has filed for divorce, because she is convinced that I have been unfaithful to her...I was not. We do love each other, and the only problem we have is her jealousy...we are talking...we both want to be together with each other...but she says I will break her heart again..and I say that my actions have been entirely innocent...I'm just friendly with everyone...I don't need an extramarital affair to be happy. And I am at my wits end...this marriage is over, and that is really sad. Now, my wife is sexual...she loves sex. My thought is if we entered into a swinging relationship...or swinging lifestyle....maybe that would cure her jealousy...her worse fears would be realized, but there would be no dishonesty...we would be doing it with each others knowledge and approval...and since she is doing it ...how could she be jealousy...She can enjoy her sexuality...the jealousy problem hopefully would disappear...we could live together happy as a married couple...and while I don't need the swinging lifestyle....I would enjoy it. Please give me your thoughts, suggestions, etc, and if you live in north Atlanta area, possibly we can conspire to work towards making something happen. I have not discussed this with her...I think she would dismiss it, and possibly get angry, but if handled right....I see this as a solution to all the problems...win..win..win.. At least I would try it before I kiss my love goodbye.

Hi, me and Mrs. Nightvoyeur are going to have our first soft swap experience soon. We have been married 21 years and only been with each other. We are of course starting in to this slowly and would like to hear any advise anyone might have on the subject. We are both just turned 40 and are in great shape for our age. Hoping to find some information for dealing with jealousy just in case.

I'm MADLY in love with my wife and I want to make 100% that nothing jeopardizes our relationship... well, ok, 100% is kinda ridiculous and I know someone will say "If you want those odds, don't swing!"... so we're willing to take some risk, but hopefully you understand the context of my point. We're both very interested in getting deeper and deeper into the lifestyle. So far we've gone to about 5 on-premises club events and mostly watched, had people watch us, and very light / soft swap (lots of touching and rubbing, but no oral or anything past that). We've been taking it slow and feeling things out. My feeling right now: We are interested in playing in the deep end eventually, but we want to feel out for sharp rocks before diving head first. I'd hate to "dive in" and do a full swap and then find out that one of us is thrown for an unexpected loop and it messes things up. I've been reading as much online as possible about relationships coming out of swinging. Here's the problem: Non-swinging blogs, forums, etc: "I know a few couples whose relationships were destroyed by it!" The problem here is that anybody who was into swinging and no-longer is, probably isn't inclined to post their own experiences. Swinging blogs and forums: A self-selective group where most will say, "It's benefited our relationship and made it stronger." This is expected since most people who hated swinging, fought, got divorced over it, etc. probably won't be here chatting everyone up and shooting the breeze about the lifestyle. I read post after post that says, "If you have any jealousy, don't do it!" (meaning keep getting deeper into swinging). The first time we went to a swing club it was perfect. The second time there was some communication problems, jealousy, and a pretty heated argument. Should we have quit right there? Our third and fourth time was great and no problems. The fifth time there was a little bit of an issue, but after some slight emotional back and forth everything was fine. Should we have quit? Should we quit? We're both SUPER excited about what lies ahead. Talking and thinking about what we've done and what we will do gets us crazy turned on. We're both at our computers right now and each of us are on lifestyle sites... I think we're addicts! So, here's the big question: How do you know when the "jealousy" and "poor communication" crosses the line from "Meh, many swingers, especially new ones, go through this and find their comfort level... it's just part of the process." vs. "DANGER! STAY AWAY! DISASTER AHEAD!!!!" If we had a crystal ball that showed us "If you keep down this path you'll eventually break up" we'd quit immediately. On the flip side, if we quit right now we'd feel like someone was about to hand us the keys to a brand new Ferrari and then yanked it away from us at the last minute. Is there any way for us to know when what we're feeling and dealing with crosses the line from "par for the course" into "danger, turn around!"?

I am just curious if anyone else feels the same way as me.... Some background info on our relationship, quick and dirty: I am in a serious relationship, very happy, with my new Fiance who I have been with for over 4 years. We are both very much in love and love our sex life. We have never swung or even had sex in front of other people. I have tended to be more on the jealous side and she is more open and not the jealous type at all...she is bi-sexual (I am straight)...her last serious relationship was 4 years long with a girl. Here is my question....my Fiance just went on a business trip for a few days and we both missed each other very much. The first reaction for me was that I didn't want her going out and having drinks at bars or anything, especially by herself....but once she got out there I was totally getting turned on by the idea of her getting drunk and going out to the hotel bar and other bars and flirting/getting hit on by other guys, hopefully what she would consider cute, or hot guys! I was totally encouraging her to go out by herself and get buzzed and have a good time and I was asking her if she was checking any hot guys out...she would say she wasn't. Does anyone else get turned on by this? Letting their wife/girlfriend go out and get hit on and possibly flirt back with other guys? Ever since she told me about going out and getting buzzed/drunk a little bit and telling me about guys that were coming up to her it really turned me on! And now I can't wait for her to get back and tell me more details and fuck her!!! Any thoughts on this? Anybody else share this feeling or tried this with your wife/girlfriend?

