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Showing results for tags 'love'.
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A topic that fascinates me, and makes me a bit envious, are posts about how someone met their spouse while in a swinging situation. It is the opposite of the usual story where a vanilla couple makes a decision to engage in non-monogamy after they are a couple. It intrigues me because the sex is there with other people before there is the spark which leads to love. I don't know why, but when I read these stories I find them very romantic, almost to the point of crying. Anyone have a story to share? Thanks.
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There is that recent annoying thread of a that guy wanting to play around but will not let anyone touch his wife because "he's not a loser". I hear a lot from vanilla male half of a couple that "THEY would like to have a fmf. You ask about mfm and he says that SHE will never want anyone else than him to touch her. SHE is not into that and SHE is happy with one male only in her life. The more you dig, the more it is that the male half of the couple would just never share his wife/girlfriend with another male. Many guys will cheat and be sure the wife/gf remains faithful. When that same guy tells you he loves her to death, somehow I'm always doubting what concept of love is behind. There are definitely degrees of love. I recently had the thought of cheating (only for a few days) but that was because my wife gets to play more than me. Not her fault, just easier to find single guys than it is to find single girls for threesomes. We're working on that Long ago, at young age, I cheated. I felt so bad and guilty that I started to think about swinging and open discussions with my ex gf at the time and we found solutions to be equal and just. We had a lot of fun and it is such a great feeling to not have to lie. Can letting yourself have fun but not letting your partner play be called love?
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This is a question for those who are long-term marrieds--say a decade or more--and who have been in the LS for a while. The traditional wedding vows often contain verbiage along the following lines: "Do you, _______, take _______ to be your wife/husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her/him, forsaking all others and holding only unto her/him?" Interestingly, vow renewals are typically more complex and nuanced, for example: "You have changed since then. I have changed, and the world around us has changed most of all. But one thing has not changed. 25 years ago, I promised to love you, to give of my best to you, to cherish and keep you no matter what else happened. I have not always lived up to my best intentions but I have always loved you. I still love you. I love you more now than I did then because I know you better now. And I've matured: the sharp edges of youth have mellowed, increasing my capacity for, and my pleasure in love. We've watched our babies grow up and become independent. We've moved, we've had successes and setbacks we've weathered a good many storms. Some of the things we worried about turned out not to matter at all. What really mattered was our love. The one constant in our lives has grown stronger and I thank you now for the joy you've given me during these 25 years together. I still promise to love you, honor you, cherish and keep you. I continue to want you, for better or worse, for richer or poorer. Whatever the future may hold for us, we will always have our love. It is enough." These are not ours, but they are typical samples. Little question that the renewal vow reflects the realities of marriage and even includes an allusion to infidelity, viz : "I have not always lived up to my best intentions...". Here is the question: How has your experience in the LS reshaped your vows, if at all? If you were to renew your vows today, what would be different? Yeah, easy question, we know.
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This post in another thread got me thinking... In my mind "friends first" swinging and poly are two completely different things, but other people apparently think of them as one and the same. What does everyone else think? To expand on my views (the rest of the post is purely my opinion ).. Everyone I have met who wants to be friends first is looking more for a sense of safety by knowing people a bit before having sex. Whether or not this is legit or not is another topic, but it's something that people believe. Also, friends first folks tend to want to be more open about swinging - having that couple or two or five that you swing with AND hang out with gives you the chance to talk about swinging, be yourselves, and generally not have to be in the closet about it. At least every once in a while. Having a friendship makes things a bit more comfortable for some. Polyamory, on the other hand, is actually looking for romantic love. I love my friends, but that doesn't mean I'm in a poly relationship with all of them. On SLS, I mention that we are looking for friends, but we do not consider anyone we meet on SLS (or other swinging sites) as people with whom we could potentially have a real, whole, romantic relationship. I guess my general question is - Is this a common thought in people's minds? When you see someone looking for "friends first" does your mind automatically go to poly/relationships/too invested?
