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Showing results for tags 'libido'.
Found 21 results
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So how do older swingers maintain their libido? Does the fooling around aspect help?
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This is for older couples primarily, but could apply to any group.The question boils down to, as you get older does sex become a little less fun or does sex with the same loving person, become a little less exciting? Does life become simply routine or is the sex drive simply not demanding as much attention? Or do couples simply get bored with each other? Guess i'm wondering how to raise the heat level in an otherwise great relationship
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Hi this is Petra, member of a three-woman, two-guy closed poly family. I am a long-time member of the Swingersboard, so if you want more background, you can look at previous posts. We are all now in our thirties and have found that while it used to be that the two guys could adequately take care of us three women, that is shifting. The guys have slacked off a little, while the women's desire for sex has increased. While it helps that we girls are bisexual and can help each other, we also seem to need (or at least want) more frequent sex with the guys. Penis-in-vagina intercourse is what we girls want, and the three of us women cum relatively easily, so a quick screw is satisfying. Anyone else facing a similar situation? The way we have primarily addressed this is by making one of our guys service two girls, her cumming while he holds back, then taking care of the second. Any thoughts? -
An article on women's sexual desire entitled "The Libido Crash" , the cause of the (apparent) decline and a conversation about medications that do not effectively "treat the condition" recently appeared in Aeon. Is this less of an issue in the LS community? And if it is less of an issue, why? Is it because couples self-select for the LS (they do not have the lost libido problem in the first place)? Is it because they actively work together at keeping the sparks alive, and the LS is simply one of many expressions of that hard work (they also have and play with toys, also make time to date each other, also make the bedroom 'fantasy central', etc.) ? Or Is it the LS itself, which encourages play with different partners, that nourishes libido? The answers may not be exclusive--more than one may apply--but we're interested in how others see this. -
Bingo! Now I will add that, if your provider gets all squeamish or seems incompetent when it comes to sexual concerns, find another one! I've seen this seriously set some people back over the years. They consulted with someone that wasn't comfortable discussing sex, brushed the person off with bad advice, and the person/relationship suffered because of it.
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Has the way you have sex at home changed since you started swinging. No two partners act the same way in bed. We all have our likes and dislikes and when with a new partner have experienced new feelings. Have you and a swing partner done something that is new to you and have you brought that new act or position back to your home bed. How did your spouse react? Has your spouse tried something new? Do you discuss new likes?
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I (the female half) have a very high sex drive, the slightest little imagination can set me off. Makes life very fun! What i am wondering is how much of an odd ball I am. It seems to me with the majority of "normal" people the man has the higher sex drive. But as a 30 (ish) woman, I can match any horny 16 year old guy! So ladies, men, who is the most driven.... The Mrs.
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Has anyone tried any of the herbal libido enhancement products, male or female? If so, how did they work? What was your experience? They claim rock hard erections in 20-30 minutes and increased libido, etc. -
As I've made pretty clear here, my wife has simply lost the desire for sex. Everything else in our marriage is great but she just doesn't want sex anymore. We experimented with swinging years ago so it's not like having sex with someone besides each other is going to harm the marriage, we've proven that. So I have to wonder about the possibility of finding a couple like us, only it's the husband who no longer wants sex, and find relief that way? Hey, just had another thought. My wife absolutely loves Disney World. She gets an annual pass every year and she and her sister even spend a week every December at a Disney resort. I don't particularly like Disney but will go with her a few times a year just for her. Well now, if we found a couple about our age with a husband who isn't interested in sex but loves Disney and a wife who is still needing some sex but couldn't care less about Disney? And, of course, all agreed. My wife and the husband could go spend the day in the 'G' and 'PG' world of Disney while the other wife and I take care of some 'R' and 'X' needs of our own.