Mr. & Mrs. V here. We are totally new at any of this and like we said in our first post in the Introductions area, we have lots of questions and have been reading the forums some. Some initial fears we have are: Mind games: Mrs. V. brought up concerns that if, after an encounter involving us and a third (or fourth) person, that one of us (Mr. or Mrs. V) would think about that person during future private love making sessions. Even more so, that possibly one of us would be thinking that the other is fantasizing about the person(s) we've encountered. It's kind of a jealousy issue, which we have experienced in the past when we weren't as open and honest with each other as we are now. Any thoughts? There are some other issues we've talked about, like religious impact, STD's, children, etc... but we'll reserve questions on these topics after we do more research and reading in the forums. So after 20 years of marriage we enjoy a fantastic relationship. We are truly best friends and have shared EVERYTHING with each other- our past, our deepest darkest secrets, and our feelings and desires. As far as sex goes, well, we both agree it's mind blowing and has never been better. We also both put thoughtful effort into pleasing each other even more. We also want to mention something we're doing in the next week. Mr. V has a free hotel night coming from business travel and we're going to use it at a local hotel that has a lounge which is a hot spot for meeting, dancing, live music, pick up joint, etc... What we are planning to do is not talk to each other during the day while at work then go to the hotel separately and pretend not to know each other for the first hour or two we're there and allow ourselves to mingle, flirt, or just friendly talk to other people. Eventually we'll meet each other and pretend we don't know each other and role play a one night stand with each other (something neither of us has ever done before, even before we were married). We think it will be exciting and we will probably learn something about how each other feels watching our mate flirt with others. It will definitely give us topics to discuss with each other related to possible jealousies, desires, confidences and trust in each other. We both think it's going to be a lot of fun! Any more thoughts? Thanks for any input in advance...

My wife and I love each very much. We've been married for 15 years and have the most incredible sex together. We adore being together and have a wonderful level of communication and care for each other. We'd been speaking about swinging for some time. It was originally my idea, but we talked about it, and she said she wanted to give it a go. So last August, we took the plunge. We went to a swingers club, and within 15 minutes started having sex with each other in the orgy room. It was great. Soon other people joined us, and we were having a good time. Then a couple joined us. The guy started stroking my wife, and she looked at me, and I said fine. The guy's wife started kissing me. It was all going great, although I did feel that the guy was more attracted to my wife than the woman was attracted to me. Then anxiety performance set up. My erection disappeared. I told my wife, and we got dressed and went for a drink. The other couple joined us and we started chatting. I said should we try again, because I really wanted to try a full swap. So we went to another room, and swapped. All was going fine again, until I went inside the other woman and lost my erection again. Then I heard and saw the other guy taking my wife from behind. I went down on the woman and gave her an orgasm, but things were not going great for me. I felt lost and confused. My wife seemed to be really enjoying herself, but then she saw I wasn't going too well, so came back to me. We got dressed again. The club was closing. My wife gave the other guy a big hug, which gave me a small pang of jealousy. We talked a lot that night. She was feeling frustrated because she hadn't had an orgasm. I was feeling ok, until two days later. I woke up and suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of being very upset. Fortunately, we were on holiday together for a week, so we spent all of it talking. We talked, and talked and talked. We also had lots of amazing sex together. I felt very upset for three weeks afterwards. I didn't feel any resentment or anger towards my wife. In fact, I loved her even more than before. But the image of her being taken from behind by the other guy was stuck in my mind. I felt we'd gone way too far, way too fast. Everything else about the evening: having sex in front of others, kissing the others, soft play, felt natural and fun, but the full swap and the loss of erection felt traumatic. Anyway, I got over it in the end and our relationship has become much stronger. We love each other more than ever. She's the most wonderful person in the world. We went back to swingers clubs three times since then and had lots of sex together including some soft play, but no full swaps. However, every few months, the feelings of being upset come back (such as now). I feel fine, then all of a sudden, the thoughts of that evening come back and I feel rotten and regretful. I feel that I went too far, that I stupidly ignored all the warning signs, that I let myself and my wife down by not knowing myself well enough. I feel that I broke every rule in the swinging book, and that had we gone slowly and carefully, things could have been much better. I feel very disappointed with myself. I also wonder whether swinging is for me? I'd love to become a care-free, enthusiastic, active swinger and believe my wife would benefit from this immensely as she's a very sexual person. But should I just forget it all? Has anybody else experienced similar situations? How have you reacted? What have you done to make things better? I didn't think I was the jealous type, but maybe I am? Or maybe our first experience was just too fast?

