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MY ADVICE TO SINGLE MEN: I have been involved in the swinging lifestyle for well over 20 years now, and during that time I have had my fair share of experiences including MMF / MFF threesomes and even foursomes with other couples. More to the point I'd say over the years me and my female partners have met a fairly large number of so called "Single Men" and for what it is worth I thought I'd offer my advice and suggestions to those men who are trying to explore this lifestyle. If you a man trying to explore this lifestyle then by all means read this post and perhaps you will improve your chances of success in this lifestyle. What follows is my own personal suggestions to any male trying to get involved with group sex: 1. CHEATING: If you are a man who is cheating on your girlfriend or wife, if your simply looking for some discreet no strings fun behind your partner's back then PLEASE do us swinging couples a favour and simply join a fling/affair based web site online as there are many to chose from. These web sites are sometimes called "Fling Sites / Hook Up Sites / Affair Sites" but they are packed with people who are simply looking for no string discreet sex without needing to involve the issues and complexity of swinging and dealing with couples. Also it is worth noting that on most normal "Dating Sites" there are countless single women who are simply looking for fun, in fact most of the normal everyday dating sites have options that say "Just Looking For Fun / Not Looking For Commitment". In fact there are a lot of women out there who just want to go out and have a good time and get laid, you do NOT need swinging to find someone to cheat with. 2. WOMEN: If your ONLY GOAL as a man is to sleep with new women then again please do swinging couples a favour and simply join a Hook Up Site / Affair Site / Dating Site / Fling Site and find a single women who would like some male company. Please be aware that on swinging sites there are a VERY LIMITED number of single women where on your average dating site there are hundreds if not thousands of women all seeking anything from no strings sex to proper relationships. If all you desire is sex with a women then you don't need swinging to find that. 3. INTRODUCE YOURSELF: If you are still interested in swinging, if you still want to explore the world of threesomes and group sex with couples then when you do contact a couple please make sure to actually "Introduce Yourself". It actually annoys a lot of couples when a man asks them for sex / sexual meetings without even giving their name, without even taking the normal common decency to introduce themselves. Saying "Hello my name is James" takes seconds and it will help couples get to know you better and feel more settled speaking with you. 4. GIVE EVERYDAY DETAILS: When you contact a couple I highly recommend spending a little time describing yourself as a person, for example what hobbies you enjoy / what sports you play / what music you like / what you do for a living / roughly what location you live in / if you smoke or not / if you live alone or with friends, family, partner / what films you like / what you usually get up to on a weekend / if you have any other interests / what games you like. This information will actually help the couple a lot and will often speed up the process. It will not only speed up the process and make a couple feel more at ease with you but will quickly allow couples to see if your a good match for them. 5. FACE / BODY PICTURES: If you contact a couple please make sure you send that couple a recent photo of your face / body, please don't just send them pictures of your penis. If possible send the couple several pictures of your face, and several pictures of your body (not just your penis) and again this will help greatly and speed up the process. 6. READ PROFILE: It does help greatly if you actually read the profile that the couple has written, within that profile are usually details and hints about what that couple is looking for allowing you to see if they would be a good match for you. 7. BISEXUAL: If you look at a couple's profile and it clearly says they are bisexual or looking for other bisexual people then it would help greatly if you are actually bisexual. Please do NOT pretend to be bisexual just to try and sleep with a new women. Like stated above if your only goal is to sleep with a women then simply join one of the other types of web sites that often have far more women on them. If you class yourself as a fully 100% straight male then please make sure that is what the couple is actually looking for. 8. HOMOPHOBIC: If you class yourself as a man who is homophobic, a man who HATES the idea of been near other naked men, who hates the idea of other men seeing them naked, who hates the idea of sharing the same women with another man, a man who is disgusted / angry / paranoid about been around other men in a sexual nature then please do not get involved with swinging with couples that include another man. Simply focus your attention on trying to find a single women or even two women and don't bother trying to meet couples that have a male half. 9. HYGIENE: If your a man wanting to explore this subject then please make sure your own personal hygiene is really good, that means bathing / showering everyday, cutting your nails, trimming pubic hair, shaving unsightly beards or areas, wearing clean unstained clothes, brushing teeth and tongue, wearing clean shoes, washing your hair, cutting or brushing your hair, wearing deodorant, using scents or aftershaves, trimming nose or ear hair, trimming your eyebrows. If you have very good hygiene, in person and on your profile pictures it will help everyone involved. 