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Hello everyone! I am married but it is already four years since my wife lost her interest in sex at all (apparently). On the other hand, I am young and full of body energy to share. I am also naturally interested on exploring/studying the orgasm; for me it is very healthy and stabilizing thing and I love to give pleasure to another person. We are separated in fact but living together. I dream about sparking her desire and going back again to what used to be a very hot couple, tide by tongue as we were called before, but not sure if it is possible and now I am already desperate, becoming addicted to porn. I think this sad end is the result of following a counter natural model of marriage. I want to explore what are my real desires without any barriers. I wonder if swinging lifestyle would help me on this. I wonder if, now being a married but single, I would find partners for my explorations, and how and where. And I wonder if I will be able to bring my wife to this lifestyle as well so she can also enjoy and we start having happy lives again. Any kind of advice is welcome. Thanks!! -
My libido seems to have evaporated into thin air! Where I was once thinking about it all day everyday I am now either in a heap on the sofa in my bed socks emersing myself into some random comedy or busying myself in anything that doesn't require me taking my clothes off. For the last couple of months sex has been stressful and forced. No orgasm required for me, just take what you want and leave my alone have been the thoughts running around my head. I'm 39 years old and have a body to die for but criticize my size 6, 173cm figure everytime I look in the mirror. I'm secretly angry everytime Mr G brings up potential playmates or the idea of doing something saying "I can't promise anything but I don't mind to meet them for drinks!" We've always had an on off relationship with the LS, going through phazes of meeting everyone and anyone to closing our site profile and running away from it for a while. We went to a party this weekend and I wanted to leave after 1/2 hour feeling unconfortable, closed and totally concious of myself. I had originally had the idea for the both of us to go to a vanilla bar, just the two of us and spend the evening together but we changed our plans last minute. I had thought that he probably wouldn't have been into a vanilla evening and would've maybe been bored. Anyway we ended up staying for a few hours at the party once I'd drawned myself in vodka which seemed to take the edge of. we drank, danced and had fun in the end but did I want to have sex when I got home...no! I fear that by not indulging in the lifestyle will cause me and Mr G to drift apart which seems to have been the case. Recently there was a time where Mr G actually said to me that when we're not so active in the LS that things get a little stale between us and that the idea, the ignition, the fantacy and the boast are missing which causes us to go off the boil. It's true that when we opened ourselves to this LS two years ago we were like two teenagers falling in love with eachother all over again. And I get that being married for 14 years with 2 small children and a busy work load for both of us means that some external stimulation is sometimes needed to ignite the passion but that doesn't seem to be working for me either at the moment. I used to be on fire, I used to spend hours preparing, grooming and dressing up for our dates and parties and now I just can't be bothered. I'm rattling my brain trying to establish whether there was a particular event or realization of passed events that have caused me to be cold and fridged and the only thing I can put my finger on is that we don't seem to be on the same page. And when Mr G tells me that when I'm 'on fire' it turns him on beyond belief, I seem to go to a place where I tell myself 'I should turn you on anyway' even in my bed socks! So i find myself in a vicious circle of beleiving that I only turn him on when I'm (fill in the blank) and that belief for some reason makes me feel unloved. Please come back libido...I like it when you're around x
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Something I've noticed lately. Almost every time we play with a couple, my sex drive is in high gear not just during, but for an extended time afterwards. While this may not seem that significant to someone else, especially a younger man, I've long faced the reality that things naturally slow as the result of advancing through life. I have no idea my T-levels, but I do know by the mid-40's they are not the same as before and under normal circumstances I may think about sex daily, yet do not actually need to engage in it more then 2-3 days in between and in fact may not have the overwhelming desire. Yet, sometimes after having played with another couple, the wife and myself, with the experience fresh, usually feel the need to have sex with each other either the same night once we get home or the next morning. If that wasn't enough for me, I sometimes get the inclination to masturbate later on that same day as well. Bear in mind this is all within a 24 hour period which I said when I was half my age getting off 3 times a day would not have seemed like such the impressive feat I feel it is today. So have any other men (presumably older) experienced this and do you think the swinging results in it? Though I realize it is likely mental in that the post memories and experience are driving my libido, but might there not also be a medical explanation? Maybe sex with different partners increase one's T-levels for a short time afterwards somehow? Since I usually have no desire for repeat sex so soon after vanilla sex or masturbation it must be resulting from swinging and thus could be considered an unexpected benefit.
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In another thread a few people who responded that they were somewhere in the bisexual range qualified their answers by saying they weren't attracted to all men or all women. I already knew that, because I know from the inside that attraction to multiple genders doesn't mean attraction to all members of it, but I thought it was interesting enough to comment there. Sunbuckus responded thusly: I think she is correct, that there is a kind of unexamined assumption that bisexual = will do anybody, but I don't know how widespread it is. Is this something you've come across anywhere?
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About a year ago, the Mrs, decided that she was taking a break from swinging. I understand how that can happen and never pushed her to get back into it. Then about 3 months later, decided she didn't want sex anymore. I, or her bf, haven't had sex with her in 9 months. Only had it once last year, on our anniversary. I have had a couple off and on gf's in that time, but always ended up being filled with drama and I called it quits. Hard to find a gf when you're married, lol...Anyway has anyone else ran into this type of situation? If so how did you handle it?