Wow, ok, where to begin...jealousy is tearing me (Mrs. Jay) apart. I've told my husband on several occasions that I am fine with everything and he has developed a very non-threatening relationship with another lady. I know her and we hang out on occasion and she is a great girl! She is not interested in women at all, so it has developed as just an awesome relationship for my husband. And she is completely aware of the situation and totally fine with what she has with my husband and actually knows that eventually she will move on and find a husband of her own. Unfortunately I have been dealing with a lot of feelings of jealousy, which I never thought would happen and found myself trying to hide it... from myself first and therefore also from my husband. Over the last two months however, it has been rearing its ugly head pretty much every few days. And I have very badly jaded my husband by it. I didn't even realize that it was happening even though my husband on several occasions told me that it was likely the culprit. I had another freak out session yesterday and have completely turned my husband off to me for the time being. I fear I am trying to hold so tight to him now that I just keep pushing him further away. I feel rather helpless and hopeless at this point. Any constructive advice would be great! (Please no, "you shouldn't have gotten into this in the first place..." We knew exactly what we were getting into.)

Hello to all and we hope someone can help us with my (his) problem in this lifestyle!!! Please read in its entirety. I (him) will be completely honest because we want completely honest answers!!! We have both created this together. It is very long because we want whoever is reading it to be able to give us true answers that will help. Thanks in advance. We've been married for over 16 yrs and have been together for 17. We are deeply in love with each other. We both love sex!!! We have a wonderful marriage and have never fought or even disagreed about anything other than this part of our lives. Below we have told you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,….so help us please! We know we both have jealousy issues although him way more than her. Anyhow when we were dating my wife told me she had had a dream of a MFM. I told her I always dreamt of a MFF. I told her that her dream of a MFM would never happen because I could never see her with another man and I meant it. She told me that it was just a dream and that her true fantasy was to do a MMFF. I told her that that would never happen either because my greatest fear would be to see her lose it with another man. Anyhow, 6 yrs later she gave me a MFF with her best friend of over 15 years then. She was recently divorced. We didn't talk about any rules or anything prior to it. We were stupid and uneducated. We thought swinging was a myth and really didn't think it existed. Her friend flew to us to visit. The first night started with very little foreplay, and then her girlfriend started to seduce me and then sat on me and continued to do so. We then got into it hot and heavy. It became just me and her girlfriend. We did everything, you name it, we did it. (minus anal) I basically forgot about my wife the rest of the session. Afterwards she cried and we fought about it. I ran out of things to say and fell asleep. It seemed nothing I said would help. The next night she did the same for me and I fucked up again. The same thing happened the second night. She cried and we fought again and yet again we did it the third night. The third night while we're doing it I tried to give wife some attention and she demanded me to just f*#$ her! We both remember me doing so and practically almost breaking down in tears while doing it. After her girlfriend flew back home she cried, we fought again. She hated me and I didn’t know what to say to fix what I’d done so I basically just tried to love her and avoid the conversations. A year and a half later her friend came to visit again. I promised myself I’d never forget about my wife again. In doing so, when the three of us did it again I made it a point to do everything equal. Afterwards my wife pointed out that I licked her girlfriend and not her and she was pissed because I was a robot. She said that it was like a slap in the face to her. We argued about it again and every time I ever did anything wrong she would through all four experiences in my face. 2 years passed and the same girlfriend got married. I decided to give my wife the foursome she always wanted because I felt I owed her for all my mistakes. We did it with her friend and her husband but beforehand I made a list of things my wife couldn’t do because of my greatest fear of seeing her with another man. She promised me that she would never let that happen. Her rules were: no kissing, no looking in the other mans eyes, no necking, no seducing, and whichever man came first the wife had to finish off their own man. Again we didn’t want to make my greatest fear come true. My rule was no kissing. We both agreed and went into it. We did it with them about 15 times with those rules. Each time before and afterwards she would throw the past in my face. With each time I would pay more and more attention to her and enjoy it less and less. She never really enjoyed the experiences either. We both however enjoyed parts of each experience and that’s what made us do it over and over again. I must point out that you all think her girlfriend was hot but she was not. She was not my taste. Some might say ugly. She had an ugly personality and was over my weight standards. To me it was just about sex. Eventually, I lifted the no kissing rule for my wife but all other remained the same. We kept the other rules because of my greatest fear and she again promised she would never let that happen. We did it another 5-6 times but my wife and the other guy never kissed. He was scared of me and my wife never wanted to go for the kiss. She always waited for him to initiate it and he never did out of fear even though I told him it was ok. Me and her girlfriend did everything but keep in mind I always paid