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On another forum I am on there was a thread posted refering to several marriages and LTRs that resulted from singles meeting each other in the lifestyle. The OP of that thread has personally attended several weddings and has several more coming up in the near future and she was stating that people shouldn't bash singles for being open to actual dating and finding love in the lifestyle. I responded by taking a position that males and females will find each other regardless of the venue and that in reality the lifestyle is no better and no worse a venue to find their special someone than any other traditional vanilla dating venue. I also stated that singles that find each other in the lifestyle and become a couple are more likely to stay in the lifestyle as opposed to finding someone in the vanilla world and then returning to the vanilla world. I went on to state that people in the lifestyle should actually be more accepting and supportive of this as opposed to acting like singles are crazy if they are open to the idea of finding a legitimate date or SO in the lifestyle. I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone? What are your thoughts?
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I have been with a few women in my life... I guess around here, who hasn't? I don't consider myself to be a swinger but I have swapped partners a few times (albeit 99% of the time it's the same couple). The thing I am in total love with this woman, she is 10 years older than me and she is beautiful, hell I'd go as far as saying she is perfect... in every sense of the word. The problem is this... we are both married with children...and she is my wife's best friend... oucha, I know. Now, this is what I want from you guys, I want to hear about times that you felt like this. Was it always just fucking -or- were there times that you just felt like that one particular person might just be the one? Help me get out of this haze I am in... -
I have a question for all you poly-people out there! I have been reading up a lot about the topic of romantic love. (I guess we can also refer to it as limerence or infatuation, or something else like that. You know… that feeling when you first meet someone… and it’s more of a “love at first sight” feeling than a “I’d like to ____ her” feeling. Or perhaps it started off as lust, but grew into limerence.) (More on limerence here, if it’s new to you: Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) Anyways, based on my understanding of “romantic love/limerence/etc.”, when this happens (and it’s happened to me back in the day!), the brain’s circuitry truly focuses very heavily on this person, and this person alone. This is why (I assume) when I have friends who are falling deeply in love with someone, the LAST thing they want to think about is going to a Lifestyle club, posting an ad online, or pretty much fooling around with anyone else. It’s a drive, and not something we can totally avoid. You start “crystallizing” the other person… how perfect she is… you think far into the future, like having kids together, etc. For those of you who have been ‘madly in romantic love’, you know what I’m talking about! It’s when 90% of your day is spent thinking about that heavenly other person. Here is a quote I just came across (taken out of context) but relevant to the type of feeling I am talking about.. “Certainly our emotions [fear, anger, joy sadness, disgust and surprise] contribute to romantic passion… The drive to love commandeers all these basic emotions at one time or another. As you feel an irresistible urge to phone “him” or “her”, you can become engulfed with fear that your lover has gone out with a rival, then overwhelmed with joy as he or she answers the phone and says, “I love you,” then pummeled by surprise and disappointment as this celestial being breaks the dinner date you had planned together.” THAT is what I mean by ‘romantic love’! In any case, although we’re swingers and not polys, the following question has always been of interest to me: How exactly does a primary deal with his or partner “falling” for another, and how does the person who has fallen in “love”, even so much as THINK about their primary partner? Of course, this mad and passionate concept of “limerence” or “romantic love” or whatever we call it, always does die down and can change into a more mature love. Heck, if we thought about our ‘love interest’ 90% of the day (as per the research out there), as we do during the limerent phase, none of us would hold down a job if this went on for years! LOL! But seriously, when you meet someone who “WOWs” you. Whether it’s “love at first sight” or whether it started off as mere lust and you had your “moment” together how is it then possible to focus ANY energy on your primary? And to top it off, how can you not be somewhat jealous of your new ‘love interest’ secondary being with another men or women? I know all about the concept of loving more. I know that when child #2, #3, and #4 comes along, we don’t love child number one any less. I’m only a Lifestyler. I’m not into Poly. Yet, it’s an interesting concept to me. But what on earth happens to your main relationships during that wildly romantic phase, with all its intrusive thoughts, daydreams, focus, and otherwise? I’d love to hear from you guys! -
My question goes like this - would it work (dating, playing) if a single male falls in love with a married female without even trying to do so, like how little by little you start to feel attachment. Has this happened? I want to learn from others experiences.