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Hello all, This might be a bit of an odd place for me to be as I'm not in the lifestyle although it sounds like I'd like it ;-) I'm actually hear trying to answer a question that I've had for LONG time. It is my contention that women that wear an anklet have a higher than average libido. I've researched this some and there is some indication that women in the swinging lifestyle use anklets as a way of indicating preferences. I have no idea if this is true or not and rather than propagate the conjecture I thought I'd come to where swingers hang out. I'm just an average guy that is a bit more curious than most.
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I need some advice. This is the perfect spot to ask, as some of you know our sex life has been rocky, bordering on non-existent throughout our 42 years of marriage. My wife has never really been sexually active prior to our marriage and she has had lukewarm interest in our sexual activity. At times she has little interest in sex, and I get the feeling she is doing it because, "he has gone long enough I need to fuck him". She for a period of 12 years would not allow any oral sex between us, finally I pushed the issue enough so she gave in, but I get the feeling she is not enjoying sucking my cock, enjoys me going down on her, although I can get her to cum. I have tried many many times to get her to talk about her sexual fantasies and she says she has none. I have tried to get her to sit down with a cup of coffee the next morning and discuss our sexual play and to tell me what she liked what she wanted better and she wont talk about our sexual play, just silence. A few weeks ago I tried to discuss the reasons she doesn't seem to have much sexual desire and really is not too aggressive in bed or doesn't initiate sex with me and I asked her is she was a lesbian and did not want to have sex with me or men. She got really upset, shouted no she was not a lesbian and began to cry and left the room. Conversation ended at that point. It got me thinking did I finally hit the nail on the head. Her reaction was far too strong for a simple question based on my three year battle to improve our sex life. She has not spoken of that conversation since and our the sex between us has again gone to zero. In your opinion could she be a lesbian and refuses to acknowledge the fact and where do I go from here? I would be thrilled if she was at least it would explain our sexual problems and we could work on finding her a steady gf for her pleasure. I will be anxious to hear your thought. Thanks
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Hello everyone, first time poster. My wife and I are timidly looking at swinging. Our situation is thus: We have been together two years and married one of those. We have complete honesty and love each other very much. We do just about everything together except when we are at work or she is at college. I'm mid thirties and she's nearing thirty. Our sex life started out great, then after the first year he want for sex greatly diminished to the point now that she really never gets horny. She can still reach orgasm fine, and she can get a little turned on by watching porn, where she gets wet. We have sex but she doesn't initiate, she's just not horny. She has went to the Gyno and told him of her feelings, and he's taken her off the pill (I'm vas safe), she believes her hormones or something physical is causing this lack of want. She brought up the topic of going to other people for sex, and while it blew me down to begin with, I'm trying to be open to the idea. She had just saw someone while we were out shopping that she'd like to have a sex session with and brought this up to me, if we should start doing that type stuff with others. She says she is missing that feeling when you are with someone new (new sex we call it). I understand also, as firsts are always good. So for the last couple of weeks, I've been mulling it over in my head. I really can't see just picking up strangers seperately and having sex with them, as really, she would be doing alot more than me and I'm not sure I could even try. I'd end up sitting at home while she was out, and that would hurt too much I think, I just couldn't see that working. The only thing I saw that might work is swinging. I could see us getting together with another couple and just having sexual encounters, I don't see that hurting near as much because it would only be sex (right?). I don't have to feel that my wife will have feelings for this man she's with, and I don't see myself as being in danger of losing her. Or is this shallow? I also know that I myself would enjoy being with different women of course. I experimented and masturbated, fantasizing that I was with another woman. It was great, but then as soon as the orgasm was over, in the fantasy I just wanted to be with my wife... is that normal? As I said, we are both truthful to the point it's brutal about everything. So I trust her. I am somewhat insecure right now, just because it's been hard feeling that feeling of "I just don't excite my wife anymore". I do fear that this will end up badly if we can't find the passion we once had. We are thinking that the swinging life could enhance those passions, as I read most all of you say. My main questions are: How do you deal with the feelings after, not exactly jealousy but how are you supposed to feel when your mate is with another? Both she and I worry a lot about how it will affect us. Is same room probably best for our situation? We are brand new to the lifestyle, we have both had threesomes with ex-partners, but nothing together. My wife and I's goals are to love and be with each other forever (well, til one dies eh? Me I'm sure). With that in mind, is swinging a huge risk to our love? I fear for our future if we don't try *something* to excite her again. (I still crave her like the first month) It feels like a bag of worms, and once opened I have to see it through. Her happiness is my first priority. We are on hold right now until we see how her body reacts to being off the pill for the first time in 9 years. So please, advice, thoughts? I thank you -
First I would like to say my wife and I have been married for nearly 18 years, have 5 wonderful kids and a successful business. In all that time she has never been all that big on sex. She has put on negligee twice for me in 18 years. She is very beautiful, somewhat self-conscious. She knows how important sex and the release it provides to me is, so she does try to meet my needs but more like it is her responsibility than her desire, her chores. I seriously only want her to be fulfilled. I can only think of one time, when I think she may have had orgasm - orally. We have only been sexual with each other, so its kinda the blind leading the blind. Although we have discussed this many times, she insists she's not gay. One time many years ago she did say "I don't know maybe I'm gay or something" She is very "old school" and conservative when it comes to sex. I bought her a vibrator once, hoping that she would use it, even in private by herself to learn about herself, never did. In my younger days I would cope by just not going to bed until I was exhausted, so I could sleep. Although that may be why our business is now successful I guess I'm just wondering if any other women or men have ever been in this situation, if so what would you suggest?? I love her I just wish she could...