attention to my wife so I never really enjoyed it. Again, over each time the past was thrown in my face before and after each experience. One time the four of us were in a hotel room and the women were sucking off the other’s husbands. My wife made him cum and then there was a moment where we all looked at each other. She wanted to finish sucking and her husbands said go ahead. I looked at my wife and she gave me an expressionless face and threw her hands up as if to say, fuck it, go ahead. Her girlfriend did so. It was the most unenjoyable blow job ever. I had to stiffen my legs and force myself to cum. Afterwards she threw the fact that I broke that rule in my face. We both decided to pursue swinging since it never worked with her girlfriend and her husband. We enjoyed parts of each experience but never the whole thing. I learned that I enjoyed the MFM portions of each experience, and I mean I really enjoyed those!!! And so did she!!! My wife is bi but it seemed her girlfriend just did it to do it. Her girlfriend never got into it (seducing me) like she did the first three times we did it with just her during all the times after she married. Neither my wife nor I were attracted to them in the least bit. They became boring to both of us. I talked my wife into getting an account on a swinger website and we searched for another couple. I told her that all her all rules were lifted if we were to do this. I felt guilty for being greedy for so many years of having her abide by rules which were unfair. I just asked her again to never allow my greatest fear to happen and again she promised it wouldn’t. We agreed on using condoms since we were getting ready to do it with couples we didn’t know. The reason we didn’t use condoms with her girlfriend and her husband was because all four of us were in monogamous marriages and myself and he were fixed (couldn’t make babies). We eventually met up with another couple and he was overweight and she was not. We ended up getting a hotel room and when he undressed it grossed both of us out. We started it anyway. To make a long story short, my wife took one for the team and I felt really bad for her. This experience only resulted in a soft-swap due to the other guy cumming to fast. It lasted probably about 15-20 minutes so I never got to see my wife without rules. Months later we hooked with another couple. Both were our taste. We agreed on no rules except that if one guy cums the appropriate wife had to finish the other man off. We also had 3 signals: one to pick things up, one to bring things down, and one to stop altogether. It started out with foreplay and I came in less than 5 minutes. I couldn’t get hard the rest of the foreplay time because I was seeing my wife without rules. Luckily the other woman was my taste and I just kept licking her. This went on for about 3 hours. My wife and I had a lot of eye contact. The last 15 minutes of the foreplay I signaled to her that I needed assistance with getting hard and she obliged by sucking my tool. We took a break and the other man gave me a pill (Viagra). About 20 minutes later we went into round two. Round two basically started with 2 minutes of foreplay then condoms went on. I could tell my wife felt unsure of letting go so I grabbed her head and looked into her eyes and let her go. She came right then and there! This happened about a minute after we threw condoms on. We continued to fuck opposite partners. I felt myself getting into it and snapped out of it and grabbed my wife’s ankle and pulled her across the bed to lick her while I was fucking the other chick. I did this because I didn’t want her to feel forgotten about like the very first MFF. After he started to fuck my wife I got into it with the other female and basically got caught up in the moment. I pretty much did every position known to man with her. Then I took the other woman from the bed to the ottoman at the foot-end of the bed. (When I did so I broke a rule which I forgot to mention earlier that was set from the time we decided to do a foursome with her girlfriend and husband years ago. This rule was that in all foursomes all people had to stay on the same bed.) About 2 minutes after moving the other woman to the ottoman I hit me that I fucked up and I looked up at my wife who really didn’t give me any reason to stop or change what I was doing. So I kept on doing her on the ottoman. I looked again which seemed to me to be about 5 minutes and saw my wife sitting on him. We made eye contact. It hurt me and turned me on at the same time and I instantly came. When I did the other woman turned and swallowed me. I pushed her off because I didn’t want my wife to see it and upset her. My wife kept with the rules. After I came she got off the other man and put his wife on him. My wife did finally let loose but was still a little reserved because she was unsure of whether or not she was truly being let go. After we left my wife thanked me for letting her go. She told me that I fucked up by moving the chick to the ottoman but never really got mad at me. She did however get mad because I didn’t let myself enjoy being swallowed. I was in total bliss for three days afterwards and then on the 4th day I had flashes of seeing my wife alone with another man and broke down at work; literally in tears. This went on for about 2 weeks. After that couple we went back to her girlfriend and her husband two more times. One of those times we decided to do a full-swap with them for two reasons: to loosen them up and to try a full-swap for the very first time. I blew my load first and looked up at him banging my wife. I didn’t like it so I tried to put my tool in her mouth. She gave me an ugly face and pushed me away. It ended within 30 seconds after that. We talked after that and I found out she was mad at me because I never looked at her and she told me that she pushed me away because she was mad about that as well as that I came to her because she believed I couldn’t see her with another man and that’s the only reason I came to her. I told her that she was right but also wrong because I normally always came to her