10. BATH BEFORE MEETING: If you do arrange to meet a couple then please shower or bath shortly before meeting them, do NOT have a shower before work then attend work for 8 hours and expect a couple to meet a stale smelly man. If your going to meet a couple then please shower or bath about 30 minutes before you leave the house to meet them. Having a bath the day before is not good enough, having a bath that morning before work is not good enough, if your meeting someone bath or shower fully just before you leave to meet them. 11. GET CHECKED OUT: If your planning to meet couples for sexual fun then please do everyone a favour and pop to your local sexual clinic and get tested for STD'S / STI'S and make sure you are sexually clean before playing with people. These tests are 100% confidential, they take minutes to achieve if you book an appointment, and at worst you need to have a urine and blood test and you will not only make sure you are safe but will help ensure the safety of people you play with. Remember a lot of countries now class it as illegal, or even attempted murder to knowingly pass on a STD or STI (Sexually Transmitted Disease / Sexually Transmitted Infection) in some cases people are getting heavy prison sentences for spreading such STD'S / STI'S. 12. FRIENDSHIP: Please consider that the couple you are meeting "Might" actually want a normal everyday friendship along with the sexual side, that not every couple are hardcore sex addicted porn stars, in fact the vast majority of couples into this lifestyle are just normal everyday people like me or you. Many couples are not simply here for sex alone but also to have fun social times, to meet new people, chat with new people, make friends with new people, share adventures and experiences with new people. This means they wanted to be treated like human beings not like blow up sex dolls. 13. HOTEL BILL: If a couple agrees to meet you in a hotel for a sexual experience then please put your hand in your pocket and pay for half of the hotel bill. For a couple paying for travel / food / drinks / hotel / child care / can actually be a very expensive thing, just to meet you some couples will have to spend a fortune and it will often help them greatly if your also willing to contribute to some of that cost, even just half the hotel bill will help greatly. 14. FOLLOW THE RULES: Please make sure to ask the couple if they have any rules or boundaries regarding sexual play or meeting you, and make sure to pay attention and keep those rules. You might say rules are there for breaking, but actually a lot of couples have things like mortgages / children / sick family members / debts / not to mention their relationship and future to think about and by breaking the rules you are putting those things in danger and will often be totally outcast by that couple, they may even call the police if the situation is serious enough. 15. KEEP YOUR DISTANCE: Just because a couple agrees to play with you that does NOT MEAN they want you showing up at their home uninvited, that does not mean they want you turning up at their workplace / social hangouts / places of study / hobby locations and so on. If you do turn up at such places uninvited you will not only upset the couple but may land yourself in trouble with the police for stalking. Where couples are concerned I fully suggest calling the police if a man causes you or your life any trouble whatsoever. 16. BE POLITE: It goes without saying but the vast majority of couples are looking for someone to treat them nicely / with decency / and to be friendly and polite. Messaging a new couple and simply asking "Do you want to fuck?" or saying "Does your wife swallow cum?" or even the classic "Does your wife do anal sex?" is NOT being polite, it is not attractive, it is not sensual, and in fact most couples consider it to be rude and thoughtless. Use manners, be polite, be friendly, be honest and open and it will help your chances with couples. 17. ARRIVE ON TIME: If a couple agrees to meet you at 18:00 then make sure you arrive at 18:00 and no later than 18:15. If you are going to be late please message the couple and explain you will be late and see if that is okay. A lot of couples put in a lot of effort into meeting a new person, they not only have to clean themselves, clean the house, and mentally prepare, but they often need to arrange child care, food, drinks, sexual aids and you arriving an hour late can seriously effect those things. 