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Hello... Has anyone had a vasectomy and had it affect their sex drive, such as not wanting to swing anymore? Also, does it effect ejaculation volume?
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I've been going through some "stuff" for several weeks now. It started with a distended, hard belly and lots of discomfort. After visiting my GP, getting bloodwork and an x-ray, then being sent out for ultrasound and CT scan, it was discovered that I have a huge ovarian cyst. The thing is literally the size and shape of a rugby ball. I feel like I have a rugby ball in me. There's more, but I'll spare all the details. The verdict: The cyst must come out. My gyn/surgeon feels that "everything else" must come out, too. I agree with her on the ovaries - both of them (long story, too many details). This will mean "instant menopause" when I get them out! She also wants to take out the fallopian tubes, uterus and cervix. I'm opposed to having the uterus and cervix taken out just to prevent the possibility of future cancer. The cyst is almost assuredly benign (preliminary tests show this). There is no history of cancer with me or my family. My 98-year-old granny still lives in her own home and is going strong, for pete's sake. I'm fighting the uterus/cervix removal idea. I have many reasons for this, including sexual function and the ability to have the "deep" vaginal orgasms I have. These actually involve the contraction of the uterus and stimulation of the cervix...without those organs, no more (or very diminished) "deep" orgasms. Yeah, there are still clitoral orgasms (inferior to the deep ones I have), but even those may be diminished, especially due to the loss of hormones. Even my sex drive itself is at risk. I fear above all that I'll lose interest!!!!! The loss of my libido would be devastating to me, not to mention my husband. Surgery is this Thursday. I'm studying everything I can get my hands on, frantically absorbing it all. I have to make decisions about things like HRT. I'm faced with many articles and tons of information. It's overwhelming. Then, there is the long recovery and who-knows-what with emotions, mood swings out of the blue, all sorts of physiological changes, and so much more. Meanwhile, our swing profiles are on "invisible" now. There is no way to know how long I'll be out of commission. No way to know when we two will have our sex life back on track (hoping we'll get it back like it is now). Apparently the surgical recovery before any sort of penetration can be attempted (and then only carefully) is 6 weeks. Many articles I've been reading indicate that it can be months or even a year to get back on track sexually. I really hate that for both myself and my husband!! I've read everything here in the archives that I could find. Most of the best threads on menopause and hysterectomy are much older threads. I read many valuable tips and facts (some quite sad - some more optimistic). The most helpful of all to me were written by ElusiveBiFem. However, they were all pretty old. I don't think this subject has been here much in quite awhile. Are there any women here who've been through menopause, whether natural (gradual) or surgically-induced? Anybody had their ovaries surgically removed? How has it affected your sex life? Your life in general? Any tips to share? Any thoughts for me? Anybody still swinging who's been through this? How long did it take you to get back in the saddle with swinging? In what ways has it affected your swinging life? Thanks for anything you all can offer.
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This is the Mrs. I recently had an extreme boost in my libido which since led us to swinging and wonderful times! PROBLEM.....it's gone!!!! I really can't explain it nor do I understand it myself, other than house wife syndrome LOL Hubby is furious with me, he says he can live without the swinging, but wants his wife...ok I understand that, but I am just not in the mood for sex at all right now!!! and haven't been for many weeks So he writes me a letter this morning, ending it with "the balls in your court for our relationship"....Great..is this going to end up as divorce number 3? God I pray not!!!! I love him truly, but have issues I guess, you can read about a few in my previous posts Now I don't know what to do, give in...pretend to feel attractive and horny, or just keep trying to explain myself, as I have done many times. He just don't understand and really I'm not sure I do either I become very resentful about this topic when I feel pressured, and hope he can be more understanding and patient with me. SOOOOOOOO CONFUSED!! ANY ADVICE PLEASE? xoxoxoxo C