during the previous acts because I didn’t want to make her feel I’d forgotten about her, which was true. I never wanted to hurt her like I did the first MFF. I did admit I came to her that time out of jealousy but all the previous times I did it because I didn’t want to hurt her and also truly enjoyed doing MFM with her. I also told her I didn’t look at her because we agreed to do a full-swap and that that wasn’t a rule and I really didn’t want to see her alone with another man anyways. We both agreed afterwards that a full-swap was not for us. She later expressed to me she didn’t want to just meet and fuck people. She preferred to get to know them first. So we started to get into the lifestyle by going to clubs, and meet and greets. A year later we finally met up with another couple. The second date we went home with them. My wife finally got her girl-girl experience where she licked the other female for about an hour. The other chick never returned the favor. Later that night we all went to bed but the other guy drink a little too much and couldn’t get up. It lasted for about 20 minutes before he walked out. I fucked the other chick but finished when he was done without cumming. After about 3 more dates with this couple the four of us went into the bedroom again. We refer to this as the “Fatal Friday”. This is how it went: We went into the bedroom and I was the last to get on the bed. Everyone was naked and in the bed before I got my clothes off. My wife was already between the other man’s legs and looked back at me because they made it seem they wanted a full-swap. When we made eye contact we both knew that’s what they wanted. I looked at her and shook my head as if to say hell no. I thought she understood especially because she had always thrown my mistakes of breaking rules in my face over the past 10 years. Anyhow, while I licked the other woman my wife sucked him for about 30 seconds, he flipped her over and licked her for about 30 seconds, threw a condom on, and put it inside of her. I saw my wife’s face of enjoyment and it hurt. I still thought it was going to turn out as a foursome. I then felt I was behind in the game so I threw a condom on and put it in the other chick. My wife was thrown into the doggie style position and her head was right beside me so I grabbed her hair, pulled it back and kissed her. Her eyes were closed and she really didn’t kiss back. I had to do it again to get her to kiss back. The second time I pulled it very hard and got the kiss I wanted. That turned me on but also off because I knew my wife was actually enjoying it this time. I felt this was not going to be a foursome. About 10 minutes into it pushed her head into the bed, she looked at me while I was fucking the other chick and said “fuck her”. She bit my arm and the bite kind fell off me as she fell off into total bliss. I then knew I was in for a bad experience. I didn’t stop it because I had made a decision to myself that I was going to let her go before we even went into this experience. I felt very mad about her not believing I could see her with another man so I just let it happen. I figured that if I egged her on she would do the same in return out of gratitude. That never happened. In fact she never came to me throughout the whole experience and never made eye contact with me from 10 minutes on. The experience lasted about two-and-half to three hours. I couldn’t stay hard because I watched 99% of her getting pleasure. Her pleasured face and sounds destroyed me. Her eyes were closed the whole time. I even watched her take the man and seduce him. Everything looked exactly the way I would imagine it looks if I were to be a fly on the wall looking at us doing it alone together our whole marriage. I just tired to remain hard. I did see an opportunity about an hour into it where I put my stuff in her mouth and she opened her eyes in disgust (like she didn’t want it) but she then took it. This lasted about 3 minutes. I was hard again and went back to the other chick. I immediately became limp again. The chick tried her best to keep me hard but each time I put a condom on it went limp within 30 seconds to 2 minutes. I once again saw a chance to be with my wife. I went to her and fucked her. She did not come to me. She came. This lasted about two minutes and then I went back to the other chick. I ran into the same problem of going limp. About 45 minutes I stood up ready to walk out and the other guy threw his hand up and said “Come on man, it’s only been 45 minutes…relax.” I tried to do just that. Later I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed; the other chick was on the other side of my wife who was with the other man. I guess I blacked out because what woke me was him pushing my wife to me and him telling his wife to help her out. They both started to suck me off and the guy started to fuck my wife again while she was doing this about a minute later. I got hard. The other chick put a condom on me and I tried yet again but went limp immediately. I was done. We all left the room. We went outside and I was devastated. I wanted to go back in there and everything go right. I told them I wanted to try again. I felt bad for the other chick and thought my wife would help out the second time around. While were sitting there my wife looked at him then at me, called me to her with her finger and sucked me till I got hard. I didn’t want them to know I was having a jealousy issue so I turned to the other female and said “Ok, he’s ready for you.” Before I knew it, my wife and the other man were past me and heading for the bed room and the other chick took me by the hand and led me in too. All three were in the bed while I was standing. He looked at me and told me to just lay down and relax. He knew I was bothered. At the same time he was saying that my wife was between his legs with his cock in her hand and looking at me with the biggest smile ever. I laid down. My wife looked at me until the other chick started to suck me then she began to please him. She never looked at me again. The chick sat on me and I went limp again. As she was sitting