18. DON'T PUSH THINGS: If the couple say they do not like anal sex then don't ask for anal sex. If the couple says they don't like people cumming in their mouths then don't ask to cum in their mouths. If the couple asks you to use condoms then please use condoms. If the couple asks you to take things slow then please take things slow. If you try and push boundaries and ask for things you know the couple doesn't want it will soon put them off you and end the entire situation. 19. HATS / SOCKS / CLOTHING: If your a fan of wearing baseball caps / beanie hats then cool, but that does NOT mean a couple wants to have sex with you whilst your wearing your hat. This is just personal preference but in my opinion you should take off hats, socks, strange items of jewelry or clothing before playing. 20. HAVE TIME: If your planning to meet a couple then please understand you actually need to have THE TIME to meet them. For example a lot of couples will want to speak for a while before playing, they will want to chat, ask questions, make sure rules or boundaries are understood, they might want to have a few drinks before playing meaning you might spend 1 or even 2 hours simply chatting, drinking, mentally preparing before you actually have sex. Please do NOT meet a couple if you only have 40 minutes to spare, if your meeting a new couple for the first 3 or 4 times please make sure you have enough time to chat, relax, have a drink or two (even soft drinks) and have enough time to have sex 1, 2,or even 3 times. Personally speaking as a man I'd not meet a couple unless I had at least 2 or 3 hours to spare. 21. DRINK / DRUGS / SMOKING: I strongly suggest you find out the couple's opinions on such things before you meet them. For example you might drink heavily but the couple you are meeting might not like alcohol at all. You might smoke heavily but the couple you are meeting might not like smoking at all. You might like certain recreational drugs but the couple your meeting might not. Please do NOT turn up at a couples home carrying beer, smokes, drugs unless you already know they are okay with that been in their home / near them. 22. KEEP THE SECRET: If you do meet a couple, if you do explore sexually with them then sure you might want to run off and tell your friends, tell your work mates, tell your best buddy but I can not stress enough how much damage talking to people about this subject can do. If you play with a couple then it is a private matter, they do not want people knowing and please believe me neither do you as a man or else it will come back and bite you in the ass. 23. WRITE A GOOD PROFILE: It helps a lot if you write a good profile for couples to read, most men cannot even write more than 2 or 3 lines but actually it will help couples a lot if you put in some effort with your profile. For example, explain your hobbies, explain your location, explain your body, explain what you are looking for, explain your hygiene standards, explain your sexuality, explain any issues you might have, give couples something to read, let them know more about you and it will help couples to contact you. 24. BE PATIENT: It can take sometime to speak with a couple, ask questions, give answers, arrange to meet, have social meetings, find the time where everyone is free to play. Life for most couples is rather hectic, it involves work, family, friends, cleaning, travelling, cooking, bills, the everyday stresses of life, everything from bad nights sleep to hard days at work and it can take a couple sometime to find the right evening to meet you. Don't expect a couple simply to drop everything and meet you within a minutes notice. 25. BE A GOOD PERSON: Finally I'd say if a couple does trust you enough to meet you for sex then the least you can do is be thankful and respectful of their relationship. Don't try and break them up, don't try and start some secret affair, don't try and stalk the women involved. If you want your own girlfriend or wife then go and find one of the hundreds of dating sites or meet one in person at a bar or work. Please understand if a couple agrees to have sex with you then NO you do not need to steal away the women to get sex, they have already agreed to have sex with you. You don't need to meet the women alone or start stalking anyone, they have already agreed to meet you as a couple. If you want your own wife or girlfriend, if you want an affair, if you simply want to fuck a women then there are loads of women out there without needing to cause a couple any issues. OVERALL: I hope this helps someone, if your a single man and you truly want to explore sex with couples then don't be a pushy sex obsessed clown but instead be a decent person, be honest, be open, offer the couple fun friendship and sex, be clean and polite, respect the rules and you will be the one man they are looking for out of the millions out there.