on me my wife was thrown on her back between my legs where she licked my balls for about a minute then there was no more interaction with her again. Not even eye contact. I went through another condom and tried again. Meanwhile my wife was thrown into about 5 more positions which I watched while trying to perform. She never opened her eyes to make eye contact again. I remember feeling zero arousal and finally called it quits. My Greatest Fear had come true! That night when we were on our way home, I asked her how she felt it went. She said “Ahhh, I really didn’t enjoy it.” I then lost it. I felt lied to because I watched the whole thing and saw the pleasure on her face, saw her take him, etc. We went home and had our normal post sex. She was completely dry. I was totally pissed off! We fought and I broke down. I cried daily for about 3½ weeks. She was there by my side the whole time, unlike me when I broke her heart with our first MFF. Every day we talked and each day it got better. Bottom line is I found out I have a real problem seeing my wife alone with another man. I like sharing her with another man or woman but to see her have pleasure with another man kills me! How do I deal with this??? All I want to do is make her happy like she has done for me for so many years. We both enjoy 99% of this lifestyle. That’s the one thing I can’t handle. I now wished I would have let her go into it with the same rules from the start. She knows how to deal with seeing me with another woman and I feel I will always be left behind from this point on. Karma’s a bitch. What comes around goes around. I know I will get a lot of nasty comments from you all but I don’t care. I’m ready for them but please remember that I am the one that came up with the idea to seek help for us because I just want to make her happy, make up for all my mistakes, and make it work for us. We are realists and know that we will someday do this again. If you write nasty things about me, please don’t forget to give us some positive feedback because WE want to make this work for us. Yes, I was pissed off because of three things: 1. She broke her rule of not doing her dream of a foursome (our golden rule) that night. Instead she did a full-swap. She says she misinterpreted my facial expression right from the start. She thought I just wanted to fuck the other chick which was never approved of by her in the past. It was always a desire to do a foursome for her. I can forgive her for this because I know from experience that desire is what made her make that decision that night and I know desire is a very strong thing. 2. She said that by me pulling her hair I was egging her on and it solidified that I wanted to do a full-swap in her mind. She even remembers thinking “What else does he want me to do?” I always pulled her hair and kissed her in the past foursomes. 3. She also never made eye contact with me during the act except that one time. This really made me mad because, from start to finish I went through 6 condoms and was limp almost the entire time, and she never noticed. She says she looked at me 5-7 times during the whole thing but never saw me walking across the room to get condom after condom. She admits we never made eye contact. She also admits to closing her eyes so she could enjoy it. 4. She says she doesn’t remember either time the guy told me to relax. He wasn’t whispering either. The first time I was standing up beside the bed getting ready to leave with a limp one and she was moaning with her eyes closed. What really upset me was the second time she was looking right at me with a smile on her face. The guy noticed I was having issues. Why didn’t my wife. 5. Most of all I was really upset because she forgot about me that night. She never made in effort to come to me. I had to watch my Greatest fear evolve right before my eyes! If there’s one thing my wife got out of this is the fact that I’ve always loved her! She knew that but always thought I just loved her for cooking, cleaning, etc. After 3½ weeks of me breaking down, crying daily, and not sleeping due to dreams she finally knows and understands that it truly was my greatest fear all along. She thought I just wanted to fuck other woman and thought I would be alright with it. In the end, I know from experience I am to blame for that night because I fooled myself into believing she would never let my greatest fear happen. The reason I say this is because I know once a person gets in the moment it’s very hard to snap out of it. What may seem like 20-30 minutes may really be 1-2 hours. I should have mentally prepared myself for the worst. I also know that I shouldn’t have egg’ed it on in the first 10 minutes. I should have stopped it but I just wanted to prove to her I could see her with another man and thought I would be given some attention from her as gratitude. I truly forgive my wife for that Fatal Friday. We both know we enjoy 99% of the lifestyle and will someday get back into it. We do however want to be better prepared. The most important issue to resolve is my problem of seeing my wife alone with other men. It’s not the men doing it to her but the fact that she’s enjoying singularly from another man besides myself. I know that desire is very strong and I need to mentally prepare myself to be forgotten about. She says that she will never let that happen again. I believed it the first time and believe she will try her best not to repeat it again. At the same time I’ve tried to avoid doing the same to her for so many years and never really got to enjoy the whole experience ever since the first MFF. I don’t want her to have to always worry about me and have the same problem. How do I deal with this problem of mine???????????????????????????????? Please help US, not me! Note: She took part in preparing this problem. She has proof read it from beginning to end. We don’t want to be criticized unless it’s constructive criticism. We’ve already criticized each other enough. We just want to learn from it from others, forget about it, and move forward with a completely fresh start for both of us. Thanks again in advance.

My wife and I have been married for 14 years and began our journey into swinging over 2 years ago. We have a model marriage, rock solid and exceptionally sexually charged. It all started when our best (vanilla) friends asked my wife to video them having sex, and she was shocked. We discussed it, and I really liked the idea. It didn't happen, but we began discussing our private fantasies. My ultimate fantasy is to watch her having sex with another man. That desire took us down the road to swinging. We found our first swinger couple online, and became full swap. Only rule: We play together; same room sex. On that bases, we're able to signal each other if anything negative comes up. Fast forward to present day. We've had a mutual (married) friend that we've known since college (15 years). This summer my wife confided in the guy of the other couple that we were swingers. He thought the idea was tantalizing, and immediately started introducing the idea to his wife. Within two months all the ground work had been laid and I ended up giving his wife a massage that ended up nude and I had sex with her (completely sanctioned by our spouses). We were alone in the living room late at night- the other two had left us alone because I was working on my assignment. Upon notifying my wife and the other husband, they went directly to the upstairs bedroom and caught up. This stretched our same room swinging rule, but since we were introducing vanilla friends to the wide world of recreational sex it was acceptable. By chance we had already planned a mutual vacation in Las Vegas for the following month. In all the hot discussions with our friends with new benefits we ended up negotiating an overnight wife swap. All three of them wanted it, and I decided since it was Vegas, lets try it all. One night became all 4 nights almost right away. I didn't want that, didn't like it, but I reserved judgement. I wasn't going to be the Debbie Downer of the group in Las Vegas. So we went ahead as planned. 4 nights of separate closed door sex. I couldn't believe I had gotten myself into. Now my wife and her (boy)friend of 15 years have all but established our group as a polyamorous. They only play behind that goddammed closed door, and I hate it. I have the same privilege with his wife, but for me I only consider myself a NSA swinger. Not a closed polyamorous "I love you" relationship. My wife is in love with this guy, we see them on 6 week intervals (240 miles separate us) and I don't know what to do. It's so far along now that I'll destroy the friendship if I pull the All-Stop lever now. I don't see the other-wife that I've been assigned as being in the same attraction class as my wife. He, on the other hand is ga-ga over my wife, and they have talked up a bond that rivals my own marriage. She's admitted to me that they're saying their I-Love-You's behind that damn closed door. I've imposed time limits on them now, 1.5 hours is it behind that door. My wife respects that and follows it, but I know she (they) want more and likely resent it. I'm iron clad on that, and have shut out all discussions about more time -> all night swaps again. If I had foreseen any of this when we started swinging 2 years ago I would have squashed it. But now I'm here, and I'm conflicted. I can suppress my (is it jitters? jealousy?), but it keeps popping up and I become moody over the worst case scenario of those two running off and starting a bakery together. I don't want to stop what's possibly a good thing, but my primary fantasy has been permanently removed: watching my wife enjoy sex with another man. I've deleted all our swingers profiles on the lifestyle sites in protest. I might just passively remove myself from the group. I'm so afraid of damaging my awesome marriage over this. Tell me, what would you do?