1) Don’t be lecherous. 2) There are a zillion single guys out there. Make yourself stand out from the crowd in your profile. Have a complete and well thought-out profile, not just one-sentence answers to the essay questions. Don't get to into the sex acts themselves, tell what you have to bring to the table beside a great tongue and a huge cock. Virtually every profile goes on and on about how they love to give and receive oral. Not original. Be different. Keep it PG-rated and upscale. Also, write your profile in a word processing program and grammar and spell check it, then cut and paste. A quickly written, misspelled, profile with poor grammar says allot about your commitment to the whole deal. Quickly written profiles look like some guy threw it up on Wednesday night because he came across the site while looking at porn, he was über-horny and was hoping to find a couple to get with by Friday. 3) Some are turned-on by cock size and cock shots. Most couples are not. Don't list the size of your dick in your profile. Put a G or PG photo in your profile, head and full body. If a couple is really into the size thing they'll ask you. Otherwise assume that whatever your cock size is, is just fine if they like everything else about you. I think this is a common misconception for single guys wanting to get into the swinging world. They think all that counts is their dick, and couples must be looking for a bigger one then hubby has. Sometimes true, mostly not. Browse some couple profiles and only infrequently will you find the size of the husband's cock listed. Take this as your cue. In most cases its not the cock, it’s the person it’s attached to we’re interested in. 4) Be a paid member of a site. Free members go back the über-horny guy trying to get laid by the weekend. The way we see it, if you are willing to drop the cash to be a paid member, on the remote chance you'll get lucky, you are more serious about pursuing the lifestyle and thus have a better chance with us. 5) Don't mass email a bunch of couples. Yes, we know each other and we compare notes. Before we answer an email from a single male we check with some friends and see if they got an email from him too. If they did, "Sorry, not interested” is the reply. It shows that we weren't special and all the crap about the Mrs. being sexy and hot was just a line of hooky spewed by a horny guy at 1:00 AM. 6) Speaking of that, I would rather see an email from a single guy saying something like "you are an attractive couple and I'd like to get to know you" rather than "she is so hot, I'd like to get with you guys." When I see that I think to myself, “Thanks, I think my wife is hot, too, but I'm not her pimp. I’m as much a part of this as she is. You are not “getting” with my wife, you are “getting” with us.” Once again, “Sorry, no thanks”. 7) Be respectful. It amazes me the stuff a guy will say to us (meaning Mrs. WS) because we are swingers. Stuff he’d never say to a single girl he was trying to pick-up because he’d get shot down if he did. So why does he think it will work with my wife? Yes, we’re in this for sexual fun, but she is my wife, I am her husband. Treat her, and I, with the respect we and our relationship deserve and you might just have the time of your life. 8) Understand your role in the big scheme of things. As much as your fantasy is to get kinky with a couple, their fantasy is a threesome with another male. You are helping them fulfill their fantasies, and in turn they’ll help you fulfill yours. 9) Find the swinger parties in your area and attend them. Not just the naked parties, but meet and greets where nothing is going on but talking. This is one of the best ways to get in. Just be charming and not pushy. We know you want to get laid and we can help you with that if we like you. 10) If you happen to hit it off with a couple, offer to pay at least ½ of the hotel room. It’s always appreciated. Some more rules... Don't sit at the bar all night and not approach a couple and expect to swing with them later in the evening Do approach a couple and introduce yourself early. A sincere compliment to the female goes a long way. (You may get shot down but nothing ventured nothing gained). Don't expect too much on your first meeting with a couple. We meet a single guy who made a sincere compliment to my wife. We wouldn't consider sharing a room on that first meeting but after a second meeting who knows. Do find common interest with the couple. no matter how much of a stud you are people find other people who have similar interest fun to be with. Do be honest and frank (not crude) about what your looking for sexually. We're there for a reason an so are you; were not expecting a choir boy at a swingers club. Just because I smile and say hello, does NOT mean "take me, take me, take me! I want your hot love muscle right now!" When I say "No, thank you" in front of my husband, DO NOT assume I am then going to jump you and f#*k your brains out the minute hubby leaves the general vicinity! NO MEANS NO!!!! On a date, at a dance club, at the grocery store, at a party, OR in a swinger's club! Just because I may occasionally play with someone besides my husband SURE AS HELL does not mean I WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU! My body is MINE! DO NOT touch it unless I tell you it's okay to. If, after both my husband and I getting to know you, we decide to include you in OUR sexual play activities, REALIZE this is an extremely RARE PRIVILEGE! And treat it as such! Show us BOTH respect! If we DO decide to play with you, and you do not treat it as the privilege it is, but instead talk about it to everyone else you know, TRUST ME, we will be your LAST swinging partners. No one likes guys who kiss & tell! If, on the other hand, we decide to play with you, and you are every bit as mature and respectful as we hope, and we all have a wonderful time, you can probably look forward to many more good times ahead! Don't