My girlfriend and I have been swinging for about a year, have met / had dinner with about a dozen couples, been to the clubs and even had a few play dates. Our problem is that while we seem to click and have a great time with a few couples in a vanilla setting the play time has been less than fulfilling usually because the other guy has issues. So far we have dealt with the "jealous guy issue" who just could not handle seeing his wife enjoy herself even though they were supposedly far more experienced than us. The "quick cummer" who came about 2 minutes after my girl went down on him then felt like play time was over and it was time for them to go home. The "can't get it up with a condom on" of course my girlfriend would not fuck him without a condom which ended that evening fairly quickly. And of course the disappearing couples who after a nice evening, etc etc everyone gets along, things are great, lets set up a play date, then wham o you never hear from them again. We did have one nice evening and play date with a very experienced couple they were about 5 years older than us. ( We are mid-forties ). They were great. No jealousy, attentive, and we got to live out one of our fantasies of us both fucking someone else in the same bed, side by side as we touched and watched each other. My girlfriend is frustrated by all the other guy problems. She is patient and understanding but frankly is tiring of watching me have fun fucking and playing with the other women while she deals with the guy issues. She has occasionally given up on them and just joins in with me and the other lady but that usually causes problems with the other guys feeling left out. She then feels bad about leaving them out which usually ends the evening. We have not played in months because of the bad experiences and she now says she just wants us to play with other single women only, ( she is very bi ) which I know is nearly impossible to find. My question after that long dissertation above is this: Is this the norm in the swinging world : 1:5 or One good experience to every 5 attempts ? What has been your success ratio ?

Just found this response in another thread: Rather interesting and thought it would make a good discussion. I know we have some soft-swingers here who may also like to respond. I'd also be interested in reading the article you are referring to, if you can give us some more info on that, Flassh. I'd like to know how they came to that conclusion? Was it by interviewing many swinging couples who had started by soft-swinging? Was it because they started as soft-swingers themselves and it didnt' work for them? Different things work for different people, and it's been a while since we had a good discussion on the merits of soft-swinging. So what do you think are the pros and cons of soft swinging? IF you are a soft-swinging couple, why did you choose to do that rather than full swap? Do you think you will ever full swap? If you are a full-swap couple, did you start off soft-swinging? Would you ever soft-swing in the right situation? Do you think that soft-swinging creates more problems/ jealousy than full-swap? What are your reasons for NOT choosing to soft-swing?

I need help with this subject, also with being scared of getting hurt. Me and my partner want swinging to happen so bad. He actually has done this before in the past, I have not. He states it should be someone that we know or a friend, but when I think about it I think I might be jealous of this person afterward. Also I am scared of what if I see him touch her in a passionate way that he has not done to me, or just seeing something that is done that is not done to me, what if it looks as if that person's pussy feels way better than mine does to him? What if a female that we do this with wants more and more? What if she just wants him? What if she starts doing flirty things with him like the everyday flirting we do together as a couple? I am so scared that these things will happen and I will feel so hurt. What do I do, how do I stop feeling this way?

Hello Everybody, Here's the story, A couple we have recently met asked us to spend the night at a hotel with them to celebrate the husbands birthday. We had previously played with this couple at their home and then at a house party so we could see no problems looming. For the week preceding the hotel date the lady was sending me "I can't wait for the weekend" text messages. Laurie was getting similar messages from the man. Saturday arrived and they called and said they could pick us up at out house and ride with them to dinner, the adult store, and the hotel. We were having a great time running around town with them. After dinner we went to the hotel and played an adult party game. At that point I started feeling like there was some kind of tension going on. The pacing of the evening seemed wrong. Eventually the guy whispered back and forth with his wife and she came over and cuddled up with me. Laurie took that as a cue and went over and sat on the other bed with him. I was happily occupied so I wasn't paying much attention to what was going on over there. I heard him say something about a back ache and Laurie used her bedroom voice and said she'd give him a back rub. As I got more involved with the lady I heard several heavy sighs from that side of the room but I didn't think they meant anything more than a good time. Shortly after I started having intercourse with the lady her husband got up in a huff, threw his clothes on and stormed outside and drove away. After he left his wife said "Well, I was afraid something like this would happen." We all got dressed. Eventually he came back to the parking lot and called her on her cell phone. she went outside to have a talk with him. While Laurie and I were alone we had a conference on what happened. She told me he had declined everything but the back rub from her. While she was giving the back rub he had done nothing but watch me and the lady and get more tense. She knew he was getting upset but her best attempts to attract his attention to happier pursuits failed. Eventually they came inside. The guy started wordlessly packing their luggage. I followed suit. While he was checking out we had a chance to talk to the lady. He had told her, "I know you really want Jeff, so go ahead." She took him literally. He told her afterward that he was being sarcastic. She told us that he'd be OK once they talked it out. The guy came back out and wordlessly drove us back to our house. Soooooo, here's what we learned: 1). From now on we don't go anywhere without our car. 2). From now on if one of us notices anybody getting upset or uptight we speak up to each other and the games get a "time out" till the issue is resolved. It there anything else we should have learned from this incident? Did we do anything wrong? Any input would be most appreciated. Thanks, Jeff and Laurie