think because I have played with you before that you have the right to play with me every time we see each other. Don't flatter yourself. You may not have been that good. Just because I talk to you or dance with you doesn't give you the right to fondle me or touch me or kiss me. Ask first. Be a gentleman. If I invite you to play with me either alone or with myself and my partner, do not think you will be running the show. We play on my terms, by my rules; or we don't play. Use condoms all the time! Or we don't play, no matter how cute or sexy you are! Do not approach only my wife, we are a couple, and since I have final say on who I share her with, it's best to approach me first. Do not tell my wife that you can give her something she has never had before...it can't be done. Do not be possessive with my wife...don't touch, kiss, or fondle her unless she says it's okay to do so. Don't be pushy, we will let you know if we are interested in inviting you to play with us. (Begging is so unattractive, don't you think). Remember she is MY WIFE, not a single female and we are a couple, show respect and be a gentleman. The single male should be polite. - Be able to engage in small-talk with your "date(s)". If it's a couple, the small-talk should include the male as well as the female and her breasts. You have to impress two people in that case. Hold the door open for them if you enter someplace at the same time. If you're sitting down when you meet them, stand up and introduce yourself with a firm handshake. Don't stare lasciviously at the female (and/or male) upon first meeting. You can be flirty, but don't be crude. Take the rules your mother taught you -- or should've taught you -- and apply them very generously. The single male should be clean. - Shower before a potential meeting. Use deodorant. Smell good but not overpowering. Make sure the nose and ear-hairs -- and other areas if necessary or desired -- are trimmed. Have the hair washed and clean and in an attractive style for you. If you're bald and/or balding, make sure things look good in that area (although I've heard that some women prefer a day or two's growth if they get a dome-ride). The single male should dress appropriately for the occasion. - Gauge the situation and dress appropriately. If you're invited to a swing biker rally or a swinger nudist resort, then dress down or not at all. If you go to a club -- outside of theme nights -- dress to the high-end of the local standard. If you look better than the local competition, then that's a plus. If there's a theme night, it's best to at least meet the theme halfway...it shows that you're a good sport. Women focus on shoes...unless you're in costume and it requires something different, make sure your shoes are at least in presentable condition, if not polished to a high gloss. The single male should live up to his promises. - If you commit to meeting the swinging couple or single female, then make sure you are there on time. If you have promised the amazing tongue or the long-lasting boner and/or the big cock and/or the special technique, then you better come through with any or all of those. You might get a second-chance with some folks, but word gets around... I'm a single male, how can I get involved in the lifestyle? With Luck. As a single male, if you do manage to get involved in the lifestyle then it is a privilege and requires the utmost in discretion. There are couples out there who are looking for single males, those are the ads you should answer. Don't answer ads that aren't looking for single males. If you are good-looking, clean, honest & discrete you will have the best chance. Something else that will help you is if you can get a girlfriend that is willing to swing with you, then you would be a couple. Many couples look at it as "if he can't even get a girlfriend, why would we want him?" There are couples out there that are looking for single men. Guys that are open and honest and not just out looking for an easy lay will have the best chance at being accepted by these couples. I suggest that if you really want to get involved in the lifestyle you try contacting couples in your area that are seeking single men, and let them know that you are interested. There are many tips throughout the Swingers Board to help you in how to respond to an ad as well as in placing your own. However you will probably have a much better chance by responding to other people's ads. There are many sites out there with swingers personals and you should check out the various ones as different people place ads on different ones. You can find a list of many of them on the Swingers Board links page. You should also check the club listings for swinger clubs in your area that accept single males. Please do not consider trying to get into the swinging lifestyle if you think this will be an easy way for you to get laid. That is not what this is about. This is about couples enjoying their sexual fantasies with other people that can not be acted out with just the two of them. Since there are many couples that desire MFM 3-somes or where the husband enjoys seeing his wife with another male there is a place for single males in this lifestyle, as long as the single male in question realizes what it is.

We are going to have a vanilla dinner with a couple who we like very much. We’ve played with them many times. The problem: their husband is 6’3” and very well hung. My wife is 4’10, 90 LBs., never had a baby and has post-menopausal self-lubrication difficulties. You can see where this is going. She finds it uncomfortable to have intercourse with him. We like them as friends and we want to stay friends, but we are afraid we may insult them. Should we just tell it like it is? Anyone have a good spin on this?

If you are invited to someone's invite-only house party do you feel there is an obligation to invite them to yours? Does it matter whether you accept or decline their invitation?